


Personally I think I'm Crazy

by min_yah



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, KrisHo - Freeform, M/M, Multiple Personalities, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2019-09-30 08:54:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 170,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17220827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/min_yah/pseuds/min_yah
Summary: Kris has spent his whole school career sleeping through classes and relying on the only two friends he has, Luhan and Tao. But what happens when a new boy named Suho enters their life, a boy full of mystery and packed full of personality. Kris will have to learn to love someone who doesn't seem to have a distinct personality and a past darker than his own.This is a story of a boy with DID or Dissociative Identity Disorder, and how he came to terms with his condition and finally finds someone to love him for who he is.





	1. Hello Suho, no, Sehun?

Kris yawned as he stretched his arms ignoring the chatter around him. He sat in his usual seat at the back of the classroom waiting for class to start, another boring day of the same things.  
He felt a tap on his shoulder and ignored that too “go away”  
“no!” the young male voice said with a hint of a laugh  
“Luhan I swear...”  
“yah! Hyung you can’t sleep through class again” Luhan replied pouting when Kris finally looked at him  
“leave me alone go sit next to Tao”  
“eh why?”  
“cause you’re annoying” he huffed and laid his head back into his arms  
“well... you’re no fun anyway!” Luhan yelled but still laughed when he walked away to go sit next to Tao.

Kris, Luhan and Tao were extremely close friends ever since middle school and remained together all throughout the majority of high school. Kris and Luhan met after being paired together by the teacher who noticed that neither had any friends and liked to spend their time alone. Luhan would kick around a soccer ball and longingly look at other friend groups while Kris would ignore other kids and go somewhere to lay down by himself sometimes sleeping.  
They became used to each other and slowly formed an unbreakable friendship from silently hanging out together. They didn’t know anything about one another till about three years into their friendship.

Tao came into their lives quite unexpectedly, he transferred in from China and immediately distanced himself from everyone never talking and always avoiding advances. He looked tough and unintentionally intimidated everyone in the class including the teacher.  
It wasn’t till one day which Luhan and Kris decided to skip class and go for a walk that they found him curled up leaning against a wall crying.  
Unable to bring themselves to just walk away they went up to the crying boy asking if he was ok, Tao looked up startled and muttered something looking between the two boys terrified.  
Luhan asked him again and again yet got no response at all. It wasn’t till half an hour into trying to comfort the now sniffling boy that he tried to speak again.  
Luhan and Kris looked at each other with their eyes wide, the boy didn’t speak Korean... he spoke only in Chinese. Things made sense to the two friends and they smiled and started to speak in Chinese instead of Korean comforting the boy making him cry again in relief that other people could understand him.  
Instantly Tao joined their friendship refusing to leave their sides and getting overjoyed when the two said they would help him learn Korean and translate the notes they took in class so he didn’t fall behind anymore.

Kris peaked up from his folded arms to see Luhan whining about something to Tao cutely tugging his arm. He groaned when the teacher walked in and immediately put his head in his arms ignoring the teacher’s words, who by now was used to it and long gave up trying to get Kris to pay attention. He got good enough marks for the teacher to just let it go.  
He was about to fall asleep when the teacher’s words caught his attention “we have a new student joining us today… please welcome him, his name is Suho”  
The whole class said greetings and the teacher said something about where Suho could sit, Kris closed his eyes once again not being bothered to look up at the new kid, he didn’t really care. That was until he felt a thunk on the table and the chair slide out next to him.  
“shit” Kris grumbled annoyed that he didn’t have the table to himself anymore  
“pardon?” the new kid questioned vaguely hearing what Kris mumbled “umm… hey, I’m Suho I’m new uh… nice to meet you?”  
Kris groaned and planned to ignore the kid before his cellphone buzzed  
[Luhan: Be nice to newbies meanie!!!!!;;;]  
He sighed and lifted his head facing the new boy, his eyes widened in shock before he regained his ‘cool’ composure “hey. I’m Kris”  
“It’s a pleasure!!” he smiled  
{he’s kinda cute... very handsome} Kris thought before shaking his head  
“just don’t be annoying if you’re gonna sit there”  
Suho nodded smiling happily “I’ll be as quiet as a mouse!”  
Kris rolled his eyes at the thumbs up Suho gave him and placed his head back onto his arms falling asleep as the teacher talked on and on.

“don’t worry! He’s always like this”  
“really?”  
“yeh! He’s smart though so it doesn’t really matter… he’s just mean”  
Kris swatted away the hand playing with his hair “yah don’t talk about me when I’m sleeping”  
He stared up angrily at Luhan who just stuck out his tongue “don’t sleep then”  
Kris looked over to see the class was empty except for the four boys, Tao smiled sweetly “anyway Kris before you woke up we were inviting Suho Hyung to come eat lunch with us!”  
“Hyung?”  
“yep!”  
“ahh whatever” he got up and walked out of the class not waiting for the boys, he knew were following him. Especially since he could hear Luhan telling Suho how much of a meanie Kris was yet oddly warm hearted.

Once they bought food they sat outside of the cafeteria on the grass under a tree. Kris starred at Suho who awkwardly smiled at him unsure of what he wanted  
“where you from?”  
“Busan” his smile got larger at Kris talking to him  
“where you live now?”  
“uh” Suho was interrupted by Luhan who glared at Kris “what did I say about these kinda questions!”  
“fine… what do you... like doing” Kris glanced at Luhan who smiled and nodded in approval  
“well, I donno really... I guess I like cycling and listening to music… and I guess singing.”  
“singing really?? Can I hear you sing?” Tao leaned closer to Suho with a hopeful smile on his face and wide eyes “I love listening to people sing”  
Suho blushed and shook his head getting shy  
“how about you sing for us when you become closer to us?” Luhan said getting closer to Suho on the other side the two boys effectively closing in on him  
“what about you Kris?” Suho asked looking back at Kris, uncomfortably trying to shift away from the two boys closing in on him.  
“sleeping” he yawned lawing down on the grass growing disinterested in the conversation once again  
“I figured” Suho laughed.

Lunch was over soon enough, and the rest of the day just dragged on for Kris he couldn’t wait to leave and finally have some peace and quiet.  
Yet that never came when once again Luhan came prancing over to his desk “let’s get bubble tea!!!!! Do you like bubble tea Suho Hyung?”  
“um, well not particularly… sorry”  
“that’s ok!! What do you like then”?  
“I kinda really like sushi?”  
“SUSHI IT IS LET’S GO” Luhan grabbed Kris’s arm pulling him up, he groaned and tried to run away but Luhan wouldn’t let him.  
Eventually he caved in letting Luhan and Tao pull him and Suho out for sushi  
“don’t you have to go home Suho. wont your parents be expecting you?” Kris grumbled trying to get Suho to go home  
“no… I live by myself so there’s no worry”  
“whoa!!! That’s so cool” Tao clung closer to Suho and started asking random questions about how it was to live alone.

Luhan and Kris walked ahead in comfortable silence till Kris pulled Luhan a little closer to softly ask him a question  
“why do you keep inviting him places? You’re giving him the impression that well be friends”  
Luhan snarled at the shallow hearted comment “impression? He is our friend now Kris”  
“I don’t like new people you know that”  
“and that’s why I’m making new friends for us. we can’t always be the little antisocial lonely boys that we’ve been since primary school...”  
“what if I want to always be like that?”  
“you don’t”  
“I do”  
“Kris. I know you well enough to know how lonely you are, Tao and I aren’t sufficient enough friends for you... you need some more”  
“so, you don’t want to be friends anymore?”  
“I wasn’t saying that! Don’t twist my words, you know how precious you are to me I wouldn’t leave you”  
“whatever”  
Luhan sulked and walked a step behind Kris annoyed at his close mindedness. They once again walked in silence listening to Suho and Tao talking behind them until they reached the sushi train restaurant.  
“here we are!!!” Luhan grabbed Suhos hand and giggled at his surprised face after seeing all the sushi traveling around on the conveyer belt “you’re drooling” Luhan laughed causing Suho to close his mouth and frantically wipe his mouth.

Once again Kris walked ahead taking a seat and grabbing a random sushi tray not really caring what was in it  
“can’t you ever just wait for us?” Luhan sighed sitting down and starting to show Suho all the different flavours of Sushi  
After pondering for a few moments Suho finally chose one and happily started eating it with his chopsticks.  
“thank you guys for making my first day really nice” Suho suddenly said causing Tao and Luhan to smile happily and mutter its ok and anytime while Kris stayed quiet “and Kris… thank you for dealing with me and accepting me enough to hang out with me even though you don’t like me”  
Kris head snapped up at that “what?”  
“I’m actually pretty good at reading people… and I can tell that you don’t like me”  
“it’s not that I don’t like you… you just need to prove yourself first” Kris looked at the man and sighed  
“well give me a week then?” Suho smiled and Kris’s eyes widened, he couldn’t believe this guy. He couldn’t understand him at all.  
“fine whatever”  
Luhan looked between the two frantically and smirked at Kris who for once looked interested in the situation he giggled and leaned over to Tao whispering into his ear “bet you 20 000 won that they get together”  
Tao laughed out loud gaining the interest of Suho and Kris, but he just waved them off and looked back at Luhan “it’s a deal”  
He then focused his attention back to Suho who was still eating all the sushi he could  
“shall we walk you home Suho?”  
Suho looked up surprised with half a sushi still in his mouth and nodded smiling happy at the gesture of kindness.

“I’ll pay!! “ Suho pushed everyone else’s cards away and happily payed the whole bill.  
“thank you Hyung!!!” Tao and Luhan singsonged at the same time skipping ahead out of the door ready to walk home  
“yeh. Thanks”  
“it’s ok my treat!! You guys have been so nice today”  
Suho shyly scratched his head and gestured for Kris to walk with him. They walked out, and Kris followed Suho's` directions to his house with the other two lagging behind giggling about something.  
“what the hell your house is dope” Kris looked up in awe “only you live here?” he said in confusion, the house was big enough for a couple with a child.  
“yeh, my parents gave me a nice allowance and I like to work here and there so….”  
“that’s cool... uh, where are your parents then?”  
“they… actually I don’t really know, all I can remember is that they are working somewhere remote and I don’t have any way to communicate to them...”  
Kris cocked his head in confusion “you mustn’t be very close then?”  
“yeh not really but its ok”  
“same with me” Kris shrugged not wanting to pry any further and pushed open the gate leading to the house  
“you guys want to come in?”  
Luhan shook his head “I’ve gotta get home and Tao has training but Kris might want to” he said wiggling his eyebrows before waving goodbye and running of pulling Tao along by his hand  
“how did you two even become friends you’re like polar opposites” Suho laughed  
“it’s a long story” Kris chuckled back making Suho smile harder in the fact that he heard Kris laugh.  
“well you want a tea or something?”  
“nah not really maybe next time...”  
“so, there’s a next time?” Suho excitedly stepped closer  
“yeh why not” Kris shrugged again and waved before walking of excited to get home to silence and do absolutely nothing

The next few days passed pretty much the same, they would hang out at school then go somewhere after school which Suho always payed for. Luhan started making a joke that Suho was their sugar daddy and used it to whine for more food and treats.  
It was finally Friday and Kris was ecstatic since it meant he had two days to do whatever he wanted. He frowned when Suho walked in, something seemed a bit off, his clothing style was way different and much more stylish, his walk and whole aura was different than usual.  
He also looked slightly confused so Kris half waved at him to get his attention, it worked and Suho strutted over and sat next to Kris immediately scanning the class and then playing games on his phone.  
“morning?”  
“ahh morning Hyung-ah” Suho cutely looked at Kris and pulled a peace sign  
“ok? you u feeling ok?” Kris sat back a bit confused at the change in Suho  
“perfect like always” Suho grinned and then focused back on his game  
“I’ve never seen you play games before?”  
“as if games are the best I wonder what Suho has been doing”  
“what?”  
“oh nothing!!” Suho put down his phone and laid his chin on his palm and looked at Kris looking him up and down “you’re kinda cute” he said bluntly  
Kris went red instantly “wait what? Suho you’re kinda freaking me out!!”  
“Suho?”  
“why do you look confused that’s your name for god’s sake”  
“no, its not” Suho replied with a cheeky smirk  
“huh”  
“my name is Sehun pabo”  
Kris looked him up and down confused as hell, has he been getting this guy’s name wrong for the entire week? He could have sworn it was Suho not Sehun  
“stop playing Suho”  
“I’m not I’m Sehun, you can call me Sehunnie if you want” he winked and focused back on his game  
“yeh no thank you… uhh sorry for getting your name wrong…”  
“no biggy, I expected it”

Kris kept glancing over at Sehun, that’s not the same guy he met at the start of the week he was so confused at what was happening.  
He decided to text Luhan who was sitting at his own table  
[Kris: hey lu…]  
[Luhan: yes?]  
[Kris: our new ‘friend’ his name is Suho right?]  
[Luhan: what the hell!! Yes, it is pabo!! How do you not know by now?]  
[Kris: I did… this is weird]  
[Luhan: you’re weird]  
Kris sighed [Kris: I’ll tell you later why I asked]

Luhan peaked over his shoulder at Kris who was looking at Suho in confusion and shook his head sighing.  
Luhan went to get up when a hand grabbed him and pulled him out of the room  
“yah! What the hell”  
“shh follow me” Kris grumbled while he continued to tug Luhan to the bathroom closing the door when they finally got in there  
“why are you being weird today?”  
“it’s about Suho”  
“ahh does my Krissy finally have a crush?” Luhan said playfully while punching Kris lightly in the arm  
“no! what the hell... anyway, Suho… have you noticed he’s been acting weird?”  
“not really… I mean he seems more energetic and his clothing just got a lot more fashionable but not really”  
“and his name is Suho?”  
“yes! I already told you”  
“weird”  
“you are” Luhan stuck out his tongue making Kris sigh and turn around walking back out of the door towards the canteen “hey! Wait for me!”

As soon as they reached the canteen they located Suho and Tao waiting in line together, Luhan ran ahead and flung his arm around Suho smiling “so Suho Hyung, Kris was telling me weird stu..”  
“my names Sehun”  
“what?”  
“I’m not Suho I’m sehun”  
Luhan looked back at Kris who gave him a I told you so face and shrugged  
“ah sorry, we must have misheard”  
“it’s ok!! Now what to buy I’m so hungry!! I’m kinda craving bubble tea”  
“I thought you didn’t like bubble tea?” Luhan looked up surprised  
“are you kidding me it’s the best thing ever!! I could live off of it!!”  
Luhan just shook his head confused at the transformation in Suho's, wait no Sehun's attitude it’s like he’s a whole new person.  
“should we just skip and go out for bubble tea then?” Luhan asks with a smirk, Kris was down for it because he doesn’t focus in school anyway.  
“yes!!! Bubble tea bubble tea bubble tea bubble tea” sehun excitedly skipped ahead of them humming a song and smiling widely.  
“come-on Tao you’re allowed to skip a few days it won’t kill you!!!” Luhan yelled enthusiastically pulling Tao’s arm to make him follow them and reluctantly skip school.

They took turns ordering their drinks and paused awkwardly when Sehun didn’t immediately offer to buy their drinks.  
“Not feeling like our sugar daddy today?”  
Sehun looked up surprised and giggled poking out his tongue “aww no fair I thought you guys were my sugar daddy!!” he grabbed Kris’s arm and gave him puppy dog eyes “will you buy mine for me?”  
Kris rolled his eyes and shrugged his arm out of Tao’s grip “whatever...”  
After ending up paying from them all Kris stomped over to a table and plonked down sipping the tea and playing on his phone. He shifted over a bit when Sehun sat next to him.  
“wahh, Hyung-ah why do you move away from me” Sehun pouted shifting closer.  
“I’m a Hyung now?”  
“of course!!! I’m the adorable, yet sexy maknae!”  
Kris choked on his drink “what did you take!! You’ve just totally changed into a different person!”  
Sehun opened his mouth but closed it straight after his aura turning serious for a split second before he shook his head and smiled again  
Luhan slammed his drink on the table “that was too mean Kris!!, don’t worry Sehun I love you you’re so cute!!”  
“kyaa thank you!!” Sehun happily wriggled in his chair and sipped his drink chatting away about everything he could think of.

Kris looked at his watch and got up throwing his empty cup into the trash “school is over let’s go home already”  
Tao jumped up “we’ll walk you home again Sehunnie!”  
“yay! Thank you”  
Sehun grabbed both Luhan and Taos hands and swinged them happily as they all started to follow Kris who was leading them to Sehun's house.  
“this time why don’t we all go in for a hot tea this time?” Luhan asked excitedly, seeming as last time Kris never actually went inside. He was determined to get that 20 000 won off of Tao.  
“yeh let’s!!!” Tao said excited to see inside the house.  
“let’s not?” Kris said turning his body towards the way to his own house.  
Luhan grabbed his arm and gave him a stern look, Kris shook his head but Luhan’s eyes turned angry making Kris sigh. “fine I guess just for a little while…”  
Suddenly Luhan's face turned back into a cute, friendly deer-like demeanour as he pranced, still holding Kris’s arm into Sehun's house.

“wow it’s so nice in here… really clean!” Tao ran around inspecting everything in the house  
“too clean for a guy living by himself…” Kris said sinking into the couch holding his hot cup.  
“well Suh… I mean I am quite a neat freak” Sehun laughed scratching his head.  
Kris’s eyes narrowed, and he studied the man who suddenly seemed to get really shy.  
“what was that?” he questioned  
“I stammer sometimes whe..when I’m nervous”  
“you weren’t nervous before”  
“well your questioning is making me nervous” he suddenly said regaining his sass and standing up straight crossing his arms and staring down at Kris.  
“he’s right you should stop questioning him… that’s very uncomfortable!” Tao yelled over from where he was showing Luhan a random tiny statue he found in Sehuns kitchen.  
Kris rolled his eyes “fine”  
Sehun sat down awkwardly and stared at his tea trying to think of something to say.  
“ah.. so whe…” He was suddenly interrupted by a painful yelp from the kitchen  
Kris shot up out of his seat and slammed his tea on the table running into the kitchen leaving Sehun to confusedly get up to try and follow him.  
“yah! Luhan are you ok”  
By the time Sehun got to the kitchen Kris was crouched next to Luhan cradling his hand yelling at Tao to find a first aid box”  
“what happened is Luhan ok?” Sehun cautiously creeped forwards jumping when Kris glared at him  
“didn’t anyone tell you to always clean up glass when you break things, you’re a bigger idiot then I thought!!!” Kris snapped at him and went back to focusing on removing the piece of glass from Luhans hand  
Luhan sniffed “it’s ok, I was clumsy and slipped it’s... ahh!!” he yelped when Kris started dabbing antiseptic on the wound  
“shh, I’m almost done you’re ok”  
Sehun stepped forwards a bit more and gasped when he saw the blood and glass, and the cut along Luhans hand.  
He covered his mouth and stepped back his eyes going wide, he ran over to the sink and puked unable to contain his emotions. His head started to spin, and voices started to talk  
“shit” he whispered and ran to another room closing the door and sitting down holding his head eventually falling unconscious.

 

 

Hello, it's the author here:)  
I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!  
I really appreciate feedback be it good or bad, it really helps my writing skills and motivation.  
I hope to update regularly now im on uni break, i will update between my work and drawing times.  
I will also not let my own mental health bring me down!  
have a nice day/night  
and i hope you'll stay for the next chapter :)  
~Min-yah


	2. Drinking the thoughts away

“what was that about” Kris grumbled still too angry to care about Sehun's health  
“we should go check on him” Luhan said with tears in his eyes from the pain, watching as Kris wrapped the bandage around his hand.  
“he’s a grown man he can look after himself I’m taking you home, he’s an idiot for leaving broken glass where it could hurt someone”  
Tao poured the glass into the bin after he cleaned it and walked over to Luhan and Kris leaning down next to them and softly grabbing Luhans hand “are you ok?” he asked in Chinese making Luhan smile “of course, Kris healed me up all nicely!”  
Kris smiled slightly and pulled Luhan up by his good hand “come-on let’s go”  
Luhan nodded but looked back the way Sehun ran off and refused to move “I’m worried about him”  
Kris sighed “fine Tao take Luhan home and I’ll go check on Sehun”  
“really! Thank you!!” Luhan smiled and Tao nodded in approval.

Kris ran his hand through his hair, the last person he wanted to see right now was Sehun, but he had no choice and now that he knew Luhan was ok a bit of worry was starting to fill him.  
He walked to the room which Sehun had locked himself inside off and knocked.  
When no answer came he tried knocking again “Sehun… open up, I won’t be mad at you anymore I promise”.  
Still no answer, Kris tried to twist the doorknob and sighed in relief when it opened.  
He gasped when he entered the room and noticed Sehun in the middle of it passed out on the floor, when he kneeled down next to the unconscious man and moved the hair out of his face he noticed tear tracks running down both his cheeks.  
“maybe I was a little harsh...” he picked up Sehuns body surprised at how light he was and carried him to the bed in the far corner. “this must be his bedroom” he commented to himself looking around after he took of Sehuns shoes and tucked him under the sheets.  
He felt his phone vibrate and took it out of his pocket looking at the message  
[Luhan: I’m home safe J, how is Sehun?]  
[Kris: look after your hand. Sehun is ok I guess he passed out]  
[Luhan: really? Maybe has a phobia of blood or something?]  
[Kris: that would make sense. Though he’s weird anyway so not really surprised]  
[Luhan: he is weird, that’s why I like him ;D]

Kris sighed pulling a chair up next to Sehuns bed and started playing games on his phone, he felt like leaving was the wrong thing to do and decided to wait till Sehun woke up.  
His head started to fall slightly but he just shook it and stretched “I would appreciate it if you woke up soon” he yawned laying his head on the side of the bed.  
Unsurprisingly for Kris it wasn’t long till he accidentally fell asleep growing accustomed to the uncomfortable position.  
“is…Kris?” Kris felt a hand in his hair and heard a soft voice calling out his name.  
His head shot up “shit!! I fell asleep what the hell!!”  
Sehuns eyes were wide but softened instantly and he laughed “what are you even doing here?”  
“what do you mean do you not remember yesterday?” Kris said his eyes narrowing slightly  
“not really”  
“well an idiot left broken glass on the floor, and then passed out upon seeing it hurt Luhan!”  
“what?... I uh, I remember dropping the glass, But I didn’t clean it up? I would never leave glass and Luhan is hurt?”  
“are you really that dumb Sehun?”  
“I just don’t remember… wait… Sehun?”  
Kris cocked his head “yes, Sehun”  
“you must have forgotten that’s ok we’ve only known each other a little while” Sehun smiled kindly  
“forgotten what?”  
“my names Suho, Sehun is close though!”  
Kris was stunned to silence, what the hell even happened to this boy yesterday? Today he seemed fine but yesterday he was someone completely different  
“why can’t you decide on a name!”  
“but... uh I’m Suho?”  
“are you sure?”  
“yes! but um I can’t really remember yesterday did I blackout again?”  
“yeh you did, what is this a regular occurrence?”  
“yeh kinda it’s hard to explain”  
Kris scratched his head annoyed at how confusing this boy was  
“well if you’re fine I’m going now, and don’t forget to clean up glass after you drop it how dumb can you get”  
“I…I’m sorry but let me cook you breakfast! Please it’s a thank you for looking after me”  
Kris was about to decline when he saw the desperation in Suhos eyes and sighed “fine”

Kris walked a step behind him studying the boys back, “I really don’t understand you...”  
“huh? Why?”  
“first you’re Suho then you’re Sehun now you’re Suho and you changed back to the less annoying version of you… you’re kinda weird”  
“that doesn’t really make sense Kris, haha I guess I am weird then” Suho looked back smiling “but you did say I’m ‘less annoying’, does that mean I finally earned your respect?” Suho laughed and opened the cupboard grabbing out the ingredients he needed.  
“yeh… Suho isn’t that annoying anymore” Kris said while rubbing his sore neck “why the hell did I stay” he grumbled annoyed at the pain in his body.  
“thank you though I really appreciate it” Suho started frying up eggs and bacon and cooking some bagels.  
Suho plated up the bagels and sat across from Kris pushing his plate over to him.  
“Im curious… what do you do on your weekends?” Suho asked watching Kris take a huge bite out of the bagel.  
“not much, sleep and kinda do nothing”  
“I expected that” Suho laughed “but there’s gotta be something else you do with your life?”  
Kris looked at him and cocked an eyebrow “if you really wanna know… I actually like reading also I quite enjoy playing basketball”

“huh, that’s really interesting”  
“what’s interesting is your habit to blackout”  
“ahh that” Suho awkwardly bit into his bagel avoiding eye contact  
“come-on give me something”  
“it just happens sometimes, I don’t really know why, and I seem to lose bits of my memory but that’s not really surprising. I actually can’t remember anything before the last 3 years”  
“you, that’s not normal you know that right?”  
“yeh... I sometimes wonder if maybe I suffered head trauma”  
“you should go to the hospital”  
“no need”  
Kris gave Suho a disbelieving look but shook his head “you just get weirder and weirder”  
Suho laughed and grabbed both the empty plates putting them in the sink glad that Kris tended to leave things be.  
“so, what’s your plan for today?”  
“go home”  
“ahh, ok then” Suho tried to hide his disappointment.  
Kris got up and stretched walking into the living room to grab his bag he left there last night.  
“bye then Suho”  
“bye” he yelled back from the doorway to the living room.  
Kris turned to go but hesitated and instead walked over to Suho “give me your phone”  
“why?”  
“so, I can give you my number”  
“ahh, ok” Suho handed over his phone with a smile watching Kris type in his number.  
“don’t get too excited, it’s so you can text me if you’re about to faint. If you’re not going to go to the hospital and since you live alone, you need someone to make sure you’re ok”  
Suho blushed looking down at his phone holding back tears “uh… thank you”  
“whatever”  
“i…I mean it, I’ve never really had anyone look after me before”  
Kris froze but shook his head and waved his hand goodbye before walking out the door going home.

Suho put his hand on his chest and smiled sitting down on the floor leaning against the wall.  
He opened his phone and looked at the new contact, his smile getting wider he wrote a quick message sending it before he decided otherwise.  
[Suho: get home safe J]  
Kris looked down at his phone and couldn’t help but smile a little at the text.  
He shoved his phone back in his phone not being bothered to reply and continued walking to his favourite place.  
He reached an abandoned basketball court which only had one metal hoop with no net standing and the ground was slightly ripped up by the tree roots, but Kris still loved the area since it was always quiet.  
He walked over to a big tree and pulled out his basketball from where he left it between the roots, he closed his eyes and smiled using his fingers to bounce the ball effortlessly.  
He ran to the hoop easily getting a goal, running to retrieve the ball he continued to shoot goals his whole body and mind relaxing.  
Except he just couldn’t seem to get Suho of his mind, that man was confusing. His behaviour was strange and unexplainable maybe he was actually crazy like a psychopath, a shiver went down his spine, but Kris shook his head, Suho seemed too caring to be that kind of person. He grabbed the ball hugging it on his chest and sat down on the ground leaning back till he was laying down looking at the sky.  
He flipped the ball in the air and caught it as gravity pulled it back down, his mind was starting to go blank which is what Kris liked. He liked when he thought of nothing but the ball in his hands and the blue sky above him, sighing in relief he closed his eyes.  
“how did I know that I’ll find you here?”  
Kris jumped a little at the voice interrupting his silence but then relaxed closing his eyes as his ears recognised Taos voice  
“because this is my favourite spot” Kris said with little effort sighing a little at the end.  
“it is nice… so quiet” Tao sat down on the ground next to Kris pulling his legs up and hugging them  
“mmm… how’s training going?” he asked suddenly changing to Chinese instead of Korean as it required less effort for Tao.  
“good, I nailed my flip the other day! You know the one I’ve been practicing with the sword!”  
“you mean the piece of wood”  
“hey! It’s a sword…. Well meant to be” Tao laughed digging his chin in between his legs curling in on himself  
“that’s good though, I still don’t know how you do it”  
“practice! I can teach you?”  
“no thanks, too much effort”  
“haha, I’m not too surprised with that answer”

Kris let out a soft chuckle and decided not to continue the conversation relishing in the quiet once again. He groaned when the thought of Suho came into his head once again.  
Why won’t he stop thinking about him, who cares about what’s wrong with Suho, Kris was just overthinking and that never lead him anywhere.  
“Sehun is tad weird don’t you think?” Tao asked as if reading Kris’s mind  
“I don’t understand him at all”  
“neither… what happened to him when we left?”  
“he collapsed so I had to carry him to bed and make sure he was ok… also his name is Suho again”  
“huh? That doesn’t make sense… did he say that?”  
“yeh, this morning he was back to the way that we first met him”  
“I like him… but he doesn’t make sense” Tao laughed  
“tell me about it”  
Tao leaned over close to Kris and grinned when Kris looked at him finally opening his eyes  
“you’re interested in him aren’t you?” Tao giggled  
“not in the way you’re thinking”  
“you’re totally in love!!”  
“I’m not” Kris grumbled annoyed and rolled over, so he wasn’t facing Tao anymore  
“denial”  
“annoyance”  
Tao pouted and let out another laugh “at least that saves me 20 000 won”  
“WHAT!” Kris sat up and threw the ball at Tao who caught it expertly and laughed before getting up and bouncing the ball running for a goal  
“you two stop making bets on me!”  
Kris got up annoyed chasing Tao to steal the ball of him  
“let’s make a new bet, I bet you can’t beat me to three goals”  
“you’re on”  
They spent the next few hours chasing each other around the court testing out their skills against one another.

Suho sat at the table holding his cup of coffee looking at a open letter in front of him. His eyes narrowed, he held it up to read again.  
It was a letter from his parents, it told him how they were and where they were. Apparently, they just landed in California and were helping to teach and participating in charity events, they were healthy and hoped that Suho was too.  
He smiled a little in assurance that they were ok but then his mood dropped again when he read on the bottom that he shouldn’t send a letter back because they may not receive it since they move around so much.  
He sighed, when he first started to receive the letters he was over the moon and super excited to finally hear from his parents, but now he didn’t know. The letters seemed a little fake, there were no addresses on the front or postage stamps, only a blank envelope. The stories told in the letter seemed made up and to be honest Suho actually had no memory of what his parents actually looked like. But the things which always confused him the most was that the handwriting was identical to his own even all the little spelling and grammar mistakes were extremely similar to ones he always makes, the letters only appear during times he blacks out as well confusing Suho even more.  
He flipped the letter in his hands a few times before placing them on the desk and sighing. If these were from his parents and they really miss him that much why don’t they ever come home or ask for him to write back or even give him their phone number so he could at least speak to them, hear their voices, know that they actually exist.  
“at least they made my life a little easier to live with the allowance they gave me” he sighed and shook his head trying to rid it of his thoughts.

He got up placing the letter in a box he kept on the shelf, he leaned against the shelf and pulled out his phone scrolling through his contacts. It only took him a few seconds to reach the bottom since he only had a few. He scrolled back up again and froze over Kris’s name  
“should I?”  
Suho looked at the name then shook his head deciding not to annoy him, he scrolled up a bit more and clicked on Minho’s name smiling.  
He went to their messages and finally decided to reply back to his last text  
[Minho: how did the new school go? are you doing well?]  
[Suho: sorry for not replying earlier I’ve been settling in]  
Suho’s phone immediately buzzed and he was surprised at how fast Minho replied  
[Minho: it’s fine, so, how are you?]  
[Suho: I’m really good! I’ve made friends already and the school seems really nice]  
[Minho: that’s really good to hear!!! How’s the blackouts going?]  
Suho looked at the text for a bit contemplating lying knowing how worried Minho could get and how protective he was of him. Then he realised there was no use of lying to Minho he could always tell.  
[Suho: I did have one, but one of my new friends helped me out and looked after me, I have his number if it happens again]  
[Minho: look after yourself Hyung, I wish I could be there to look after you]  
[Suho: hehe, thank you though don’t focus on me focus on yourself for once]  
[Minho: ok if you insist hyung. Make sure this new friend looks after you well then]  
[Suho: I will!... enough about me how are you going? It’s been a while]  
[Minho: really good, my studies are going really well… and I also found someone]  
[Suho: REALLY! Woah!!! I’m so happy! Is he cute? What’s his name?]  
[Minho: haha, he is really cute… his name is Taemin]  
[Suho: he sounds cute already!!! Yay you finally found someone]  
[Minho: I did, no more need to worry J]  
Suho smiled and laughed in joy, it was his fault anyway that it took Minho so long to find someone to love, that also loved him back full- heartedly.

Suho put his phone down letting the conversation die off.  
He honestly missed Minho so much but was glad he was doing well, even though Suho only had three years of clear memory he knew that Minho has always been there, Minho has always been the one to help Suho, to look after him.  
He’s glad he was no longer a burden to Minho, that he could finally live a full life.  
His phone buzzed again, he looked down expecting Minho’s name but instead he saw Kris’s and his heart rate increased  
Suho laughed to himself “why am I so happy yet nervous to get a text what the hell Suho”  
He opened the text and his smile just got wider  
[Kris: come out for drinks with us tonight? On me…]  
[Suho: sure!]  
He stared at the text happily, he jumped up and ran to the bathroom to shower and start getting ready hearing his phone buzz with what he assumed was the details from Kris.

“why do the drinks have to be on me?” Kris grumbled shrugging on his coat  
“because you lost at basketball against me!” Tao smirked sitting on his knees on Kris’s bed playing with Luhans jacket.  
“and why did I have to invite Suho?”  
“because you’re the only one with his number, and he’s our friend” Luhan smiled and continued to play on his phone “why are you taking so long to get ready, wanna impress someone?”  
Kris sent over a death glare, though he was questioning himself, why is he putting in so much effort to look nice?  
“the uber is here” Kris said grabbing his wallet and phone and walking out before Luhan and Tao. The two ran after him laughing and pushing each other around excited for the night.  
The uber first went to Suhos house where they picked him up “hello” he smiled and climbed into the taxi squishing up against Luhan who waved at him and grabbed his arm excitedly telling him about how fun the night will be  
“you look really sexy tonight Suho” Luhan said making Suho blush and shyly say thank you “don’t you think Kris?”  
“yeh I guess so” he said from the front seat looking out the window  
“tha…thanks” Suho stumbled on his words his blush getting redder  
Luhan poked his cheeks and smiled secretly celebrating inside  
“see Tao that 20 000 won is mine” he whispered  
“yah! Stop making bets on me!” Kris demanded from the front seat causing Luhan and Tao to burst out laughing  
“wait what?” Suho looked between the three confused  
“it’s ok ignore those idiots” Kris grumbled making Suho relax and smile.

Once they got to the bar they all climbed out and stretched, Suho stopped and pondered for a little bit “arn't you… we a little young?”  
“stop worrying hyung the workers are cool here, they let us in”  
Tao nodded adjusting his Gucci jacket and fixing his hair  
Kris led the way and Luhan grabbed Suhos hand to pull him along against his will.  
Kris nodded to the bouncer and fist bumped him when he let them all in with no worries.  
“how did that even work?”  
“let’s just say we know people” Tao winked at Suho and left the group to go get some drinks from the bar.  
The music was so loud the floor shook a little and the dance floor was crowded with drunk dancers, Suho felt a little uncomfortable in this kind of environment and went to go next to Luhan but realised that he had already disappeared somewhere. He turned around trying to find someone and spotted Kris’s back heading towards the bar where Tao ran off to. Suho ran up and grabbed Kris’s shoulder who looked over bored and grabbed Suhos arm pulling him through the crowd  
When they sat down Suho let out a sigh of relief “thank you”  
“it’s ok, you're new to this hey?”  
“yeh, kinda”  
“well don’t get lost then”  
“I won’t”  
“what do you want?”  
“I don’t know… I guess a cider?”  
“really?”  
“yeh”

Kris raised his eyebrow “I’m not buying you a cider” he turned around and summoned for the bartender “two rums and dry’s please”  
Suho shifted uncomfortably in his seat  
“don’t worry once you’re drunk it’s a lot more fun”  
Suho sipped his drink and watched Kris down his own in amazing haste ordering more alcohol straight away “don’t you think you should slow down?”  
“nope” Kris smirked and downed another shot  
Suho forced himself to stop staring at the attractive man next to him and instead looked out to the crowd scanning the dancers. His eyes landed on Luhan and Tao who were dancing quite… exotically together before peeling off one another and latching themselves onto two other random males dancing near them. Suho choked on his drink when Luhan started to make out with the guy he was dancing with and blushed looking away to see Kris staring at him with his cheek resting on his fist and a glazed drunk look in his eyes.  
“are… are they always like that”  
“when we come out, yeh… this is our idea of fun do you not like it”  
“it’s… it’s kinda scary to be honest”  
“you know what else is scary?”  
“what?”  
“you… I really don’t understand you”  
“ahh, I’m sorry” Suho felt his heart drop does Kris not like him?  
“I mean I can’t stop thinking about you and how I can’t figure you out”  
Suhos cheeks went bright red and Kris smiled picking up another shot and downing it before getting up swaying a little bit “now that I’m finally drunk wanna dance?”  
Kris grabbed Suhos hand when he saw hesitation in Suhos actions and pulled him up forcing him onto the dance floor.  
Suho was uncomfortable being so close to so many sweaty, drunk bodies and unconsciously huddled closer to Kris  
“that’s more like it”  
Kris grabbed Suhos waist and forced him to dance, by reflex Suho wrapped his arms around Kris’s neck and blushed impossibly harder when he noticed how close he was to Kris. He could smell his cologne and feel his warmth, the hands holding tightly on his hips were increasingly becoming hotter and hotter and Suho’s heart was beating so fast.

“I…I don’t thin...”  
“shhh just dance” Kris shut Suho up and continued to do his own thing getting lost in the music and the alcohol taking control of his senses. It felt so nice to be intoxicated and holding onto someone’s warm body dancing to the beats, he didn’t feel lonely or part of a routine it felt like freedom to Kris. If there’s something Kris likes more than silence and being alone it’s this.  
He looked down seeing Suhos blushing face and his eyes trained solely on Kris’s chest his movements robotic and embarrassment clear.  
He leaned down breathing on Suho’s ear “let’s go get a few more… you look like you need them”  
Suho just nodded more than happy to leave the awkwardness of the dance floor. Kris grabbed Suhos hand and ignored the small tingle that went through his hand and up his arm straight to his heart ‘it’s just the alcohol’ Kris reassured himself and continued to pull Suho along behind him.  
“are you sure you should have more to drink?” Suho asked once they reached the bar again  
“of course, you think I came here to be sober?” Kris scoffed and ordered more shots sliding a few over to Suho once they came. He cautiously drank some following Kris’s lead who shot down three in the time Suho finished one.  
Kris let out a random laugh satisfied at the feeling over taking his body “that’s more like it!”  
The room started to spin a little when he stood up from the bar stool causing Kris to stumble a little before up righting himself and heading back off merging into the crowd leaving Suho alone.

Suho stayed seated and stared of after Kris his heart skipping a beat once he realised that Kris had left him. He took out his phone and was about to call Kris when he realised that Kris wouldn’t answer not in the state he is. Sighing Suho just went back to looking at the crowd getting lost in his own thoughts rather than trying to find any of the three boys he came out with ‘maybe I should just call an uber’ he thought to himself sighing.  
“hey sexy, you alone tonight?” a obviously very drunk girl in a tight black dress sat down next to Suho leaning over way too close for Suhos comfort “how about we go back to mine?” her eyebrow went up seductively and she leaned in expecting a kiss but Suho just backed away slightly panicking.  
“i… I'm not alone and no thank you”  
“come on why not?”  
“I'm sorry”  
“what am I not pretty enough for you?”  
“you are pretty bu…”  
“then let’s go I really fancy you”  
Suho suddenly felt an arm wrap around him “I'm sorry lady but he’s here with me”  
The lady looked between the two before scoffing and walking off to find someone else  
“that was close, are you ok?”  
Suho looked up and saw Tao, a huge smile taking over his face “I'm so happy to see you!”  
“where’s Kris?”  
“I donno, though I'm kinda worried he was very drunk”  
“I should have known he would be like this, let’s go home ill get Luhan you get Kris and we’ll meet out the front for a uber ok?”  
“yes please, let’s go”  
Tao walked off and Suho sighed getting up and going the way that Kris disappeared, he searched everywhere annoyed that he couldn’t find Kris. He was also extremely worried what if Kris went home with a stranger.

He started searching faster and decided to check the toilets, the first one had no sign of Kris so he tried the next and found Kris’s jacket hanging off the sink. Grabbing it he cradled it in his hands and looked around the bathroom almost shouting in frustration when he couldn’t find kris.  
“you trying to find the dude wearing that?”  
Suho looked around suddenly his eyes landing on a guy sitting on the bench leaning against the glass lighting a cigarette.  
“yes! Do you know where he is?”  
“you’re kinda cute… anyway he said something about needing air he probably went out the side door”  
“thank you so much!” Suho bowed before running out and finding the side door bursting through and looking around. He saw a couple making out, a suspicious guy and two guys about to fight. sighing he was about to give up when he saw a large silhouette sitting on the ground leaning against the wall, the proportions of the silhouette looked very familiar and Suho walked towards him.  
Reaching the man Suho smiled finally finding Kris, he squatted down and shook Kris’s knee who responded with a groan and moved his head to the side with a dazed look.  
“Kris, it’s me let’s go home now”  
“but I don’t wanna go home with you”  
“but…”  
“I wanna go home with Suho” Kris slurred with a smile  
“I’m Suho, come with me Kris”  
Kris looked up his eyes having trouble focusing “it is Suho!”  
“come on let’s get up” Suho wrapped his arms around Kris and heaved him off the ground wrapping Kris’s arm over his shoulder and slowly walking trying to keep Kris’s balance.  
“why did you drink so much” Suho groaned, sweat started to form on his forehead and his back hurt from trying to support Kris who was much bigger than him  
“because a certain Suho hyung Is giving me grief… why can’t I get him out of my head, Suho you are so confusing and addicting I don’t know why I wanna know everything about you” Kris mumbled with a few hiccups in between.  
Suhos eyes widened and he tried to suppress his blush rounding the corner and seeing Tao and Luhan who ran over to them right away to help  
“damn he always drinks too much… are you ok Suho you look a little red too”  
“nah I’m fine let’s just go home”

Once they piled in the taxi Suho sat in the middle and held Kris upright who was toppling all over the place.  
“I can’t let him be alone like this… why don’t we all just go to my place there’s plenty of room” Suho fussed over Kris looking over constantly to check if Luhan and Tao were ok too.  
“we’re not nearly as drunk as him don’t worry” Luhan giggled from the front seat while texting a new number on his phone that he got during the night.  
When the uber arrived at Suho’s they all climbed out and Suho stumbled to find his keys while holding Kris upright  
“omg nope, let me go” Kris wrenched himself out of Suhos grip and clumsily ran over to a bush emptying his stomach into it.  
Suho unlocked the door letting Luhan and Tao in before running over and grabbing Kris bringing him inside.  
He took him straight to his own room and placed Kris on his bed undressing him from his shoes and tight pants. He then ran into the kitchen grabbing nurofen and water for the morning setting them on the bedside table. He tucked Kris In and went to go sleep on the couch when a hand shot out and grabbed Suhos hand he looked back to see Kris staring at him lazily “please don’t leave me, stay… please”  
Suho couldn’t ignore the pleading in Kris’s voice and sighed sitting down on the edge of the bed softly brushing the hair out of Kris’s face  
“lay down hyung you can’t sleep like that”  
Suho blushed a little but did as Kris asked turning away from Kris’s face. His heart hammered against his chest when a strong pair of arms wrapped around him and pulled him closer.  
“ahh that’s better” Kris breathed out his breath tickling Suhos neck  
It wasn’t long till Suho fell asleep in the warmth.

Kris yawned and stretched… well tried to but his arms were wrapped around something tightly ‘damn I didn’t go home with a stranger, did I?’ Kris questioned himself finally opening his eyes. His eyes immediately widened when he saw a familiar mop of brown hair.  
Why did Suho feel so nice curled up in his arms, Kris felt his heart do a little flip and immediately tried to wiggle his arms out from under Suho groaning in pain when his movement made his head pound.  
Suho yawned and his eyes opened making Kris panic  
“what…what happened!”  
“you got ridiculously drunk, how could you do that to yourself!”  
“I know that obviously” Kris grumbled rubbing his head thankful when Suho passed him water and nurofen drinking it quickly “I mean…” he looked at Suho then to the bed  
“you uh, you wouldn’t let me go so I had to sleep here and you wanted to cuddle”  
“just cuddling?”  
“yeh?”  
“where did my pants go?”  
“you can’t sleep in tight pants it’s not good for you!”  
Kris chuckled laying back down “thanks”  
“it’s ok… just stop drinking so much, you wanna die?” Suho grumbled  
“what if I do?” Kris watched as Suho’s entire frame froze  
“don’t say that”  
“what if I mean it”  
“DON’T DIE!!” Suho yelled out making Kris jump a little he got up and stormed to the door “I'm making breakfast come out soon”  
Kris stared at the door, he was a little shaken by Suho’s sudden reaction cautiously putting his pants on and following Suho to the kitchen ignoring his throbbing headache.

By Monday everything was back to normal and the four were back to their routines the weekend like a distant memory. Except for Kris who couldn’t get Suhos outburst out of his mind, his head was resting on his arms once again and his mind was filled with Suho instead of listening to the teacher. Kris decided that on Wednesday he was going to confront Suho about it, try to get to know a little more about his past.  
However, when Wednesday finally arrived Suho didn’t come to school. He was absent Thursday and Friday too.  
When class finished for the day Kris took out his phone and dialed Suho’s number slightly scared as Suho didn’t seem like the kid to ditch school so maybe he got sick?  
The phone rang all the way to voicemail and Kris groaned in annoyance before trying again.  
Finally, after the fifth ring Suho finally answered.  
“hello?”  
Something sounded a little different, but Kris just shook it off as talking through a phone.  
“hey Suho, where are you?”  
“um, who is this?”  
“it’s Kris who else?”  
“Kris? I don’t know any Kris’s you must have the wrong number sorry”  
“wait? This is definitely Suho’s number who are you?”  
“I don’t know any Suho’s either? My name is Kyungsoo”  
“Kyungsoo? Sorry I must have the wrong number”  
“it’s ok bye”  
The phone hung up and Kris stared at the phone looking at the contact that was defiantly Suho’s  
“what the hell!” Kris shoved his phone into his pocket in annoyance.


	3. Done With the Games

Kris sat on the ground with his basketball in his hands staring at his phone. He tried calling Suho again, but he didn’t answer making him even more frustrated.  
He sighed throwing the ball at the fence watching it bounce of and roll to the other side of the court. Why did he even care?   
He put his hands in his hair slightly tugging at the strands in frustration, he was so bored and confused and done with everything.  
“why am I like this” he mumbled bringing his hands down to roughly rub his face.  
He groaned pulling himself up and stomped out of the court finding his feet to be walking towards Suhos house.  
When he arrived he leant against the fence separating the house from the street and looked at the door not quite sure why it seemed intimidating. He was about to walk up when he saw a figure in his peripheral, he spun around and smiled slightly when he saw Suho walking up the footpath.  
“Suho!” Kris walked up to Suho and grabbed his arm out of impulse “where have you been?”  
Kris rose his eyebrow when he saw Suho’s form curl up a bit and try to tug away, his eyes wide and looking anywhere but Kris.  
“what’s up with you? Do I scare you or something?” Kris scoffed  
Suho finally looked up at Kris and tugged his arm a bit harder his body shaking a little “ca-can you let go of m-me please?” Suho stuttered stepping back a bit in relief when Kris finally let go of him.  
“did I do something what the hell” Kris looked up and down Suhos shivering body and noticed that his gaze was on the floor again.  
“n-no I don’t know you… I’m sorry... I... can I go?”  
Kris’s eyes widened, and he stepped closer to Suho studying him “are you playing a joke on me or something?”  
“You mu-must have me confused I’m sorry”  
“fine what’s your name?”  
“Kyungsoo”  
Kris laughed out sarcastically and through his hand in the air and turned around “I’m so done with your games I’m leaving”  
He stormed off not bothering to look back deciding that he was in fact done with Suho he was too confusing and too much work for Kris’s liking. 

Kyungsoo put his hand over his heart “breath just breath” he ran to his house unlocking the front door and sliding down it as soon as he closed the door.  
“in and out… in and out” tears pricked his eyes and he shut them tightly his breathing becoming rapid again. It had been forever since he had a panic attack and it scared him a few tears slid down his face and he wrapped his arms around his legs trying to wait out the panic attack. After a few moments he got up leaning heavily on the door he tried walking and his legs wobbled a little as he walked a few steps before leaning against the wall.   
The man who confronted him was plaguing Kyungsoo’s mind and he tried to forget the anxiety that came with the thoughts. Who the hell even was Kris? he felt bad for not knowing but also was too scared of the man to ponder too much on those feelings.  
“maybe…” Kyungsoo got out his phone and looked at the messages clicking on Kris’s name and reading through the messages guilt filling him again.  
“so, he does know us…” Kyungsoo sighed and pushed himself off the wall legs still shaking “I wish I could remember what everyone else is doing”  
He accidentally dropped his phone when his hand started shaking and groaned grabbing his head “already?” the world started spinning and he felt sick. His hand reached for the wall, but he missed falling to his knees instead, it was then that Kyungsoo’s world went black.

He gagged when he came to his senses, his head throbbed, and his knees hurt from falling.  
“I…it happened again… what happened” Suho felt a drop on his hand and realised he was crying everything hurt and he felt so confused. Panic rose in his throat when he felt a sting on his arm and pulled up his sleeve trying to focus through the tears sighing in relief before pulling the sleeve back down as far as it could go.  
He sobbed out loud and wiped frantically at the tears “what’s wrong with me why does this have to happen to me” he sniffed looking at the ground. He realised his phone was next to him and grabbed it his hands shaking.  
He opened up the contacts and immediately went to Kris’s contact a small smile breaking through his tears ‘please pick up’ he begged and pressed the call button.  
His first call went straight to voicemail making Suho’s shaking worse ‘please please’ he tried again and listened to the ringing sound finally on the last ring Kris answered with a huff  
“what?”  
Suho flinched slightly at the harsh tone but decided to ignore it “I… I need… well it happ- “  
Kris interrupted before Suho could finish “Look, I know what I said was harsh, but I stand by it”  
“but...”  
“I’m sorry but I decided”  
“what- “he was interrupted by the line going flat as Kris hung up on him “what did you say?” Suho burst out into tears laying on the floor hugging his belly in pain.

Suho finally dragged himself off the ground, his face felt tight because of the dried-up tears and he felt dizzy. He clutched his phone in his hand and dragged his feet to his room not bothering with finding something for dinner not feeling hungry.  
He felt empty and flopped down on his bed wondering what he did wrong, why did Kris suddenly hate him, they were doing so well before he blacked out again, why did he want to leave him like people tended to do all the time. Apart from Minho… Minho, Suho grabbed his phone typing in a message and paused his finger hovering over the send button. His eyes wondered up to the last messages and guilt filled him, Minho was finally happy he couldn’t be a burden again.  
He sighed deleting the message and instead writing out a new one and sending that, at least talking might make him feel better.  
[Suho: hey  how’s things with Taemin going?]  
He only had to wait 5 minutes before Minho texted back  
[Minho: really good!!! He’s actually with me right now]  
[Suho: really? Hello Taemin!!]  
[Minho: HELLO HYUNG!!! I heard so much about you!!! I CAN’T WAIT TO MEET YOU <3]  
[Minho: that was Tae if you didn’t figure]  
Suho laughed at the energetic text before replying  
[Suho: I can’t wait to meet you too, we’ll find some time someday]  
[Minho: well actually… Tae and I were planning on going there for a small holiday next week and were wondering if we could pop by?]  
A huge smile graced Suho’s face and excitement filled him. He sniffed and wiped away the last of the tears  
[Suho: of course!! I’m excited I’ll see you then!]  
[Minho: I’m excited to see you too, see you next week]  
Suho put the phone on the bedside table loneliness and thoughts of Kris settling in his mind again he hugged his second pillow close to his body and fell asleep slowly trying desperately to forget his pain.

Suho spent Sunday cleaning the house and trying to figure out what happened during the 4 days he blacked out sighing in frustration when there were no signs or clues to bring back memories.  
“at least I don’t have any injuries this time” he tried to make his mind positive again pushing thoughts of Kris to the back of his mind who cares if Kris didn’t like him anymore.  
When Monday came he walked to school nervously playing with his fingers and looking down trying to not overthink everything. Today he decided that he would make up with Kris and apologize for whatever he did.  
He took in a deep breath and smiled when he saw Luhan who waved excitedly to him and ran over grabbing his hand “where were you?! Hyung we missed you, were you sick?”  
‘so, I missed school’ Suho sighed and gave Luhan a weak smile deciding to lie “yeh I was, but I’m better now so don’t worry” he smiled wider and ruffled Luhans hair  
“ok, but if you feel sick tell me so I can look after you... or Kris can” he added wiggling his eyebrows.  
Suho flinched a bit at Kris’s name but agreed and continued to make small talk with Luhan as they walked towards the school. When they entered they spotted Kris and Tao talking to each other near the water fountains and walked over, Luhan instantly attaching himself to Tao. Suho looked at Kris and smiled when they made eye contact, Kris just frowned making Suhos smile falter a bit and he felt like crying but he just continued to smile.  
“hey Kris, how are you?”  
“so, you know me now? And let me guess your name is Suho again?”  
Suho was taken aback by the harsh tone and words “of…of course”  
Kris scoffed and turned on his heel “this game of yours is getting real old” he stormed off leaving Suho in almost tears and lots of confusion.  
“Suho?”  
He looked over at Luhan and Tao who stood there with wide eyes “what happened?”  
“it’s ok you two, just a little disagreement” he smiled before walking off to his first class too upset to say bye to the two boys.

He had gym first and sighed in relief not having the same class as Kris but as soon as it ended fear filled Suho as he knew the rest of his classes were with him.  
He walked into the class and looked over to see Kris with his head on the desk. He walked up to the desk hesitating when Kris groaned and shuffled around a little. He contemplated sitting somewhere else to give Kris space, he looked around and only saw one free table but shook his head sitting in his usual spot.  
He wasn’t ready to give up on their friendship like Kris was. He decided to stay quiet to not bother Kris and instead took down notes and listened to the teacher occasionally glancing over to Kris.  
The bell finally went for lunch break and Suho perked up and softly shook Kris’s arm to wake him up “should we go to lunch?” he said softly when his eyes opened and glanced up. Suho saw a glimpse of sadness in those eyes before they were empty again and he sighed   
“go alone” he huffed and got up noisily and walked off.  
Suho breathed in and out calming down his emotions before cleaning up his stuff and getting up himself walking to their usual spot

He saw Luhan and Tao sitting together but no Kris, he walked over and sat down trying to avoid the two boys’ stares.  
“are you ok?” Tao asked slowly placing his hand on Suhos knee  
“yeh, but where is Kris?” Suho tried to not show the two that he was close to tears but knew that they figured it out anyway.  
“donno, probably up there. That’s where he goes when he wants to be alone” Luhan said pointing up to the rooftop  
“isn’t that not allowed?”  
“do you think Kris cares?”  
Suho shook his head sighing how was he meant to make it up to Kris.  
Luhan shuffled closer to Suho and pulled him into a hug, the warmth enveloped Suho and he sighed in comfort before he broke and started to cry shoving his face into Luhans shirt making it wet with his tears.  
“shhh, it’s ok it’s ok” Luhan pat his head trying to calm him down but to Suho it wasn’t working, his body started to shake with sobs  
“I… I don’t know… know wh-what I did” He sobbed out making Luhan and Tao glance at each other worried “I mean… i… I’m difficult bu-but… I tried so ha-hard to be normal” Suho wrapped his arms around Luhans waist tightly and continued to sob and whimper.  
They heard the bell go off to go back to class, but no one moved more concerned with Suho than attendance.   
“Suho look at me” Luhan tried to lift up Suhos face but he refused to look at him “Suho” Luhan whispered and placed his hands on either sides of Suhos face succeeding to make him look up. “don’t think that way about yourself, Kris is a dick he always has been… he has his reasons… plus the reason we like you is because you aren’t normal”  
Tao nodded and put his arms around Suho “we love the way you are, we’ll sort it out with Kris I promise”  
The tears kept streaming down Suhos face, but his sobbing got quieter and a tired smile graced his face “thankyou” he whimpered before trying to rub away the tears embarrassed at breaking down in front of the two.  
They stayed sitting together and occasionally hugging until the last bell went signaling the end of school. Suho had stopped crying and got up stretching and thanking the two boys before he said he had to go home leaving reluctantly.

Tao grabbed Luhans arm when he saw just how angry he was “why is Kris being a jerk!!” he yelled balling up his fists by his sides.  
“I donno, should we talk to him?” Tao asked now clinging onto Luhan with both arms  
Luhan huffed and narrowed his eyes when he saw Kris walk out of the school door obviously lost in his own mind. Tao tugged on Luhans arm slightly afraid that Luhan would lash out, but that didn’t stop Luhan storming over and grabbing Kris’s arm harshly pulling him to a stop.  
“what?” Kris looked over surprised seeing the amount of rage on Luhans normally kind face  
“you’re a jerk you know that!” he yelled making Kris flinch  
“where the hell did that come from?”  
“you made him cry! For like two hours”  
Kris’s eyes widened before narrowing and he scoffed “so what”  
Tao had to hold Luhan back when he tried to make a lunge at Kris “THE HELL!”  
“I told him we aren’t friends anymore”  
“WHY!”  
“because I’m sick of his games”  
“seriously!! How are you this self-absorbed do you even care to listen to Suhos side of the story? Or even take a second to think about how he must be feeling. HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG” Luhan was fuming  
Tao nodded his head and quietly added “at least tell him why you’re avoiding him and don’t wanna be friends”

Kris looked between the two before huffing and turning around walking away ignoring Luhans yelling behind him.  
Kris got lost in his mind once again as he walked home, the sun was boiling, and he was sweating but he didn’t care he just kept going. His mind was going crazy he couldn’t even focus on a single thought or memory, he felt like they were all attacking him all at once. He got to his building and walked up four flights of stairs not bothering to wait for the elevator, once he got to his apartment he slammed open the door closing it with his back. He looked around and sighed the place was a mess again… much like his mind.  
The apartment was so small it only consisted of a small bathroom and bedroom connected by a slightly bigger, but not by much, living room and kitchen.  
He flopped down on the only couch in the room and looked at the wall where a picture of him and his parents hung, his heart was beating fast as well as his emotions which started to pile up. He got up and ran to the wall punching it with as much force as possible making the picture sway a bit from the vibrations. He ignored the blood running down his knuckles and slid down the wall to the floor.  
Luhans words were bouncing around in his mind and tears pricked his eyes. It had been forever since Kris had cried, he trained himself to hide pain away, to never cry to never even feel. He felt safe and comfortable when he felt numb.  
But that plan was flawed because one emotion, one event made his walls come crashing down and he burst out crying his body shaking.   
Just then his phone buzzed, and he looked down seeing Suho’s name   
[Suho: I’m sorry...]  
That only made Kris feel worse and cry harder curling in on himself after throwing his phone to the other side of the room.

Kris shot up his breath rapid and sweat covering his entire body he groaned as he rubbed his head.   
“damn nightmares” He didn’t remember how he got into bed all he remembered was the pain and the tears of last night. He felt empty again and smiled in satisfaction, getting up he took off his dirty shirt throwing it on the floor and walked out stopping to fix the picture on the wall which had gone crooked. He sighed seeing the slight hole in the wall next to it but decided that he didn’t care it wasn’t like anyone ever came over and plus the landlord couldn’t care less what his tenants did in their rooms as long as they paid rent.  
He continued walking and stripped before hopping in the shower ducking his head a little to fit under the shower nozzle which was put in the wall a little low for Kris’s height. He groaned in relief as the warm water fell down his body relaxing his muscles and washing away the dried-up tears from last night. It cleared his head a little and he spent a while just standing there, his neck getting a little sore from leaning down.   
His hand went up to his chest and his fingers grazed over bumpy, scared skin. His fingers followed the long scar that went from his right shoulder to his left ribs. He closed his eyes and ignored the memories filling his mind breathing heavily and turning off the shower wrapping a towel around himself, so he couldn’t see or feel the scar anymore.  
“don’t think about it” he whispered to himself.

He got dressed and looked at the clock realising it was only 6 in the morning. Shrugging he grabbed his keys and phone and left the apartment deciding to go for a walk and to miss school today he couldn’t be bothered and had no energy from the lack of sleep.  
His legs automatically took him to the basketball court and he ended up sitting in the middle of the court like usual and watched the sky change colours as the sun rose.  
He breathed in and out slowly smiling softly as his mind went blank he felt a pang of pain in his hand and brought it up in front of his face looking at it.  
He forgot that he broke the skin when he punched the wall, but he just shrugged and started to regret wearing a hoody when the harsh sun started to heat up the ground.  
He pulled the hoody off not caring that he was left shirtless, sighing in relief when his body started to cool down.  
He didn’t know how many hours he spent just sitting there staring his mind blissfully numb and blank.  
“HEY! You Kris?!” Kris jumped at the sudden voice and turned around to see someone who he didn’t recognise storming over to him.  
“yeh? What’s it to you?” he grabbed his hoody throwing it back on, so the stranger wouldn’t see his scar before getting up and facing the man who was now standing in front of him.  
“what’s it to me?” he suddenly stepped forwards and grabbed Kris’s hoody threateningly “you’re an absolute dickhead”  
“like I haven’t heard that before” Kris smirked not really understanding the situation but also too tired to be afraid  
“why are you making Suho cry so much! What possible reason could you have!?”  
“so, this is about Suho?... who even are you” the hands tightened on Kris’s hoody and he braced himself waiting for the stranger to hit him.  
“who am I? I am Suhos oldest friend, I’m the one who saved him multiple times the one who gave him enough strength to move somewhere new and meet new friends… maybe find love and happiness BUT YOU'RE RUINING IT ALL” the man shouted pushing Kris to the ground ignoring the pained groan Kris let out.  
Kris laughed dryly  
“I can’t stand dickheads like you. Have you even tried to understand Suho ask him why he is like he is?” The stranger growled  
“I’m sick of his games”  
“it’s not games”  
“what is it then” Kris jumped up and pushed the man roughly causing him to stumble but not fall  
“it’s not for me to tell… though you must be thick if you haven’t realised yourself, don’t ask me ask Suho, or even better ask Sehun”  
“they’re the same goddamn person!!” Kris yelled in frustration  
“yes and no… damn you’re so thick and selfish” the man sighed rubbing his face with his hand before lunging forwards and grabbing Kris’s hoody again shaking him and he rose his fist ready to swing but paused when someone else yelled at them  
“STOP IT!!”


	4. The Truth

Suho rolled over and yawned stretching. He looked at the time and realised it was 7, getting up he was about to get ready for school, but his phone buzzed. His heart rate increased, maybe it was Kris? He grabbed his phone and his heart sunk a little when he saw Minho’s name not Kris’s tears pricked his eyes, but he ignored it opening the message.

[Minho: hey Suho hyung <3 we actually arrived yesterday and were wondering if we could come over?]

[Suho: of course!]

[Minho: yay! We’re on our way]

Suho looked around relieved that he already cleaned the house beforehand and got dressed excited to see Minho and meet his boyfriend.

After half an hour Suho had given up his thoughts of going to school too excited to see Minho, he sat on the couch looking at the door, his foot tapped impatiently. When the doorbell finally rang he shot up and ran to the door giving Minho no time to prepare before he threw himself at him wrapping him in a massive hug

“I missed you!!!” Suho whined

“I missed you too, it’s a shame we live so far apart” Minho wrapped his arms around Suho and hugged him back just as tight.

They hugged for a few minutes until they heard an awkward cough beside them and Suho pulled away in excitement to see Taemin

“omg! You’re so cute, yet really hot” Suho walked up to Taemin and studied him a little laughing at the small blush on his cheeks, before hugging him too “It’s nice to finally meet you”

“you too hyung!!!” Taemin bounced a little in his grip excited “I heard soooooooo much about you!” he looked like an excited puppy making Suho giggle.

“come in, come in” Suho pushed the two in who immediately walked to his couch and sat down looking around

“whoa this house is nice” Taemin gasped at the nice interior “also how are you so clean”

Minho laughed at Taemins amusement making Suho smile “you two are really cute together” he sighed happily laughing when they both blushed but shuffled a little closer to each other.

“what drinks do you two want?”

“coffee please hyung”

“hot chocolate hyung-ah!!!”

 

Taemin and Minho chatted softly in the living room while Suho made the drinks. Suho sighed when Kris popped into his head again, he tried so hard to live in the moment, but he couldn’t quite bring himself too.

He shook his head and grabbed the cups taking them to the living room a smile gracing his face again when he saw the couple.

“thankyou” they both mumbled grabbing the cups and sipping

“so, tell me how did you two met?” Suho asked sitting across from them placing his chin in his hands

“we go to the same school and well… I was playing soccer and went after the game to watch a performance which one of my friends performed in and I saw this one dancing and wow” Taemin blushed at Minho’s words and let out a giggle

“then he approached me afterwards and I freaked out cause he’s Minho and one thing lead to another” Taemin smiled so happily and grabbed Minho’s hand.

“that’s so cute” Suho bounced a little, overly happy for the two.

“how about you? how’s the new school life going?” Minho asked

“nice, it’s definitely a change”

“How about your new friends? We should all meet sometime!”

Suho’s face fell but he nodded and sipped his coffee to try and hide his sudden change of mood. However, Minho knew Suho too well and narrowed his eyes.

“what happened?”

Suho choked a little on his drink before sighing and placing the cup onto the table again.

“it’s nothing really, I just think I may have lost one of them”

“why?”

“I donno”

Taemin tilted his head “how don’t you know?”

“I think it may be because he relised how much work I am with my condition” he looked at Minho and shrugged, glancing down and nervously picking at his skinny jeans.

“seriously!” Minho was starting to lose his temper; his heart rate decreased a little when Taemin rubbed the top of his hand to comfort him. He breathed in and out before asking “did he see your arms? Or have you blacked out in front of him”

Suho worriedly looked at Taemin before gulping “no-not my arms… but he said he’s sick of my games and I’m not quite sure what it means, a-and my memory is still horrible and I’m so confused” tears pricked his eyes and he rubbed them harshly to try and prevent any falling.

“don’t worry Taemin understands… and this bastard I bet he hasn’t even asked for your side of the story, it’s probably a good thing he sounds like a crap friend anyway” Minho was about to say more before Taemin nudged him and he looked at Suho to see tears fall down his cheeks.

He shot up and ran over to Suho sitting beside him and pulling him against his chest hugging him as Suho broke down once again.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, why am I like this Minho-ah… I don’t understand” he sobbed out clutching the fabric of Minho’s shirt “the only thing I know is that I don’t want to lose Kris”

 

Minho held Suho as he cried and felt him flinch when the doorbell suddenly ringed, Suho looked up and tried to get out of Minho’s grip but it just tightened.

Minho motioned at Taemin to get it, nodding back Taemin got up and walked to the door cautiously opening it.

“oh hello?” Taemin looked at the two strangers standing at the door

“who are you?” the shorter one asked looking him up and down.

“I should ask the same… none of you are Kris, right?” he narrowed his eyes looking between the two being cautious who he let into the house.

“what? No, I’m Luhan and this is Tao… we’re here because Suho is our friend and we want to make sure he’s ok, also we are here because of Kris to a degree”

Taemin nodded looking behind him to see Suho still in Minho’s arms sniffing. “if that’s so I guess you can come in… my names Taemin”

With that he turned around and let the two past watching as they started to fuss over Suho who was trying to hide his face on Minho’s chest.

“what happened!!!” Luhan fretted placing his hand on Suho’s back

“no-nothing I’m being an idiot again” Suho mumbled into Minho’s shirt trying to not let anymore tears fall down.

“you’re never an idiot… is this about Kris again?” Tao crouched down sitting on the floor in front of the crying boy

“again? I swear if I ever meet this Kris idiot I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind” Minho growled holding Suho impossibly tighter.

“no need to be dramatic” Luhan stood crossing his arms.

“look at him” Kris nodded down to the boy in his arms and frowned

“clearly Kris is being an idiot like usual… however, it is also clear Suho doesn’t want anything to happen to him”

Minho just cocked his eyebrow in thought before nodding and calming down a little “true… however someone needs to tell him he’s being a dick”

“true” Luhan chuckled half-heartedly.

Suho sniffed grabbing everyone’s attention and finally stopped hiding his face in Minho’s chest and looked up with red puffy eyes “I’m sorry”

“it’s ok! We’re all here for you!” Tao reached up and grabbed Suho’s hand with both of his smiling when Suho’s mouth twitched upwards a bit.

“did you guys say you were worried for Kris? Where is he? Is he ok?” Suho fretted looking down at his hand that Tao was holding.

Minho made eye contact with Luhan before softly pushing Suho into Tao’s arms and getting up and put his hand on Luhans shoulder “don’t worry hyung we’ll find Kris for you”

Suho nodded and wiped his eyes in embarrassment of crying in front of everyone. Luhan looked at everyone before sighing and letting Minho pull him out of the room to the front door. They closed it behind them before Minho turned around and looked at Luhan with his arms crossed “do you have an idea where he might be?”

Luhan shrugged before frowning “probably at the basketball court… you’re gonna give him a piece of your mind aren’t you?”

“of course,”

He sighed before waving at Minho to follow him leading the way to Kris’s favourite spot.

 

When they reached the court Luhan spotted Kris sitting down with his shirt off, his heart sank a little when he saw the scar on Kris’s chest and knew that Kris was in another world of his own at the moment. He grabbed Minho’s arm and pulled him closer to whisper in his ear.

“that’s Kris over there… I will let you go alone but if you do anything I find inappropriate I will stop you, he has his own problems and he is my best friend just go easy on him ok”

Minho looked at Kris before nodding and then storming off while Luhan sighed and leaned on the fence his heart sinking hoping things wouldn’t get out of hand.

He jumped up when he saw Minho grab Kris’s hoody but resisted running over when he saw Kris’s smirk, he was ok for now. Luhan breathed in and out deeply holding onto the fence, he knew Kris needed this, but it also scared him he never knew how Kris handled things.

When Minho pushed Kris to the ground he had enough and took a step, however a hand grabbed his arm and held him back. He looked over his shoulder in confusion to see Suho holding him out of breath followed by Tao and Taemin, all Suho did was shake his head and push Luhan back into Tao’s arm and took a deep breath trying to compose himself.

His hands coiled into fists when he saw Minho grab Kris again and raise his fist, he couldn’t help himself and yelled “STOP IT!!!”

He ran over and pushed Minho away and hugged Kris tightly “don’t hurt him!” Kris looked down in shock seeing Suho turn his head towards Kris’s chest with tears in his eyes. He looked up in anger at Minho who stood with wide eyes, which instantly softened when Taemin came up to him and grabbed his hand.

“I’m sorry Kris, I’m so sorry” Suho sobbed out and swayed a little causing Kris to wrap his arms around him and hold him tightly to stabilise him.

“are you ok Suho?” he sighed when there was no response from Suho, until Suho’s legs buckled and Kris almost fell down with him until he stabilised himself.

“not now Suho, deep breaths” Minho walked closer but stopped when Kris stepped back with Suho to avoid him.

“what’s happening to him?”

Minho just shook his head “you should sit down with him”

Kris frowned but then Suho suddenly went limp and Kris ended up slowly sitting down and hugging Suho close to him when he noticed that he had passed out.

Kris started to freak out a little breathing heavily “what happened!! Is he ok!!” his hand immediately went to Suho’s neck checking his pulse. Breathing out in relief shaking his head trying to get rid of the memories starting to plaque his memories.

It was Luhans time to step forwards scared of what Kris would be thinking about “don’t worry Kris-ah, he will wake up don’t worry he’s not going anywhere”

Kris nodded and stared down at Suho moving his hand from Suho’s neck to his face carefully brushing the hair out of his face, he flinched when Suho scrunched up his face and his eyes opened slightly as he groaned

Suho’s head whipped up fast causing him to head-butt Kris who groaned in pain.

“sorry sorry are you ok hyung?” Suho’s hand reached up grabbing Kris’s face who couldn’t help but blush before nodding.

“are you ok?”

“yep!” Suho smiled before looking around and saw Minho making him smile even harder. “MINHO-AH! Hello!!”

Minho nodded smiling as well “hello Sehun, good timing”

“I always have good timing!”

Kris looked between the two confusion on his face, his hands unwrapped themselves from around Sehun and he pushed him lightly to make him get off his lap. Minho sighed and brought his hand up to his hair pushing it back “I’m sorry for my behaviour Kris, not the best first impression, but I hope I got my message across” his hand came down and gestured towards Sehun who was now standing next to Kris looking slightly confused while trying to recover the memories before he passed out. “this is the person you need to talk to, don’t blame Suho, and don’t ask me for answers. Ask Sehun”

Sehun looked between the two before nodding and grabbing Kris’s arm making him look down at him “I guess there is something I need to tell you…”

“good, my job is done let’s go” Minho grabbed Taemins hand and pulled them out of the basketball court gesturing for Tao and Luhan to leave as well, they did reluctantly after saying quick goodbyes “we should probably go back to school anyway”

 

Sehun avoided Kris’s gaze tightening his grip a little afraid Kris would want to leave as well. Kris sighed “I won’t leave ok?”

Sehun nodded and smiled finally looking up “I’m sorry”.

“you can stop saying that you’ve said it enough... I guess I was a little harsh”

“you’ve heard sorry from Suho many times… but not from me”

Kris sighed in annoyance “it doesn’t make sense” he pulled his arm from Sehuns grip “it’s hot isn’t it?” he walked over to his ball and picking it up and sitting down in the shade and playing with it in his hands.

Sehun sighed and walked over sitting down next to him. Watching Kris roll up the sleeves of his jumper before playing with the ball again and looking over at Sehuns long sleeved shirt and tight jeans “aren’t you hot?”

Sehun awkwardly played with his sleeves before shaking his head hoping the small beads of sweat on his forehead weren’t visible under his fringe “what’s with the small talk?”

Kris shrugged throwing the ball to the other side of the court watching it rebound of the fence and bounce a few times before rolling to a stop.

“there’s no avoiding it now is there? No more pretending I’m normal”

“I never thought that you were normal”

Sehun laughed before sighing “very encouraging thank you hyung”

“why am I hyung now you know you’re older than me?”

“biologically you are, but mentally I’m younger than Suho”

“I thought you were going to tell me, I’m still so confused, stop talking in riddles”

Sehun sighed “remind me how many names I have told you?”

Kris looked over furrowing his eyebrows before shaking his head “first you were Suho, then Sehun, then Suho again, then Kyungsoo, then Suho, now Sehun”

“only three?”

“huh?”

“you’ve only met three of us…” Sehun put his arms around his legs pulling them closer to himself for comfort sighing while trying to get the courage to tell Kris who was now looking at Sehun in complete confusion waiting for him to continue

“ahh gosh haha, this is a lot harder than I thought” he tapped his hand nervously looking in front of himself at the basketball rather than Kris. His nervousness decreased suddenly when he felt Kris’s hand grab his making him stop tapping it and squeezed a little.

“look I know I’ve been a dick and I see now it was pointless, don’t worry you can tell me… honestly I like your company for some crazy reason and it’s driving me mad feeling so confused”

Sehun sighed and smiled slightly before looking at Kris “Hyung… have you ever heard of D.I.D” Kris cocked his head in confusion telling Sehun that he hadn’t “D.I.D stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder… it means I have multiple personalities, and you have met three of them”

Kris’s hand went stiff and he froze trying to process the information. Sehun felt anxiety for what Kris would say, the silence starting to feel slightly uncomfortable.

“you… huh?” Kris shook his head in confusion

“Suho is the main personality, he’s the one we all are derived from and technically I guess I’m the peace keeper out of everyone”

“how… how many, ah personalities are there?” Kris’s hand started to move again his thumb stroking Sehuns palm again

“in total including Suho there’s nine…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello <3 
> 
> I would really appreciate any feedback good or bad, it really helps the story had kind of changed from what I was origionally planning and im not sure if it's any good so constructive feedback would be really helpfull :)
> 
> (also do you guys prefer this format with lots of spaces or the previous format done in small paragraphs?)
> 
> I hope you have a nice day/night and I hope to update soon bye bye for now


	5. Kai?

“Morning”  
Suho’s whole body froze and he looked over to see Kris giving him a small smile as he sat down in his chair  
“mo-morning” he stuttered immediately looking down at his hands.

“how are you feeling?”  
“ahh... fine?”  
“you fainted remember?”  
“yeh... I’m good now” he smiled a little to reassure Kris who was now leaning on his hand watching Suho’s every movement.  
“hey, I’m sorry for everything… think we can start anew?”

Suho’s hand unintentionally fell down on the table with a bang in his surprise, his heart started racing but for some reason he shook his head causing Kris to sit up in confusion. Kris reached out and grabbed Suho’s hand hoping it would calm him like it calmed Sehun yesterday. It seemed to work as Suho relaxed a bit and stared down at their intertwined hands.

“wha… what’s happening?”  
“you scared me yesterday, when you fainted… I thought that maybe something bad was happening but you’re ok and I feel sorry for how I treated you”  
“I’m sorry Minho treated you like that, it was my fault”  
“no, it’s fine, don’t say sorry there’s nothing to say sorry for”

Suho felt his heart hammer against his chest, what was happening Kris’s attitude did a full 180 on him and he wasn’t ready. He was overjoyed but his mind was making him panic. His emotions conflicted, happiness, confusion, slight anger.  
“I…I’m sorry” Suho shot up out of his chair grabbing his bag and running out of the room just missing the teacher who was just entering.

Luhan looked over to Kris with an eyebrow cocked and a judgmental face to which Kris just shrugged because he had no clue of what just happened. He grabbed his own bag and followed the direction that Suho had run off in.

Suho held his hand over his mouth as he hid behind the wall corner before sobbing out and sliding down the wall onto the floor. He covered his face as tears started to fall, he had no confidence left to talk to Kris anymore, he wasn’t good enough and he didn’t understand why Kris was suddenly talking to someone as worthless as him again. Didn’t he learn from the first time? Suho knew that Kris would end up leaving him again, he couldn’t deal with that. He had to go home he couldn’t deal with everything right now. He slowly stood up on trembling legs and slowly made his way to the entrance of the school making sure he wouldn’t accidentally run into Kris.

However, he didn’t make it out the door before he heard Kris call out his name and ran up to block his path.  
Kris spread out his arms not letting Suho past “let’s talk, please” Kris whispered out worrying when a tear fell down Suho’s face  
“I don’t want to” he replied wiping the tear trying to control his breathing

Kris tightened his fists trying to contain his own emotions and took a step towards Suho “please”  
He saw Suho’s entire body tense when he came closer and suddenly his eyes lost focus, they looked empty and he stared at a spot behind Kris his whole body relaxing.

Kris tilted his head confused at the sudden change, it was like his soul had left his body, he reached out and grabbed Suhos shoulders understanding what was happening “Suho, please don’t leave let’s talk please, please co…” but before he could continue Suho suddenly whipped his head up and locked eyes with him with an evil smirk.  
“thank god it’s my turn, you’re really pathetic Kris you know that?”

Kris took a step back, his hands falling to his side in defeat, this person’s aura was the total opposite of Suho and it sent a shiver down his spine “who are you?”  
“my name is Kai” his smirk suddenly disappeared, and hatred filled his eyes as he stepped towards Kris again. He reached out and grabbed Kris’s hand forcing it to open up from the fist again “you know you really shouldn’t be doing actions like this around me” his grip tightened on Kris’s wrist and he stepped closer to Kris, so their noses were almost touching before roughly pushing him back into the wall.  
Kris let out a groan of pain “wha-what are you doing?”  
“showing you another side of Suho” his smirk reappeared, and his hand shot up tightening around Kris’s neck cutting off just enough oxygen to make Kris panic a bit.

Kris tried to pry Kai’s hand from his neck, but the grip was too strong he choked a bit, his neck bruising and his head spinning a little.  
“I must say I much prefer you like this, how am I supposed to know what your intentions are? Huh?... maybe you wanna use my weakness against me now you know? Maybe it’s just a game to you… Sehun is wrong we can’t trust you and as long as I’m around I’m going to show you just that, you know why? Because in the end you’ll leave us, you’ll just run away and Suho can’t handle that” he let go of Kris’s neck grabbing his shirt instead and swinging his fist making it collide roughly with Kris’s cheek sending the boy falling to the ground.  
Kai looked down at him scoffing before shoving his hands into his pockets and walking out of the school leaving Kris dumbfounded on the floor cradling his cheek and trying to get his breath back.

Pulling himself off the ground, Kris leant against the wall staring at the door. His throat stung, and he felt the constant need to cough, he knew it wasn’t Suho but at the same time it was a part of Suho scaring him a little. But he wasn’t about to let Kai’s words be true, he made a promise to Sehun, he made a promise to himself not to leave Suho again at the first sign of hardships.

His hand left his cheek to roughly rub his eyes not allowing his tears to fall. He flinched when a hand grabbed his arm but he immediately relaxed when he heard Luhans soft voice “what happened? Are you ok?”  
“I'm fine” Kris grunted running his hand through his messed hair trying to smooth it back down  
“what happened to your voice you don’t sound good…” Luhan fretted grabbing Kris’s face in his hands and studying it “you’re bleeding too!!”  
Kris wiped his mouth surprised to see the blood “it’s ok”  
“it’s not!! Who punched you!!” Luhan almost shouted ready to take Tao and get him to beat up the idiot who did this to his best friend, he relaxed a little when he saw Kris’s mood deflate and his mind wondering somewhere else like usual “it… it wasn’t Suho was it?” Luhan almost whispered shocked when Kris nodded slightly.  
“it’s ok it wasn’t his fault”  
They just stood there in silence until Luhan tugged Kris’s arm pulling him out the door to a nearby park sending Tao a text on the way.

“let’s just sit here ok?” he pulled Kris down sitting next to each other, he pulled Kris’s head onto his shoulder patting his hair softly “it’s ok to show emotions I hope you know that, I’m not going anywhere”  
“neither am I” Tao puffed out, tired from running, sat in front of the two holding a box of band aids “I’m sorry this is all I could get” he chuckled lightly before sticking the Disney princess design band aid onto Kris’s cheek just above his lip  
“ahh so pretty” Luhan giggled causing Kris to smile  
“I’m gonna kill you both” he laughed  
“there he is”

“ahh Minho long time no see, did you miss me?” Kai leaned against the doorframe smirking  
Minho stood up from the couch his gaze flickering over Kai “is it Kai?”  
“do I really have to answer that?”  
“please, sit down let’s talk… we need to finish that conversation from last time, its been a long time since you’ve shown up”  
“too long, I’ve been so bored” Kai rolled his eyes sitting on the couch with a huff and putting his feet on the table  
“please Kai, this isn’t like you… you were so shy and adorable when you first showed up”  
“not like me? If it isn’t explain to me why I had to get the memories, the pain?”  
“just think about your actions doesn’t it resemble his too much?”  
Kai flinched and glared at Minho “I’ve got to go shower”

He stood up annoyed and tried to leave but Minho grabbed his hand holding it up looking at the bit of dried blood and the bruise forming around his knuckles “what did you do? What happened why are you here suddenly?”  
“you know what Minho you may have helped me back then but now I don’t need your help if this is what it is, maybe you should just go back home and leave me alone” he pulled his hand out of Minho’s grip and stormed off anger bubbling in his chest to try and cover the hurt he was feeling.  
Taemin peaked around the kitchen door worry written on his face “you don’t think something happened to Kris? Or Luhan or Tao?”  
Minho didn’t answer but immediately took out his phone to call Luhan as he was the only contact he had out of the three.

Luhan opened his eyes and reluctantly took his fingers out of Kris’s hair to grab his phone “oh.. it’s Minho” he frowned accepting the call “yes?”  
[“Luhan?... are you guys ok?]  
“kinda… why?”  
[“did Suho… do anything]  
“funny you should ask, I was wondering the same thing about Suho”  
Kris’s head shot up “Suho?” he grabbed the phone from Luhan “Minho?”  
[“hello Kris are you ok?”]  
“I met Kai today”  
[ Minho sighed through the phone pausing a bit before asking “did he hurt you? Please tell me the bruise on his fist isn’t also on you?]  
“so, he’s usually violent?”  
[“you’re not answering my question”]  
“yes, it was me he punched, don’t worry though I won’t hold it against Suho”  
Tao and Luhan shared a confused look but didn’t say anything knowing in all honesty it wasn’t their business.  
[“that’s a relief, ill tell you when Kai leaves ok, maybe don’t try to approach him till then he’s very hot tempered. So just look after yourself and ill look after Kai”]  
“ok”  
They said goodbye before hanging up, Kris handed Luhan his phone back with a soft smile “don’t worry you two it’ll be alright… maybe we should go back to school?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello its the author here <3  
> im still struggling with a lot of mental health issues at the moment too which isnt helping my motivation but at the same time writing this makes me forget my own world for a little and slip into a new one which i hope you guys are enjoying reading :)
> 
> i do really appreciate comments because they do motivate me so much and make me smile but its ok if you dont and be a silent reader as long as youre enjoying this
> 
> have a nice night/day, i love you <3


	6. Scars and Friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors note:  
> hello my beautiful people <3\. sorry for the long wait but here's the next xhapter! i hope you enjoyed it :)
> 
> the storyline is really taking off now the boys are starting to learn more about Suho and alot more secrets are about to be found out in future chapters so stay tuned!
> 
> i love you and have a lovely day/night
> 
> ps. i would really like some feedback on this ff but if you dont want to leave a comment it's ook i love my silent readers to.

Kris sighed laying on his bed shirtless staring at the ceiling. it was finally Saturday again, and Kris was holding a notebook up scanning the words he wrote, it had been a while since he wrote lyrics and it made him feel excited to have another song to produce, a little hobby of Kris’s, probably the only one he put effort into.He rapped out loud to hear what the flow sounded like and trying to find a melody. He had no idea what time it was, his curtains blocked out sunlight and he had smashed his clock a few days ago in a frustrated rampage. It still was laying on the floor, broken glass and plastic surrounding it, but Kris couldn’t care less.

Luhan had invited him out for drinks at his house but Kris couldn’t be bothered to get ready and was more interested in the notebook in his hands. Suddenly there was a quite knock on the door confusing him, if it was Luhan he was ready to explain for the 50th time he didn’t want to hang out tonight. He huffed out in annoyance and fluffed his hair before stomping over to the door opening it harshly “what do you want” he said in annoyance before looking at the person in front of him. He instantly drew in a breath when he saw Suho, well he hoped it was Suho.

“so-sorry I didn’t mean to disturb you” the boy shied away from him a little hanging his head

“no, no I’m sorry I thought you were Luhan, please come in” he gently reached out and touched Suho’s shoulder guiding him inside to his couch sitting him down “what are you doing here?”

Suho looked up smiling softly “I asked Luhan for your address, sorry for not messaging you about it… I just wanted to come, and I didn’t want to hesitate because then I think a lot and then I doubt my decisions and it gets complicated and then I don’t do anything and regret it later” he sniffed lightly

“it’s ok, you’re always welcome” Kris sat down next to him smiling, making Suho smile again, but he quickly looked away wringing his hands together and blushing slightly, it confused him a bit before he remembered that he forgot to put a shirt on “oh shit sorry one sec” he got up and ran to his room pulling on a shirt, he didn’t see the scar did he? He shook his head and quickly made his way back to the couch.

“thank you for not kicking me out… is your face ok?” he changed the subject suddenly, Kris tilted his head does he remember what he did is that why he’s here? Suho’s hand slowly rose and stroked Kris’s face where the bruise and scar were, his eyes filled with worry “did someone punch you?”

Kris sighed in relief and shook his head “I fell over, it was my fault”

Suho narrowed his eyes and looked at his own fist which was still covered in black and blue “how come it looks like I punched someone and that someone looks like it might have been you?” he sighed

“you-you didn’t punch me what are you saying” Kris awkwardly laughed “maybe you punched the wall in your sleep or something I’ve done that before”

The older just nodded his head looking back at Kris licking his lips nervously, not missing the way Kris’s eyes drifted to his lips before darting back up to his eyes again before looking away

“why are you here then?”

“I wanted to apologise for running off like I did, it wasn’t anything you said I’m just scared because when I get close to people they seem to leave” he watched the Youngers head whip up before smiling “it’s ok Suho, we can take it slow, I really want to be friends with you and I’m not sure why but I enjoy your company and I promise I won’t ever leave you, I may act harsh and cold to you, but I won’t leave you”

Suho felt a tear escape his eyes at the words “the thing is… is that I don’t know who I am… or what I am anymore and I’m so confused and I need help” his voice cracked as he tried not to cry in front of Kris again. The younger one said nothing and instead wrapped his arms around Suho pulling him into his chest and laying them both back on the couch till Suho was laying on top of Kris cuddled in his arms listening to his heart beat through his chest “it’s ok, we’ll figure it out”

 

Suho ended up between Kris and the back of the couch on his side looking at Kris’s side profile as he stared up at the ceiling “thankyou” Kris looked over and smiled softly reaching up and moving Suho’s fringe from covering his eyes “can…can I stay the night?”. He just grunted which Suho took as a yes, struggling to get up and off the couch having to climb over Kris, pausing half way to smile happily at him making the younger go red in the ears.

He shook his head smiling, he felt much better than before he came to Kris’s house, all the way his head was telling him not to go but he couldn’t ignore his heart which wanted desperately to see Kris and make It up to him. He stretched walking into the bathroom before reversing and walking into Kris’s room, frowning he turned around again “where the hell is your kitchen?”

Kris just laughed softly and pointed to the corner of the living room which had a bench, a small fridge and a microwave. “how do you survive in here, how can you cook!”

“I don’t”

He just shook his head walking over to the fridge and opening it, sighing when all he found was bottles of beer “well I was going to make you dinner, but I guess I’m buying you dinner instead”

“I want bulgogi”

“bulgogi it is then” he giggled while finding the number.

“hey… what made you change your mind about me?” Suho suddenly enquired while they waited for their food to arrive “it’s weird, because I feel like you know more about me than I do and that’s kinda scary” he looked down to his hands frowning “… I meant it when I said that I don’t know who I am”

Kris smiled softly, using his hand to make Suho look up to him “you’re right I do know who you are, you’re Suho a kind hearted man who sometimes faints and loses his memory for a little while” Suho gave him a weird look making him laugh a little “ok, what I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t matter who you are if you are happy and have people who care about you so stop worrying so much it’ll just make it worse”

The doorbell rang before Suho could answer and instead was left staring at his hands again in deep thought but smiling to himself. Kris sat back down opening the containers of food handing Suho his chopsticks and bowl of food “what did I do in a past life to deserve you” he giggled instantly digging into the food. Kris just blushed a little shovelling dinner into his mouth to avoid replying to that comment, he couldn’t make his heart stop beating fast and hoped that Suho wouldn’t notice the red tinting his ears.

 

Later Suho was laying on the couch by himself hugging the blanket close to his body listening to the soft snores coming from Kris’s room, he couldn’t sleep, and he didn’t know why. Maybe it was because he was so happy? He smiled sitting up peeking over the top of the couch into Kris’s room, all he could see was the youngers feet peeking out from his blanket. He rested his head on his arms staring at his feet which twitched a little from time to time. He closed his eyes listening to the snores and the soft tapping of his own fingers against the fake leather of the couch.

Kris’s snores changed a little pausing for longer than usual, he mumbled something causing Suho to open his eyes curiously, the youngers feet were twitching a lot more now and twisting a little as Kris tossed and turned. He frowned tilting his head a little as Kris’s moaning got a bit louder, he jumped up in surprise when Kris suddenly screamed. Not hesitating he ran into Kris’s room instantly grabbing his shoulders shaking him “Kris, Kris wake up please” he shook a little harder when he saw a tear run down Kris’s face, “don’t cry please, wake up!”

Kris’s eyes shot open staring at Suho with wide eyes he hiccupped before another tear escaped his eyes, the older reached up wiping the tear off the youngers face. “Kris… are you ok? Did you have a nightmare?” Suho sat down pulling Kris into his chest while patting his hair.

“i…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you” he choked out in a small voice trying to keep in the tears

“it doesn’t matter, I wasn’t sleeping are you ok?”

In reply Kris sobbed out quietly holding onto Suho a little tighter.

“do you want to talk about it?”

“n…no it’s ok… it’s quite a common nightmare I should be used to it by now” he pulled away rubbing his face and standing up starting to walk to the bathroom however Suho grabbed his hand making him halt in his step

“it didn’t sound ok though…”

Kris sighed pulling his hand away “it’s not important”

“is it to do with your scar on your chest?”

He paused his whole body tensing up and his hand shaking as he reached up to touch his chest “how did you know about that”

“you answered the door shirtless” Suho stood up taking a step towards Kris wanting to comfort him but the younger just stepped back from him turning around and running to the bathroom locking the door behind him leaving Suho to sit down on the bed again.

“I’m so stupid why did I ask him that” he whispered angrily to himself, playing with his sleeves, they were going so well, and he just went and ruined it by being too nosy. He was scared of Kris leaving him, but it turns out he’s driving him away anyway. He sobbed quietly hoping Kris wouldn’t hear him, he tip toed over to the bathroom door knocking quietly while wiping his tears and breathing in and out to prevent the shakiness in his voice from being heard “are you ok Kris?”

All he heard was a muffled “I’m fine” before the door opened and a red eyed Kris walked out putting on a fake smile “it’s 3 in the morning we should go to bed again come on” he pulled Suho over to the couch sitting him down and nudging the blanket towards him before walking off to his own bedroom closing the door this time.

 

By the time the sun rose Suho was still sitting upright staring at the exposed skin of his forearms, or what was left of it, past the point of thinking of anything, his mind was blank, and his eyes were slightly blurry as he spaced out. He heard Kris’s door opening and quickly pulled down his sleeves to cover the exposed skin “morning hyung”

“morning, sleep well?”

“yeh” he lied standing up and stretching.

His breath hitched a little when he saw Kris leaning against the door way shirtless, Kris noticed him staring and let out a low laugh “I figured since you already know about the scar there’s no use in hiding it anymore… as long I don’t look in a mirror I don’t see it, so it’s ok”

Suho just nodded and smiled subtly hiding his blush with his hand. “but I mean if my body is too much for you, I can cover it up” Kris winked chuckling when Suho went a darker shade of red and stuttered out nonsense.

A knock on the door ruined the moment causing Kris to roll his eyes “I wonder who that is” he said sarcastically walking over to the door and opening it “what you want?”

Luhan just laughed and barged past him raising his eyebrow when he saw Suho “ahh so you stayed the night” he winked at Suho giving him a thumbs up

“stop being a child” Kris mumbled walking over to the couch flopping down

“I mean something must have happened… why are you shirtless Kris?” Luhan skipped over poking Kris’s forehead trying to annoy him

“whatever Luhan it’s none of your business anyway”

“what do you mean! You’re shirtless!” Luhan carefully placed his hand on Kris’s chest tracing the scar, he smiled softly his voice quieting a bit “we both know how you feel about this scar and people seeing it”

Kris shrugged his shoulders “I accidentally showed him when I answered the door, I mean it’s not like he’s going to pester me about it right” he looked at Suho who instantly nodded and smiled.

“hmm ok, anyway! Do you guys wanna go get breakfast somewhere I’m hungover as hell and I need some food” Luhan dramatically grabbed his belly

“go with Tao”

“he’s passed the hell out I couldn’t wake him even if there was a zombie apocalypse, the man would die” he laughed looking at Suho to try and convince him through puppy eyes making Kris roll his eyes

“I am kinda hungry…” Suho said softly making Luhan jump up and down and pull Kris’s arm making him stand up

“food it is!” he skipped over to Suho grabbing his arm too making him flinch and pull his arm away “sorry I didn’t mean to grab you so hard…” Luhan apologised freaking out a little when Suho went quiet

“shit” Kris ran over to Suho grabbing him and pulling him into his arms “hey Suho it’s ok”

Suho breathed in and out before smiling softly “Kris it’s ok, I’m fine”

Kris stepped back grabbing Suho’s face looking at him “Suho?”

“yes?” he tilted his head in confusion

“ahh thank god, I’m glad you’re ok… we should probably leave now” he laughed awkwardly grabbing a shirt and walking out the door.

“that was an interesting reaction, especially from him” Luhan looked at Suho curiously

“it was”

“but, your reaction to me grabbing your arm was weird too. Are you ok?”

“I’m fine thank you” Suho awkwardly put his arms behind him ignoring the lingering stinging feeling radiating off it. Luhan just watched the action with a raised eyebrow but didn’t push further, he just sighed and walked out the door waving at Suho to grab his stuff and follow him.

 

They went and had breakfast and Suho couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable under Luhans gaze which followed his arms everywhere they went. “can you stop staring at him Luhan, can’t you see he’s uncomfortable” Kris sighed

“sorry I didn’t mean to, I zoned out” he laughed awkwardly giving Suho a sorry smile.

Suho sighed usually he isn’t self-conscious as his clothing always covered his body from curious eyes, but he felt like Luhan would see sooner or later and that scared him. Luhans phone rang snapping them all out of their thought processes.

“ahh he rose from the dead” Luhan giggled answering it and telling Tao where they were before smiling cheekily making Kris mutter an oh no “let’s all meet at Suho’s house!”

“wait what?” Suho looked at Luhan confused

“man, your house is the biggest and no parents, definitely our new hangout”

“Taemin and Minho are there too” he sighed knowing he couldn’t convince Luhan otherwise

“yay more people to hang out with let’s go!”

Suho and Kris just sighed and got up following the excited boy, Suho sent a text to Minho on the way to warn him that they were coming.

 

Tao was already there talking to Taemin by the time they reached the house the two were giggling together while Minho was making multiple coffees and hot chocolates for everyone.The evening was actually quite nice, everyone was getting along again and surprisingly the tension between Minho and Kris deteriorated within the first hour, they found that they actually have a lot in common and were now sitting on a couch together engrossed in conversation. Suho smiled watching them glad they could make up and actually get along.

His gaze drifted over to Tao, Taemin and Luhan who were all happily talking getting to know each other. He stood up walking past them all to go to the bathroom smiling to himself loving the chilled and friendly atmosphere which always seems to be so foreign for him. He felt a presence behind him and turned around to see that Luhan had followed him “hi hyung” he grinned making Suho do the same as a reflex

“you need to go to the toilet?” Suho asked waving for him to go first which Luhan instantly took while thanking him.

Once he went, he walked out to wash his hands seeing Luhan still in the bathroom leaning against the sink in deep thought.

“why did you close the door?”

“can we talk?”

“of course, what’s up Luhan?”

“not about me, can we talk about earlier”

“yeh I guess so, about Kris then?” he reached around Luhan to grab the hand towel to dry his hands but was halted by Luhan grabbing his arm carefully, holding it up he looked at the long sleeves.

“who washes their hands with their sleeves rolled down look they’re all wet now”

His heartbeat increased and he panicked trying to pull his arm back but the other wouldn’t let go “I…I’m kinda lazy and a clutz” he laughed trying to lie his way out of the situation

Luhan just sighed making his voice go soft to try and calm Suho as he felt the man start to shake in his grip “please, Suho we’re friends don’t lie to me I just want to make sure you’re ok… look I’ll leave you alone and not ask any more questions if you just show me your arms… please”

Suho was in full panic mode how could he get out of this he looked around frantically, Luhan had grabbed his other arm leaving Suho trapped, he contemplated shouting out for help, but he didn’t want to disturb the peace outside. He knew how Minho would react, and he didn’t know how Kris would react and he couldn’t risk it.

“look at me Suho, please I won’t tell anyone I won’t even talk about it if you don’t want to… you not showing me is confirming my fears and I want you so badly to prove me wrong” he looked at Luhans eyes and was surprised to see the amount of pain in the boys eyes, it looked like he was about to cry and it shocked him making him relax, maybe Luhan was just trying to help him. Should he show him?

He sighed looking down a tear escaping his eye as he gave up and his voice going so small that Luhan could only just hear him “pro…promise me you won’t tell, that you won’t judge me” his legs gave out causing him to sit down pulling Luhan down with him.

“hey, it’s ok I promise I won’t, I promise to look after you ok, we’re friends that means I’ll always be here for you” he carefully wiped away the crying boys’ tears and brushed his hair out of his face trying to comfort him feeling him relax a little and breath out.

Suho looked at his arms which were extended in front of him before looking up at Luhan “it’s ok, you can look”

Luhans hands shook a little as he reached up and carefully rolled up the sleeve of Suho’s right arm, he gasped and couldn’t stop a tear rolling down his cheek. He carefully ran his thumb down the damaged skin, it was so much worse than he feared, there were cuts scaring the whole surface. New ones, old ones, ones which obviously had to be stitched back together, long ones and small ones overlaying each other and crisscrossing every which way. His shaking became worse as he reached over to the other arm pulling up the sleeve to see the same thing “Suho…Suho, oh god” he whispered out trying not to choke up.

“I know, it’s ugly isn’t it”

“no, no don’t say that… just… why? Why would you scar such beautiful skin” he sobbed out, his tears finally flowing free, he continued to look down as Suhos arms reached up to wipe away the tears.

“honestly I don’t know… I have a memory problem and I just wake up with them… I have done a few which I remember and it’s scary because they don’t hurt if anything, they feel good” he shook his head pulling his sleeves back into place “they’re so ugly and I’m so afraid Luhan”

“of what?” he pulled the older into his lap hugging him tight

“of myself, I’m so goddamn afraid of myself”

Luhan didn’t say anything but held him tighter and rocked him slightly letting him cry into his shirt leaving a wet patch on his chest. It was a few minutes later when a knock sounded from the door followed by Taos voice “hey you guys ok, you’ve been in there quite a while”

“we’re fine just engrossed in a conversation we’ll be out soon!!” he yelled back looking down at the man in his arms and patting his head “Suho, I promise not to tell anyone and I promise to always be here for you, let’s make a deal if you want to cut please call me and I’ll try to help you. I don’t think anything differently of you, but I love you, I consider you as one of my best friends so if you can’t do it for yourself… please take care of yourself for me, and Tao and Kris”

“thank you, Lu” Suho smiled surprisingly feeling a lot better about himself he didn’t regret showing Luhan and trusted the younger boy so much. Luhan gave him one more hug before pulling them both up off the floor

“go have a shower it’ll refresh you, I’ll go make an excuse as to why we spent almost a full half hour in the bathroom” he patted Suho’s head and walked out of the bathroom closing the door behind him. Suho sighed in relief before feeling a rush of tiredness, he just wanted to nap now, his emotional breakdowns always took a lot out of him, the one thing he was surprised at is that he didn’t faint yet. He smiled a shower would be nice.  
but before he could hop in the world started to spin a little and his vision started to black out "shit... jinxed myself" he sat himself down leaning against the wall to prevent himself from falling and injuring himself when his world went black.  
he woke up and his hands shook as he wrapped them tightly around himself "oh god, i showed someone, why did I do that he's going to think im disgusting" he pulled up his sleeve looking at the scars wanting so bad to add more looking in his draw he sighed "dammit Sehun why do you always throw out my blades" he cursed the other personality and ran his hand through his hair pulling his sleeve back down.

he decided to just walk out and pretend to be Suho, he saw Luhan give him a kind smile and cringed looking away embarrassed. he looked over to Minho who patted the sofa next to him and Kris. he slowly made his way over sitting down awkwardly, playing with his sleeves he tried to join in the conversation but couldnt manage to without stuttering.  
Minho looked over to him carefully grabbing his hand but frowning when he pulled away instantly, Minho suddenly breathed in in realisation "Lay... is that you"  
Lay just nodded smiling shyly when Kris looked over curiously also smiling "Lay is it! nice to meet you".


	7. Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> +trigger warning: there's quite a bit of self-harm talk in this chapter so if you're easily triggered please don't read stay healthy+

Lay rummaged around the house his hands shaking “goddammit Minho”, he threw the box he had in his hands on the ground running to the kitchen ripping open the draws desperately trying to find a knife. He found none and knew it was the result of Minho finding out it was his turn.  
“why am I here again please no” his hands shook, and he grabbed a fork trying to dig it into his arms, but the pain wasn’t enough causing him to throw it onto the floor in annoyance.  
He heard the door unlock and huffed out running back to his room locking the door. It wasn’t long until he heard a soft knock “how are you Lay? Taemin and I brought you back some food… come out and eat?”  
“I’m fine thank… thankyou I’ve already eaten” he lied, looking down at his arms again he sighed “why do I have to deal with memories why can’t I be like Suho” he sobbed out.

Luhan lifted up his phone looking at Suho’s contact deep in thought, how could someone as cute and friendly as Suho do that to himself, does he really hate himself so much that he continuously scars his skin. Suho did say that he didn’t know the reason behind it himself but Luhan didn’t believe him, how could you not know the reason why you hurt yourself. He pressed on the number sending a quick text  
[Luhan: “how are you?”]

It only took a few moments before he replied  
[Suho: “I’m ok… not sure why I showed you though… you probably think I’m disgusting and messed up”]

[Luhan: “no of course not Suho why would I… I think you’re beautiful, scars and all and such an amazing a kind-hearted boy please don’t put yourself down… you’re not thinking of hurting yourself right now are you?”]

Lay just stared at the text not knowing what to say, does he tell him that he thinks of cutting every second of the day. That he wished that another personality would take over and let him stay in the dark, that he hated hurting Suho but the only way to hurt himself was to hurt the rest of the personalities. He sighed placing the phone on the bed deciding to just not reply at all, he walked into the bathroom starting his search again.

Luhan tapped his fingers on his leg nervously “please reply please reply”  
[Luhan: “what happened, please reply just a smiley face”]  
Still no reply, the fear bubbled up even further. He tapped his foot impatiently before getting up and getting ready for school since it was a Monday, maybe he’ll walk over to Suho’s and walk him to school, if he was going that is.  
[Luhan: I’m coming over, let’s walk to school together]

Lay heard his phone go off again in his bedroom but ignored it holding a razor in his hand, he looked around before banging it on the table trying to break it “how do I get this goddamn blade out” he sighed banging it again but froze when he heard Minho knock on his door. He hid the razor and ran into his room throwing on a jumper and neatening his hair before answering the door smiling slightly at Minho.

“hey, Tae and I are heading back to our hotel, make sure you get to school on time ok” he laughed fluffing up Lay’s hair before frowning slightly “call me tonight and maybe invite Kris or someone over? There’s food Tae and I left you in the fridge”  
Lay just nodded and hugged Minho holding onto him tightly “thankyou”  
“anytime, just look after yourself please”  
“no… thank you for everything, I know Suho doesn’t understand how much you’ve done for us and you’ve stayed by our side through everything and I’m so thankful” he squeezed tighter and stepped back looking at Minho who had a few tears in his eyes  
“of course, you are my best friend no matter who you are, I’ll always be there for you” He smiled softly before turning around and waving leaving Lay to go back into the bathroom and try again to break the razor again with the added feeling of guilt filling him after talking to Minho.  
He sighed dropping to the ground holding onto the razor looking at it, he just shook his head and focused back on trying to pry open the razor.

Luhan knocked on the door annoyed when there was no answer so he decided to just walk in since he couldn’t ignore the bad feeling deep in his gut. He walked around a little “Suho?” he checked a few rooms before walking to his bedroom, he heard a sound from the bathroom and walked over stepping over a jumper discarded by the door.  
He knocked quietly “Suho? Are you in here?” he peaked around the door gasping and running in falling to his knees in front of the boy on the floor grabbing his hand and pulling the broken razor out of his hold. “look what you did to your fingers” he said softly, grabbing a hand towel and wrapping it around his hands which were stained red from multiple little cuts on the tip of his fingers “stay there” Lay just looked up at him wide-eyed and nodded.  
Luhan ran out searching everywhere till he found the first aid box taking out some benedine and Band-Aids and ran back to the bathroom sitting cross-legged in front of the almost crying boy. He grabbed Lays hand carefully taking the towel off and got to work inspecting, cleaning and bandaging each finger that was covered in red.

“there we go all nice and bandaged, feeling ok” he cradled Lays hands in his own  
“I… what are you doing… doing here?” he stuttered looking down  
“I texted you that I’m taking you to school, you worried me when you didn’t reply. Suho I want you to talk to me please, especially if you’re about to do something like this”  
Lay looked up when Luhan touched his chin slightly pushing it up letting them have eye contact  
“can you do me a favor just for today…” he whispered  
“of course, whatever you want”  
“can… can you call me Lay… just for now”  
Luhan tilted his head confused but nodded it anyway “of course… Lay, now shall we go to school or do you wanna just hang out here?”

Lay smiled and looked over longingly to the razor which Luhan saw and grabbed it throwing it in his own bag on his back which he hadn’t had time to take off yet he threw the bag on the floor next to him grabbing Lays face “look at me ok” he stroked the side of Lays face making the boy lose it and burst out crying. Luhan panicked and pulled the crying boy into his lap holding him tight “It’s ok Lay I’m here, you can let it all out ill protect you” he ran his hand up and down Lays back trying to soothe him and letting him cry into his chest and let out all his emotions.

After a few minutes Lay looked up at Luhan and giggled wiping his tears “look I drenched your shirt two days in a row now” Luhan just looked down laughing pushing Lays hands away so he could wipe his tears for him.  
“Let’s hope tomorrow it stays dry ok?”  
“ok” he smiled lifting Luhans mood  
“Let’s skip school again today… god my parents are gonna kill me for missing so many classes but oh well it’s worth it” he laughed pulling Lay to his feet and grabbing his hand “let’s go watch a movie”

Luhan pulled out his phone texting Tao that him and Suho weren’t coming to school and to tell Kris not to worry but also not to disturb them. He bent down picking up the jumper and handing it to Lay smiling. “let’s make something to eat before the movie”  
“there’s food in the fridge that Taemin and Minho left”  
“perfect!” Luhan skipped to the kitchen opening the fridge and taking out the food before looking around “please tell me you have popcorn!!”  
“no”  
“no popcorn what is this!”  
“so…sorry”  
“it’s ok don’t fret” Luhan laughed walking up to Lay throwing his arm over his shoulders “let’s pop down to the shops they’re only down the road… I mean if you’re up to it”  
“sounds good” he shrugged Luhans arm off his shoulder and put on his shoes and grabbed his… well Suho’s wallet.

The two boys left having short conversations here and there but in whole just enjoying the nice weather even if it was a little cold. Luhan walked so close to Lay their shoulders occasionally bumped giving Lay a warm feeling, excluding Minho Luhan was the only person to ever show him such kindness and made him feel worthwhile and happy and safe from himself.  
They grabbed lots of junk food, well Luhan did and Lay occasionally pointed out things he liked shyly, which Luhan responded immediately by throwing it into the cart. Lay was honestly smiling so much it was starting to hurt he can’t remember the last time he laughed so much when it was his turn, usually his time was filled with tears and pain.

They walked past the grooming section and Lay paused in front of the razors staring at the box of disposable razor blades, he looked around and reached out wondering if he could buy them without Luhan noticing. He stood with the box in his hands and pondered how he would do it until a hand covered his pushing it down. He looked over to see Luhan with the saddest look in his eyes shaking his head a little  
“put it down Lay, please”  
Lay looked at the box then Luhan then back to the box again his hand now shaking a little before sighing and letting Luhans hand that was covering his push the box back onto the shelf, the hand then intertwined with Lays in comfort  
“well done I’m proud of you” he was smiling again making Lay feel a little proud of himself. Luhan squeezed his hand and pulled him along getting the last things they wanted before checking out all the items and buying half each.  
“we bought too much” Lay giggled softly as they both tried to pick up all the bags and carry them, he was about to hang one off his arm but Luhan grabbed it before it could apply pressure “careful, hold them like this” Luhan lifted up his backs all resting in his hands making Lay nod in realization.

They slowly walked home and laid down all the snacks on the table laughing at the ridiculous amount they bought.  
“maybe a movie marathon” Luhan laughed grabbing bowls for the chips and popcorn.  
He ran up to Lay suddenly and grabbed both his hands looking up at him with a big smile “what should we watch?”  
“uh… uh I donno”  
“there must be something what do you like? Horror? Action? Comedy?... romance?” he lifted up their hands in front of his face frowning a little “while you decide sit on the table” he led him to the table motioning for him to sit on it so Lay did.  
Luhan grabbed the first aid box and carefully took off Lays jumper after asking for permission. He took his time to study every single cut and apply benedine and bandages where needed, he looked up at Lay and smiled softly leaning down and kissing his wrist right over a particularly deep cut. Lay jumped a little in surprise looking down at the boy who kissed his other wrist before returning to inspecting, he felt his face heat up and a blush spread as his heart rate increased.  
Once Luhan was done he patted Lays head “thank you Lay for letting me look after you, now have you decided?”  
“i…I like… ro… romance and action” he said in a small voice  
“thank god I was hoping someone else would want to watch chick flicks with me” he did a little dance helping Lay down from the bench and they grabbed the snacks setting them up on the table in front of the couch turning on the tv and finding movies to watch. Once he pressed play Luhan ran to the bedroom and came back with blankets throwing them on Lay “make sure you keep yourself warm”

Kris tapped his foot looking at the empty desk next to him, where was Suho… no Lay isn’t it and what is he doing with Luhan. He sighed putting his head in his arms, when he felt a presence next to him his heart rate increased, and he looked up excited  
“don’t get too happy it’s just me, I thought I would keep you company” Tao laughed sitting next to him pulling out his notebooks.  
“thanks, I guess” Tao just smiled giving him a peace sign.

Kris yawned “why is school so boring” Tao just nodded pulling out his homemade lunch excited to eat, he looked up seeing Kris sitting with no food “even though you live alone you still need to make yourself stuff to eat… here” he piled some food on the lid of his lunchbox and slid it over the grass to Kris who nodded in thanks “don’t get used to it” he laughed lightening Kris’s mood.  
“can I ask you a question” Tao looked at Kris with a cheeky smile  
“what”  
“what are your feelings towards Suho?”  
“this again”  
“answer me I’m so curious, even though it will cost me 20 000 won, I ship you guys now I want it to be canon already please, please” he scooted forwards a little sitting closer to Kris hoping for good news  
“sorry to burst your happy bubble but we’re friends that’s all”  
“but I see the way you look at him, how excited you get… heck you’re a whole new guy now”  
Kris choked on his food shaking his head but not saying anything  
“there’s no harm in asking him, he’s such a sweetie it won’t affect your friendship”  
“shut up already”  
“you’re not denying anything” he raised an eyebrow laughing  
“shut up… what about you huh where’s your love life at, what happened to the thing between you and Luhan” he laughed evilly at the surprised reaction Tao gave him  
“I thought we agreed not to talk about it we were drunk, it was a fun night, now it’s done”  
“you weren’t drunk the second time”  
“STOP IT” he chucked the fork he had in his hand at Kris before they both burst out laughing and laid down on the grass together “ok we both need to work on our love lives” they laughed again and changed the conversation talking happily till the bell went for the end of lunch unwillingly walking back to class.

Lay sat on the couch snuggled in a blanket cocoon he couldn’t help but look at Luhan multiple times during the movie and one time Luhan noticed smiling softly and stretching out his hand for Lay to hold. He happily intertwined their fingers, but his eyes went wide again when he felt a little jolt of electricity go up his arm straight to his heart making it beat faster and a blush cover his cheeks. He shoved half his face into the blankets thanking god that Luhan was too engrossed in the movie to see his reaction.  
There was no way Lay could watch the movie now he was too distracted by the boy next to him, every time Luhan squeezed his hand his heart went a little faster.  
He looked at Luhan again and felt butterflies in his stomach “oh no” he whispered to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely people i hope you enjoyed <3 a bit more of a fluffy chapter with a few twists you never saw coming hah! hehe im having fun writing this again and im glad to see people enjoying it, I also appreciate comments they make me so happy and allow me to improve my writing I love you! expect a new chapter soon :)  
> Have a nice day/night and happy new year I hope it's an amazing one for all of you <3


	8. Arcade

Luhan lent against the school fence watching every kid who entered until he saw Kris and ran over grabbing his arm smiling up to him.  
“you missed school yesterday”  
“nice observation Sherlock” he smiled teasing  
“what were you and Suho doing?”  
“watching movies… why you jealous?” he poked out his tongue linking their arms and pulling them both towards the school  
“and why couldn’t I join?”  
“jealoussss”  
Kris lightly flicked Luhan on the forehead “im not”  
“am too” Kris just rolled his eyes and went quite letting Luhan lead them to their classroom. 

When they arrived Suho was already there sitting in his seat looking at the desk confused.  
Luhan ran up and ruffled Suho’s hair “how are you feeling now?”  
“uh? Good thank you” he looked up confused but smiled sweetly anyway  
“morning Suho” Kris sat down letting a small smile creep onto his face  
“morning Kris” the two just stared at each other for a little, Luhan looked between the two laughing “just confess already idiots” before walking back to his desk.

He sat down peeking back at the two who were talking between themselves sometimes laughing, he turned back to the front with a frown on his face, why did he feel jealous… not of Suho but of Kris, yesterday was as fun as it was emotional, and he felt so much closer to Suho. But why did he want to be called Lay? He begun to understand the confusion and annoyance Kris used to have, what did Kris know that he didn’t there had to be more behind his scars.

“how was your movie date with Luhan” Kris suddenly asked  
“my… my movie date?” he tilted his head looking lost  
Ahh that’s right it still must have been Lay, therefore Suho would have no memory of it.  
“haha never mind, so you wanna hang out after school?”  
The smile reappeared on Suho’s face and he nodded his head.

They all sat under the tree with their lunches, Tao had given Kris some food complaining but still happy to share  
“it’s been forever since we all sat here together” Tao giggled  
“so much drama!” Luhan dramatically put his hand to his forehead gasping making Suho let out a small laugh making everyone look over at him and smile.  
“he’s so cute” Tao whispered clapping his hands  
“I… I’m not cute!” Suho blushed making everyone laugh in the irony that he became even cuter.  
He looked over at Kris seeing the man stop laughing and his eyes wondering all over his face lingering a little on his lips making Suho look away again trying to pat away his blush with his hands. Luhan looked between the two before laying down resting his head on Tao’s lap playing with the man’s hand.

The group fell into a comfortable silence while Tao hummed softly, patting Luhans hair with his free hand.  
“hey, you know that um… what’s the word in Korean…” Tao paused looking at Kris saying a Chinese word  
“ahh it’s arcade” he translated  
“oh ok… well the arcade let’s all go together after school!” he clapped his hands excited  
“no thanks, Suho and I already had plans”  
“aww” Tao deflated making Suho panic a little  
“why can’t you blend your plans into ours?” Luhan smiled  
Suho nodded grabbing Kris’s arm “we didn’t really have a place to go so let’s do it it’ll be fun” Kris looked down smiling slightly “fine”  
“he’s a changed man!” Luhan laughed.

After school they all met at the gate and made their way to the arcade, Suho walked with Kris and Luhan and Tao trailed behind happily chatting to each other.   
They stayed in those pairs playing a few games laughing and having fun, Luhan came up behind Suho and slung his arm around his shoulder coaxing him to come play a shooter game with him while Kris and Tao shrugged walking off together to find different game.  
“now that Kris isn’t here… I’m going to ask again, how are you?” Luhan inserted a few coins playing with the fake gun in his hands getting used to the feel of it before shooting zombies that were running towards them.  
“I’m feeling quite good actually!!!” Suho did the same but was missing quite a few shots losing life’s quickly.  
Luhan did a little victory dance when he finished the game with a good score and laughed at Suhos feeble attempt dying before he finished it, he just shrugged and smiled still having fun even though he died.

“can I see? Did you redo the bandages?”  
“huh? Sure I guess” he held out his arms and frowned a little “so you wrapped them” he whispered just low enough for Luhan not to hear him. Luhan looked around before pulling up Suho’s sleeves and inspecting the bandages and visible scars, the smile disappeared from Luhans face when he saw a red spot on one of the bandages.  
“what happened here?”  
“sorry” Suho looked down ashamed, he had no idea where it came from like usual but weirdly it was only very small, it was like he scratched open an old scar rather than make a new one which he was happy about because it meant there was only a little damage.  
Luhan sighed before grabbing Suho’s face and lifting it a little smiling again “it’s alright it doesn’t look bad just tell me next time remember our agreement”

Suho nodded, he felt Luhan tug him harshly behind him “pull down your sleeves” he looked up to see Kris and Tao walking towards them making Suho frantically pull down his sleeves thanking Luhan silently in his head for saving him.  
“what are you guys doing”  
“Suho sucks at shooter games he died in the second level” Luhan laughed making Suho giggle behind him “true”  
“Suho you wanna play with me now?” Kris leaned his head to the side to look behind Luhan at Suho who nodded eagerly  
“Tao let’s go play ddr!!”  
Luhan grabbed Tao’s hand pulling him away from the pair excitedly skipping it was weird though, he didn’t feel the same fondness for Suho as he did yesterday. Obviously, he was still worried and loved the boy but only in a friendship kinda way, whereas yesterday he felt like a best friend… maybe something even more. It was as if Suho was an identical twin to Lay but with completely different personalities and auras confusing his emotions a little.

“I’m sorry if this ruined any of your plans Kris” Suho hit the puck back to Kris watching him try to hit it  
“this is quite fun actually, I didn’t think I would enjoy things like this” Kris finally hit it back  
“ahh!!” he missed the puck and accidentally pushed it into his own goal giving Kris a point, he laughed it off while reaching under to grab it and start another game “I’m having fun too even though I suck at games!”  
Kris stared at Suho’s smile and became distracted while Suho hit the puck right into the goal doing a little happy dance “so I just got to shoot when you’re staring at my lips and I’ll win every time, I finally have a strategy” he smirk watching as Kris stuttered over his words going beet red and focusing all his attention back on the game. Suho unable to stop thinking about Kris staring at his lips the entire game.

“no fair you won, my strategy didn’t work…”  
“it doesn’t work when you tell the opponent it” Kris laughed while sitting down at a café that was right next door  
“that is true, it was so worth it for that reaction though” he smiled remembering it “I kinda feel like a chocolate milkshake… or a coffee I donno”  
Kris waved the waitress over “two chocolate milkshakes please”  
“thanks” he laughed leaning on his hands on the table “those other two must be having lots of fun, they haven’t responded to your text of ditching them”  
Kris shrugged smirking “those two are literally the same person they could spend hours together”

The sipped their milkshakes silently, occasionally stealing glances at each other happy that the café was nearly empty so they could just enjoy the silence. Kris grabbed his phone typing a quick message before smiling and staring out the window again. Suho heard his phone buzz and cocked an eyebrow at Kris who ignored him.  
[Kris: wanna ditch those two for real and go for a walk, it’s a nice night]

He smiled typing his reply and watching Kris’s phone waiting for it to ding and smiling at Kris who looked at him before picking up his own phone  
[Suho: let’s do it!]

Kris stood up and paid for the drinks before picking up his coat and holding out his hand for Suho to grab to help himself up, they started to walk away, and Kris slightly tugged his hand away from Suho, but he held on and wouldn’t let go causing Kris to relax and tighten his hold pulling Suho a little closer to his side.  
They walked continuing the silence from the café enjoying the sites making it to the Han river and walking up it still holding hands.

“this is nice” Suho said softly and smiled closing his eyes and letting Kris lead him  
“it is” Kris looked down to see Suho’s eyes closed and the lights of the city reflecting of his face “you look really pretty like this” he couldn’t help himself and blurted out instantly regretting it until Suho opened his eyes and smiled “you look really handsome like that”.  
They both looked at each other and their pace slowed down a little, Suho looked down at their entwined hands and smiled. He was jolted back a little when Kris suddenly stopped, he was staring wide eyed at Suho and stepped closer letting go of his hand “I’m sorry for this” his hands grabbed Suho’s face softly and he leant in kissing him, it was very short lived and he pulled away his eyes still closed afraid to open them and see Suho’s reaction but he felt arms wrap around him and pull him close, he opened his eyes to see the top of Suho’s head buried in his chest. He wrapped his own arms around Suho and smiled.

Luhan laughed and did a victory dance when he beat Tao who just laughed and stroked his hair back in frustration “why is that game so hard” he pouted. Luhan looked at his phone grinning while shaking his head “the other two ditched us”  
“must be on a date” Tao wiggled his eyebrows  
“doesn’t that mean you owe me 20 000 won?”  
“hey! Nothings confirmed yet I don’t owe you anything!” Tao turned around running out of the arcade teasing Luhan who ran to keep up. He stood out in the wind looking up at the sky a little frown replacing the smile on his face  
“what you frowning about” Luhan puffed trying to get his breath back, he was nowhere near as fit as Tao.  
“I need to tell you guys something that's why i invited you all out, but the others left” he laughed awkwardly  
“what is it Tao?” Luhan was a bit worried about Tao’s tone of voice, by habit he grabbed Tao’s arm and cuddled up to his side. Tao looked down and smiled warmth filling him  
“it’s not a big deal but my parents… they are moving back to China” he sighed “and I don’t really have a choice but to go with them”  
Luhan gasped “no you can’t!!! What will I do without my best friend!!!”  
“I don’t exactly have a choice”  
“yes, you do!! We’ll figure something out you can’t leave I won’t let you”  
Tao let out a chuckle the smile appearing back on his face “at least we have a week until I leave”  
“you mean a week until we figure out how to keep you here”  
Tao just pulled Luhan a little closer and sighed knowing that Luhan couldn’t keep that promise no matter how much Tao wanted him to, he was just going to have to move back to China where he had no friends and let the lonliness fill him once again.

Suho waved goodbye to Kris who walked him home and insisted that he wanted to go to his own home as they both needed to rest. He closed the door and instantly covered his face with his hands, he blushed remembering the kiss and slid down the door squealing a little. He was so happy, does that mean that Kris feels the same about him, were they together now or was it a one-time thing? He hoped it wasn’t a one-time thing. He felt a little twinge of pain behind his eyebrow but kept smiling he didn’t care nothing was going to bring down his happiness.  
He got up and walked to the kitchen to get some water chugging it down, the pain got a little stronger and he staggered a little “not now please” he sighed rubbing his head, he decided to just go to bed. He laid in bed and the headache went away a little, but he knew he wouldn’t be waking up for a while, but for the first time ever he didn’t mind, he didn’t care what was going on, he was so happy. He knew when he woke up that Kris would be there and that was enough.

He woke up a little disorientated and looked around before stretching and smiling, he hoped out of bed and threw on some clothes looking at himself in the mirror before nodding satisfied and going to the kitchen to make some breakfast. He looked at his phone when it buzzed and saw a message from Luhan “who’s that?” he sighed. He scrolled past Luhans names and saw all the new names on the phone and scratched his head confused until he saw Minho’s name and instantly pressed the call button.  
“yo Minho my man how are you”  
“uh hello?”  
“it’s me”  
“ahh hello! It’s been a while”  
“I can see that who’s Luhan and Tao and Kris?”  
“your new friends”  
“wow I was gone for a while wasn’t i?”  
“how many times do I have to tell you Suho is the main personality not you” he sighed through the phone  
“how do you know!” Chanyeol pouted “anyway, tell me about my new friends so I don’t mess up”  
“haha ok”

Luhan sat at a café looking at his phone annoyed “why isn’t he coming this is really important!”  
“give him time he might be sleeping in” Kris sat back smiling a little  
“and why are you so happy today?”  
“no reason”  
“are you sure? Did something happen last night? Give us the details!” Tao leaned over the table  
Kris just shook his head “not telling” he stuck out his tongue and laughed at how the two deflated.

They talked for another 20 minutes with Luhan getting increasingly annoyed at Suho not showing up, but also a little worried his mind coming up with the worse scenarios.  
That was until Suho walked through the door with his hair styled up and a long coat. Luhan caught Kris staring with his mouth open and laughed a little “someone’s whipped” Kris didn’t even react he was too entranced on this new look on Suho, it was kinda sexy and very unlike Suho.  
“so, what is this important meeting” he smiled widely “sorry I’m late I was meeting with Minho” his eyes scanned the three and stared at Kris a little longer than the rest his smile getting wider “nice”  
“what?”  
“nothing” he sat down still smiling making everyone else lighten up a bit from his happy aura.  
He leaned over to Kris and whispered in his ear “my name is Chanyeol by the way nice to meet you, I like Suho’s choice in men” he winked and pulled away leaving Kris wide eyed  
Luhan sighed “enough dirty talk this is a very important meeting, Tao’s parents are moving back to China and we need to find a way to make him stay”


	9. Broken Glass

Kris straitened his sitting position and stared at Tao with concern in his eyes “you can’t go back to China your friends are here” he waved his hand around the table loosely gesturing to each of the boys sitting there.  
Tao just sighed “I don’t have a choice look why don’t we just have fun for the week I’m fine really I can always come visit” he smiled half-heartedly.  
“no we will figure out a way, I don’t want you to be alone again” Luhan pouted and grabbed Tao’s hand to comfort him but also to not let him run away.

Chanyeol looked between the two and sipped on the chocolate milkshake Kris had bought him, he didn’t care that much of what was happening as he didn’t really know them.  
“Suho help us man” Luhan looked at him with pleading eyes  
“I donno, how am I supposed to help?” he saw Tao’s eyes widen and Luhan slump in defeat and coughed awkwardly feeling bad “look why doesn’t he stay with Kris or something?”  
Kris laughed “you’ve seen my apartment it’s barely big enough for one person let alone two”  
Luhan nodded “and my parents don’t really have enough money or space to accommodate another child… man you’re the one with the big house Tao can live with you!”  
Chanyeol shook his head instantly “no”  
“why not”  
“i… I need to live alone”  
“why”  
“because… because I’m a nightmare to live with?”  
“what kinda excuse is that” Luhan sighed running his hand through his hair before looking up narrowing his eyes “is it because of your… you know” his eyes drifted down to Chanyeols arms making him feel uncomfortable and shifted his arms of the table onto his lap.

“leave him alone Luhan” Kris warned feeling the tension getting worse  
“no! he has a big house, enough room for another person. Heck Tao can even help him with his habit and look after him why are you being like this Suho does Tao mean nothing to you?” Luhan was angry and his hand was tightening around Taos so tight his fingers were going white.  
“I… I didn’t mean it like that” Chanyeol freaked out a little, what would the others do and say. He closed his eyes and breathed out a smile breaking on his face again “maybe we should all just move to China” he laughed trying to lighten the mood.  
To say he failed miserably is an understatement. Luhan glared at him and pulled Tao up after him “after everything… thanks so much Suho” he said sarcastically and stomped out pulling Tao forcibly behind him.

“I… I’m sorry” Chanyeol whimpered lowering his head. Kris put his hand on Chanyeols shoulder and squeezed it softly to try and comfort him “hey, Chanyeol was it? first thing nice to meet you and second don’t worry that kid has a temper but is too kind hearted to hold grudges… I assume you don’t have memories of what the others are doing?”  
“I don’t it’s kinda confusing, like I know about them, but I don’t have memories of them and it’s hard to start off from where they left off”  
“so… you don’t remember last night at all?”  
He looked up surprised to see disappointment filling Kris’s face “no... I’m sorry” he smiled once again trying to lighten the mood “I still think you’re cute though so not so bad huh?”  
Kris blushed but smiled a little “it is actually a good idea to let Tao live with you”  
“I know I would have said yes but what if Kai comes out… or he angers Kyungsoo, or you know have to deal with Chen” he laughed at the last one before sighing “or he triggers Lay or Xiumin that could be quite dangerous… I mean he doesn’t even know about us yet does he”  
“no… I don’t know if I should tell Suho or those two first, what do you mean by trigger?”  
“aha it’s nothing” he scratched the back of his head and laughed awkwardly “I’m probably not the right personality to ask you know?”  
“well then let’s just forget about everything for now, wanna go for a walk or something?”  
Chanyeol nodded his head eagerly standing up and leading Kris out the door.

“hey Luhan slow down” Tao tried to tug his arm away from Luhans grip. Luhan noticed he was pulling too harshly on the boys arm and let go, he halted and sighed.  
“he was our only chance I cant think of anything else” he sniffed  
“don’t be angry at him, he obviously wasn’t himself”  
“what is that supposed to mean? Maybe that was him, he doesn’t care for our friendship”  
Tao reached over and petted the top of Luhans hair trying to calm the boy down “it doesn’t matter, we can still talk, and I can always travel back it’s not like I’m moving to the other side of the world or anything”  
“but you’ll be lonely again I don’t want that” he grabbed Tao’s hand from the top of his head and held it intertwining their fingers.  
“just don’t be angry at Suho remember what you always say? He must have his own reasons”

“I can’t promise anything I’m pissed right now” he let Tao lead him over to a bench on the side of the pathway and sat down letting Luhan lean his head on his shoulder “and don’t say I should apologise to him because I don’t want to”  
Tao just sighed and smiled “you better stay friends with him when I leave”  
“don’t say that you’re leaving I’ll find a way… plus ive been doing some research on Suho and there’s legit no information on him online like at all”  
“man, you gotta stop stalking people”  
“I’m not stalking… anyway I then researched a few other things and you know how he always changes his name and then his attitude changes and so does his style it’s like he’s a whole new person and there’s only three explanations for that, either he has heaps of twin brothers or he is crazy, or he has that multiple personality disorder thing you hear about on tv”  
Tao nodded “that actually makes sense, not the first two but the last thing. We have to wait till he’s comfortable enough to tell us ok don’t go all Luhan on him”  
“hey what’s that supposed to mean” Luhan laughed and hit him.  
“haha, come on let’s go do something fun” Tao pulled them up and they started walking to the mall.

“hey Chanyeol, can I ask you something?” Kris asked after letting Chanyeol into his apartment and sitting down on the couch.  
“yeh go for it” Chanyeol smiled biting into the bun in his hands watching Kris lean back in his couch crossing his legs.  
“is it a good time to tell Suho?”  
Chanyeol coughed choking on the bread a little “I… I donno man that’s a big thing”  
“I know but he needs to know” Kris sighed “I just wish I knew what made him like this, you like this… sorry I’m still not used to it” he laughed awkwardly  
“that’s true he does need to know, maybe talk to Minho find out why he has never told Suho… I’m probably not the right person to ask, I don’t remember what happened to Suho. I have memories of my childhood but they’re so nice and normal that I have a feeling they’re not real memories, I mean Minho has told me many times that I’m the happy personality” Chanyeol shrugged and smiled focusing on the bread again “I’m so glad you have sweet bread I love sweet bread”  
“well considering I had no food last time Suho came over I decided to stock up just in case”

“aww aren’t you cute I’m kinda jealous” Chanyeol laughed leaning over and resting his head on Minho’s shoulder “even though it must be super weird for you I hope you can accept all of us and love us as much as you do Suho… wait a bit, you’ll know when the right time to tell Suho is”  
Kris just smiled wrapping his arm around Chanyeols shoulder “it is weird, but I’ll try for Suho”  
“I know you don’t really have memories, but do you know what happened between Luhan and Lay? I know he found out something, and at the restaurant the thing with your arms was weird”  
“haha no I donno… Luhan was just making me feel a bit uncomfortable it’s a habit of mine to bring my arms close to me I donno I’m weird haven’t you figured that out” he pulled a peace sign making Kris laugh loudly shocking Chanyeol “haha I made you laugh! Progress!”  
“shut up” he smiled now playing with Chanyeols styled back hair “honestly… I don’t mind you”  
Chanyeol blushed before swatting Kris’s hand in embarrassment and tilting his head away from Kris and towards the small tv “let’s watch something, who talks nowadays”

“it’s getting kinda late” Chanyeol stretched lifting his head off Kris’s lap and yawned “I should probably head home”  
“let me walk you, you’ve got everything?”  
“yeh, thanks”  
They started walking when Kris felt his phone buzz surprised to see a text message from Luhan  
[Luhan: don’t leave Suho alone…]  
[Kris: why?]  
[Luhan: just do it must you question everything]

He scratched his head in confusion and looked at Chanyeol happily strolling a little in front of him. He shrugged just happy that obviously Luhan still cared a bit about Suho even in his anger. He ran to catch up to Chanyeol strolling silently next to him with his hands in his pockets, he saw the park which he kissed Suho the day before and instantly blushed with the memory looking down to the ground avoiding looking at Chanyeol.  
“what are you blushing about”  
“it’s hot”  
“it’s legit night time and freezing”  
“I’m not that fit”  
“you have abs”  
“shut up”  
Chanyeol let out a loud laugh walking closer to Kris and grabbing his hand refusing to let go, especially when he saw Kris’s face turn even redder.

When they reached the house Chanyeol let Kris in looking outside seeing the moon and sighing “it’s too late for you to go home just stay here there’s a spare bedroom” he patted down the front of his jeans awkwardly “maybe I should let Tao stay here, I just don’t feel comfortable making the decision”  
“let’s just wait till you… swap?”  
“I don’t know when that’ll be”  
Kris shrugged taking off his jacket slinging it over the chair next to him “it’s ok we’ll figure something out… honestly I don’t want him to leave either”  
“there is such a little softie in you why do you act so cold” Chanyeol laughed before scrunching up his face in thought “maybe we could trigger me somehow to change?”  
“that’ll work?” he looked up surprised  
“I donno obviously never had to try it before hang on let’s call Minho maybe” he took out his phone pressing the phone number

“hey Minho, me again”  
[“hello, how are you going”]  
“horribly I need to swap back” he laughed awkwardly  
[“you can’t just swap back it doesn’t work like that”]  
“I know but I had an idea… probably a stupid idea… but if Kris triggers me maybe I can swap back”  
[“I donno, that could go really badly”]  
“I know but it’s kinda important”  
[Minho sighed “ok just don’t use any kind of violence or scare tactic please”]  
“ok thank you! Talk to you soon”  
[“bye again Chanyeol I hope you come back soon”]  
“haha me to bye”

He sighed hanging up the phone and giving Kris the thumbs up “so how we going to do this, no violence”  
“true that didn’t end well last time”  
“Kai?”  
“yeh… well I remember the first time I met Sehun there was smashed glass so should we try dropping a glass?”  
“I guess so I mean it isn’t violence if I’m the one dropping it” he shrugged walking to the kitchen “one problem I don’t know which ones Suho likes” he laughed looking at all the glassware “I guess this one is kinda ugly ill drop this one”  
Kris chuckled and stood as close to Chanyeol as he could to catch him just in case  
“I guess I just drop it? This is kinda weird… well here goes nothing” he was about to drop the glass but pulled it back to his body again “I just want to say it was nice to meet you and I approve, and I hope to see you again later”  
“me too Chanyeol” he smiled in reply

Chanyeol held the glass directly in front of him and dropped it to the ground, it shattered everywhere. Kris didn’t even care if any hit him he was too occupied watching Chanyeols every move. Silence filled the room causing Kris to step forward and cautiously place his hand on the man’s shoulder studying his every move “Chanyeol?”  
“it didn’t work” he shrugged letting out the breath he was holding  
“oh, ok shame” Kris shrugged looking down disappointed “now we have to clean this up”  
Chanyeol laughed “hey we tried”  
“we did”

Chanyeol instantly bent down and started to pick up the shards of glass carefully placing them in his hand and walking back and forth from the bin while Kris went to find a broom. When he came back Chanyeol was kneeling and he looked straight ahead to see Kris’s shins and instantly dropped the piece of glass in his hand “your leg is bleeding!!”  
“is it?” he looked down to see a line of blood trickling down his leg to his foot “a shard must have hit me”  
“how do you not feel that! Sit on the bench I’ll get the first aid box don’t argue”  
Kris shut his mouth when his complaint was halted before he even said anything and sighed sitting on the countertop waiting and listening to the sounds of Chanyeol rummaging around and eventually running back to him and grabbing disinfectant and a bandage. He looked back at the wound and frowned a little the cut didn’t look that deep but it made his stomach do a flip.

His head spun a little “hey Kris”  
“yeh”  
“maybe the glass did work after all” he smiled before swaying a little and bringing a hand up to his face. Kris jumped off the countertop and wrapped his arms around the man feeling his aura change, it still sent shivers down his spine the way Suho could just change in the blink of an eye and he never knew who was coming or what to expect.  
Finally he stopped swaying and looked up and Kris looked him up and down before frowning “Suho?”  
“no… sorry”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely people <3 how are you? I hope you enjoyed this chapter im sorry it's short but I have a reason!! I've spent all of today editing and made a trailer for this fanfiction!! if you want to watch it here's a link: https://youtu.be/-R_xIo5Ihz4 I really hope you like it :) Also it's 1:06am for me right now I got too excited about updating and posting the trailer haha have a lovely night/day my beautiful readers.


	10. Broken Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I normally don't start with an authors note but I thought I should put a disclaimer before you read this chapter, it is quite angsty and will involve more about self harming and is very emotional towards the end. so read with caution and enjoy :).

“who?”  
“It’s Lay again”  
“hello, how are you?” Kris reached out and petted Lays head threading his fingers in the boy’s hair, Lay looked at him a bit confused causing Kris to lift his hand “ah sorry, we aren’t that acquainted yet are we?”

“no… not really” his eyes drifted down to Kris’s leg and he sighed “why did it have to be me” he grabbed the supplies and finished bandaging the cut. He backed off and took out his phone looking at it “Luhan is mad at me isn’t he” sadness over took his face before he walked out of the room.  
“wait… wait Lay it’s ok” Kris ran out of the room after him but Lay just gave him a small smile “your room is on the left down the hall a little goodnight” he closed the door not waiting for a reply.

Minho froze before shaking his head and sighing walking into the kitchen and looking in the fridge “now I need to magically learn how to cook” he scratched his head and started looking up recipes online based on the ingredients in the fridge.

Lay looked down at his phone again and slid down the door while scrolling through his contacts, by the time he was sitting his thumb landed on Luhans name he breathed out heavily before he pressed on the call button bringing it up to his ear and praying that he would pick up.  
His heart was hammering as the calls went on till finally he answered  
“Luhan!”

[“sorry it’s Tao not Lu”]  
“where’s Luhan I need to speak to him”  
[Tao sighed awkwardly “I’m sorry but he made me answer cause he doesn’t want to speak with you… huh?, oh Lu wants me to ask if Kris is with you”]  
“he is… can I please talk to Luhan” he choked back a sob and heard shuffling through the phone and the muffled voices of the two boys talking till finally he heard Luhans voice

[“yes?”]  
“I’m so sorry” his voice started to tremble a little  
[“you were our only hope Suho”]  
“I…”  
[“look Suho I know I’m being harsh, but Tao is my best friend I can’t have him so far away and I thought after… after last time you would at least consider it, but you just said no straight away like you didn’t even care”]  
“I didn’t mean to, I’m too dangerous for Tao to live with” he sobbed out loud and wished that he could hug Luhan again, but he knew Luhan hated him now and it was breaking his heart  
[“what does that even mean… I’m going now, go hang out with Kris”]  
“wait please!! Just don’t leave me… you can hate me but don’t leave me alone” he couldn’t hold back his tears  
[Luhan sighed “I’m not going to”]

He hung up and Lay dropped his phone to the ground covering his face with his hands and cried. He jumped when he heard a knock on the door followed by Kris’s voice “are you ok Lay I can hear you crying… can I come in”  
Lay shook his head in reply not caring that Kris obviously couldn’t see him “I made you some food please come and eat”

His tummy growled in reply and he started to feel bad about trying to ignore Kris when the man was trying so hard to make him feel better, it was obviously because he was in the same body as Suho and it was obvious Kris was in love with Suho, even if Kris himself didn’t know yet.

He sighed standing up and wiping the tears opening the door and giving Kris a small smile, the taller man pulled him into his arms and hugged him “what’s wrong?”  
“it’s ok”  
“come eat” Kris pulled away grabbing Lays hand and guiding him to the kitchen and sitting him down in front of a plate.

Lay played with the food a little and occasionally had a few bites, he didn’t feel like eating and his skin was itching. He could feel Kris staring at him thinking of something to say to cut the awkward silence “it’s yummy thank you, I didn’t know you could cook”  
“I can’t” Kris shrugged “honestly I’m surprised too” he laughed a little causing Lay to smile.  
“I’m sorry that I’m the one who came out and not Suho or Sehun…” Lay set down his chopsticks and sighed.  
“it’s ok Lay I’m happy to spend some time with you finally”

“you know that I can turn back quite easily” he smiled slightly at Kris’s surprised face  
“how?”  
“it’s a secret… but if that’s what you want, I can do it”  
“I…uh, it would be nice to spend some time with you… and really it’s your choice not mine”  
“how about I stay tomorrow but then swap back when it’s nighttime?”  
“are you sure?” he tilted his head in confusion “it doesn’t involve anything violent does it?”  
“technically no it doesn’t” Lay sighed  
“if that’s what you want then ok” Kris grabbed Lay’s bowl and placed it next to the sink intending to clean it up in the morning “how about we watch a movie?”  
“mmm sure”

“I’ll get blankets, you choose a movie” he said running of leaving Lay to drag his feet to the couch and curl up on himself scrolling through the various movies on the tv. He finally found one and pressed play as Kris sat down passing a blanket to Lay “stay warm”  
Lay wrapped it around himself and hid his face in the fabric, this time not to hide his blush but to hide the tears threatening to fall down his face. Luhan can’t hate him.

 

Lay huffed out ending the call on his phone and looked up at the sky watching the sun begin to rise, he had fallen asleep half way through the movie and woken up in his bed. He immediately climbed out of bed and left the house sitting in his front yard to watch the sun rise from behind other buildings. He called Minho and listened to him answer in his croaky morning voice whispering as to not disturb Taemin who was sleeping next to him.

Lay had explained the situation and immediately Minho tried to calm down his nerves and make him feel better saying that Luhan would come around and Tao would find a way to stay. He suggested coming back to his house for a while but Lay declined, he knew Minho had a life which doesn’t involve him, and he couldn’t interrupt it all the time. After Minho told him not to do anything stupid and just talk it out, even offering his own place for Tao to crash at for a little. Lay hung up putting the phone on the ground next to him “only have to get through today you can do it Lay!” he tried to encourage himself but failed.

He could hear stomping in the house and knew Kris was up and by the sounds of it was not a morning person.  
“there you are, what are you doing?”  
“watching the sunrise”  
“can I join you?”  
“sure” Lay scooted over a little to give Kris some wall space to lean against and focused his attention back to the sky

“you really won’t tell me how you plan to change back?”  
“nah”  
“why not”  
Lay focused his attention back at Kris and smiled sadly “maybe someday I will tell you, but now is not the right time… probably best you don’t hear it from me anyway” he laughed a little watching the confusion and a bit of concern roll over the younger man’s face but he stayed silent which Lay was happy about “let me give you some advice though, why don’t you tell Suho about the scar on your chest” Kris flinched at that making Lay soften his voice “sharing something that personal might encourage him to share a secret of his own” he smiled sadly and faced away from Kris not intending to say anything else.

“let’s go to school”  
“missed quite a few days now hey?” Lay laughed awkwardly  
“doesn’t matter school isn’t the end all, go get dressed”  
“what about you?”  
“I didn’t exactly bring my uniform did I?”  
“wanna borrow one of mine?”  
“can I?” he looked up surprised  
“sure, may be too small for you but we can try come on” Lay lead Kris into his room and took out a fresh uniform handing it to Kris

“uh… sorry but do you have any short-sleeved uniforms?”  
“no… I uh… I get cold often” he laughed awkwardly scratching the back of his neck  
“it’s ok thank you” Kris took off his shirt and started putting on the new shirt. Lay looked around worried and his heartbeat increased a little, Kris couldn’t see him changing he would see the scars. Why is he changing here?  
“aren’t you gonna change, come on we’ll be late”

“I need to go to the toilet ill just change there” Lay ran into the bathroom locking the door and sighing in relief, he took off his shirt and glanced down studying his arms “I really made a mess didn’t I?” he traced the scars and smiled slightly “I just have to wait till tonight it’ll be fine” he pulled on his school uniform and adjusted his tie before walking out and nodding at Kris that he was ready.  
“what about your books and stuff?”  
“I don’t study in class anyway” Kris shrugged not caring at which Lay just smiled at “honestly I should have guessed”

They stayed silent most of the way as Kris had figured that’s what Lay preferred and he was right, Lay enjoyed the silence and looked at all the scenery around him. School was a 20-minute walk from his house but he always enjoyed it, it was a moment he could disassociate with life and pretend he was normal and he was his own person.

At the gate a smile instantly adorned his face when he saw Luhan standing there with his hands in his pockets and his tie loosely hanging from his neck and the top buttons undone, a blush spread across his face and he left Kris’s side and walked up to Luhan determined to apologise and make things like how they were before.  
“Luhan! I’m sorry”

Luhan looked up and you could see a flash of different emotions go through his face before he sighed “Tao couldn’t make it to school today they’re too busy packing their things”  
“have… have you been struggling to sleep” Lay reached up and softly touched the dark bags under Luhans eyes.  
The boy reached up and grabbed Lays hand pulling it away from his face and letting it drop back to his side. He looked over Lays shoulder to see Kris standing there confused.

“there’s something you’re both hiding from me and I respect that it’s none of my business” his stare went back to Lay and he frowned “but it’s not fair, how could you be so cruel… yesterday you were out of line and I just can’t forgive it at this point in time” Luhan dodged Lays hand reaching out to stop him and stormed off into the school. His hand stayed in the air and started to shake, Kris grabbed his hand “it’s ok, Lay look at me it’s fine it’s not your fault ok?”  
Lay nodded and tried hard to hold in his tears “damn all I do is cry isn’t it” he looked down and let Kris lead him into the entrance “can you please tell them… but for now just call me Suho it’s ok” he whispered and felt Kris freeze a little before tightening his grip and taking him to their desk.

During lunch Luhan was nowhere to be found and in class he ignored the two, Lays mood was deflating more and more as the day went on, he felt like his heart was breaking more and more. He was stupid to think he finally found someone who understood him, stupid to develop feelings for him so quickly.

Kris was getting more and more annoyed he could see the despair in Lays face whenever Luhan ignored him or rode him off like he was nothing. He had enough, during free period and told Lay to stay in the library and study while he went to the toilet but instead, he went to where he guessed Luhan was and burst into the empty classroom his guess being right. He stormed over to the boy and lifted him to his feet by the front of his shirt.

“woah calm down Kris”  
“no! why are you being so childish… so like me!” he yelled making Luhan flinch  
“so only you are allowed to be angry?” he rose an eyebrow  
“yes!! This is stupid what’s gotten into you!”  
“I CAN’T LOSE TAO ALRIGHT!”

“you’re not going to lose him you idiot!” his grip tightened and Luhans hands shot up trying to free himself  
“I thought we were closer than this! Are you really willing to give up all these years of friendship for Suho?” he scowled digging his nails into Kris’s hands  
He flinched but didn’t let go gritting his teeth to forget the pain “maybe I am! But you know what I’m not going to give up on you or Tao or Suho I love you all and I need you! See I admitted it finally, I can’t lose you like I lost my family, and don’t you dare give me an ultimatum like that and I thought I was the selfish one in this friend group!”

Luhans eyes widened and his arms went limp falling down to his side, he sniffed, and a tear fell down his cheek. His knees buckled and the only thing holding him up was Kris who instantly let go of his collar and wrapped his arms around the boy keeping him on his feet.  
“I…I need Tao I can’t live without him don’t you understand by now, I need you as well you idiot” he whispered in between whimpers  
“no-one’s going anywhere” he sat Luhan down again and ran his hand through his hair “look meet me after school at the arcade café, bring Tao… I’ll tell you everything”  
Luhan looked up surprised and opened his mouth but the school bell went to go to the next period, and he closed it getting up and taking a few deep breathes and leaving the room pausing slightly while passing Kris “thank you, and I’m sorry” he ran off not waiting for a reply.

After school Kris walked Lay home telling him to get some rest and he would be over early the next day. He totally forgot about Lay promising to change back the night before, he gave the boy a hug and smiled when he accepted it and gave it back.  
He sighed walking his way to the café hoping that this was the right decision, it had to happen one way or another, but he was hoping that Suho would find out before those two, but then again it might make the process easier.

He arrived at the café before the two boys and sat at a booth nervously playing with his phone while watching the sun set. He looked up when the bell rang signaling new customers and saw them walk their way over.  
“hey Kris, how are you?” Tao sat down grabbing Luhans hand pulling him down too and tried to calm his nerves.  
“ok I guess” he smiled and thought of a way to tell them  
“let’s just cut to the chase please I’m not feeling like socializing” Luhan grumbled

Kris looked over to Tao who nodded and smiled in encouragement “there’s a reason why Suho harshly rejected taking you in…” he sighed leaning back “the reason is that the person who was talking wasn’t Suho, his name was Chanyeol and he didn’t feel comfortable making that decision”  
“so, it was a different person?”  
“I’m kinda confused to” Tao looked to Luhan tilting his head

Kris tried to remember back to his conversation with Sehun, he had explained it really well “have you ever heard of a disorder called dissociative identity disorder?”  
“not really” Tao whispered while Luhans eyes widened  
“it’s more commonly known as multiple personality disorder I think, but basically Suho has multiple personalities and switched between them now and again that’s why he keeps changing names and style and well… personality”  
Tao looked over to Luhan and hit his arm “you were right”  
“but it was a guess I never thought that…”

“it’s ok it took me a little while to comprehend, but please remember this Suho doesn’t know… he doesn’t know that he has other personalities and has no memory of what happens, so he doesn’t even know that Tao is moving”  
“it actually makes a lot of sense” Tao nodded  
“that’s why Chanyeol didn’t want you living with him because it’s hard to tell who’s going to come out, it can be quite dangerous”  
“like when he hit you” Kris nodded at Luhans comment  
“he’s unpredictable but I’m going to help him… guys promise me you’ll still support and be friends with him”  
“of course! He’s part of our friend group now whether he likes it or not!” Tao smiled lifting his fist into a fighting position.

“wait” Luhans head snapped up and his breath increased “does that mean… Lay…”  
“yeh Lay’s one of the personalities, you were actually with him on that night you missed school, which I still wanna know what happened” he pouted.  
Luhan ignored him and went back in his memories recalling the night and also what Suho had said to him, then to how he was acting over the phone and this morning, his voice started to shake “don’t tell me Lay… the past few days”  
“yeh he came last night” Kris tilted his head resting it in his hand “I’m glad you two are taking it so well I’m glad I told you now we can all look after him together”

“where’s Lay?” Luhan suddenly asked ignoring what Kris just said  
“at home?”  
“what’s he doing?”  
“I donno, what is it Luhan why are you so interested?”  
Luhan looked down to his phone to see a new text from half an hour ago  
[Suho: “I’m sorry”]  
“oh god” he burst out of his chair “don’t follow me!” he ran out of the café as fast as he could leaving Kris and Tao stunned in their chairs confused as hell.

“what… what was that?” Tao turned back to Kris confusion written all over his face  
“I donno”  
“should we go after him”  
“I don’t think so” Kris sighed un-tensing his body “there’s obviously something going on which they’re not comfortable telling us”  
“doesn’t that bother you?”  
“a little” he laughed sadly “but like Lay said Suho will tell me when the time is right… and I’ll also tell him”  
“are you going to explain… you know” his eyes drifted down to Kris’s chest and the man nodded sighing. 

Tao smiled “so tell me more about the different personalities” he leaned on his hands looking at Kris expectantly  
“haha, well where do I begin…”  
Kris explained all the ones he had met so far and what he knew of them after short encounters.  
After running out of things Suho related he focused his attention back on Tao who looked like he was still trying to process everything “so what’s going on between you and Luhan?”

“huh?”  
“he is really set on thinking if you move, he’ll lose you”  
“really?... I guess that’s kinda my fault”  
“so, what’s going on”  
“nothing we’re just best friends” he laughed “Luhans always been the clingy type so I don’t think he’s taking it so well”  
Kris grunted in agreement “would you live with Suho if he agrees to it?”  
“Yeh, wouldn’t I be able to look after him if I live with him?”  
“it may be dangerous”  
“I’m black belt in multiple self-defense arts you really think I’m scared?” he laughed and posed making Kris smile

“that is true” he let out a laugh shocking Tao “well it went better than I thought and I’m glad you two just happen to be the coolest people”  
“why are you being so sappy today it’s kinda scary”  
“I’m happy I guess”  
Tao clapped his hands “I haven’t seen you this happy in all the years I’ve known you”

 

Luhan pounded on the door ignoring the pain shooting up his wrists “LAY LET ME IN” he heard no reply but could hear him moving around.  
He managed to get in the house but the bathroom door was locked and Lay was refusing to open it only talking to tell Luhan to go home he was fine.  
But Luhan could hear the trembles in his voice and knew what the boy was like and it was scaring the hell out of him “Lay!! Kris told me everything I’m so sorry, you don’t have to forgive me right now but please just open the door”.

His reply was silence and he banged on the door with both fists a few more times before sliding to the floor landing on his knees “please open” his voice was cracking, and tears were sliding down his cheeks he was so afraid “how about I call Kris?”  
“don’t you dare”  
“I’ll call the ambulance and police if you don’t open!” Luhan found his energy again and hit the door again and again  
“if you do that, you’ll regret it” Lay’s voice drifted through the door in an angry tone and it sent chills down Luhans spine.  
His hands slid to the floor and bruises were already starting to form on them “please… don’t do it”.

Silence.

“answer me”

Luhan heard a gasp in response

“open!!”

Silence

“stop it stop it stop it stop it” Luhan sobbed out repeatedly he knew what Lay was doing and it was ripping his heart to shreds. He couldn’t do this, he fumbled with his phone and looked through his contacts trying to see through his tears he saw Minho’s name and clicked it instantly “please please please”

[“hello?”]  
“Mi…Minho help!”  
[“woah Luhan calm down are you ok?”]  
“Lay... he’s… I can’t stop him help me”  
[“oh god… ok Luhan listen to me very carefully, he won’t let you in no matter how much you beg. I wish I could come but I’m too far away it’ll take too long… I thought this situation might come so I hid a master key for all the locks on top of the cupboard under the little ceramic owl use that and save him”]

Luhan didn’t even reply he just dropped his phone to the ground and ran into the kitchen and grabbed the owl accidentally dropping it because his hands were shaking too much. It shattered but he didn’t care he ran his hand along the top of the cupboard and found the key racing back to the bathroom.   
He could hear Minho saying his name through the phone and bent down saying thank you before hanging up on him.

He unlocked the door and burst in gasping when he saw Lay unconscious on the floor with red covering both his arms. He gagged but ran over anyway pulling the boy into his lap and rocking them both crying “please don’t leave Lay, oh god please wake up” he wrapped towels around his arms to keep the blood in and rested his head against Lays closing his eyes and desperately wondering what the best course of action was.

his mind was foggy as he looked down to see the amount of blood on Lay as well as himself and he wanted to throw up but told himself not to. his first priority right now was Lay and looking after him. he gasped when Lay opened his eyes a little.  
"Luhan... I'm sorry" he smiled a little  
"you idiot" he said in between sobs "what do I do with you why just why"  
Lay smiled weekly "it's ok Luhan i've done worse"  
"its not ok!!!"

"all you need to do is bandage me and put me in bed I'll be fine in the morning, you guys will have Suho back" his eyes fluttered closed  
"dont you dare close your eyes!! LAY!!" Luhan looked next to him to see the first aid kit "you planned this you stupid idiot" he messily bandaged up Lays arm as the boy went in and out of consciousness. by the time he finished Lay was out cold, Luhan constantly checked his pulse and breathing and tried so hard to not break down more than he already was.

he lifted him up and took him to his bed tucking him in then slipping under the covers next to him holding his hand "im not leaving you tonight" he whispered staring at Lay and refusing to let himself sleep all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, haha sorry for the angsty chapter but it was coming. I promise the next chapter is full of fluff!!.  
>  I do have a question though, are you guys interested in hearing Luhan and Tao's side of the story and their story together or would you like me to focus more on Suho and Kris considering the fic is about them primarily?  
> I hope you enjoyed it and I hope to update soon especially since uni is about to start again for me *sigh*, have a lovely day/night and thank you for the comments and subscribers and positivity towards this fanfic it means alot to me <3


	11. Valentines

Kris ran as fast as he could, he could see a familiar car on the road ahead of him. He screamed out as he fell to his knees and when he looked up the car was overturned, smoke surrounded it before it burst into flames. He stood up and started to run to the car, but a pair of arms wrapped around him pulling him back.  
A hand covered his mouth to stop him screaming and a soft voice whispered in his ear “there’s nothing you can do”  
The arms pulled him further and further away from the burning vehicle till the road was empty and there was no sound but the wind. The hands left him and Kris turned around to see Suho standing there smiling “it’s ok now I’m here” he laughed and raised his hand to touch Kris’s cheek.

Kris smiled but his eyes widened when he heard a car horn and looked up to see headlights speeding towards them both “SUHO MOVE” he screamed out and tried to move but his legs were frozen, and the lights were coming closer and closer and Suho’s smile left his face and a tear ran down his face before the lights consumed him.  
   
Kris screamed as he shot up in bed his eyes wide and his hands shaking, he tried to catch his breath sobbing every second breath. He looked down to see his blanket on the floor, swinging his legs over the side of the bed he tried standing but his whole body was shaking. Grabbing his phone, he spent a few minutes trying to send a message.  
[Kris: morning, how are you]

He sighed in relief when a message came through straight away  
[Suho: Morning Kris J I’m good, but why are you up so early]

Kris looked at the time and sighed, it was 5 in the morning  
[Kris: just cause, why are you up?]

[Suho: did you have another nightmare? I woke up and I couldn’t really go back to sleep]

He hesitated a little writing messages and deleting them before finally sending one  
[Kris: yeh]

[Suho: wanna go to school together? I wanna see you]

Kris smiled Suho was finally back, at least he thought anyway  
[Kris: of course!]

[Suho: Also, I don’t know if you know but Luhan is here, he’s fast asleep though]  
Suho leaned against the door frame looking up from his phone looking at Luhan in his bed snoring lightly. His phone dinged taking back his attention

[Kris: I kinda knew I guess, I’ll be over in an hour or something I don’t think I can sleep again]

[Suho: ok see you soon]  
He sighed putting the phone in his pocket and looked down, he wasn’t wearing a shirt, he assumed Luhan took it off to tend to the new wounds on his arms. The blood was starting to bleed through the bandages, and he went to the bathroom frowning a bit at the mess he made on the floor. He grabbed the kit laying it on the counter and unwrapping his arms throwing the dirty bandages into the bin, he just stared at the open wounds clenching his hands annoyed that he couldn’t remember doing it. 

His head shot up when he heard Luhan yell  
“WHERE DID YOU GO?” he heard hurried footsteps and sighed looking at his arms again, Luhan would find him “LAY?”  
Huh? Who’s Lay? Suho tilted his head in confusion his attention now on the entrance to the bathroom, Luhan suddenly appeared a frantic and worried look on his face “there you are! Omg you almost gave me a heart attack disappearing like that! I was meant to stay awake when did I fall asleep!”

he ran up to Suho and hugged him from behind.  
“ahh Luhan what are you doing?” Suho could feel Luhans arms shivering a little and little sobs wetting his back “Luhan hey it’s ok”  
He turned around grabbing Luhans face making the boy look at him “Su-Suho?”  
“yeh?”  
Luhans eyes went to Suho’s arms and they darkened a little “they’re bleeding again” his voice was quiet  
“I was about to bandage them”

Luhan pulled away from Suho and gestured for Suho to place his arms on the table so he could look after them.  
“sorry I didn’t do a good job bandaging them yesterday I… I was in too much shock...” his voice cracked “ive-ive never seen that much blood before” he looked down his messy fringe covering his eyes and he refused to look at Suho.  
“I’m sorry you had to witness that” he looked down in shame “why did I do it?”  
Luhans body tensed and he opened and closed his mouth a few times before sighing “I don’t know”  
“me neither”

They both fell into silence and Luhan slowly cleaned and bandaged Suho’s arm, both were caught in their own thoughts not knowing what to say to each other or how to even comprehend the situation they were in.

They heard a knock on the door and Suho flinched “I almost forgot Kris is here”  
“so early?”  
“yeh”  
“I’m done here let’s cover you up”

Suho nodded and let Luhan lead him into his room before leaving to go entertain Kris while he changed. He sat on his bed biting his lip, why was his life so confusing, he wish he knew why he hurt himself so badly and why he couldn’t even remember. The sting of his arms was lingering, and he shook his head at how used to the feeling he was, that wasn’t normal, he wasn’t normal, and he felt so lost.

He heard Kris’s voice and a smile spread across his face, if he focused on Kris and not himself, he felt happy and like nothing else mattered. Kris was like a drug to him.  
He threw on a jumper and left the room seeing Kris and Luhan leaning on the table talking to each other. As soon as Kris saw Suho he smiled and walked over hugging him “I missed you Suho”

Suho blushed and shoved his face into Kris’s chest in embarrassment. Luhan just jokingly made throwing up noises in the background making Kris poke his tongue out at him in response.

“anyway Suho, Luhan has something to ask you”  
Suho looked at Luhan over Kris’s shoulder “anything”  
“well… Tao’s parents are moving back to China and that means Tao has to go with them… unless he can stay at your house? Don’t feel pressured you can say no”  
“of course, he can”

Luhan and Kris looked at each other wide eyed “are… are you sure?”  
“yeh! There’s plenty of room and living with Tao would be fun”  
Silence filled the room and Kris burst out laughing unable to help himself “after all that”  
“what do you mean” he looked between Kris laughing and Luhan standing there with his mouth open “it’s not a big deal”

He looked up at Kris laughing and he smiled happily “I like seeing you laugh Kris” Kris immediately stopped, and a blush spread across his cheeks.  
“ok with that I’m going to Tao’s house” Luhan rose a hand awkwardly and backed away to the front door

“wait!” Suho ran over to him and hugged him “thank you so much Luhan”  
“what for”  
“you know what, I know I will never be able to repay you but know that I’m always here for you”  
Luhan nodded his head against his shoulder “its ok just take care of yourself… and Kris” he smiled pulling away trying to play off the blush on his cheeks “I’m off” he waved once more before running out of the house confused.

Luhan slowed down as soon as he left the house. He felt so bad for being mean to the boy, he was so childish. He didn’t even know why he became so angry and refused to forgive him, no matter how much he begged. He pretty much pushed Lay to his breaking point, for him to do what he did Luhan must have hurt him bad.  
His hand shot up to his mouth and his knees buckled making him squat on the pavement both hands now covering his face.

Images of Lay on the bathroom floor covered in blood flashed in his mind and the way he dismissed the cuts and the pain he was in as nothing, like it was normal, like he didn’t even care.  
And the worst thing was it was all his fault, even after promising both Lay and Suho that he would look after them. His hands entangled themselves in his hair pulling a little. 

Standing up on shaky legs he walked to Tao’s house trying not to cry and shake the images of blood and Suho out of his mind.  
The sun had fully risen by the time he made it to Tao’s house, and he rang the doorbell, his parents let Luhan in and he looked around sadly to see rooms filled with boxes. He looked up and smiled at Tao’s father “I have a question… if Tao has a safe and easy place to live while you are in China would you allow him to?”  
“huh?” his dad looked a little surprised before smiling softly “of course, we could tell Tao was a bit heartbroken having to move away again”  
“thankyou!”  
“I’ll have to suss the place out first though”  
“ok ill call you!” 

Luhan ran to Tao’s room bursting in startling the boy who was holding his shirt in his hand mid change.  
“Luhan what are you doing?” he pulled on his shirt relaxing a little and going back to packing his things for school dodging around the boxes on his floor  
“Suho is back and he said you could live at his!”  
Tao dropped his bag and turned around wide eyed “re-really?”  
Luhan let out a giggle “you look like you’re about to cry”  
Tao’s hand shot up and he rubbed his eye “no I’m not” just as he finished a tear ran down his cheek and he smiled “ok maybe I lied”

Luhan ran up to him and hugged him nuzzling into his neck “you don’t have to leave now”  
“I was so scared”  
“you didn’t show it”  
“I didn’t want you guys to worry but you did anyway thankyou”  
Luhan tightened his hold “I can’t just let you leave I knew you didn’t want to and wasn’t expressing your emotions like usual”

Tao lifted his hand resting it on the back of Luhans head “it all worked out then”  
“kinda”  
“kinda?”  
“I’m so glad you get to stay, I didn’t want you to leave”  
“I can tell” he tried to pull away but Luhan held him in place “hey, it’s ok it’s not like I am going anywhere now right” he wanted Luhan to look at him but he refused to lift his head away from Tao’s chest “you ok?”  
“just shut up and hold me” Luhans voice was muffled and he nuzzled closer to the taller.  
Tao felt a small blush spread across his cheeks and nuzzled into Luhans hair smelling the fruity shampoo the boy loved using. He followed the smallers orders and hugged him tighter, he felt like crying but also wanted to enjoy the physical love to the fullest while it lasted.

Soon enough Luhan pulled away, his tiredness showed through his now relaxed state and Tao noticed the bags under the boy’s eyes.  
“did you even sleep last night, skip school stay here and sleep”  
“I can’t you know my parents there’s only so much that I can push them”  
“should we leave then” his voice was soft and Luhan nodded in response shyly reaching out to grab Tao’s hand letting him pull him out the door.

 

“thank you for letting Tao stay at yours” Kris rummaged through Suho’s cupboard to try and find something for the boy to eat while Suho sat on the table leaning his head on his hand watching.  
“of course, there’s more than enough space. I don’t know why you guys where so surprised” he giggled, and Kris paused a little before grabbing a muesli bar handing it to Suho “eat… we need to go shopping for you”

Suho focused on opening the packet until Kris left his line of sight and he felt the taller behind him. Kris’s arms grabbed the table on either side of Suho and he leaned down nuzzling the side of Suho’s face before kissing his cheek.  
He kissed just under his ear before whispering into it “I hope you remember the other day” he pulled away and stretched “we should go to school now” he acted like nothing happened while Suho sat there frozen his heart going a million miles an hour and his face beat red.

He jumped out of the seat and the world went blurry and spots appeared in his vision, Kris saw him swaying and not moving and walked over wrapping his arm around Suho’s waist. Suho held onto Kris to not fall over and sighed when the world stopped spinning.  
“what the hell was that” Kris looked at him in concern  
“let’s say I have bad… blood circulation” Kris didn’t need to know it was most likely due to the blood he lost last night. He just smiled and watched Kris’s eyes glaze over.  
“I’m fine now you can le-let go” he stuttered when Kris leaned closer  
“I don’t want to” he was so close now Suho could feel the words breeze across his own lips. He couldn’t help but stare at Kris’s lips, watch how the left corner lifted in a smirk before closing the distance. His eyes widened looking up to Kris’s closed ones and he smiled during a quick breath break, Kris was so handsome. His eyes fluttered closed and his hands reached up grabbing the tallers cheeks as he felt arms wrap around his waist pulling him ever closer.

After a few minutes they both pulled away but held onto each other their eyes closed enjoying the feeling. Kris opened his eyes first staring at how pretty Suho was all flushed and breathing heavily. He leaned down kissing his forehead making him finally open his eyes and smile.  
“we should get going” he whispered reluctantly letting his hands fall from Kris’s hair.  
“we should” his unwrapped his arms from Suho’s waist and instead grabbed his hand and their bags leading him out the door.

During school Kris was once again cradling his head in his arms sleeping while Suho stared down at him lovingly and totally forgetting to pay attention. Luhan and Tao studied hard but also constantly whispered to one another and occasionally held each other’s hands that were hidden under the desk. Everything felt normal again.

Lunch came around and they all sat together talking playfully and sharing each other’s food “it’s been a while since we were like this” Tao laughed happily spooning a bit more food onto a lid for Kris and Suho to eat.  
“I’m so sad we won’t get your mums cooking anymore” Kris pouted  
“so cute!” Suho reached up and pinched Kris’s cheek smiling widely  
“huh?” Luhan and Tao looked at the two wide eyed making Suho pull away and scratch his head awkwardly while Kris shrugged smirking.  
The two boys looked at one another and wiggled their eyebrows before laughing out loud.  
“we’re not dating stop it” Kris grumbled  
Suho whipped his head up and frowned a little before smiling “yeh stop it guys” he looked at Kris and saw the man wink before focusing back on the food in front of him.

“ok then… hey Suho thank you so much for letting me stay with you it’s a life saver!! Literally…” he looked at Luhan who scrunched his face up at the last thing he said, he smiled before continuing “I promise I’ll clean and help pay for stuff I’m gonna get a job!”  
“haha it’s ok, don’t stress too much. My house is too big for just me anyway”  
“I’ll look after you too” Tao added smiling softly  
“thankyou?” Suho looked around a little confused to see everyone nod in agreement, do they know something he doesn’t?

The boys decided to all hang out after the final bell for school rang freeing all the students. They went to a mall which was relatively close to their school and Tao and Luhan instantly ran ahead of the other two in excitement.  
Tao threw his hands in the air and yelled “Gucci” running into the store putting the security guards on edge seeing a school kid inside.  
Suho tilted his head at Kris who shrugged walking in “the kid is absolutely loaded”  
“what!”

They spent a while in the store looking at everything, Suho actually really liked the design of all the articles and smiled when he saw a jacket with embroidery all over it and reached out stroking the fabric. He imagined Kris wearing it and practically had hearts in his eyes ‘just buy it’ he heard a voice in his head and flinched a little. He sometimes gets voices in his head telling him to do things, but he didn’t tell anyone afraid that they would think he was crazy like he did.

He looked around to see Luhan and Kris standing in the corner of the store deep in conversation about something to do with the shoe Luhan was holding up to the light. His eyes drifted over to Tao who was looking at his reflection with a blazer on, Suho caught his attention and waved him over. Tao happily skipped over, and the security guards stepped closer to him not happy he was prancing around the store in clothing he hadn’t bought.

“yeh?” he ignored the guards and looked at what Suho was pointing at  
“do… do you think Kris would like this?”  
Tao nodded “that would look really good on him and he likes looking good” he pointed over at Kris “just look at the sneakers, even though he isn’t well off he has a designer sneaker collection, don’t ask me how” he laughed and then leaned over to Suho whispering “plus valentine’s day is coming up”  
Suho blushed looking at the jacket again, running his hand over the intricate designs he smiled “how am I going to hide it though?”  
Tao shrugged “I’ll just hold the bag with my own and then we’ll put it in one of your bags later it’s fine come on!!”  
He looked over at Kris and subtly motioned Luhan to distract him which Luhan nodded and grabbed Kris’s hand pulling him in the opposite direction to go talk about the bags.

He grabbed the jacket in Kris’s size and put it in Suho’s arms leading him to the counter grabbing the shirt he was eyeing off before on the way. Suho payed for the jacket smiling like an idiot in excitement to give it to Kris. Tao payed after taking off the blazer and directly looked at the guards sticking out his tongue and paying for the two articles of clothing.  
He grabbed both bags and went over to the other two smiling “I have my Gucci let’s go!”  
Kris shook his head and laughed. 

They went to a few other stores, in one the three boys acted like fashion designers dressing Suho in multiple outfits which the boy played along with laughing at a few of the choices. He was thankful for Luhan who made sure his arms were always covered… that was until he just gave Suho a leather jacket and tight black skinny jeans “since they’re not on your torso…” he winked before leaving Suho standing there in embarrassment. He changed and stared in the mirror blushing.  
“I’m not coming out” he shouted, there was no way  
“aww come on!”  
“no”  
“you don’t have a choice!” Luhan shouted and then giggled.

Suho huffed out in annoyance glancing at himself in the mirror again and then looking down running his hand over his belly, he felt the bumps of his abs and sighed out loud again. “screw it” he opened the curtain and stood in front of the three. The room instantly went quiet and Suho could have sworn the jaws of the three boys was about to fall off. He was quite uncomfortable until his eyes landed on Kris’s reaction. His face was beat red, and his eyes constantly ran up and down Suho’s body, his mouth opened and closed trying to think of something to say but too distracted by what he was seeing.

“goddamn Suho, we knew you were hot… but damn” Luhan clapped in approval and looked over at Kris “you may want to change again because Kris looks like he’s about to implode” he and Tao laughed. Kris said nothing though he was unable to take his eyes of Suho, he wanted to kiss him so bad. Though he knew if he didn’t take his eyes off, he would be in trouble, so as much as he was sad to see Suho turn around and close the curtain he also sighed in relief.  
“I… I think that’s enough now let’s go get dinner” Kris talked to the floor and the other two laughed before agreeing and Suho hummed his agreement from the change room.

Suho unlocked the door letting the other three in before closing it and walking to his room to drop the bags on the floor, he carefully took out the Gucci bag and hid it on the top shelf of his cupboard planning to give it to Kris on valentines like Tao suggested. He walked back out and yawned “it’s pretty late why don’t you guys stay here tonight, Luhan and Tao can share a room and Kris and I can share mine”.  
The three shrugged and nodded in unison.

It wasn’t that much later they were all in the same bathroom getting ready for bed and saying goodnights leaving to their own rooms. As soon as Suho closed the door Kris grabbed him laying him on the bed crawling above him “that outfit earlier was so hot on you I thought I was going to explode”  
“I could tell” he giggled in response  
Kris leaned down kissing Suho’s nose and then his cheek before Suho tilted his head a little so Kris had to kiss him on the lips. Kris’s hands grabbed his hips and pulled him up slightly off the bed he smiled which broke of the kiss, but he couldn’t help it, he rested his forehead on Suho’s and stared down at him lovingly.

Suho pulled the end of Kris shirt up and pulled it up to his arms implying him to take it off “wh-what are you doing?” Kris stared down not sure what to make of the move.  
Suho just smirked “what are you thinking? You don’t like sleeping with your shirt on so I’m taking it off so we can go to sleep”  
“oh” Kris sat up on Suho’s lap with his knees on either side of Suho’s waist and lifted his shirt up over his head throwing it to the floor and swiping back his hair with his hand looking down at Suho and let out a little amused laugh “now look who’s having naughty thoughts”  
“how could I not!” he hid his face in his hands  
Kris suddenly laughed out loud “I’m glad you enjoyed the show” he pulled Suho’s hand away from his face and held his hands above his head while he leaned down and bit Suho’s neck sucking it a little feeling the boy jolt in surprise underneath him.

“let’s sleep now” he got of Suho satisfied and watched him clumsily try to climb to the top of the bed and tuck himself in shoving his face into the blanket in embarrassment. “cute” Kris whispered walking to the other side of the bed and climbing in, Suho instantly wiggled over to him begging silently to be held. He did just that and pulled Suho into his body resting the olders face on his chest stroking his hair. It wasn’t long till the two fell asleep in a tangle of limbs.

“they have to have least kissed by now” Luhan mumbled into the pillow  
Tao looked over from his phone and smiled “even if it’ll cost me, I totally agree” he laughed.  
Luhan twisted his head so he now laying on the pillow facing Tao who was focused on his phone again playing some game. He sighed reaching over and grabbing the sleeve of Tao’s shirt and playing with it.

“should we sleep” he asked turning off the phone and putting it on the stand next to him shuffling around so he was on his side facing Luhan.  
“I’m not sleepy yet” Luhan pouted, Tao reached over moving the fringe out of Luhans eyes.  
Luhan looked away from Tao “thanks… this will soon be your room”  
“I know it’s crazy… I still hope I’m not imposing on him”  
“nah, I just hope you can look after him in all his… forms?”  
“forms?... I guess that’s a way to put it” he laughed softly “they’re all just an extension, a part of Suho so it’ll be fine”

Luhan looked at Tao’s lips as he talked and sighed smiling “they are plus you can protect yourself I’ve seen you during training” he hit Tao in demonstration getting a little yelp from him  
“what was that for!”  
“I thought you had better reflexes”  
“I didn’t exactly expect you to punch me” he pouted before his eyes darkened and he pounced on Luhan tickling him  
“NO NO STOP IT” Luhan laughed out loud and tried to push Tao off but he was too strong, he was in tears laughing by the time Tao rolled off him laughing himself and getting himself comfortable again.

By the time he calmed down Luhan wiped the tears of onto the blanket “ok, ok you’re strong”  
“I told you”  
“I was the one who said it?”  
“who punched who though”  
“fine” he smiled and snuggled into the blanket watching Tao close his eyes smiling “good night Tao”  
“night Lu”

“weekend finally!!!” Luhan ran to the kitchen in shirt and boxers ignoring Tao telling him to put some pants on.  
He looked through the cabinets before sighing “Taooo there’s no food lets go buy fooodddd”  
Tao smiled at Luhans whininess and nodded before grabbing Luhans wrist before he could skip out the door “put some damn pants on Lu”  
Luhan looked down before laughing “right I forgot”  
“I told you like 20 times”  
“so?”

“as ever you too are like a married couple” Kris stretched entering the kitchen followed closely by Suho who yawned rubbing his eyes.  
“and you two are a couple on your honeymoon” Luhan sing-songed on his way to grab some pants  
“what’s for brekky?” Kris muttered remembering Suho had no food  
“Lu and I were about to go get some”  
“I HAVE PANTS LETS GO” Luhan reentered the room and grabbed Tao’s hand pulling him out of the house to a nearby café.

Suho and Kris sat in comfortable silence playing on their phones trying to wake up while they waited. When they finally returned with coffees and food, they all dug in and talked like usual.  
“what’s everyone’s plans for today” Luhan asked  
Everyone but Tao shrugged “my parents leave tomorrow so we have to finish cleaning, so I’m going home after this” he turned to Suho “is it alright if I come and go all during the day, I need to start moving in… that is if you’re still ok with it”  
“why don’t we all help Tao!” Suho suggested and Luhan nodded eagerly while Kris groaned playfully  
“you don’t have to I’m fine!” Tao tried to refuse but everyone’s minds were made up.

As soon as Suho finished his brekky he ran to the cupboard and placed his hand on top of it trying to find something before looking at the others confused “where did my owl go?”  
Luhan looked up in realization “I broke it accidentally, I have the key still from when… you know”  
Suho nodded slowly hoping the others wouldn’t ask questions, they looked like they wanted to but kept their mouths shut.  
“give it to Tao then, he needs a housekey now”  
“will do!” Luhan smiled clapping his hands “let’s do this then!”

They spent most the day moving all of Tao’s things into the spare bedroom after his dad gave the ok for Tao to move in. by the end of the day they all sat on the floor of the bedroom fanning themselves to try and stop sweating “please tell me you have more than one shower” Tao laughed then sighed in relief when Suho nodded and pointed to the door on the other side of the room.

Monday soon enough rolled around and Suho tip toed into Tao’s room and lightly shook him to make him wake up “time to get ready for school”  
“it’s like I never left home” he giggled not opening his eyes yet.  
Suho smiled and left the room to make something for brekky since Kris had kept to his promise and took Suho shopping the day before. He hummed happily cracking eggs onto a hot saucepan and cursed lightly when a piece of the shell dropped in as well, he reached in without thinking and tried to grab the shell but overshot it and touched the bottom of the pan. Pain shot up his fingers and by reflex he pulled it quickly out and cradled his arm running to the sink sticking his hand under the water hissing as the tips of his fingers throbbed painfully.  
“oh god” little dots obscured his vision and he could faintly hear Tao trying to get his attention in the background before he lost consciousness.

Tao saw Suho’s head fall before shaking and looking upright again turning off the tap and looked at his fingers holding them up to the light before laughing and showing Tao  
“aren’t I clumsy I burned myself!” the look Suho was giving Tao looked like a puppy and he uwued a little not being able to help himself from patting his head. Suho closed his eyes happily before pulling away and happily skipping to the stove “the eggs are done for though” he frowned throwing the entire saucepan into the sink not bothering to scoop out the eggs leaving Tao to do it while he found something else to eat.

“I don’t wanna go to school” he pouted finding an apple and eating that.  
Tao looked at him in confusion his eyebrows furrowed  
“what” Suho tilted his head before pulling a peace sign  
“are you…?”  
“not Suho? Yep”  
“who then?” he stopped scrapping the burnt eggs of the pan and leaned against the counter folding his arms and smiling.

“I’m Baekhyun, I’m the fun one!”  
“I thought Chanyeol was the fun one”  
“no, he’s the happy one” he bit into his apple before throwing it in the bin and going to his room to get changed leaving Tao a bit confused but laughing non the less.  
Baekhyun came out wearing his uniform tucked in and properly done up for once and he put his arm around Tao’s shoulder “you can drive can’t you lets drive I can’t be bothered walking” he pouted.

Tao hesitated a little before letting in and grabbing the keys of his parents car which they left him since they couldn’t take it to China. The drive was fine apart from the loud music which Baekhyun was happily singing along to.  
“you actually have a really nice voice” Tao was a bit taken aback  
Baekhyun smiled in response “thankyou I love singing!” he continued to sing but louder this time causing Tao to join in occasionally until they arrived at the school and parked. 

They walked to the gates to see Luhan and Kris waiting, Tao looked over to Baekhyun to see him looking between the two and smiling yelling “Kris!” shocking the other.  
Tao held the excited boy back and smiled at the two “guys meet Baekhyun, the hyper one”  
“hey, I’m the fun one not the hyper one!”  
“who’s the hyper one then?” Kris teased delighted that he finally gets to meet a new personality  
“ummm…”  
“so, you?” Luhan joined in and Baekhyun pouted doing his puppy eyes again latching onto Kris.  
“let’s go already” he tugged on Kris’s arm and smiled in satisfaction when the man started to walk to the classroom.

“I’m bored” Baekhyun whined, he was copying Kris and resting his head in his folded arms on the desk. He huffed in annoyance and looked at Kris who had his eyes closed but was still awake, just ignoring his whines.  
“let’s skip!”  
“no”  
“come on”  
“be quiet” Kris groaned and Baekhyun pouted closing his eyes trying to fall asleep to make time go faster. Which didn’t work. 

He glanced up and stared at Tao and Luhan who were lost in a conversation together ignoring the dirty stares they got from the teacher.  
He suddenly remembered going shopping with the boys on Friday and buying the jacket “oh no” he muttered, it had to be Suho by the time Thursday came around. As much as he would love to be pampered and celebrate the day it was right for Suho to be here not him, he heard a voice in his head agree with the thought and smiled leaning on his hand. Now the only thing was to figure out how.

“what are you smirking about” Kris asked now facing him having given up on trying to sleep  
“no-nothing” he stuttered caught a little of guard  
“you have full memories, right?”  
“huh? Yeh I do”  
“that’s good” he yawned looking at the clock “yes almost time”

He thought of Lay’s way to change back but shook his head there was no way he was doing that it made him cringe   
“you don’t seem to mind that I’m here”  
“you’re still Suho in a way and even though you’re a bit exhausting to be around I don’t mind cause you’re so happy” he sat up smiling as he heard the bell go off grabbing Baekhyun’s hand and leading him out of the classroom not caring that the teacher hadn’t dismissed them yet.

Baekhyun became a little flustered “woah, so you’re really into Suho aren’t you!”  
“I’m into you as well”  
Baekhyun felt embarrassed and hugged Kris’s whole arm to hide his face letting the taller lead them wherever, which turned out to just be their usual lunch spot. 

He sat down and pulled out several containers from his bag.  
“woah you cooked!!!???” Baekhyun crawled over drooling a little as Kris opened the containers.  
“haha no of course not I can’t cook, I bought them on the way to treat everyone”  
“I hope that includes us” Luhan leant down with his hands in his pockets  
“mostly Tao and Baekhyun” he joked chuckling when Luhan kicked him softly in annoyance “go on” he pushed the containers into the middle of the circle, and everyone dug in fighting occasionally over the last pieces of particular foods.

By the end they were all laying down staring up at the sky through the leaves of the tree above them. Baekhyun rolled over from Kris’s side till he bumped into Luhan and leant over whispering in his ear “I need to change back before valentine’s day”  
“why?”  
“it’s a secret” he winked

Luhan leaned up on his arm and looked at Baekhyun with a stern face “don’t you dare use the same tactic as last time or I swear I will kill you myself”  
Baekhyun just laughed “of course not I wouldn’t even think of it”  
“Tao and I will try to help not sure how though… by the way why valentines?” he raised his eyebrows and smiled  
“no reason” Baekhyun flicked Luhan in the forehead playfully and then rolled back over to his spot next to Kris and rested his head on the man’s shoulder nuzzling it slightly happy when Kris smiled down at him.  
‘I thought we were keeping this a secret’ he laughed softly at the voice in his head and dismissed it ‘shut up man’.

“hey, Tao I’m going to Kris’s tonight!” Baekhyun slung his arm around Tao and smiled up at him “don’t be too lonely! Invite Luhan over or something”  
“I’ll be fine, have fun” he smiled waving him off.  
But Baekhyun refused to leave “if you drive us, I’ll buy you dinner tomorrow!”  
Tao looked a little shocked and worried glancing up to Kris before looking down “I don’t think…”  
“please!”  
“I… ask Kris” Baekhyun pulled Tao over and jumped up and down a little excited. Tao scratched his head kinda scared to ask “hey Kris, Baekhyun wants to… me to drive you guys home, which I’m happy to do but…”

“no” Kris instantly declined his eyes darkening a little  
“but whyyy” Baekhyun whined and let go of Tao to hold onto Kris and give him puppy eyes “driving is so much fun, we can do karaoke and sightsee and…”  
“I said no ok” Kris’s voice went stern and he glared at Tao who put his hands up  
“I tried to refuse first”  
“why though?” Baekhyun’s excitement drained out and he slumped a little  
“Because!” he felt the boy hanging onto him flinch and he softened his voice “sorry, I just don’t like being in cars. Plus, walking is nice, I thought you liked it”  
“somewhat” he sighed before smiling “if you don’t want to its fine let’s walk then!”  
Luhan stood there staring at Kris and shook his head walking over and talking softly so only Kris could hear him “you have to go in a car someday you can’t avoid it forever”  
Kris glared at him before facing away “let’s go Baekhyun”  
“ok!”

“it’s ok he’ll do it someday” Tao wrapped his arms around Luhans shoulders from behind and rested his chin on the top of Luhans head “just give him time Lu”  
Luhan sighed “ok… I just wish he would get better”  
“we all do” Tao wiggled a little trying to cheer Luhan up “but I have a feeling Suho will do it better than us”  
Luhan nodded smiling “he will! now what are we going to do”  
“spend the night at mine?”  
“let’s do it!” Luhan pulled away from Tao’s grip and ran to his car excited and waiting for Tao to dig out his keys to unlock the doors.

Baekhyun threw his bag next to the door fanning himself “I changed my mind I don’t like walking it’s too hot and sweaty” he groaned flopping on the couch “where’s the aircon!”  
“I don’t have one too expensive” Baekhyun let out another groan  
“just take your long-sleeved shirt off and I have shorts you can borrow”  
Baekhyun paused a little thinking what to say and then smirked “you just wanna see me shirtless again, but I’ll take that offer up on shorts!” he jumped up running into Kris’s room looking at his closet expectantly.

Kris laughed and dug through one of his draws pulling out a pair of drawstring shorts that were too small for him. He turned around and blushed to see the shorter standing there in his boxers loosening his tie unbuttoning a few of the buttons sighing in relief shaking the sweat out of his hair.  
“he-here” Kris threw the shorts and ran out of the room trying to make his cheeks calm down but smiling at himself.  
Baekhyun walked out smirking, the shorts showed a lot of his thighs and his shirt was untucked and half unbuttoned  
“goddammit”  
“like what you see?”  
“maybe… shut up” Kris fell down on the couch flipping open his laptop and scrolled through Instagram letting Baekhyun sit down and cuddle up to his side watching the screen occasionally pointing out things he liked.

He saw an advertisement for Gucci and smiled when Kris slowed down a little to look before continuing to scroll, he definitely had to change back before Thursday, Suho was so excited to give Kris the present and would be sad if he missed out on the reaction.

The next morning, they walked to school again with Baekhyun complaining all the way, but Kris just smiled enjoying the whining now that he was used to it.  
Tao and Luhan were late but came to class later puffed out and saying that they slept in to the teacher. The rest of the day was pretty average apart from them slipping out of the school during lunch to get bubble tea.

After school Baekhyun was sad when Kris refused to let him go home with him  
“I have work sorry”  
“you work”  
“well I do live alone don’t I… need money somehow” he laughed ruffling Baekhyun’s hair  
“aww I guess so bye then” he gave Kris a hug and pouted looking at Tao who just shrugged and gestured to his car. 

He jumped in the back seat while Luhan and Tao talked in the front.  
He leaned forwards and suddenly talked taking pleasure in how the other two flinched in surprise “so how am I gonna change back”  
“shouldn’t you know better than us” Luhan shrugged  
“didn’t breaking a glass work last time?”  
“yeh but that wasn’t Suho who came as a result”

“true” Tao sighed “why don’t you try something like kissing him”  
“wh-what” Baekhyun blushed “no!”  
“damn I thought you would” the two boys in the front laughed while Baekhyun leaned back and crossed his arms annoyed at the teasing “fine I’ll figure it out myself… by the way where does Kris work?”

Luhan and Tao looked at each other before Luhan sighed “remember that bar we took you to a while ago?”  
“seriously? Isn’t that illegal he’s underage”  
“good pay though” Luhan shrugged and Tao laughed  
“at least he looks the right age, so no one really questions it, that’s why we’re allowed in there”  
“ahh that makes sense, hey do me a favor and tell Suho that”  
“will do” Luhan gave a thumbs up.

Baekhyun left the car and unlocked the door deep in thought, would kissing Kris really work? It wouldn’t kill to try… even though Suho has kissed him it felt weird kissing him when he was in charge, he blushed thinking about it and avoided Tao and Luhan so he wouldn’t get teased for his red cheeks.

 

Baekhyun leaned on his knees staring at Kris who was laying with his eyes closed under their tree. Luhan and Tao were lost in a play fight on which ice-cream flavor was the best. He frowned a little lost in thought, should he kiss him, what if it doesn’t work and it gets all awkward. He ruffled his hair and let out a sound of annoyance flopping onto the grass catching Luhan and Taos attention who crawled over and teasingly poked him cheering him up. They laid down resting their heads on Baekhyun’s back

“what’s your favorite ice-cream flavor?”  
“strawberry! Or mint, or vanilla…”  
“hah! See mint!!” Luhan stuck his tongue out at Tao in victory  
“but he also said vanilla soo...” Tao laughed and Luhan went quiet and annoyed  
“mint is the best!”

Kris groaned “green tea is the best so shut up… Baekhyun come over here”  
“sure!” Baekhyun shook the other two of and crawled over to Kris sitting cross legged next to his head “yes?”  
Kris opened his eyes a little and shifted so his head was in Baekhyun’s lap “that’s better” he closed his eyes trying to fall asleep again.

“well I know where your loyalties lie now” Luhan groaned in annoyance trying to pull Tao closer to him so he could lay on him instead, but Tao was teasing him moving backwards every time he moved forwards  
“of course, I thought you knew already” Baekhyun laughed threading his fingers in Kris’s hair playing with each strand 

“how was work?” he decided to ignore the other two.  
“alright, drunk people are annoying though”  
“I seem to recall someone being drunk”  
“whatever it’s different when it’s me”  
“sure sure” he laughed “you must get annoyed with the girls”  
“I have to keep saying I’m in a relationship to shake them off”  
“such a player”  
“how does that make me a player if I only like one person”  
“and who’s the lucky person?”

Kris went quiet and blushed suddenly yawning and pretending to be too tired to continue the conversation, Baekhyun giggled and leaned down kissing Kris’s forehead first making sure Luhan and Tao were distracted by something else. The blush on Kris’s cheeks went redder satisfying Baekhyun, he blushed himself realizing what he just did and covered his mouth shooting back up into a straight sitting position. So, kissing him doesn’t work? He shook his head that isn’t really classed as kissing, it’s something close friends would do, family would too.

He sighed, tomorrow was valentine’s day and he was still here, everything was normal, and he didn’t think he would be triggered anytime soon. His only hope was the kiss and goddamn it better work.  
“hey Kris?”  
“mmm?”  
“can I go to yours tonight”  
“my house is a mess though”  
He sighed playing with Kris’s fringe “can you come to my place?”  
“sure”  
“really?!”  
“of course”  
The bell went and Baekhyun smiled “you promised no backing out of it now”

After school Tao drove home dropping Luhan off on the way while Kris and Baekhyun walked slowly up the river stopping in a café to get drinks before taking the longer route just to enjoy the view and their time together.  
“you like walking now”  
“it’s not the worst” Baekhyun skipped ahead and hummed to himself feeling Kris’s stare on his back but not seeing the man’s smile.

“here you change first I’ll be a sec I wanna wash up a little” Baekhyun handed Kris some of his oversized clothing and grabbed himself something heading to the bathroom. He changed then leaned against the sink trying to calm his heart down, he had to do it, but he couldn’t do it in front of Tao and luckily the boy had training for an hour. He had an hour to pick up the courage.

He walked into the room and Saw Kris sitting on his bed scrolling on his phone “Kris…”  
“yeh” he looked up with a little smirk  
“uh… uh what are we going to eat?”  
“not sure do you have anything easy?”  
“ramen?”  
“sounds good to me” he lifted himself off the bed and strolled past Baekhyun who looked to the ground flustered, well he just blew his first chance.

He frowned following Kris into the kitchen letting the man cook for both of them, even though it only involved boiling the noodles in hot water. They ate and Kris looked up and he had a little bit of noodle on his lip making Baekhyun smirk “Kris you got a little something on your lip” he leaned a little closer and Kris used his thumb to swipe his lip. But he got it straight away and held his thumb up “this?”  
“yeh…” Baekhyun deflated annoyed, there went opportunity 2.

He looked at his watch, he only had 20 minutes till Tao was expected home and it was getting closer and closer to the next day.  
He helped Kris clean the dishes and clean up the little mess they made in the kitchen, Kris then focused on making tea for the two of them filling up the kettle and turning it on then leaning against the bench absorbed in his phone again.  
Baekhyun tapped his foot and bit the nail on his thumb while looking at Kris, he groaned and walked closer to Kris “ah stuff it”

“wha-“  
Kris was cut of when Baekhyun put his hands on the bench on either side of Kris’s hips and leaned so close that their knees were touching and before Kris could even understand the situation, he pressed their lips together tilting his head to deepen the kiss further.  
Kris was in shock, he never expected Baekhyun to kiss him what had gotten into the man?

He wasn’t complaining though and lifted his hands to grab Baekhyun’s waist pulling him even closer. Baekhyun’s tongue poked his lips and he gladly let him in till they were fighting for dominance. He opened his eyes to see the others cheeks were red and his eyes closed enjoying the feeling, Kris flipped them around making sure not to break the kiss and lifted Baekhyun up so he was sitting on the bench, Baekhyun’s hands traveled up to his face holding onto Kris’s cheeks while Kris’s hand stayed tightly on the olders waist.

He felt Baekhyun hault a little his whole body tensing and his mouth go slack before his eyes opened in shock and he pulled away holding onto Kris’s shoulders breathing hard “wha-what?”  
Kris smiled leaning in and nuzzling his nose “why did you stop?”  
The other blushed before sighing “I think my memory made me forget how we even ended up like this” he laughed awkwardly but nuzzled Kris back anyway  
Kris raised his eyebrow “Suho?”  
“yeh?”  
He laughed softly and looked straight into Suho’s eyes “kiss me again”  
Suho didn’t waste any time and leaned back in, his kiss was a lot softer and less dominant than Baekhyun’s, it held more love and wanted Kris to take the lead. Kris smiled halfway through, he much preferred Suho’s kissing style. 

They suddenly heard the door click and Suho pushed Kris off as hard as he could resulting in himself accidentally loosing balance and falling off the table top landing on his hands and knees on the ground.  
“oh my god are you ok!”  
Kris ran over to Suho just as Tao entered the room confused “what happened you ok”  
Kris looked over winking “Suho is fine”  
Tao’s eyebrows shot up in shock before smiling “he did it”  
“what”  
“nothing” the smile was replaced with concern when he saw Suho on the ground “are you ok though”

He looked up a bit shocked before bursting out in laughter, Kris and Tao looked at each other confused. Suho was on the verge of tears from laughing so hard   
“i… what a clutz… that reaction” his laughter was contagious and soon the other two were laughing along unable to help themselves.

When they calmed down Kris looked Suho up and down for injuries before smiling “by the way I’m not going to school tomorrow”  
“why not?”  
“don’t feel like it”  
“but then I’m going to be alone” Suho pouted  
Kris looked up at him expectantly “then skip with me”  
“huh?”  
“let’s just hang out tomorrow”  
Tao looked between them smiling “do it Suho, it’s a date!”  
“stop saying stuff like that!” Kris and Suho yelled at the same time making Tao chuckle  
“so cute” he shook his head smiling before walking off to his room to have a shower and change.

Suho looked back to Kris grabbing his face “is… is it a date?”  
“if you want it to be”  
Suho smiled looking down “ok I’ll skip”  
Kris smiled softly kissing the tip of Suho’s nose before pulling away “we should go to bed then! We have a big day tomorrow”.

When morning came Suho woke up first like usual and just laid there studying Kris’s face reaching out and stroking his cheek. He was super excited for the day and looked at the time jumping out of bed and running into Tao’s room to wake the boy up  
“why so early?” he grumbled in response  
“you have school”  
“no I don’t, if you guys skip, I’m skipping too”  
“then Luhan will be alone”  
Tao groaned before climbing slowly out of bed and waving Suho out of his room so he could change.

Suho laughed walking back into the room and climbed on the bed hovering over Kris leaning down and kissing his cheek “time to get up” he nuzzled Kris’s neck feeling the man move slightly under him groaning as he woke up. “wake up, wake up” Suho sing-songed while reaching up and pushing Kris’s hair back.  
“I wouldn’t mind waking up if it’s like this” he smiled finally opening his eyes and looking up at Suho hovering above him with messy hair and a soft smile.  
“get up I’m excited!”

He did just that and they got ready and dressed for the day saying goodbye to Tao who complained walking out the door saying it wasn’t fair that he had to go. Suho turned around looking Kris up and down before smirking “you’re missing something”  
“huh? What is it?”  
“wait here”  
Suho ran into his room opening the cupboard and reaching for the bag hidden up the top and smiled walking with a hop in his step to Kris  
“you were missing this” he held the bag out in front of him and Kris’s eyes widened reaching out and carefully holding the bag

“but this…”  
“it’s for you”  
Kris opened it and gasped in surprise before stars appeared in his eyes from happiness “it’s so pretty” he flipped it around in his hands a few times before putting it on and running to a mirror studying himself “I love it thank you!”  
he ran back over to Suho hugging him, Suho was overjoyed that he liked his gift “you look so handsome in it, just like I thought”  
“it’s honestly the best gift I’ve ever received”  
He hesitated a little before smiling “shall we go to breakfast then?”  
“where to?”  
“it’s a surprise”

They went to a nice restaurant which Kris payed for, it was so nice and Suho was overwhelmed. He never thought he would be spending a day like today with someone, someone who went out of their way to help him and look after him. He didn’t care if they never became official, he was happy in this moment, if time froze, he would have no complaints.

After breakfast they went on a walk together, Suho started to recognize the location they were walking to and blushed a little walking closer to Kris who grabbed his hand. They reached the spot in which they kissed for the first time and Kris stopped walking facing Suho and smiling softly.  
He stepped closer and leant down a little pecking Suho on the lips.

“I… I have something for you too” he reached into his pocket pulling out a little black drawstring bag handing it to Suho who blushed looking surprised  
“tha-thankyou” he undid the string and reached inside almost fainting from surprise when he pulled out a silver ring “what?” he looked up in shock and happiness at Kris who just smiled  
“happy valentines… I heard it’s popular for people who love each other to wear couple rings” he shyly held up his hand to show a matching ring on his middle finger.  
Suho could feel his heart in his throat and kinda wanted to cry as well “I love it” he put the ring on the same finger Kris had it on and held it up proudly “does this mean?”

“will you be my boyfriend?”  
Kris stepped closer and Suho nodded diving into Kris’s arms cuddling into his chest “I’ve never been this happy in my life”  
“same”

They walked hand in hand back to Suho’s house and spent the afternoon lazing around the house watching Netflix and cuddling.

“I’m sorry I didn’t take you out to dinner, I kinda don’t have enough money” Kris laughed awkwardly and Suho smiled cuddling Kris and looked up at him “I don’t wanna go to dinner I like it right here, plus breakfast was really nice. Suho’s phone went off and he looked down seeing a text from Tao

[Tao: don’t worry about me, I’m staying at Lu’s tonight I will see you at school tomorrow J]  
[Suho: ok have a nice night!]

Suho focused his attention back to Kris “how about I order uber eats or something”  
“perfect… I’m so happy you like the ring I wasn’t sure if it was too cheesy”  
“I hate cheesy things… but I love it when you do it” he laughed “now I’m being cheesy… honestly I thought you forgot that it was valentines you hid it really well”  
“you too, I never expected a Gucci jacket thank you”  
“I… I love you”  
“I love you too, now what shall we order?”

 

Tao put his phone into his pocket smiling at Luhan “thank you for letting me stay with you, I don’t think it was a coincidence that Kris wanted them both to skip school today”  
Luhan laughed “right” his laugh didn’t last long and Tao looked at him worried  
“are you ok? You haven’t been that energetic today”  
“yeh I’m fine” Luhan smiled “didn’t sleep that well last night”  
“shame, we should go to bed early today”

“perks of the single life” Luhan threw up a peace sign, though inside he groaned he hated being single.  
He pretends to be a love guru all the time to others, most people think he’s been with multiple people, that he’s a player. And to a degree they were right, but he has never been in a relationship that was more than physical and that’s all he wanted. 

Sighing he hoped in the passenger seat of Tao’s car “at least I get free rides all the time” he tried to brighten the atmosphere and it worked as Tao laughed turning up the volume of his speakers so they could sing along to the songs together.

When they reached Luhans Tao greeted his mother who was the only one home at the moment and they both locked themselves in Luhans room turning on his PlayStation to play some games together. Some games Luhan was better at and others Tao was. They ended up at a tie and threw the controllers in annoyance

“I still think I’m better!” Luhan whined  
Tao looked disgusted “no way! Did you see my whoop your ass in the last round”?  
“but I beat you in the two games before”  
“yet we seem to be tied”  
Luhan pouted whispering “I’m better”

Tao pounced on him tickling his sides “just admit I’m better” Luhan laughed out loudly tears forming in his eyes “n-no” he tried to get away, but Tao was too strong “do-do you ha…ve any other way to b-beat me than tickling” Luhan yelled in between giggles

Tao stopped and they both froze looking at each other, the tension in the air was thick before Tao shook his head laughing “I’m better” the air thinned out and he pulled of Luhan leaving him on the ground as he flopped on the bed playing on his phone. Luhan leaned on his arms his eyes wide, his head felt foggy and he didn’t know what to make of the emotions rolling in him. He looked at Tao before shaking his head, he hated valentine’s day.  
Soon Luhans mum called them both down for dinner and the conversation at the table was lively and happy yet Luhan couldn’t get the heavy feeling out of his stomach. 

He was feeling weird and had no appetite for the first time in his life.  
Of course, it didn’t take long for his mum to notice “Hey, Luhan dear why aren’t you eating?”  
“I’m not hungry”  
“are you sick?”  
“I think so, please excuse me” Luhan got up bowing to his parents before running to his room and sitting on the bed looking at his hands. What was wrong with him?

It wasn’t long till he heard a soft knock on the door and Tao’s head peaked around “are you ok?” he cautiously walked into the room kneeling in front of Luhan with his hands on Luhans knees to stabilize himself  
“I’m fine”  
“do you have a cold?” he reached up placing his hand on Luhans forehead  
“no” he swatted Tao’s hand away  
“I just feel weird” he looked down and his eyes met with Tao’s, the heavy feeling in his stomach became heavier and it became harder to breath. He felt an impulse and didn’t know if he could stop it.

He grabbed Tao’s face and leaned forwards kissing him, Tao froze in his hands not denying the kiss but also not participating. Luhan tilted his head in desperation his whole being begging Tao to accept the kiss. Tao unfroze but he placed his hand on Luhans chest pushing him away “please…” Tao breathed out but Luhan grabbed Taos shirt pulling him up and into another kiss. This time Tao didn’t hesitate in pushing Luhan away and stood up, he could see the hurt in Luhans face.

“why?” the heavy feeling was gone but now all he felt was hurt and emptiness, he thought maybe Tao had some feelings for him “we’ve done it before”  
“yes, but they were one times. Lu I can’t… not with you”  
“but why!” Luhan wanted to cry but no tears came to his eyes, in a way he expected this he was stupid to kiss his best friend.  
“we can’t ruin what we have, I don’t feel for you that way. Please understand”

Luhans whole body drooped and his fringe covered his eyes “ok… I understand, let’s go to bed” he stood up facing away from Tao and hoping into the bed covering half his face with the blanket.  
He felt Tao hop in beside him after turning the light off and his hand touched Luhans arm “sleep well”  
It felt like the hand was burning his skin and Luhan wanted so bad to shrug him off but didn’t want Tao getting the wrong idea “good night” he muttered before shutting his eyes and trying to sleep, trying to forget his embarrassment and the rejection from Tao.

 

Suho was struggling to keep his head up his eyes closing being too heavy from tiredness. Kris noticed smiling down to him before abruptly standing up causing Suho, who was leaning on him, to fall down onto the couch his eyes shooting open in surprise  
“hey!”  
“time for bed!” Kris laughed at the cute reaction

Suho stood up rubbing his eyes and looked at Kris before walking to the bedroom purposefully dodging a back hug to tease Kris.  
He sat down on the bed cross legged and watched the taller who carefully shrugged of his new jacket lovingly placing it over a chair then threw his shirt on the ground going to unbuckle his jeans. He looked over to Suho and raised an eyebrow

“you’re just going to watch me undress?”  
“I’m your boyfriend I’m allowed to” he smirked and motioned for Kris to continue which he did, purposefully doing it slowly.

He walked over to Suho sitting next to him pulling him closer by his waist, the smaller blushed placing his hand on Kris’s chest to stabilize him and he could feel the scar under his palm “sorry” he lifted his hand, but Kris grabbed it putting it back on top of his scar “it’s ok”.  
He leaned in initiating a slow kiss, he could feel Suho tracing the scar softly before traveling up to his neck to deepen the kiss. 

Kris’s hands reached up to Suho’s and he grabbed his arm quite harshly to pull him onto the bed to change their positions.  
But Suho’s eyes shot open and he yelped in pain pushing Kris away making him fall on his back on the bed and stumbled off him cradling his arm before hiding it behind his back  
“Suho, what happened are you alright?”  
“I’m fine” he laughed awkwardly “I just have… to pee real bad I’ll be back” he ran out of the room cradling his arm again.

Kris looked down to his hand and was shocked to see specks of red, it wasn’t his, so it had to be Suho, he started to freak out a little running to the bathroom and knocking on the door “Suho why are you bleeding are you ok!?”

Suho looked at the door frantic, this was bad how is he going to hide it now. He had his sleeve rolled up and was trying to stop the bleeding from the wound Kris accidentally re-opened “I’m fine just an old wound nothing much”  
“what’s the wound from” Kris’s voice sounded genuinely concerned from the other side of the door, they were together now shouldn’t Suho tell him. he was scared, still scared of being rejected, that Kris would leave him. though it was kinda weird he usually faints when he sees blood or his wounds, but he felt fine, he started to bandage it up again before pulling the sleeve down covering it again. He couldn’t find the courage to show Kris maybe soon but not now everything was going so well.

He opened the door to see Kris frantic and almost in tears, Suho has never seen Kris like this and freaked out himself.  
“hey! It’s ok”  
“why didn’t you let me in I was so worried, I’m still worried what happened? I didn’t mean to hurt you” Kris wrapped his arms around Suho hugging him “you need to tell me when you get hurt, I’m your boyfriend”  
“ok I will tell you next time”  
“let me see”  
“wh-what” Suho’s heart started beating faster  
“please”  
“I’ve bandaged it all up there’s nothing to see”  
“then let me re bandage it tomorrow”

Suho sighed in defeat and smiled burying his face into Kris’s chest “ok”  
Suho took of his pants climbing into the bed next to Kris immediately cuddling up to his side “thank you for the best valentine’s day ever”  
“thank you for saying yes… and also for being so damn stubborn and getting under my skin” he chuckled staring up at the ceiling  
Suho admired how handsome Kris’s side profile was leaning up to kiss his cheek before burying his face in Kris’s shoulder feeling sleepy again.  
“sleep well” Kris slung his arm around Suho’s shoulders holding onto him, they both knew they would wake up in a mess of limbs, but they didn’t care.

That was one of the first nights in a long time that Kris slept peacefully and woke up refreshed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely readers <3  
> happy valentines, I hope you have a lovely day whether it be with someone or not! (if not dont worry same here xx). I hope you enjoyed my valentines day special. its longer than usual!  
> progress is happening slowly but surely! i hope you are enjoying this fic and feel free to leave comments they make my day xx (whether it be constructive critism or what you enjoy about it all helps me improve my writing and feel better about myself :D)  
> I love you all and dont be lonely, remember what bts says love yourself, love myself <3 (slightly hypocritical cause imma salty single person like Lu hehe) have a lovely day though!


	12. Secrets and Violence

Suho woke up and rolled over slowly to not disturb Kris who had both his arms wrapped around him. he smiled holding up his hand and looking at the ring, he still couldn’t believe they were official.  
He felt Kris move slightly and tighten his hold on Suho pulling him closer kissing the back of his neck “good morning” he said in his husky voice making shivers crawl down Suho’s back.  
He smiled “we should get ready for school”  
“do we have to?” Kris groaned into Suho’s ear using his free hand to wrap his fingers with Suho’s playing with the olders ring.

“we do” he whispered smiling down at the intertwined hands. He unwrapped himself from Kris turning around and kissing his cheek before sitting on the edge of the bed stretching. Kris didn’t stay away for long crawling over and wrapping his arms around Suho’s waist resting his chin on his lover’s shoulder mumbling “you said that you would let me redo your bandaging”

“shit” Suho accidentally said out loud in panic and Kris reached around turning Suho’s head slightly so he could kiss him softly on the lips.

“please”

“in a sec…” Suho sighed shrugging off Kris’s hold and walking into the bathroom to shower. He wrapped the towel around himself shaking the water out of his hair. He held his arms out in front of him and looked at the layers of scars trying not to freak out, he tried making up excuses in his head knowing full well that Kris wouldn’t pressure him, there was a little war going on till a clear voice came through “do it, please”.

He nodded his head letting out the breath he was holding. He pulled on his school pants wrapping the towel around the top half of his body, holding his shirt in his free hand. He walked out to see Kris sorting through the first aid kit pulling out things he would need with a little smile on his face.

He stopped a few meters away looking at the man taking in the site of how handsome he was, he hoped that things stayed how they were even if Kris found out his secret, it was making him feel nervous and second doubt himself. He still walked forwards standing right next to Kris who turned around and grabbed Suho’s waist pulling him up and sitting him on the table, he tried to pull the towel off but Suho held onto it tighter unwilling to let it fall.

“what’s wrong? It’s ok I’ve seen your torso before” he laughed but Suho looked down trembling a little

“it’s not that” he whispered

Kris was starting to feel a little scared of what Suho was trying to hide “if you don’t want…”

“no… you need to see… ju-just don’t hate me please”

“I could never hate you” Kris leaned in kissing the tip of Suho’s nose to calm him down.

“can I?” Kris grabbed the towel softly and Suho sniffed before nodding and slowly releasing his grip on the towel letting it fall when Kris tugged on it.

The man went silent his gaze darkening a little as it slowly drifted up and down both of Suho’s arms, his hand holding onto Suho’s leg started to shake and his skin went white.

“im-im sorry it’s disgusting isn’t it… please don’t… don’t hate me” Suho’s voice trembled and he tried so hard to not cry unable to understand Kris’s reaction.

Kris said nothing his head went forwards leaning his forehead on Suho’s chest breathing heavily. Suho could feel him shaking and freaked out even more his whole body freezing. He could feel tears start to wet his chest and Kris let out little sobs, he unfroze to wrap his arms around Kris’s head playing with his hair “it’s ok Kris”

“I… had no idea” his voice was barely louder than a whisper. Suho could feel his breath drift down his chest to his stomach. Tears silently started to fall down Suho’s cheeks and his grip tightened in Kris’s hair silently begging him not to leave.

“what I mean…” he choked back a sob “I mean It’s ok if you don’t want to be my boyfriend anymore… if I’m too disgusting and too mu…”

“no!” Kris cut him off his arms wrapping tightly around Suho’s waist making it a little hard for Suho to breath “don’t you dare say that! You’re still the most beautiful person I ever met a few scars won’t change that” he was almost yelling into Suho’s chest unwilling to look up and distance himself a little from his lover. Suho wrapped his legs around Kris pulling the man impossibly closer. They just hugged each other silently crying while taking comfort in the warmth of the others body.

Suho leaned his head down a little placing his lips on the top of Kris’s head giving him a lingering kiss.

“don’t leave me” Kris whispered

“I thought it would be the other way around” Suho mumbled into his lovers hair in confusion

“I would never leave you, you mean too much to me… but I mean don’t…”

Sudden realization took over Suho and his eyes widened, he leaned back and grabbed Kris’s face making him finally look up. His face was puffy and his eyes red and glistening from unshed tears. Suho smiled and wiped away the tears with his thumbs and leant down so he was centimeters from Kris’s face “I’m not going anywhere, that is a promise I can keep” he closed the distance and sweetly kissed Kris who sighed in relief during the kiss before deepening it.

 

Luhan woke up with his arms and legs tangled with Taos, he instantly blushed in embarrassment as the memories from last night flooded his mind, how was he so stupid he’s ruined everything. He quickly tried to untangle their limbs trying not to wake Tao, but when one of Tao’s legs lifted up by itself Luhan looked up worried to see Tao staring down at him.

“sorry did I wake you”

“no, I’ve been awake for a while but didn’t want to move you and upset your sleep” he laughed quietly and ruffled Luhans bed hair.

“but… it’s kinda awkward”

“huh? Why? You’ve always been the cuddler when you sleep this has happened many times” Tao smiled widely but flinched a little when Luhan shook Tao’s hand from his hair finally pulling away and sitting up facing away from the boy.

“we should get ready for school we slept in a little”

Tao just sighed mumbling a response and getting out of bed heading for the shower to give Luhan some space. Luhan just sat on the end of the bed with his hands in his hair pulling it a little, a habit he does when he’s stressed “idiot” he whispered to himself.

Once they were both ready, they agreed to go see Suho and Kris so Tao could get a clean uniform and then all four of them would go to school together. They made it to the house and Tao unlocked the door, the atmosphere seemed kinda intense and they could both hear muffled sounds coming from the kitchen. They looked at each other before creeping slowly to the entrance of the kitchen and stood there shocked at what they were seeing, Suho was sat on the table his legs around Kris and his hands holding his face while they kissed desperately.

The two boys looked at each other and Tao reached into his pockets silently pulling out 20 000 won handing it to Luhan who grinned in victory before looking at the two in the kitchen and noticed that Suho wasn’t wearing a shirt meaning both his arms were completely exposed. He froze and realized that both boys were crying as they kissed, he backed away a little and grabbed Tao’s arm tugging him back to the front door. He resisted a little but let Luhan drag him away.

“that was unlike you to not make a scene out of that” he laughed before he looked at Luhans face which was completely serious “hey what is it”

Luhan shook his head “a bit of privacy intrusion don’t you think”

Tao tilted his head “you don’t give a damn about privacy, what is it Lu?”

“they were crying”

“really?”

“let’s just go”

“but my uniform is dirty”

“who cares” Luhan let go of Tao’s arm and walked off in the direction of the school leaving Tao to run after him to catch up

“hey Lu, wait up”

Luhan didn’t say anything but slowed down a little to let Tao keep up with him “for someone who’s short as hell you walk damn fast” Tao teased bumping slightly into Luhans side trying to cheer him up.

“let’s just enjoy the view”

Tao was shocked into silence and walked the rest of the way in a uncomfortable and uncharacteristic silence. When they reached the gate Tao had had enough and harshly grabbed the smaller boys arm pulling him around the corner and pushing him against the wall where he was sure no one else would see him “Lu what has gotten into you? Is this about last night” he saw Luhan flinch and sighed “so it is about that”

“it doesn’t matter” Luhan tried to pull away but Tao’s grip just tightened.

“it does matter because I’ve obviously hurt you and you’re my best friend, so I need to fix this. I’m sorry”

Luhan sighed looking to the ground “you didn’t have to be so harsh”

“I didn’t mean to you took me off guard”

“but we’ve done worse than just kiss so why reject me now”

Tao sighed “Lu… we agreed that those times meant nothing, no strings attached… we can’t do this why can’t you understand that and let us go back to normal”

Luhan glared at Tao grabbing his arms and tightening his grip so hard that it would leave marks on the others wrists “those were your stupid rules… it meant something to me why do you think I’ve rejected everyone who ever asked me out! Why I’m so damn lonely all the time!” he breathed out harshly looking away “if you want to go back to normal than fine, but I’m not going to wait for you anymore I’m over it… we’ll always be best friends but because of me we’ll never be quite the same” he let go of Tao’s wrists and let them fall by the stunned boys sides before walking off to the school gates.

Tao stood there staring at the wall in disbelief “he… fell in love with me?” his phone dinged, and he looked down in a daze

[Luhan: hurry up or you’ll be late]

He didn’t reply but instead sat down on the ground leaning against the wall remembering the way they met, how Luhan sat by his side and hugged a total stranger who cried on his shoulder and unloaded all their burdens on him. they put up with Tao being clingy and soon enough they knew each other’s secrets and personal information, he then remembered the night Luhan and him made a pack to be by one another’s sides forever. After that they were inseparable and started to explore their firsts with each other claiming that they trusted no one else with it. That was around the time Luhan stopped looking at other people and asking for their numbers, the time that he rejected every girl and boy who made advances towards him. at the club they would dance with others but always end up in each other’s arms, like dancing with other people was to make the other jealous.

His phone dinged again startling him out of his memories

[Luhan: where are you, come to class now]  
[Luhan: please]  
He sighed standing and dusting off his pants, the one thing he knew for sure is that Luhan deserved someone better than him. even if he loved Luhan too.

 

Kris and Suho didn’t appear to school until the second class started. The teacher gave them a stern warning, especially since they missed the day prior. Like usual Kris laid on the desk and Suho was frantically taking down notes, the only difference now was that Kris laid on only one arm while the other was extended out to Suho to hold his hand which he was happy to comply intertwining their fingers. When lunch came, they looked over to Luhan and Tao to see them both arguing over a folded piece of paper Tao was holding, Luhan was trying to grab it but Tao yanked his arm back and shoved the paper in his bag kicking it under the desk. Luhan pouted at him, “come on you two stop being children” Kris placed his hand on both of their shoulders and the two looked up surprised before smiling.

Luhan reached into his pocket and pulled out 20 000 won “I’m shouting lunch, or should I say… Tao is”

Kris looked at them in shock “don’t tell me…”

“exposed” Luhan stuck his tongue out at Kris and smirked

“but how?”

“so, you’re not denying it?”

“no” Suho walked up behind Kris smirking and grabbed the tallers hand pulling him out the door leaving the two behind them stunned

“is that still Suho?”

“where the hell did that come from” they both burst out laughing heading the cafeteria to buy something for everyone.

Suho leaned against the wall of a bathroom that was never used shirtless while Kris held his arm and examined his bandaging. “I would say I’m pretty good at this” he said proudly to Suho who just grinned in response

“thank you for re bandaging it you did great honey” he laughed at the face Kris made and gasped when Kris softly put his arm down and leaned in super close before leaning down to kiss Suho’s neck trailing down to his collarbone biting it softly and sucking before standing up straight and grinning at the marks he left “mine”

“possessive much” Suho breathed heavily his whole body flushed.

“someone likes it though” he leaned in kissing him while grabbing his waist, after a little he left Suho’s mouth and went down to his neck on the other side but stopped pulling away and reaching up touching the curve of Suho’s neck where his shoulder started.

“why is there a scar here?”

Suho was confused still trying to come down from the feeling of Kris kissing him “I didn’t know I had a scar there”

“it looks pretty bad” he frowned and trailed his hand down to Suho’s chest freezing next to his armpit when he felt rough skin “and here”

“what do you mean?”

Kris was becoming quite scared he knew the only thing that could make that kind of scar was a cigarette and the one on his neck who knows what made that. He grabbed Suho’s hand and pulled him to a mirror, he pointed out both scars which Suho looked at wide eyed “I honestly have no idea”.

Kris moved behind Suho and studied his back, he stepped back in shock his hands staring to tremble again. His back looked like his arms, except longer and more random.  
“is there any on my back?” Suho was still focused on searching his torso finding a few smaller scars which were hardly noticeable unless you were looking. “Kris?” he looked up but Kris flipped him, so he was facing him and kissed him hoping to distract his attention somewhere else and calm his own nerves, what the hell were those scars from.

His phone buzzing interrupted their making out session  
[Luhan: stop making out and come here I bought the food]  
“little shit”

“Luhan?”

Kris just rolled his eyes and Suho laughed turning around to grab his shirt making Kris flinch when he saw the light reflect over the scars which looked like they never really healed properly “does your back hurt?”

“no why?”

“just curious”

“let’s go each I’m starving” Suho smiled walking out the door waiting for Kris to catch up.

 

“finally the love birds are here” Luhan teased making Tao laugh.

There was a selection of food in the middle of the circle and they all thanked Luhan and Tao before digging in. “so, you finally confessed” Tao asked smiling at Kris who shrugged and nodded

“so cute” Luhan clapped before shoving more food in his mouth, he waited till Kris and Tao started talking to each other before leaning over and whispering to Suho “so you finally told Kris about your arms”

“how did you know”

“Tao and I accidentally walked in on you two this morning and you were shirtless, so I just assumed”

Suho opened and closed his mouth before sitting upright and hitting Kris on the arm “I told you I heard something!!”

“what?”

“this morning!!”

“oh” he looked in between Tao and Luhan

“I knew we should’ve stopped”

“but I didn’t want to” Kris smirked “so what saves us from using the effort of telling them”

“congratulations” Tao and Luhan said in unison and looked at each other before smiling softly, Tao patted his lap hesitantly and Luhan looked at him with a tilted eyebrow before laying down placing his head on Tao’s lap looking up to the sky. He smiled in comfort while Tao played with his hair and talked softly with Kris and Suho.

 

Once school was up Luhan had to go home due to some kind of family dinner with relatives and he reluctantly left groaning all the way. Tao watched his back leave and sighed all his energy suddenly depleting, he smiled at Suho and Kris “I’m going home I am exhausted”

“ok have a nice night then! I’m going to Kris’s tonight, so I won’t see you till tomorrow”

“have a nice night!”

Tao deterred sitting at the edge of the river thinking about the events of the day and sighing, he never thought he would be the one to break Luhans heart. He swore to himself when he was younger that he would kill anyone who hurt him, especially whoever hurt Luhans heart.  
He chuckled darkly to himself “then I have to kill myself”, he remembered the note that he found on his desk earlier today. Luhan had tried to take it away since they both had a good idea what it was, but he didn’t let him, wanting to at least read it.  
He dug into his backpack finding the scrunched up note and unraveled it reading it quietly ‘foreign faggot, waste of space kill yourself already’ he sighed reading it a few more times before scrunching it up again trying to not let the immature words faze him, but they always did.

Something that Kris didn’t know was that ever since Tao came to this school he had been bullied, firstly because he didn’t speak any Korean, but it became worse when everyone found out through connections to his old school in China that he was gay and had quite a reputation of disgusting rumors, majority of them untrue. The whole reason his family moved to Korea was to get away from that, but it seemed to follow him wherever he went. It was fine for a little when Suho arrived as everyone was interested in the new student but now that the hype had died down it seemed the bullying was starting up again. Luhan knew about the notes and the taunting and tried hard to protect Tao but he himself wasn’t enough since Tao refused to tell any teachers or get parents involved not wanting to stress out his parents again.  
He sighed out loud throwing the piece of paper into the river watching it unfold a little and follow the stream away from where he was sitting. The positive thing about though was he started martial arts by his parents request to learn how to protect himself when the bullying got violent which in China it occasionally did. That was when he found something he was truly passionate about and loved doing, something which took his mind off everything. A smile took over his face just thinking about it and he stood up changing directions and walking to the studio his parents hired out for him to practice in, itching to practice and forget about life for a little.

 

Suho was laying on the couch his head on Kris’s lap while he played games on his phone as Kris was finishing his own homework. “you’re actually smart aren’t you” Suho laughed “I would have never guessed by how slack you are in class”

Kris just shrugged “the classes are boring I already know everything”

“cocky”

“not when it’s true” he laughed making Suho smile

“you seem happier these days”

“this is normal”

“not when I first saw you”

“yeh, well it’s my normal now that you’re mine” he looked down to see Suho staring up at him smiling widely. His hand reached around and stroked Suho’s cheek, the cold metal of his ring made Suho shiver but also reminded him of his own. Holding up his arm he giggled “aren’t we cute?” he grabbed Kris’s hand on his cheek and held it before focusing back on his game struggling to play it with one hand, but also refusing to let go of Kris.

Kris leant back on the couch and closed his eyes slowly drifting off to sleep, Suho muted the sound on his phone when he realized that the taller had fallen asleep and smiled closing his own listening to Kris’s soft snores. After a while Kris started flinching causing Suho to sit upright and sigh sadly at the discomfort on Kris’s face and the way his body twitched. He climbed over Kris sitting in his lap and cupped his face with his hands slapping his cheeks a little.

“Kris wake up now” he leaned closer “wake up” he softly shook his head and Kris’s eyes shot open in fear before he realized his surroundings and his whole body untensed and he breathed out a sigh of relief. Suho smiled and leaned down kissing him, loving it when he felt arms wrap around him making him deepen the kiss. When they pulled away from each other Kris had completely calmed down, Suho’s legs were on either side of Kris’s lap as he straddled him and his arms were cupping his face still.

Kris sighed in happiness before looking up and down at the sight of Suho straddling him and smirked a little before letting go of Suho’s waist and removing his hands from his cheeks. The older looked a little confused but didn’t move just watching as Kris took his shirt off and then reached over, asked permission with his eyes before he slowly pulled off Suho’s and trailed his hands down the toned body.

He grabbed Suho’s arm, being careful to miss the bandaged areas, and placed his hand on his own chest right above the large scar and smiled. “we’re both scared, so we’re a perfect match”

Suho’s eyes lit up and he smiled “why does that make me feel better” he laughed before going serious “I don’t like you being scarred though… it means you went through something”

“and I don’t like you being scarred, but it doesn’t change how much I love you”

Suho bent down and kissed Kris’s chest a few times following the scar “there I kissed it better”

“but the pain is up here… and here” Kris pointed at his head then his heart and Suho frowned before kissing his forehead then his chest above his heart “there we go I made it a little better”

Kris couldn’t help but laugh, Suho was just too cute. “since… since you did such a brave thing this morning and showed me your scars… even though I don’t know the reason for them yet, I want to tell you the story behind mine”

Suho’s eyes widened in shock “you don’t have to if you don’t want to…”

“I want to” his eyes darkened and he finally let himself revisit the memory in order to tell Suho exactly what happened, a story he’s never told anyone in full.

 

~flashback~

“Kris honey, are you ready yet”

“yes mum, one sec” Kris grabbed his bag and ran down the stairs excited. His mum chuckled at the sight of her 14 year old son being so excited just to go on vacation “calm down honey we still have a long drive”

“I haven’t been to Grandpas house in ages” They were set to travel to Busan to spend a week at their grandpas cabin. 

Finally, his dad walked in hanging up his phone chuckling “ok I officially have work off”

“thank god I thought they were going to drag you into a few more days”

“same, but who cares it’s just work… are we ready? Let’s get going!” his dad ruffled his hair “you got your games to play on the trip?”

“yeh!”

They all clambered into the car and turned the music up since they all liked the same kind, the first half hour was karaoke, the second was loud talking over the music and the next half hour was silent with more chilled music so Kris could play his games while his parents enjoyed the scenery.

“mum I’m hungry” Kris suddenly whined causing his parents to laugh

“sure honey, we’ll pull over at the next servo and get some chips or something”

Kris placed down his game and looked out the window trying to spot a servo unhappy that his tummy was rumbling but he was always a patient kid and never whined twice. After around 10 minutes his dad pulled the car over and they all rushed out to get some snacks. They were soon on the road again and the sun had begun to set a little making all the scenery glow orange. Kris was talking mindlessly to his parents explaining to them a story of him and Luhan playing at the arcade together. 

His dad was distracted for a second when Kris said something funny and laughed loudly, that was when Kris saw the headlights shining right in front of their windshield. He shouted loudly at the same time the truck horn went off.

The rest was a blur, his father twisted the wheel too hard causing the whole car to thrust itself to the side rolling before stopping upside down on the side of the road. Kris had hit his head when the car clipped the truck and his vision was slightly blurry, but he could still see the blood covering his father’s lifeless figure. He looked down to where the pain was the greatest and almost fainted at the site of a large piece of metal imbedded in his chest.

Kris coughed in pain a bit of blood running down his chin, and barely heard his mum screaming “GET OUT KRIS!! GET OUT NOW!!” one of her arms were twisted and the other was frantically reaching back trying to unbuckle Kris’s belt. Kris was trying so hard not to fall unconscious and was too shocked to cry “I’m not leaving you”

“DO IT!!” his mother was covered in blood mainly from her husband but was too desperate to get her son to safety that she tried everything to ignore the love of her life hanging upside down completely lifeless covered in glass.

Suddenly her door opened, and a frantic stranger tried to pull her out the car but she pushed him away “my son!! Save my son!!!” the stranger reluctantly left her and coughed trying to not breath in the smoke coming from the car. The door next to Kris opened and his belt was unbuckled, the stranger caught Kris, careful not to move the piece of metal which was holding all the blood in and put him the right way around and dragged him away from the wreckage.

Kris found some strength and started to cry “MUM!! DAD!!!” he tried to crawl back to the car, but the stranger just pulled him further away before resting him carefully on the ground “stay here” a soft voice told him. The stranger stood up and started to run back to the car but before he could flames started to flicker from the hood and he knew he was too late. Kris was terrified for his parents and used the last of his energy to stand up and take a few steps towards the car it was short lived, and he fell to his knees. The flames found the spilt fuel and the car burst into flames, the last thing he saw before he fell unconscious onto the hard asphalt road to the noise of fire, screaming and sirens.

He woke up refusing to open his eyes thinking it was all a horrible nightmare. When he did, he almost cried when he saw the white of a hospital room, he looked down to see his chest heavily bandaged as well as both his legs and there were many iv’s connected to his wrist. He still had some hope and waited patiently for the doctor or a nurse to come in, when they finally did, they were surprised to see the boy had woken up.

“my dear how are you feeling?” the doctor asked while conducting a few tests.

“where’s my parents?”

“let’s focus on you first”

“no” his stubborn side was showing, he had to know “what happened”

The doctor sighed and sat down grabbing his hand in comfort “dear, you’ve been in a medically induced coma for a few weeks so your body to heal” she looked in Kris’s eyes apologetically “I’m sorry but your parents didn’t make it, they passed away on site”

Kris’s breath caught in his throat and his mind was still denying it “it’s not true… you’re lying” tears started falling down his cheeks and he broke down right in front of the doctor who tried her best to calm the poor boy down.

It wasn’t long till the news had spread and Luhan appeared at the hospital and stayed with Kris for multiple weeks comforting him and trying to heal him both physically and mentally. He spent almost two months in the hospital healing and eventually he was allowed to move around on a wheelchair. Luhan lightened the mood by racing Kris around the halls and making up games they could play.

Kris was in a zombie state after spending weeks crying.

Eventually he was discharged, and the ambulance dropped him off at his grandfathers, who was just as shocked and upset as Kris and agreed immediately to take his grandson in even though he couldn’t really afford it. He kept all his daughter and son in laws money aside to give to Kris when he wanted to move out. They lived together for two years but as soon as he went to high school he wanted to go back to where Luhan was and his grandpa offered to drive him. but as soon as he hopped in the car the memories flooded him and he started to have a panic attack and couldn’t handle it. His grandpa had no idea how to get Kris to and from school and made the decision to let the boy move to Seoul by himself by plane. He took out the money and gave it to his 16-year-old grandson telling him to be safe and get good grades and come visit him once in a while. Kris cried leaving his grandpa, but he missed Luhan, the only friend he had and the person who made his experience easier to deal with. He promised himself to repay his Grandpa someday.

 

~end of flashback~

 

Kris’s arms were white from gripping onto Suho’s waist so hard and his breathing was rapid as tears ran down his face. His voice trembled throughout the entire story and he rushed the last bit trying so hard not to break down from the memories which were so vivid in his mind.

Suho had tears running down his face “I’m so sorry Kris I’m so sorry” he wrapped his arms around his neck pulling Kris’s face into his neck “I’m so sorry you had to go through that” Suho silently comforted Kris until he stopped crying and the memories were being less prominent. He pulled Kris’s face away and looked in his eyes smiling softly “I’ll be your family now Kris”

“thank you” he whispered

Suho softly pecked his nose “now stop being so manly and show me your feelings like you have been there’s no point in being tough it gets you nowhere, let me heal you”

“only if I’m allowed to heal you”

“deal” Suho held out his pinky and thumb to make the promise which Kris laughed at before linking his own fingers and they nodded at each other.

“but let’s stop crying we’ve done enough of that today” Kris sighed reaching up and wiping away Suho’s tears.

 

Tao was breathing heavily smiling up at the wooden ceiling, his sword was next to him and his hands were slightly bloody from him training too hard for too long, it was definitely midnight but he wanted to keep training, but his body was fatigued.

He felt his phone buzz and pulled it out of his pocket wiping away the sweat on his brow

[Luhan: can I call you?]

[Tao: sure]

Immediately his phone buzzed, and he answered it straight away “Lu, what is it?”

[“why are you still awake?”]

“I could ask you the same” he let out a breathy laugh

[“don’t tell me you’re training?]

“how did you know”

[“I thought I told you to stop training yourself to the point your body can’t take it… are you ok?”]

“why did you call Lu?”

[“don’t change the subject”]

“Lu…”

[“fine…I’m lonely… I just wanted to talk”]

“how was the dinner?”

[“you know what my family is like”]

“so shit”

[Luhan laughed softly “you got it”]

“what did they say this time?”

[he sighed “not much just… one of my cousins just started university and the other has a model girlfriend and everyone had such exciting stories and life accomplishments and I… I had nothing”]

“Lu, it doesn’t matter”

[“but it does! My family will never be proud of me, why do I have to be the failure”]

“listen to me, you will make them proud and you know what who cares, as long as you’re happy who the fuck cares. At least you have parents and a comfortable life”

[“but im not happy…”]

“Lu…”

[“Im sorry this was stupid”]

“lets go get ice cream together tomorrow morning ill buy you your favourite”

[Luhan laughed “ok you better keep that promise”]

“I will now get some sleep and remember that I love you and so does Kris and Suho and all we want is you to be happy nothing else matters”

[“ok you go home and sleep well ok… I lo… thank you for being my friend”]

He hung up and sighed, this was getting complicated.

 

Tao kept his promise and drove to Luhans house in the morning taking him to their favorite ice cream spot. Tao ordered and paid bringing the two cones over to Luhan on the outside table and they both sat and enjoyed the view.

“sorry for the call yesterday”

“don’t be sorry, call me whenever I’m always happy to hear your voice” Tao smiled “but are you feeling better?”

“yeh I am thanks”

They started talking about the people they saw walking around, it was a fun game of theirs to take turns pointing out people and making up stories about their life. By the end they were laughing so hard not caring that they finished their ice-creams. They had spent around 2 hours just sitting at the café and went back in to buy drinks before leaving to go sit by the river instead.

Tao dangled his legs over the edge his feet just touching the water “you were right about that note yesterday”

“those dickheads I swear if I ever figure out who they are I’m getting Kris and beating their asses”

“and that’s why I don’t tell you”

“you cant let them get away with it” Luhan whined annoyed

“it’s not worthit one day they’ll realise how stupid they are”

“stop pretending like it doesn’t affect you I know it does”

“it doesn’t matter”

“it does”

“can we talk about something else” he smiled, and they changed the subject talking about a new game that was coming out soon

“we should have a games night sleep over thing when it comes out!” Luhan said excitedly and Tao nodded “sounds like fun” he felt weight on his side when Luhan leaned his head on his shoulder.

Luhan looked at his hands enjoying the feeling of leaning on Tao, he told himself he was getting over him, but he couldn’t. it hurt him as much as it made him happy to be around Tao. The man was simultaneously making Luhan the happiest man in the world but also ripping his heart to shreds. Silence enveloped them and they started out at the river watching the world go past, Luhan creeped his hand into Tao’s lap grabbing his hand and holding onto it. Tao tensed up but allowed Luhan to hold it, he wished he could read Tao’s actions but like always the man was impossible to read.

Tao smiled down at Luhan “Lu did you want to come to my house?”

“yeh sounds good” he let go of Tao’s hand and waited for the other to get up before heading back to Suho’s house. Since it was Saturday the pathway was filled with couples and families out enjoying the sun, the two talked quietly amongst themselves as they slowly walked their conversation not particularly going anyway but they both enjoyed it non the less.

“man, the sun is too hot” Luhan threw his jacket on the kitchen table regretting wearing it.

“tell me about it” Tao fanned himself as he tried to find the aircon remote which always seemed to change locations. He found it and turned it on sighing in relief.

He looked over at Luhan to see him staring at his phone which was constantly buzzing with new messages. “someone’s popular, who is it?”

Luhan looked a little panicked before shrugging “no one it’s ok” he put his phone in his jacket pocket on the table after turning it on silent. Tao raised an eyebrow at him but ignored it going to the fridge and looking for something to make for lunch.

 

Suho groaned as he woke up and squinting his eyes at the sun coming through the window. He snuggled into Kris shoving his face into the man’s chest and smiled at the comfort. He felt a hand creep around him and another one play with his hair, he opened his eyes and kissed Kris’s scar which was right in front of his eyes and he heard a husky laugh above him “morning Suho”

“morning”

“ive never seen you sleep in this long”

“what time is it?”

“almost 11:30”

“wait what!! That’s insane” he laughed “and you didn’t have any nightmares last night!” he sat upright excited and his heart jumped in joy when Kris smiled softly and nodded.

“we should celebrate then! Come on get dressed let’s go to mine and I’ll cook something!”

“ok” Kris said and rolled over stretching still reluctant to get out of bed

When they entered the house, they could hear Luhan and Tao shouting loudly as they played games together on the ps4. They smiled fondly at the two and shouted hellos momentarily distracting the two before they focused back to the game in front of them. Suho started cooking while Kris played on his phone. Suho ended up making twice as much to feed both the boys as well who were elated to finally eat since they only had a small bit of food beforehand. They all sat at the table happily chatting delighted to finally be ok.

“hey Tao, we haven’t hung out for a while” Kris pouted pushing the empty plate away from himself.

“we haven’t, wanna go shopping I need my tall-ass fashion guru”

“sounds good! I’m not that tall”

Suho rolled his eyes mumbling “it’s not fair how tall you are”

Luhan laughed “Suho let’s hang out then, who needs those two!”

“ok!”

Kris got up “I’ll get ready then we can go”

Tao groaned “but you take half a day to get ready”

“no, I don’t I’ll be fast”

“I can say for a fact you won’t” Tao laughed causing Kris to punch him in the shoulder

“how do you date him” Luhan asked Suho who shrugged and smiled sweetly at Kris who just rolled his eyes again and walked off to Suho’s room to go fix his hair.

“what should we do?” Suho looked at Luhan who smiled

“we haven’t hung out for a while so let’s go to a café and talk or something?”

“ok!” Suho got up and walked into his room to find Kris.

Luhan followed Tao to his room and they grabbed their things they needed. Luhan tripped over a shirt but caught himself before he fell, Tao grabbed his arm to stabilize him and in consequence was standing incredibly close to Luhan. Luhan looked up to see Tao’s face centimeters from his own, he cursed at himself because he knew he couldn’t control it and leaned forwards kissing Tao.

Tao didn’t move and just stood like a statue, he saw Luhan close his eyes and he freaked out tilting his head downwards instantly breaking the kiss, he just looked at the ground and refused to look at Luhan. He could feel the hurt radiating off Luhan and sighed “I hope you have fun with Suho, I’ll go see if Kris is ready, yet I doubt it” he laughed awkwardly before walking to the bed and grabbing his bag then heading out the door not looking back once.

Luhan just stood frozen, he refused to cry over Tao anymore. He shook his body and walked over to the bed sitting down and pulling his jacket into his lap pulling out his phone and opening the messages he was receiving earlier and replied to them sighing and shoving the phone into his shorts pocket pulling on the jacket when Suho peeped around the door asking if he was ready. They went to the café next to the arcade and ordered iced coffees sitting down outside around the corner a little for some privacy.

“so, you told Kris about your arms, how did it go?”

“really well, he also told me the story behind his scar”

Luhans eyes widened “he did! Wow he has literally told no one the story not even me, I only know the details from the nurses and doctors when he was in the hospital”

“really?” Suho smiled “I’m glad he told me”

“will you tell him the story behind your scars?”

“if I ever find out why I do it then yeh” he laughed awkwardly “but enough about that, what’s happening in your life I don’t actually know much about you” he leaned on his hand and looked at Luhan expectantly

“I’m pretty normal” he scratched the back of his head “I have pretty strict parents with high expectations, but I’m known as the failure son so there’s less stress on me compared to my brother”

“you have a brother I’ve never met him!”

“that’s probably a good thing”

“oh…”

“it’s all good… hmm what else?... there is something I kinda want to talk about but im not sure”

“it’s ok talk to me I’m pro at keeping secrets” he held up his arm laughing

“true, well I… I have a boyfriend”

“really!? Since when? Who is it?”

“it’s a guy I met a few days ago at a club, he asked me out this morning, so I said yes”

Suho’s face contorted in concern “are you sure? It seems a little fast…”

“honestly I donno, but I confessed to the person I’m in love with and they rejected me, so I thought what a better way to get over them” his body deflated a little and Suho wanted to hug him

“I’m so sorry Luhan, just be careful ok he’s technically still a stranger… I’m here for you though if you get in any trouble”

“thank you Suho…” he sipped on his drink sighing, he was still wondering if he made the right choice, Suho was right this man was still a stranger and sent him about 6 messages just to ask him out. If that wasn’t a red flag what was. He sighed and shrugged before putting a smile on his face again “I’m so glad you and Kris are together… in the entire time I’ve known him, which is a long time, I’ve never seen him this happy”

Suho smiled “I haven’t been this happy in a long time either… I said to him that I’ll be his family… also can you do me a favor?”

“sure anything?”

“can you tell Tao about my arms?”

 

Kris led Tao into a Gucci store and pulled him over to the new collection which was just launched, he started pulling out items and pairing it with others to make outfits. Tao just sighed and couldn’t be bothered to try anything on or pay attention, Kris looked at him concerned “are you ok Tao, you don’t seem like yourself”

“hmm yeh I’m ok just distracted”

“what happened”

“nothing it’s fine… let’s go get a drink or something”

“you’re leaving a Gucci store and not buying anything something is wrong… are you sick?” he reached out and touched Tao’s head

He shook his head “I’m just not feeling it today”

“fair enough”

Kris lead them to a coffee stand to get some drinks before they sat down on one of the tables in the middle of the mall. “you seemed stressed these days” Kris tried to make Tao talk again

“it’s nothing much just a lot is happening”

“what happened to the shy little Chinese boy that told me everything”

He laughed awkwardly “honestly I didn’t tell you everything”

“hey! I thought we were close” Kris kicked him softly under the table

Tao laughed “we are Kris don’t worry… I just, someone leave me a pretty harsh note on my desk the other day”

“you mean the piece of paper you and Luhan were fighting over?”

“yeh… he didn’t want me to read it”

“Tao, I swear if you’re being bullied, I will track down and beat some sense into whoever does it”

“and that’s why I don’t tell you things like that” he laughed shaking his head sipping his drink

“I’m being serious! Tell me if it happens again” he was visibly angry, and Tao reached over patting the top of his hand

“you look ugly when you’re angry let’s keep shopping I feel like it now” Kris huffed in annoyance but agreed, pledging in his mind to protect Tao from whoever wants to tease him.

 

“uh excuse me?” Suho and Luhan looked up at the strange voice and saw a rather rough looking tall man standing there smiling sweetly down at them

“yeh?” Suho asked cautiously.

“I was just thinking you were quite cute” he focused his attention on Suho placing both his hands on the table leaning down close to Suho’s face. He was feeling really awkward and didn’t say anything, Luhan was also trying to think of a way to make this man leave.

“I was wondering if I could get your number baby, we could go somewhere nice together”

“so-sorry I’m already in a relationship”

“who cares, leave them I’ll make you feel real special. I think you’re super cute” he grinned seedily.

Suho tried to lean away from the guy and Luhan piped in trying to force the guy to leave, he grabbed the guys arm “dude, leave him alone he said he was taken, and he obviously isn’t attracted to you”

“who asked you hey?” he grabbed Luhans hand with his free hand and twisted it lightly making Luhan squeak out in pain. 

“leave him alone!” Suho shot out of his seat to go to Luhan but the man let go of Luhan and stood in front of Suho blocking his path, he stepped forwards, so he was chest to chest with Suho and leant his hand against the wall trapping Suho who was visible frightened now. “your last chance sweetie, I’ll give you anything you want”

“no!”

“LEAVE HIM ALO- “Luhans sentence was cut off when he was harshly pushed to the ground and the man grabbed Suho’s arms making him yelp out in pain. The man pulled Suho forwards then slammed him against the wall so hard it took Suho’s breath away, his vision blurred out and his legs started to wobble.

Luhan groaned clutching his arm and looked at horror when the stranger slammed Suho against the wall he looked around and screamed out for help, but no one heard him, and if they did, they were ignoring it not wanting to get involved. He stood up and moaned in pain, he took steps towards Suho going to attempt to get the guy off him again.

But when he looked at Suho he stopped in surprise to see an evil grin adorning his face, his eyes were clouded over, and he no longer looked scared. “what the fuck are you smirking about”

“you messed with the wrong person honey” he said the last word with absolute venom and kicked out getting the man right in the wrong place making him bend over in pain. He took that opportunity to hook him right in the face with such impact that Luhan flinched and took a step back, the man fell to the ground “what the fuck are you doing!!”.

“you’re disgusting” Suho walked up to him and pulled his hair harshly making him look up “think of this next time you try to be an asshole” he held onto the man’s hair tighter and kneed him right in the middle of the face smirking when he heard a cracking noise.

He threw the man onto the ground again kicking him one more time before turning around and grabbing Luhans hand pulling the shocked boy away from the scene. They ran for a bit before stopping to catch their breaths and Suho looked at Luhan with a cocked eyebrow and a scowl on his face, he reached out his hand for Luhan to shake “nice to meet you finally, I’m Kai”

“Kai?!” Luhans eyes widened and he cautiously reached out shaking his hand but quickly pulled away making Kai tilt his head “no need to be scared, I’m not going to hurt you”

Luhan was shocked “but you hurt Kris”

Tao scowled “Kris is different, but you… I will never hurt you”

“please don’t hurt Kris”

“there’s no promises there” Kai smiled and turned around a serious expression taking over his face again. They heard ambulance sirens in the distance and Luhan played with his hands nervously.

Kai started walking away and Luhan followed him at a distance still not sure what to do or how to act around Kai. He eventually sat down on the grass motioning for Luhan to sit down next to him. “so back to this new boyfriend of yours, can I meet him?” he frowned sending shivers down Luhans back

“n-no sorry”

“what did I say, don’t be scared of me”

“it’s a bit hard after seeing what you did”

“haha true” he scooted closer to Luhan and whispered in his ear “that asshole who rejected you was an idiot”

For some reason that made Luhan laugh and made him feel a little better “I just wish they would have been a little nicer about it”

“want me to make him nicer?”

“stop offering to beat everyone up”

Kai shrugged before his face shifted a little “it’s all I know what to do. I’m pretty useless otherwise”

“hey don’t say that, violence is a choice not a lifestyle”

“what shit was that saying” Kai laughed out loud before coughing and putting on his neutral face again “don’t say stuff like that”

“fine, fine” Luhan sighed wrapping his arms around his legs “I guess thanks for coming and getting us out of that situation”

“thank you for looking after Lay”

“huh?” Luhans head shot towards Kai his eyes wide

“I don’t have memories of all the personalities but with Lay the memories are vivid, it’s like I’m conscious but have no control over the body… and I know that there’s a high possibility we wouldn’t be ok right now if it wasn’t for you… so thank you”

“i-it’s ok”

“no one thanks you cause they don’t know what you did, but I do”

Luhan felt his heart hammer against his chest “you aren’t all tough are you” he smiled and squeezed Kai’s cheek who frowned and shook his hand off.

“don’t treat me like I’m cute”

“but you are… in a scary way”

“hey!” Kai scoffed and stood up “let’s go home I’m bored”

“ahh ok” Luhan got up too and they walked together, Luhan noticed that Kai constantly walked really close to him like he got comfort from occasionally brushing their hands together. He ignored it though not thinking much of it.

 

When they got home Kai immediately left to Suho’s room and had a shower leaving Luhan to sit on the couch and send a text to both Tao and Kris

[Luhan: Just so you’re prepared Kai is here]

[Kris: what Kai! Luhan are you ok?]

[Luhan: yeh I’m fine he won’t hurt me]

[Tao: we’re coming home now anyway]

Luhan hissed in pain when he put his arm on the couch, the leather had touched his grazed elbows. He had totally forgotten about his nasty fall and the pain was starting to set in on his lower back and his arms. He sighed walking to the kitchen pulling out the first aid box and trying to clean his elbows but was struggling a little, Kai came out of the room with a pair of shorts on and nothing else. He chuckled at Luhans struggle

“here let me help” he grabbed Luhans arm and cleaned it out making sure to put the band aids on in a way they won’t fall off. He poked his tongue out as he focused on the other elbow and then searched the rest of Luhans body finding a few other grazing’s and covering them.

The door clicked and Kris and Tao walked in pausing when they saw a shirtless Kai holding a bandaged Luhan.

“what did you do to him?” Kris was angry and walked up to Kai holding his shoulders and softly pushing him away from Luhan, he didn’t want to hurt him since he was Suho after all.

“Kris it’s ok, he saved us earlier and was just making sure I was ok”

Kris glared at Kai “is that true?”

“who cares” his hands roughly pushed Kris making him stumble into the counter behind him. Kai walked up menacingly trapping Kris in the same way Suho was trapped earlier and growled into his ear “you really love not listening to me do you”

“why are you doing this?” Kris whispered back

“none of your business” he raised his fist but halted when a pair of arms wrapped around his waist

“Kai, stop… please” Luhans soft voice made Kai relax and loosen his hold on Kris stepping backwards glaring at the man “don’t come near me”.

He stomped of into his room slamming the door, leaving the three stunned boys to stare at each other in confusion.

“this may be a difficult one”

“no shit” Kris ran his hand through his hair “I think it would be better if I go home, Luhan it seems like he listens to you so maybe you could stay with him?” his whole body deflated and he reluctantly left the house looking sadly at the closed door before shaking his head and leaving.

 

“what do I do then?” Tao just stood there awkwardly

“you could maybe stay at mine? I’m not sure what his feelings towards you are…”

“fair enough ok I’ll just grab a few things”

“I’ll help you” Luhan smiled and followed Tao helping him to pack some clothing “I’m sure my parents won’t care they’re never home anyway”

“I hope so” Tao laughed before standing upright and looking at Luhan rubbing his face “also… I’m sorry for this morning, it’s just when you kiss me so unexpectedly, I don’t know how to react”

“kiss back?”

“Lu!... how many times do I have to reject you, please just…”?

“it’s fine I’ve got the message, I won’t kiss you now can we just forget about it… here’s the rest of your stuff and the key to my place”

Tao sighed and grabbed the key “thank you, stay safe and I’ll see you soon?”

“of course”

He left and Luhan sat on the bed tugging at his hair, he heard footsteps come into the room and laughed half-heartedly “what did you forget”

“so, he’s the dickhead who broke your heart” the voice was so dark it made Luhan feel scared, he looked up to see Kai standing there with a hoodie on and his arms crossed a scary look on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my beautiful readers ~ <3  
> this was a bit angsty woah, but also we got some backstories! obviously there's still lots more to figure out but that will come so stay tuned haha.  
> It's a possibility that the chapter updates will start to slow a little because of uni commitments and work but I will work hard to try and keep updating as fast as I can :)  
> As always thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed and have a lovely day/night. comments make me happy :P I love you all!! bye for now


	13. Complicated

“Kai it’s not what it looks like I promise!” Luhan stood up with wide eyes and went to grab Kai’s hand but Kai just scoffed looking at the ground annoyed and moved his hand so Luhan couldn’t touch it, he shoved it in his pockets and stormed out of the room.

“KAI WAIT!” Luhan ran out and stopped confused when Kai was stood in the kitchen looking in the fridge

“you really think I could be bothered going out this late?”

“please don’t think badly of Tao”

“no”

“promise me you won’t do anything to him!”

Kai looked at him and smirked “I only promised not to hurt you, I don’t care about the others”

“but why! You love Kris!”

“do I?”

“ye-yes you do” Luhans voice was wavering, was it possible that not all of Suho loved Kris?

“Suho may, but I hate him”

“why?”

“none of your business”

“then I’m not leaving your side till you turn back!” Luhan stomped his foot annoyed and slumped on the couch folding his arms angrily “why couldn’t Lay come” he whispered.  
He jumped when a hand covered his mouth and another slithered around his neck holding onto it lightly not applying any pressure “don’t say something like that Lu, you’ll hurt my feelings” Kai whispered in Luhans eyes feeling the boy shiver in his hold.  
“you say you won’t hurt me, but you’ll threaten me?” Luhan scoffed, his voice muffled by Kai’s hand but still understandable

“that wasn’t a threat” Kai loosened his hold and let go of Luhan walking back off to the kitchen

“why can’t I understand you, Lay was so easy to understand” Luhan pouted

“because you’re an idiot, soon I’ll be throwing up rose petals if you continue like this”

“what?”

“see stupid” Kai kicked the door fridge closed and placed a few meals that Tao and Suho had pre-made and froze, into the microwave to heat up for dinner. When they were ready, he took them both to the couch and slumped on the other end of the couch to Luhan “eat”

 

Tao sat in Luhans bed hugging his pillow and staring blankly at the wall. He hoped that Luhan was ok, was it the right idea to leave him with possibly the most dangerous of all the personalities?  
He picked up his phone sending a quick text  
[Tao: Everything going ok Lu?]

[Luhan: It’s fine, have a nice night]

Tao wrote a few messages but deleted them all and threw his phone on the bed deciding to just not write back. He sighed shoving his face into the pillow, maybe he should have just gone back to China, everything would be so much less complicated. He could handle the bullying, the tormenting and ostracization. But he couldn’t handle knowingly breaking his best friends’ heart continuously, he sniffed hugging the pillow tighter he hated the feeling of crying but couldn’t stop himself and he felt the fabric becoming wetter and wetter, but he didn’t want to move.

Why does every aspect of his life always have to be so complicated, the only thing he knew was that he couldn’t date Luhan.

He wiped his face on the pillow and picked up his phone looking at the screen blankly for a little before unlocking it and tapping on his social media icon noticing he had a plethora of new messages. Sniffing he opened the messages one by one reading through them, some were in Chinese and some in Korean, which took him a bit longer to read and translate. Every single one of them were filled with hate and venom telling Tao and million and one reasons why he’s a waste of space and should kill himself and how no one could love someone like him.

It calmed him down a little, back to a state of emotional nothingness, his limbs didn’t feel like his own and his mind regressed back to simple thoughts and pointless daydreams. A state which felt almost outer-bodily. He sighed in relief and flopped backwards on the bed staring once again blankly at the white of Luhans ceiling.

 

Luhan woke up and stretched his neck groaning, he had somehow fallen asleep on the couch. He was stretched out across the whole thing and had a blanket covering him and a pillow tucked under his head. Other than his neck being in a weird position he was comfy and rearranged himself, so he was comfier, closing his eyes again fully intending to fall asleep again. That didn’t happen when he suddenly remembered about Kai and shot up the blanket falling to the floor. 

He ran into Suho’s room slamming open the door and sighed in relief when he saw him lying on the bed face down on the pillow. He creeped up slowly and ran his hand softly down Kai’s back so what he saw yesterday when he grabbed Kai off Kris wasn’t a lie. He traced the scars and winced a little at how raised they were from his skin, like they never healed properly.  
Kai’s hand shot up and grabbed Luhans wrist making the boy almost have a heart attack from fright. He flipped himself over and glared at Luhan “what are you doing?”  
“you-you’re scars… what are they from?”

“and why is that any of your business?” his frown got deeper, and he pulled Luhans arm making him fall onto the bed next to Kai. When Luhan tried to clamber out Kai just held him tighter.

“please tell me”

“don’t you dare ever ask me about my scars again or touch them” he growled his nails unintendedly digging into Luhans skin making him squeak in pain trying to pull his arm away again but that just made the nails drag along his skin elevating the pain.

“I’m so-sorry” Luhan yelled in pain and gave up trying to get away “please… please stop you’re hurting me” he sobbed out looking at the bed and not at Kai anymore

Kai suddenly let go sitting up in horror “I’m sor-“ Luhan didn’t wait for him to finish running out of the room holding his wrist tightly. Kai looked down at his hand shocked to see specks of blood on his fingernails and cringed, so much for his promise not to hurt Luhan.

“Luhan are you ok?” Kai rushed out and tried to touch Luhans shoulder when he found him in the bathroom running his arm under the tap

“Don’t touch me!!” Luhan looked at Kai frightened and stepped away from him.

Kai looked at Luhan then at his hand and saw some of the water turn red as it ran off. “I’m sorry” he hung his head

“you promised!”

“I didn’t mean to, I can’t control it sometimes”

“but you broke a promise!”

“I-I’m sorry, I guess that’s just who I am… I won’t touch you anymore” Kai turned his back to Luhan and walked out of the bathroom and grabbed a hoody throwing it on and leaving the house he kicked stones on his way and hung his head, so he didn’t have to look at anyone.

He for some reason ended up at the bottom of Kris’s apartment complex and leant against the wall confused, Kris was the last person he wanted to see but his instincts just lead him there. He heard footsteps coming and looked up, when he saw who it was he smirked and walked around so he was behind him. he reached out and grabbed the person covering his mouth and dragging him around to the alley way on the side of the building. He slammed the boy against the wall and held him there still holding his mouth closed but now they were facing each other

The boy tried to speak but it was muffled so Kai lifted his finger up to his mouth and the boy nodded as much as he could against Kai’s hold. He let go slowly and the boy breathed heavily regaining his breath before he looked up at Kai

“Kai? What are you doing? You scared me”

“what am I doing? What are you doing Tao?”

Tao’s eyes were wide in fright and he couldn’t really get his breathing to go back to normal “to see Kris?” He said in-between huffs

Kai leant in real close, so he was almost whispering “that’s not what I meant, what are you doing to Luhan?”

“what…what do you mean?”

“why are you hurting him” he scowled

“I’m not meaning to”

“but you are!” Kai slammed his hand hard against the wall next to Tao’s head making the boy flinch he grabbed Tao’s collar and lifted up, so the boy had to stand on his tippy toes

“please… I don’t want to hurt him I promise you!”

Kai tilted his head “then why are you?”

“I…I… please!” Tao was trying to free himself, but Kai was surprisingly strong and screamed out in pain when Kai kneed him in the stomach

“stop being an idiot, man you annoy me” he briefly let go of Tao making the boy sigh in relief, until Kai swung his arm and punched him right in the cheek making him fall to the ground.

He knelt down looking at Tao cradling his cheek in his hand with tears in his eyes “I thought you were the master of self-defense? You don’t put up much of a fight”

“I don’t want to hurt you!”

“but I want to hurt you… real bad…. so what are you going to do about it?”

Tao scouted back on the ground terrified when Kai followed him and once again Tao was trapped between Kai and the wall. He put his arms up covering his face hoping Kai would take pity on him, he was confused when nothing happened. He peeked through his arms and saw Kai fazing out while staring at Tao.

“are you ok?” his arms fell from his face and he waved a hand in front of Kai who didn’t move “Kai?” that seemed to snap him out of his daze and Tao noticed that his body was trembling “Kai are you ok?”

Kai’s hand shot out and he grabbed Tao’s hair forcibly pushing him back onto the wall and snarled “if I hear you’ve hurt Luhan again it will be way worse, you wouldn’t be able to stand up”

“what happened are you ok?” Tao was holding onto Kais hands to lessen the tension on his hair sighing in relief when the pain lessened a little.  
That seemed to be the wrong thing to say and Kai’s eyes darkened, and he let go of Tao making him slump against the wall, he then punched him right in the gut causing Tao to cough in pain and lose his breath. Kai just stood up and walked away once again not going anywhere in particular, he was trying to shake the vision he had when he saw Tao in such a pathetic position out of his head, but he just couldn’t.

 

Kris shook his head, Tao always had a tendency to be late. He told him about an hour ago that he was coming over, it was only a 15-minute walk from Luhans to Kris’s. he picked up his phone sending Tao a message

[Kris: where are you?]

[Tao: I might go home]

[Kris: what why aren’t you coming over?]

[Tao: I’m tired]

[Kris: sleep on my couch, I thought you said you couldn’t stay at Luhans for longer and obviously you can’t go to where Kai is just in case]

[Tao: haha yeh]

Kris sighed and decided just to call the boy since these text messages seemed to be going nowhere the first call went all the way to voice mail and he stared at the screen confused

[Kris: pick up]

He called again and just before it went to voicemail Tao picked up “finally, where are you?”

[“uh, on my way home”]

“are you ok you don’t sound too good”

[“out of breath I guess haha”]

“you can’t go home, what if Kai gets angry, you’re there”

[“it’s fine I can look after myself Kris, stop worrying won’t you”]

Kris flinched at Tao’s tone of voice and sighed “ok, I’m sorry I just want you to be safe. Call me later ok”

[“sure, bye”]

Kris put down his phone confused, Tao didn’t sound ok, maybe he was sick or something. No, he didn’t sound sick just very out of breath… and in pain? He pulled out his phone sending a text to Tao before putting on his jacket  
[Kris: I’m going to Suho’s as well then]  
He walked there constantly checking his phone and looking around for Tao but there were no signs of him. when he reached the house he cautiously walked in to see Luhan sitting on the couch slumped a little texting on his phone while frowning.

“hey Luhan, where is everyone”

“I donno”

“huh?”

“Kai left somewhere and hasn’t been home in a while, Tao said he was staying at mine for another night”

“I thought your parents wanted him to go home since it was a school night?”

“he convinced them otherwise”

“oh” Kris deflated a little sitting next to Luhan looking at the band aids on his wrist in concern “is everything ok?”

“yeh it’s fine” Luhan forced a smile to make Kris feel a little better “Kai is a bit temperamental but it’s fine really”

“who are you texting?”

Luhan hid his phone a little embarrassed before sighing “I have a boyfriend now”

“really!” Kris straightened up a little and smiled “shouldn’t that be a happy thing? Congratulations!”

“I guess so, but he’s kinda a rebound and very clingy it’s exhausting”

“can I meet him?”

“no”

“why” Kris put on his best fake pout making Luhan crack a smile

“ok maybe someday”

“did you want the night off to go meet him I can deal with Kai”

“but he hates you”

“so?”

“haha fine, that would be nice I need to change though…”

“why? You look fine”

Luhan laughed awkwardly and ruffled his hair “my boyfriend doesn’t like my style, so he told me what kind of style to wear when I meet him”

Kris furrowed his eyebrows “Luhan… that’s kinda weird”

“haha no man it’s fine, I might just borrow some of Tao’s outfits he has good taste” Luhan waved him off and got up texting his boyfriend walking off to Tao’s room.

“let me help” Kris was a little concerned but followed Luhan anyway to help him pick something out.

 

Kai huffed out staring at his hands sitting on a park bench not really caring where he was. He looked at the bruises forming and sighed pulling out his phone dialing the only person he could talk to now that he didn’t have Luhan anymore  
[“Hello?”]  
“Hey Minho… I beat someone up again”

[“who is this?”]

“Kai who else…”

[Minho sighed “it’s nice to hear from you Kai, but please tell me you beat up someone you didn’t now”]

“Tao”

[he cursed silently “Kai, we talked about this last time you need to control yourself”]

“but I can’t”

[“then you’re as bad as him”]

Kai’s breath hitched and he shook his head “never”

[“take a step back and look at what you’re doing, you’re destroying yourself and becoming like him”]

“how dare you” Kai hung up angry and wanted so bad to throw his phone but knew Suho would be annoyed if he did so he controlled himself. “asshole, what does he know”

 

“why are you stressing so much about this just wear that jacket and a white shirt tucked into your jeans, how fussy can this guy be?” Kris ran his hand through his hair

“he’s very uptight about appearance so I have to be to”

“that’s bullshit”

“shut up” Luhan did what Kris suggested and threw on the clothing items finally satisfied he looked up when Kris’s phone went off

“hello?”

[“hey Kris, it’s Minho, is Tao with you?”]

“huh? No, he’s at Luhans house”

[“ahh good, so he’s with Luhan… is he ok?”]

“no, Luhans with me Tao’s just staying at Luhans while Kai is here… what do you mean is he ok?”

[“shit, do me a favor and go check up on him”]

“what happened?” Kris looked at Luhan shocked who tilted his head in confusion

[he sighed “I’m sorry… I think Kai might of hurt him”]

“I’m going now thanks Minho” he hung up and ran out of the room shouting “I’m going to Tao, Kai might of hurt him”

Luhan just stood there shocked, did Kai lash out at Tao because of their fight, that’s what he left the house for. Luhan felt like an idiot it was his responsibility to look after Kai and he failed causing Tao to suffer because of it. He took out his phone and called Kai, annoyed when the boy didn’t answer all three times he called, what is he doing?

 

Minho ran as fast as he could to Luhans house knocking on the door loudly, Luhans mum opened the door obviously annoyed but smiled when she saw Kris

“What is it honey?”

“can I see Tao?”

“he’s not here at the moment sorry”

“do you know where he is?”

“is something wrong?”

“no it’s fine thankyou, have a nice day” he bowed before turning around and pulling out his phone trying to ring Tao. “where are you?”

He scratched his head sighing, he walked off in a random way to go check all the places he thought Tao may be.  
He changed direction again for the third time annoyed, this time he decided to check the basketball courts he liked to go to. He looked up to the sky to see that the sun had almost set and it was about to be dark,  “please be there Tao” he whispered to himself taking bigger steps to get there faster. He breathed out in relief when he saw a figure sitting hunched over in the middle of the court. He cautiously walked up and when he was sure it was Tao he tapped the boy on the shoulder. Tao looked up shocked and quickly wiped his face “Kris?”  
“what are you doing here? Are you ok?”

“how did you find me” Tao turned his head forwards again hiding his face from Kris.

Kris sat down next to him “you didn’t make it that hard, Tao look at me”

“no” he shoved his face into his arms and curled up into himself again

“Tao what happened talk to me please” Kris scooted closer to him and carefully tugged at his arm trying to encourage Tao to look up again.

Tao just shrugged him off “I’m fine, just tired”

“Tao, Minho called me… I know Kai beat you up, show me you’re fine”

“he didn’t”

“Tao!” Minho raised his voice making Tao flinch “I’m sorry, just stop hiding your feelings for once”

Tao’s body froze and he sighed finally lifting his head from his arms but not facing Kris. Kris lent over and carefully used his hand to make Tao face him, he gasped when he saw a large bruise covering Tao’s cheek with the skin split in the middle with dried blood surrounding it. He carefully moved Tao’s face around studying it “Tao…”

“save it, I’m fine”

“why didn’t you defend yourself?”

Tao shrugged “cause it’s Suho… also I kinda deserved it”

“what do you mean deserved it Tao! I’m so sorry”

“you wouldn’t have been able to do anything”

Kris sighed “why have you been crying your eyes are all red?”

“of course my eyes are red, I just got beaten” he laughed softly

“did he hit you anywhere else”

“no” he shrugged but winced a little

“stop lying to me Tao I’m worried about you”

“then stop worrying about me for once I’m fine!” Tao sniffed and angrily wiped the tears about to fall

“lift your shirt”

“no”

“Tao…” Tao sighed at Kris’s stern look and lifted the bottom of his shirt to show Kris the large blue and purple bruise there “I swear… if it wasn’t Suho I would kill him!” Kris’s hands balled up into fists and he was visibly angry

“Kris calm down, it doesn’t matter”

“it does! How many times does Luhan and I have to remind you that you matter”?

Tao just shrugged again and laid back so he was staring at the darkening sky “you should go home it’s getting late”

“I’m not going without you… why did Kai beat you up though, usually he goes for me”

“I donno wrong place wrong time I guess” Tao shook his head and felt Kris lay down beside him, Tao knew the reason Kai beat him up, but he wasn’t about to tell Kris that he broke Luhans heart. He would probably get a second beating, even though that’s what he deserved.

Kris closed his eyes “next time tell me when something like this happens stop hiding from us.”

He rolled over and leaned on his elbow looking down at Tao who avoided his gaze looking instead at the sky “is this about the bullying you told me about the other day?”

“no, it’s not that…”

Kris sighed reaching out and tilting Tao’s head so he could see the bruise again, Tao’s gaze followed, and he looked at Kris sadly before smiling “thanks”

“of course Tao, I’m here for you”

“thank you, we should probably go… Luhan might be worried”

“he’s out tonight”

Tao sat up confused “with who?”

“he didn’t tell you?” Kris tilted his head “he usually tells you everything first”

“what is it?” Tao’s eyes were wide in the realization that Luhan was keeping something from him

“Luhan has a boyfriend”

“a what?!”

 

Kai walked back to the house hesitant, maybe he should have booked a hotel or something. Luhan probably knows what he did to Tao and there is no way he would forgive him, especially after what he did this morning. He didn’t know why it felt so good to lash out, maybe it’s the feeling of someone finally feeling the pain he did. The pain he still has in his memories.

He thought of Suho and his cluelessness to everything, he kinda envied him, he wished he could just forget. He then thought of Sehun and how hard he tries to make Suho’s life easier and happier, should he write a letter for Suho since it’s been a while since Sehun had appeared… he ran his hand through his hair, it was a stupid idea for Sehun to start writing the letters pretending to be Suho’s parents. It’s obviously suss and he had no idea why Suho was fooled by them.

Well at least it’s better than pretending they’re dead, but he also knew that one day Suho would have to learn the truth.

He walked up to the front door and slowly opened it and without making a noise he creeped into the house and straight to his room relieved when he made it. He was pretty sure no one was home, but he didn’t want to risk it. He sat down at Suho’s desk and pulled out the paper and envelopes that Sehun had hidden starting to write a letter kinda confused what to write about.

‘say they started a business in America’

‘no, just say they’re traveling don’t go making anything too crazy’

“shut up guys I can do this”

‘sure. Sure’

He shook his head and decided to write a simple letter telling Suho that they were traveling to London next and would send Suho another allowance. He wrote that they loved him and missed him but couldn’t come home for a while longer and that they hoped that he was doing well.

He sighed and sealed the envelope walking out and placing the envelope on the kitchen counter hoping no one else touches it. He looked around the empty house feeling a chill go up his spine, he shivered but walked back into his room locking the door and laying down on the bed staring at the ceiling. he opened the secret bank account that Sehun had made and transferred some of the money into Suho's account before logging out and deleting it from the history and closing his eyes.

 

Tao unlocked the door and let Kris in.

“are you ok, you have been awfully quiet” Kris looked back blocking Tao’s entrance

“I’m fine, let me through” his voice had no character and he shoved his way past Kris walking to the kitchen “I don’t think we have much to eat” he looked at Suho’s door and shivered when he saw it closed. At least Kai wasn’t waiting for him that was a relief.

“Sit down you’re injured, I’ll make something” Kris ushered Tao to the couch and went back to the kitchen and tried to whip something together with his limited skills in cooking.

He placed the plates on the table ready to serve them up when he saw an envelope on the table which he swore wasn’t there before. He walked over to it and picked it up ‘For our Suho <3’   
“what the hell?” Kris tilted his head, curiosity was killing him, but he ignored it placing it back on the table planning to ask Suho when he comes back. Which he hoped was soon.  
“I think I need to buy Suho a new first aid kit” Kris laughed half-heartedly grabbing it to tend to Tao’s wounds while they ate.

 

Kai heard the door open and sat up in bed staring at his bedroom door, was it Luhan? He grunted when he heard only Kris and Tao, he couldn’t really make out what they were saying and climbed out of the bed sitting on the floor leaning against the door and pulled out his phone while he tried to eavesdrop on the conversation in the other room.

[Kai: Luhan, where are you?]

[Luhan: out, non of your business]

[Kai: I’m sorry for this morning]

[Luhan: is it true you hurt Tao?]

Kai stared at the screen tears pricking his eyes

[Kai: im sorry, I really am]

[Luhan: and to think I was starting to like your company]

He dropped his phone and threw his head back banging the door with the back of his head. He heard the conversation cease in the other room for a few minutes before starting up again. A tear ran down his cheek and he angrily wiped it away.

“why do you think Kai is so violent” he heard Tao suddenly ask

“I donno, I also don’t know why he hates me so much” Minho sighed

“I don’t hate you” Kai whispered to himself “I’m scared of you”

“do you hate him?”

“if he wasn’t Suho I would because he’s hurting people I love”

“there must be a reason…”

Kai rubbed his face annoyed “stop talking about me” he whispered before walking into the bathroom and looking at himself in the mirror. The expression he had on was ugly and full of hatred and hurt, he wished he could be normal. Or at least one of the better personalities like Sehun, or Chanyeol or even Chen, sighing he splashed water on his face to stop any more tears from falling.

He suddenly realized that he needed to change back, if he stayed any longer, he would just cause more problems for everyone.

 

Luhan stared at his phone annoyed, so it was true Kai did hurt Tao because of him.

“stop looking at your phone we’re on a date” his boyfriend said annoyed snatching Luhans phone out of his hand looking at the screen reading the texts before putting the phone in his own pocket.

“I’m so-sorry Jae” he looked up and gave him a small smile a bit shocked that his phone was taken but shrugged it off.

“let’s get a drink” Jae sighed grabbing Luhan’s hand dragging him to the bar ordering them both shots. Luhan offered to pay and Jae agreed straight away not putting up a fight.

“so Jae, what do you like doing in your spare time?”

He shrugged taking a shot “game I guess you?”

“I like to game as well!! Also I really enjoy soccer and…”

Jae cut him off “I also like to... you know” he leaned in close to Luhan so their noses touched. Luhan felt uncomfortable but let Jae kiss him anyway, Jae’s hands were all over him and one started creeping up his shirt but Luhan stepped away awkwardly scratching the back of his head “should we get more shots?”

“whatever” Jae rolled his eyes ordering more drinks and letting Luhan pay for them again.

“could I have my phone back? I promise I wont text anymore its just a little weird you having it”

Jae cocked his eyebrow “you can have it back when I say”

“o-ok”

 

Tao laid in bed snuggling his face into the blanket staring into the darkness of his room. He wondered how Luhans date was going, was he having fun? He bet the guy was better than him, nice, loving, funny, entertaining and not a nuisance. He rolled over picking up his phone and pressing on Luhan’s name considering sending him a text but then thought against it Luhan didn’t need to think of him when he was on a date. He let the phone drop on the floor and rolled over again trying to fall asleep.

 

Minho paced back and forth “Minho, come back to bed please” Taemin held the blanket up and smiled “they’ll be ok”

“but it’s Kai you met him last time, you remember what he said…”

~flashback~

Minho waited for Kai to finish his shower and sat on his bed wanting to talk to the man a little. He smiled softly when Kai came out of the shower with a towel around his waist

“what do you want?”

“please don’t hurt Kris… or the others”

“and what makes you think I will listen to you?”

“because I know this isn’t you and I want you to live a normal life”

Kai just laughed “how am I meant to live a normal life if I’m in this much pain”

“why did you punch Kris at school today?”

“because I felt like it”

Minho ran his hand through his hair “even though you can be violent, you always have a reason… what’s your reason?”

“what if my reason is that he annoys me, I know he will break Suho’s heart once he finds out everything… so I will make him feel the same pain I did until he gets the message”

“kai…”

“don’t you dare say it” Kai cut him off scowling

“you’re becoming like him”

Kai grabbed his collar “don’t ever say that to me again, now leave”

~end of flashback~

“Minho, we are 2 hours’ drive away there’s nothing we can do right now so come back to bed and call them tomorrow”

He smiled when Minho sighed and went back to the bed climbing in cuddling up to Taemin shoving his face into his lover’s chest mumbling “I’m so worried what if Kai keeps his promise”

“he won’t” Taemin kissed the top of his head and hugged him tighter trying to stop his worries.

 

Tao groaned waking up to the sun filtering through his window onto his face, he had no idea what time it was and walked out to the kitchen to grab some water because he felt dehydrated. He saw Kai standing there and walked cautiously around him, he was just standing there staring at a letter on the table. He looked up and lifelessly looked at the bruise on Tao’s cheek before looking back at the table.

Tao slowly grabbed a cup filling it and drinking it placing the cup down and tried to escape back to his room, but Kai grabbed his arm making him flinch. Kai looked at him with those empty eyes again and frowned

“I’m sorry”

“what?”

“don’t come near me” Kai let go and walked away to his room slamming the door.

Tao stood there frozen, did he just apologise? He heard the door click and Luhan walked in, he barely looked up, but Tao could see large bags under his eyes.

“Lu… did you sleep at all last night”

He just shook his head “I just need to get some things and my keys” he walked straight past Tao not even looking at him. Tao followed him to his room and turned him around making the boy face him “how was last night?”

“good” his eyes widened when he saw the bruise on Tao’s cheek, his hand reached up to touch it and he ran his finger over it for a second before pulling his hand away and stepping back.

“I’m sorry”

“for what?”

“it’s my fault that you got beaten up” he mumbled

“no, it was my fault, I deserved it cause I’m a dickhead” he laughed and petted Luhans hair

“you are” he smiled teasingly “I should go home we have school today and my parents are annoyed I didn’t come home last night, and I can’t text them?”

“why not?”

Luhan looked a little panicked “I... ahh my friend took it”

“you mean your boyfriend?”

Luhan looked at him wide-eyed and Tao smiled softly “Kris told me”

“yeh my boyfriend took it”

“why?”

“because I was texting on our date”

“Lu… that’s not ok”

“it’s ok, he’ll give it back after school, I gotta go” he grabbed the rest of his things and ran out the house trying to avoid any more conversation.

Tao leant against the wall, what the hell was happening to all of them…

 

He locked his car door and sighed pushing his hair back, Tao didn’t actually enjoy school all that much. The only part he didn’t mind was lunch but he knew today that it won’t be like normal.  
He walked to his class and slowly sat down next to Luhan, Luhan had a piece of paper in his hand that he was looking down at and frowning.  
“Lu?” Tao reached out to take the paper but Luhan quickly moved his arm out of reach  
“I’m not giving it to you”

“but it’s for me”

“no, it’s not ok!” Luhan scrunched up the piece of paper and threw it across the room huffing out and crossing his arms.

“you know it’s ok”

“bloody hell Tao this is not ok, not in any way” Luhan sighed finally looking at Tao.

Tao sighed and leaned close to Luhan whispering in his ear “I broke your heart, so why do you even care anymore”

Luhan flinched and scooted away looking at Tao shocked “because you’re my best friend nothing will change that! I will always love you one way or another!”

Other students were starting to look at them trying to figure out what the argument was so Tao just turned away and looked at the whiteboard waiting for the teacher to come and start the lesson.

Half way through the lesson Luhan got out of the chair and excused himself telling the teacher that he wasn’t feeling well. Tao considered going after him to see if he was ok but his gut said to stay where he was, so he reluctantly focused his attention back to the front promising himself to find Luhan when lunch came.  
He felt his phone buzz and instantly looked hoping it was Luhan, but then remembered that he didn’t have a phone at the moment  
[Kris: is Luhan ok?]

He looked back to see Kris looking at him worried, and the seat next to him empty. Tao shrugged before replying.   
[Tao: I’m not sure… his boyfriend took his phone]  
[Kris: that’s not right?...]

[Tao: it’s definitely not ok]

He heard Kris sigh quite loudly behind him and he looked at the clock becoming impatient.

Finally, the bell went, he rushed out of the room not even bothering to wait for Kris who he knew would wait for him under their tree. He raced around checking a few places including the nurses office but was having trouble finding him. finally he decided to check the bathroom on the other end of the school which students hardly went to.

He almost yelled out Luhans name when he saw his reflection in the mirror but stopped himself when he heard another voice, he quickly hid himself behind a wall not knowing what to do. He peeked around to see another boy with Luhan, he was relatively tall and quite handsome… was that Luhans boyfriend? Tao frowned, something about that boy annoyed the hell out of him.

He knew he was invading a private moment though and started to creep away but then the two started talking and Tao couldn’t help himself but listen in.

“here babe, you’ve been good so here’s your phone”

“thank you! Oh…” he heard a bang and peered around the wall again to see Luhan now sitting on the sink and the man holding him close about to kiss him.

“he-here?”

“why not”

“Jae… we’re at school please…”

So his name was Jae? Where the hell did Luhan even get to know him?

“why not babe, live life a bit more open”

“I… I” he looked around again to see Jae’s hand creeping up Luhans shorts while the other tried to un-button his top, anger filled him when he saw how uncomfortable Luhan was and it took everything in him not to interfere “p-please not here… stop!” Luhan pushed him away.

Jae snarled “why do you keep rejecting me huh? You should be glad I’m way out of your league, you’ll never find someone as good as me so next time you better let me do what I want”

“I’m sorry”

“you should be”

Tao balled up his fists, this guy was a total dickhead and he wanted more than anything to beat him up for how he was treating Luhan. A sudden thought filled his head, was it his fault that Luhan started going out with that sociopath? He shook his head.

He heard kissing sounds and saw Jae kissing Luhan quite hardly while Luhan just sat there accepting it. Finally, he pulled away and walked out of the bathroom telling Luhan to call him after school. Tao had just enough time to hide in one of the stalls, he heard Luhan sigh loudly before washing his face and leaving after Jae.

What the hell did he just witness, one thing he knew was that he had to get Luhan and Jae to break up. Jae doesn’t deserve Luhan, he put his hand over his heart and felt it beating hard against his chest. But he shook his head he wasn’t allowed to be jealous.

 

Kai sat in his bed looking through his phone, he was pretty sure he had school today but that was the last place he wanted to be right now. He decided to go on social media just to look around and ended up clicking on Luhan’s page, he looked at the most recent photo. It was taken last night and it was him looking quite drunk and clinging onto a taller, dark haired male who was looking into the camera and taking the photo. He scrolled down to the caption to see ‘with Bae, he’s so hot’ Kai scoffed and felt anger fill him again. So Luhan has a boyfriend now? He didn’t like the look of the guy at all and hated the way Luhan was clinging onto him so desperately.

His heart sank a little and he texted Luhan before he could really think about it  
[Kai: so you got a boyfriend huh?]  
[Luhan: so?]

[Kai: what happened to broken hearts?]

[Luhan: how many times do I have to tell you it’s none of your business]

Kai was shocked to read that and all the anger just left him, something he’s never felt before  
[Kai: can we meet?]  
[Luhan: why?]

[Kai: please…]

[Luhan: fine after school, meet me at that café you beat the guy up… don’t be late]

Kai smiled slightly, he could finally apologise properly, not that it made what he did ok… he could also ask about his boyfriend.

 

Tao walked out to the tree, he hesitated a little when he saw Luhan and Kris sitting together talking. He put on a smile and sat down next to them.  
“there you are Lu, I was looking everywhere… are you ok”  
“I’m ok! I got my phone back” he smiled holding up the phone like it was a prize

“don’t let him take it again” Kris grunted

“did he do anything?” Tao asked and Luhan shrugged opening his phone and looking through everything before frowning

“he posted a selfie on my social media from last night, damn I look drunk”

“don’t your parents follow your socials?”

Luhans eyes widened “shit!” he quickly deleted the photo and hoped that his parents didn’t find it. The thing is they had no idea that Luhan was bisexual and liked both boys and girls but always leaned towards boys. He told his parents that he wasn’t dating cause of studies which they were super happy about. His parents would flip if they found out not only that he was drunk on a school night, or at all, but also had a boyfriend.

“it’s ok Luhan, they probably haven’t seen it”

“they would literally kick me out”

“hey, it’s ok” Tao scooted closer and put his arm around Luhans shoulder trying to comfort the boy.

“by the way…” Kris caught both of the boy’s attention when he held up a crumpled piece of paper “why didn’t you guys tell me it was this bad” he looked mad, not at the boys, but at whoever wrote the note.

Tao instantly jumped up and grabbed the note “it’s fine guys!” he shoved it in his pocket and held Luhan back when he tried to get the note away from Tao.

“don’t read it!” Luhan begged

“but it’s for me”

“don’t read it” Kris said in his stern voice causing both the boys to look at him “you’re not allowed to go alone anywhere now”

“what do you mean”

“we’ll protect you Tao” Luhan mumbled

“why? I don’t need protecting just ignore it like I do please”

“we can’t” Luhan pouted making Tao smile slightly

 

Tao made his way to his training room when school was over deciding to practice again. He pulled out the note finally able to read it, it was only another threat to beat him up and telling him to kill himself. He didn’t know why the others were making such a big deal out of it, it was what they said every time so who cares. He shoved the note back into his pocket and picked up his wooden sword smiling as he saw it twirl around in his hands.

 

Luhan sat at the table, of course Kai was late what did he expect. But also, what did he want to talk about? He saw Kai walk up and frowned “I thought I said don’t be late”

“I’m sorry” he sat down awkwardly and sighed “I’m also sorry about what I did to Tao and for hurting you, I just… this anger I can’t control it” he looked down at his hands and frowned.

“yes, you can Kai, you just have to try” Luhan sighed

Kai looked up tilting his head “truthfully, what do you think of me?”

“I think you’re dangerous, and I would like you if you stopped hurting people” Luhan waved the waitress over ordering two drinks before focusing on Kai again

“your boyfriend… what’s he like?”

“he’s fine, and also none of your business”

Kai sighed “fine… can we do something fun for once, I haven’t had fun in a long time”

“huh? Yeh sure… I guess” Luhan was a little taken aback. His phone started to ring, and he swore silently to himself, he forgot to ring Jae.

He hesitantly picked up ignoring the stare Kai was giving him

“hey, I’m sorry for not calling I got side-tracked”

[“so, something else is more important than your boyfriend”]

“n-no of course not”

[“ok then babe come over, I’m bored”]

“I’m sorry but…”

[“but what? Where are you?”]

“with my parents” Luhan lied causing Kai to tilt his head

[“ditch them”]

“I’m sorry I can’t, it’s important I’ll hang out with you tomorrow ok?”

[“fine, bye then”] Jae hung up not waiting for Luhans reply.

Luhan sighed and Kai gave him a weird look “he doesn’t seem very nice”

“he is! He just comes off rude”

“possibly… are you dating him to get your mind of Tao?”

“at first yeh, but now I guess I like the company”

“Luhan, that’s not healthy”

“what else should I do!?”

“break up with him” they silenced for a bit when the waitress brought over the drinks and Luhan sighed delaying his reply a bit longer taking a sip.  
“I can’t”  
“yet you lied to him to hang out with me?”

“maybe…”

Kai smiled genuinely for the first time causing Luhans eyes to light up “you smiled!”

“no, I didn’t”

“don’t lie” Luhan couldn’t help but smile when Kai let out a little laugh.

 

Kris felt his phone ring and he picked up  
“hello?”  
[“Kris hey, It’s Minho. How are you guys?]

“It’s ok, Kai seems to be keeping his distance”

[“did he hurt Tao badly?”]

“yeh, but Tao is tough he should be fine, I hope”

[“that’s good I’ve been worried all day but I’ve had work so couldn’t call”]

Kris laughed “I kinda wish you lived closer”

[“me too, it’s so frustrating being so far away but that’s what Suho wanted”]

“why would he want that”

[“he didn’t want to be a burden to my life anymore”]

“oh… well don’t worry I’ll look after him”

[“I know you will” Minho let out a small chuckle “I’m glad you’re ok, keep me updated ok?”]

“sure thing Minho” Kris hung up and smiled, Minho was actually a good guy and Kris was grateful for him. he suddenly remembered where Minho lived and felt like he got shot in the gut, he lived in the same town as his grandfather. When was the last time he visited him or talked to him? he wished that his grandpa had a phone, but he didn’t have enough money to get one. Maybe he should go visit… he just had to save up enough money for a plane ride since he couldn’t drive there. He sighed ruffling his hair, he needed Suho back so he could talk to him about it.

 

Luhan decided to take Kai to the arcade since they always had fun there. He took him to a shooter game and remembered about how bad Suho was at the game and almost decided against it until he saw Kai’s face light up “this game looks like fun!”

“you sure I beat you pretty bad last time”

“no you beat Suho, I’m a whole new player” he smirked picking up the gun and pointing it at Luhan “unless you’re scared to face me”

“fine it’s on”

Luhan threw down the gun “what the hell” he looked at the big ‘loser’ icon on his screen “how are you so good”

Kai pretended to blow the smoke off the tip of his gun “I’m just naturally talented in these things”

Luhan laughed and lead him to a few more games only beating Kai in a few “fine then DDR it is!” he dragged Kai to the DDR machine and his eyes instantly sparkled when he saw what the game was.

He went in front of Luhan and scrolled through the songs excitedly, he picked one and waited for Luhan to get ready. Once the music started his body instantly moved to the music, he couldn’t help but smile and close his eyes.

He got a perfect score and Luhan just stood there with his mouth hanging open “Kai… that was amazing”

Kai blushed but tilted his face so Luhan couldn’t see it “I like dancing…”

“you’re really talented woah, I would have never guessed… let’s do another song” Luhan picked another and when the music started the small smile appeared on Kai’s face again as he started to move his body professionally. Luhan didn’t even bother to dance just enjoying watching Kai doing what he loved. Contrary to his personality his moves were gentle yet powerful and so graceful it looked like he had been practicing for his entire life.

“why didn’t you tell me you could dance?”

“it’s embarrassing”

“no, it’s beautiful Kai, really beautiful”

“I…” he hid his face unable to deal with the complements “what other games are there?” he changed the subject

“if you want, I can ask Tao if you can use his studio to practice dancing?”

“there’s no way he would say yes after what I did but thank you anyway” Kai stepped off the machine trying to pretend that he didn’t want to keep playing when in fact he could dance all day and never get sick of it.

Luhan followed him and they kept playing game after game until it was dark out and Luhans phone started to ring  
“hello?”  
[“Luhan, where are you?”]

He recognized his mums voice “I’m at the arcade with a friend”

[“a friend huh? Come home now, it’s late… we need to have a talk”]

“what about”

[“about what disgusting things you’ve been doing”]

Luhans eyes widened “mum, it’s not what it looks like”

[“then come home and tell me what it is then”] she hung up with an annoyed huff.

Luhan looked up to Kai, his hands trembled “I’ve gotta go home im sorry, I had fun” he ran off before Kai could offer to walk him home.  
Kai just stood there confused, what happened Luhan looked way too scared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my beautiful people <3 I'm back :D
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter even though it's more focused on Luhan and Tao and Kai rather than Suho and Kris! talking about Luhan and Tao I made a second trailer for this fanfic about Tao and Luhan! 
> 
>  posted it on the foreword of this story or you could go to my youtube and watch it there: https://youtu.be/m9NbAZud48g  
> Interesting fact of the day, I actually based Tao and Luhans story of me and my best friend, me being Tao. Also I have a question obviously I do this fanfic as a hobby and get no financial income because of it (even though I'm a broke uni student haha) but I was thinking of making a patreon? I'm not sure if you would be interested in it but I'm also an artist and really wanna make a webtoon based on this story... but I cant afford the equiptment to do it, I donno tell me what you think it's ok if you think it's a bad idea!!!
> 
> As always have a lovely day/night and I hope to update sooner than later for you so stay tuned <3


	14. Bullies and Fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello <3  
> woah alot happened in that chapter even though it's super short haha, woo that was intense to write. I did put quite a bit of fluff in between to break up all the angst though!  
> It's getting time to slowly start dissolving everyones problems so they can all be 100% happy again :P stay tuned and tell me what you think of the story so far <3
> 
> Have a lovely day/night my beautiful people and see you soon I hope :)

Kai tapped his foot impatiently, it had been about 10 minutes since Luhan left him and he couldn’t stop worrying. It was obviously his parents, there was something wrong, were his parents mean to him?

He couldn’t handle it and got up running back to his house, for the first time hoping that Kris would be there. He burst into the house and went almost danced in relief when he saw Kris sitting at the kitchen table in deep thought while looking at his phone.  
“Kris!”  
Kris looked up shocked before tilting his head “yeh?”

“where does Luhan live? What are his parents like? Are they mean? Do they hurt him? Is Luhan ok?!” all his questions merged into one sentence and he had to catch his breath at the end

“woah calm down Kai, what happened?”

“answer me!”

Kris shook his head “his parents aren’t mean, they’re quite nice. They’re just very strict… I’m assuming his mum called and made him come home?”

“he looked so scared” Kai curled in on himself and shook his head with fear in his eyes.

He didn’t even notice that Kris had moved and was now standing right in front of him, he grabbed Kai’s face and made him look at him “hey, it’s ok I promise… are you ok though?”  
Kai shook the memories away and tried to slap Kris’s hands off his cheeks, but he wouldn’t budge “let go”  
“no, Kai why do you hate me?”

“I just do, let go of me before I hit you”

“then hit me”

“I…” Kai looked up at Kris and while his mind wanted to hurt Kris his body wouldn’t move, he teared up a little “why can’t you leave me alone”

“because I love you”

“that’s bullsh-“he was cut off when Kris harshly pulled Kai’s face to his own. His eyes widened when their lips touched, and he looked at how Kris’s face relaxed and his eyes closed as he deepened the kiss while Kai stood there doing nothing. Even though it did, he refused to think that it felt nice. He suddenly felt a familiar sensation and pushed at Kris trying to get him off, he punched his stomach, but it wasn’t hard enough for Kris to budge. Instead he deepened the kiss even further.

He couldn’t go he had to make sure Luhan was ok, he jolted his head back successfully tearing himself from Kris. He was only just starting to have fun and he didn’t want to go yet. What if Luhan gets hurt or forgets about him?  
He looked at Kris with panic in his eyes as the sensation just got worse and worse “wh-why?” his vision finally blacked out and he felt arms wrap around him as his legs felt like jelly.

 

Kris held Kai in his arms, he felt bad when Kai said ‘why?’ but he needed Suho, this worked last time please let it work again.  
He looked down and the boy in his arms was staring up at him smiling softly “Kris…”  
“Suho?” Kris leaned down and kissed his forehead and Suho closed his eyes happy

“how did we even end up like this?” he laughed softly, but something in that laugh sounded sad to Kris

“it doesn’t matter” Kris held Suho closer and whispered into his hair “I missed you”

“I-I would say I missed you too, but I only just saw you, damn this is so confusing” he reluctantly wiggled out of Kris’s hold and looked at the table sighing “there’s a note”

“oh yeh, I was gonna ask you who it’s from?”

Suho looked at Kris disappointed “so you didn’t see who put it there?”

“no, it just appeared…”

Suho walked up to it and picked it up flipping it around in his hands before looking at Kris “it’s from my parents…”

“really! That’s exciting, why aren’t you happy?”

“because it’s not my parents…”

“what do you mean?”

Suho opened the letter and read it before passing it over to Kris who read the letter then cocked his head at Suho waiting for an explanation  
He ruffled his own hair “the handwriting is mine, there’s no return address, no postage address or stamp, my parents didn’t write a way for me to contact them even though they state that they miss me and frankly their story is so unbelievable”  
Kris opened and closed his mouth “then…”

“but why would I write letters to myself and then not remember, I send myself money? It makes no sense”

He could see Suho getting frustrated and walked up to him hugging him from the back and resting his chin on his shoulder “Suho…”

“you’re here when I black out for days on end, what do I do? Do fall asleep? Do I still do stuff but lose memory? Why is this so confusing!!”

“Suho… I” Kris had no idea what to say, he obviously knew the reason, but he couldn’t tell Suho, not yet he couldn’t handle it right now. But he was confused what happened to Suho’s parents and if it’s the other personalities writing these letters what were they trying to hide?

“Suho, you forget about things, you always have don’t worry we all understand” he hugged Suho tighter

“but it’s so frustrating” Suho scrunched up the letter and threw it into the trash can “maybe I should look for my parents, I can start with my last name” his eyes sparkled with his revelation as he looked up at Kris

“do you know how many Koreans have the last name Kim?”

He deflated a little “oh, right… what if I just use my full name and find info from that”

“that’s not a bad idea, but we can focus on that later” Kris didn’t know if it was a good idea for Suho to find out about his parents if the other personalities were trying to hide it. He creeped his hand up Suho’s chest and kissed his cheek “let’s focus on each other for now, aren’t we family”

Suho laughed softly “we are, who cares about my parents”

“also, it’s very late and we have school tomorrow”

“ahh no wonder, I was feeling a little sleepy” Suho felt like he was forgetting something, something important but he couldn’t remember so he just shook his head and allowed Kris to lead him into his bedroom.

 

Tao fell to his knees breathing hard, sweat was pouring off him and his whole body felt like jelly from fatigue. He stayed on the ground until he could catch his breath then reluctantly stood up and checked the time on his phone, once again it was past midnight. He picked up his sword from the ground and walked over to the wall intending to hang up the sword on it’s hooks.

He flinched and spun around when he heard the door slam open, his sword fell from his hands and hit the floor with a bang when he saw Luhan standing there with a hoody on. What shocked him was that Luhan was in tears, they wouldn’t stop falling and his body was shaking with every sob.  
“Ta-Tao” he sobbed out before running over and burying his face into Tao’s chest  
“Lu! What’s wrong, what happened!” Tao wrapped his arms around the crying boy

“I’m… so gla-glad you… were here I… I wasn’t sure” he said in between sobs refusing to look up. Tao didn’t ask anything else slowly sitting down and pulling Luhan down with him. he cradled the boy in his lap and played with his hair while humming softly trying to calm him down.

Eventually Luhans sobs died down and he was just hiccupping into Tao’s chest. “lu” Tao whispered breaking the silence of the room.  
Luhan slowly looked up and wiped his eyes before smiling sadly “I’m sorry”  
“what happened?”

“my parents know…”

“huh?” Tao looked down at him surprised

“they know that I’m Bi, they know I have a boyfriend and they know the amount of days that I’ve missed”

“Lu, tell me what they said”

“they… they grounded me and demanded me to break up with my boyfriend and that they always knew that I would disappoint them” He rolled his eyes and they filled with tears again but Tao wiped them away immediately

“I’m so sorry, but how did you manage to leave?”

“I snuck out… I needed to see you, even though…”

“shhh” Tao held his finger up to Luhans mouth “it’s ok, I’m always here for you”

“wh-what do you think of me having a boyfriend”

Luhan caught Tao off guard a little “can I be honest?”

“please”

“I don’t like him, he seems like an asshole and Lu you deserve so much better. Please don’t let him control you”

“so break up with him?”

Tao just looked at Luhan and didn’t say anything, his response to that was obvious. He hated talking about Luhans boyfriend, it made him mad and jealous. Luhan reached up and pushed Tao’s fringe out of his face and smiled a little.

“he may not love me and be controlling but at least I can make myself believe that he cares for me”

“I care for you”

“it’s different” Luhan looked down again placing his hands on Tao’s waist and his head on his shoulder as he changed his position to straddle him.

“Lu I…”

“shut up and let me enjoy this just for now” Luhan sighed out effectively shutting Tao up who just sat there not moving unsure what to do.

After a few moments Luhan moved again and stood up “I should go home before they figure it out… thank you” Luhan turned to leave but Tao grabbed his arm making him look back

“are you with him because of me?”

“you don’t want to know the answer to that” Luhan left the room and Tao stood there looking back at his fallen sword. What did he mean by that?  
He picked up the sword and placed it on the wall looking at it for a bit before grabbing his things and heading home.  
The house was quite when he entered, as he expected the other two must be asleep. He crept to his room and instantly threw off all his clothes hopping into the shower. He relaxed as he felt the water run down his body, something about showers always calmed him down. His mind went to Luhan and he couldn’t help but think ‘I can’t love you back’.

 

Tao groaned rolling over in his bed when the sun hit his face, he should really invest in some curtains already. He almost pushed his phone onto the floor trying to turn off the obnoxious alarm. His head was pounding from a headache, but he tried to ignore it pulling on a shirt and some boxers making his way out to the kitchen. He saw Suho there already, he was cooking something for breakfast, and it smelt amazing.

He realized that Kai wasn’t someone to do this and called out softly “Suho?”

“morning Tao how are you feeling?” he turned around to look at Tao, but his eyes widened and he stopped what he was doing and ran over grabbing his face.

“omg Tao! What happened? Are you ok” he lightly touched the bruise on his cheek flinching a little.

“haha, I’m fine Suho just a little fight nothing to worry about?”

“who did it?”

“does it matter?”

“what if they hurt you again”

Tao froze a little not sure how to answer it, especially since Suho didn’t know that he was the one who did it “ahh… they wont I showed them a lesson” he posed in a fighting position and Suho laughed

“fine, fine, just don’t let them do it again or I’ll send Kris after them” he laughed and served the breakfast just as Kris walked out to join them.  
As they sat down and ate breakfast Kris sighed and brought up his thoughts of going to see his Grandpa for a long over due visit.  
“let’s go!” Suho grabbed Kris’s arm and smiled “we should go see your grandpa I wanna meet him” he gave Kris puppy eyes  
Kris looked down fondly “I just have to save money for a plane ticket though” he sighed

“I’ll buy one!”

“no”

“why not…”

“don’t spend your money on me silly” he petted Suho’s hair

“fine…”

“I’ll buy you one!” Tao chimed in and Kris gave him a dirty look “no you guys... the only thing is I’m going to have to work a lot more, which means that we won’t be able to see each other as much” he frowned and Suho’s face fell “nooo”

“I wish I could just hop in a car and drive there but…”

“how about… how about we try?”

“wh-what” Kris looked down shocked and his heart started beating faster with just the thought of getting in a car “I can’t”

“you don’t know till you try”

“I’m pretty sure I do know without trying”

“can you promise me something?”

“hmm? Yeh anything”

“let us try to drive you to school today”

“no”

“you said anything” Suho gave his best puppy eyes and Kris sighed

“fine I’ll try”

“yay! I’m proud of you!”

“wait what! Kris! Are you sure? I’m so happy you’re trying!” Tao got out of his seat and ran up to Kris and hugged him, while Kris just sat there accepting it but not hugging back rolling his eyes.

“it’s not that big of a deal”

“it’s a massive deal” both Suho and Tao yelled back at him at the same time.

“I guess we should get ready for school then” Kris walked back into Suho’s room

“I’ll text Luhan” Tao smiled at Suho gesturing for him to follow Kris

[Tao: Lu, Kris agreed to drive to school. You should come over for moral support]

[Luhan: what! No way… I’m not allowed to though, I have to go straight to school then straight home… why now of all times ;;]

[Tao: what if you tell your parents the reason why, they’ll be more understanding]  
It took Luhan a few moments to reply and Tao just stared at his phone, out of everyone Luhan was the one who wanted Kris to overcome his fear the most. And for him to miss it would be devastating.

[Luhan: parents said no…]  
Tao’s heart sank but he couldn’t do anything about it, so he just put the phone in his pocket and went to get ready.

 

“Kris listen to me, it’s just a car. Nothing will happen to you”

“it’s not about something happening to me…”

Suho’s eyes widened in realization “nothing will happen to us I promise, I never break promises”

Kris breathed out harshly and looked Tao’s car up and down. His heart was beating fast and he couldn’t bring his body to step forwards.  
“Kris you can do it” Suho hugged Kris’s arm and coaxed him forwards. Suho’s presence was calming Kris and he closed his eyes letting Suho lead him.  
Before he knew it, he felt leather beneath him and a seatbelt was pulled along his body and clicked in, the noise making Kris’s heart skip a beat.

“Suho you sit in the back with him”

“ok, drive slowly ok”

Suho slid into the middle seat sliding his hand on Kris’s thigh trying to make the boy distracted. Kris finally opened his eyes when the motor started and looked at Suho with so much fear in his eyes that Suho was second guessing if this was the right thing to do. Tao started to reverse, and Kris let out a choked sound his knuckles going white as he held onto his own pants.

“Kris, look at me” Suho made Kris look at him and then decided a good way to distract him was just to kiss him. he leant in and did just that, he could feel Kris’s body untense just a little. But enough to allow Tao to get out of the driveway and onto the road. He was going very slowly knowing that if he went the speed limit it was very possible he would freak out Kris.

“how are you Kris” he looked in the review mirror and smiled seeing the two locking lips. Kris leant away from Suho and it was now visible that his whole body was shaking like an abused puppy.  
“I…I”  
“shhh it’s ok Kris just keep breathing and remember that nothing is going to happen” Suho intertwined his fingers with Kris’s and watched his every move ready to tell Tao to pull over if necessary.

Kris was absolutely petrified, he couldn’t stop shaking and he was trying desperately to keep the memories down by thinking of Suho and how nice he felt cuddling up to him. Surprisingly it was actually calming his nerves a little and before he knew it, they were already half-way to school. He just focused on his breathing and finally had the courage to look out the windows, it was actually quite nice, the soft music, being so close to them, watching the world go by faster than usual.

He couldn’t help but flinch every time a car whizzed past but other than that his nerves were calming a little.  
That was until he saw a large truck heading towards them on the other side of the road. His grip tightened on Suho and his breathing was becoming rapid again.  
“Kris? Its ok… calm down its ok” Suho reached over trying to make Kris look away from the truck but he wouldn’t budge his whole body frozen in place. The shaking became worse and the memories were suddenly flooding back, he could hear the sound of a truck horn, the screaming, the sound of metal crushing… the sound of his mother yelling at him to get out

“no… no… NO STOP IT!” he covered his ears and screamed out his breath becoming rapid

“TAO PULL OVER!!!”  
Tao pulled over making sure not to jolt the car too much even though he was freaking out. He could hear Kris panicking and Suho trying to calm him.  
Kris pushed open the door and ran out of the car falling to his knees when he got far enough from it and covered his ears again as he hyperventilated. Tears were streaming from his face and he couldn’t stop the memories from flashing in front of his eyes, he could hardly hear Suho who was trying to talk to him while he hugged him trying to comfort and calm him down.

“he’s having a panic attack!” Tao yelled at Suho as he ran over

“what do I do!”

“we need to stop his breathing before he passes out!”

Suho readjusted himself so he was in front of Kris and grabbed his face trying to stabilize it despite the shaking. “Kris it’s ok”

His breath was just getting more and more rapid and Suho was starting to freak out as well. Kris was mumbling “it’s my fault, it’s my fault, it’s my fault” over and over again.

Suddenly a memory flashed in his mind, he has had a panic attack before… he can’t remember why, but he has had one just like this. He tried to remember what it felt like and how he recovered, that’s when he relised Minho was with him on that day. Minho had stopped him hyperventilating by forcibly covering his mouth with his hand and then hugging him to dull down his shivering.

So that’s exactly what Suho did and pulled Kris into him not caring that they were in the middle of a pathway. He couldn’t cover Kris’s mouth properly with his hands so instead he forcibly kissed him. it was working, Kris seemed to be calming down and when Suho pulled away his eyes were no longer gazed over, even though he kept crying.

“I’m sorry… I couldn’t… couldn’t d-do it” he stuttered snuggling into Suho trying to hide from the world and ignore the stares they were getting by people passing by.

Tao was sitting on the ground next to them feeling horrible that he couldn’t help but also knowing that he didn’t need too. He crawled closer to the two and touched Kris’s arm carefully “Kris…”

Kris peeked at him from Suho’s chest and smiled softly “thank you for trying” his breathing was fine now apart from constant in takes of breath from crying.  
“we’re so proud of how far you went and for you trying” he smiled softly, and Kris let out a small giggle “man this is embarrassing”  
“I love you Kris” Suho whispered leaning down and kissing his forehead. He lifted up Kris’s face and wiped away his tears and cleaned his face a little with his hand.

“I love you” he smiled sadly, the visions were getting less and less, and he could finally block them out again pushing them to the back of his mind. 

“and I love you both” Tao said suddenly trying to lighten the mood and it worked.

Kris finally had enough strength to get up off the ground and wiped himself down before looking at Suho who was just standing there staring at Kris with a little smile.  
“what you looking at?”  
“I’m so proud of my Kris”

“but I failed and then embarrassed myself by breaking down in public” he sniffed

“you didn’t fail at all look at how close we are to school” he pointed and you could see the school in the distance “you did so well”  
He hugged Kris again before pulling away and grabbing Kris’s hand and pulling him to his side “we’ll meet you at school Tao” he waved and Kris quickly went away from Suho to hug Tao and thank him, catching the boy off guard not used to Kris initiating the hugs.  
He went straight back to Suho and grabbed his hand seeking comfort silently. The walk was quiet to allow Kris to calm down and regain his composure. Tao was waiting for them by the gates and smiled softly, Suho noticed Luhan next to him and as soon as Luhan noticed them he ran up and hugged Kris tightly refusing to let go “I’m so proud of you!”

Kris ran his hand through Luhans hair “thank you”

“for what”

“being with me in the hospital… I never thanked you for that, you were there in my hardest time”

“of course, Kris I love you man” Luhan smiled up at him but then the bell went

“I guess we better get to class” Luhan pushed Kris softly back to Suho and walked ahead to Tao who grabbed his arm and leaned over to whisper to him as they walked “about last night…”

“please don’t, forget about it”

“but…”

“please Tao”

Tao sighed pulling away and walking next to Luhan occasionally stealing glances at him.

When they made it to class, he saw a note on his desk and rushed over grabbing it before Luhan could see, he then noticed that under the note there was a photo. He stared at it in shock how did they even get this photo? He shoved it in his bag just as Luhan sat down, he couldn’t look at him his heart beating in fear as he glanced around the classroom.

 

Not once during the whole day did Suho let go of Kris’s hand even though Kris had gone back to his usual bored-looking, unreadable self. He even walked Kris home reluctant to let him go when he said he needed to go to work. Suho huffed in annoyance but let him get ready, when he came out Suho gasped and couldn’t stop staring “you… wear that?”

Kris looked down at himself and shrugged “I have to”

“but… it’s too sexy” his eyes looked up and down Kris’s body studying the tight skinny jeans with an almost see through white button-down shirt tucked in. Kris walked up to him smirking “but you seem to like it?”

Kris stood so close that if Suho leant forwards his face would touch Kris’s belly “I… you look really good, but others see you like that…” he pouted reaching out and grabbing Kris’s hips possessively

Kris laughed leaning down kissing Suho’s cheek “yet they don’t get to touch that’s the difference”

Suho blushed and smiled “mine”

“now who’s the possessive one, now let go I need to go to work”

Suho reluctantly let go and watched Kris grab his bag and sling it over his shoulder, he jumped up and grabbed Kris’s hand “I’ll walk you there!”

“there’s no need it’s a little far”

“I like walking”

“fine” he pulled Suho out with him.

Suho tilted his head when he realized something “hey Kris?”

“mmm”

“the first time we went to this club… you were fine in the car ride home”

“I was?” he looked at Suho surprised

“yeh you went the whole way to my house without putting up any fight"

“Well considering I can’t remember that night maybe when I’m drunk it doesn’t matter”

“but it’s proof that you can overcome the fear!”

“haha, I guess so. Maybe I should just be blind drunk on the drive to my Grandpas”

“that’s not a bad idea” Suho laughed walking a little close to Kris. He frowned when Kris had to leave his side to enter the building, it still irked him a little that Kris worked there but what could he do when the money was so good.  
He turned around and headed home.

 

Tao leant against the wall of the classroom looking around, everyone had left including the teacher. He hoped that his bully would choose to stay behind too to torment him in person, but they left as well. The bully was either a coward or smart and it was annoying Tao. He lifted up his hand and looked at the photo tilting his head, it was a photo from a party that happened a few years ago, a photo of him and Luhan together.

The thing was that it was taken from a doorway of a bedroom, him and Luhan were on the bed making out shirtless, he remembered the day… it was the first time that they slept together.

How did a stranger have this, who took it and were they going to spread it? He couldn’t have that, it was bad enough for Luhan that he was Tao’s friend but if the school found out that he may be more Luhan would turn into a victim too.

He unfolded the letter hoping that it would give him some more details  
‘what a faggot look at you, and Luhan who would have known. If you don’t want me to release this to the whole school meet me on Saturday by the school auditorium at 5… you better not be late you waste of space or you will regret it’  
Tao read through it twice, so he was finally going to reveal himself. It scared him a bit as he had no idea what to expect. He could protect himself but what if there’s multiple of them what would he do then. He sighed looking at the photo again, it didn’t matter as long as he could protect Luhan and not bring him down to his own level his own safety didn’t matter.

 

Suho looked around the house “Tao?” he was confused maybe he wasn’t home yet, maybe he was doing something but what?

He shrugged and decided to just ask him when he came home, he had a weird feeling in his head, it wasn’t painful but rather just throbbing. He sat down on the kitchen bench and looked at the bench trying to figure out why he felt so weird. It was like his brain was trying to hard to figure something out.

He had a sudden vision of a box hidden behind his desk, he stood up and walked to his room looking in the place and to his surprise found a box.  
“what the hell?” he pulled it out and opened it his eyes widening, he pulled out the envelopes and pens he placed them on his desk and saw a piece of paper with scribbles all over it.  
He lifted it up studying it, it had names of places crossed off and amounts of money. He recognized them as information in previous letters from his parents, he continued to study the scribbles seeing a few names on there. Majority were scribbled off, but he could make out three of them “Kai, Xiumin, Lay… who the hell are they?” next to the names was a line leading to the word ‘careful’.

It was all in his writing, so he knew that he was the ones writing the letters, but why, and why doesn’t he remember it at all? He was feeling really frustrated and took out his phone taking a picture then sent it to Minho with a text

[Suho: what do you know that I don’t.]

 

Kris knelt down with a brush and pan and cleaned up the broken glass behind the bar. He got distracted thinking about how he reacted to being in a car and accidentally dropping it making it shatter everywhere. As he looked at the glass his mind shifted to Suho and his condition, Kris really wanted to help Suho but he didn’t know how. Every personality was so different that they felt like different people and Kris was sure that he would miss a few if Suho was to be cured.

He sighed brushing up the last of the glass and pouring it into a bin, he could feel eyes burning into his back and sighed knowing that it was girls who were trying to hit him up.  
‘think of the money’ he thought to himself as he walked up to the girls smiling and asking them what they wanted. He led them on until they gave him money and a tip then went back to completely ignoring them and serving someone else. He couldn’t stop thinking about Suho and how unfair it was that he knew what Suho’s condition was, but the man didn’t know himself.

The girls were calling him over so he groaned walking back over.  
“Can I have your number?” one of them asked  
“no sorry”

“why not” she subtly pulled down her top a little to show more cleavage and Kris rolled his eyes at her

“because I’m working and I’m in a relationship”

“I bet you I’m prettier and more fun than she is” she smirked at him

Kris frowned at her before smirking and leaning towards her “I can tell you for a fact that you are not. HE is the most beautiful person I have ever met”

He saw the girls mouth drop and she looked at him in disgust “I can’t believe I flirted with a homo eww”

Kris clenched his fists annoyed at her now, his boss noticed and walked over whispering to Kris to ask what was wrong and when Kris told him he walked up to the girl and asked her to leave.

Kris thanked him and sighed “why does everyone seem to think dating someone of the same sex is so disgusting.”

“if it makes you feel better I don’t, as long as you’re happy it doesn’t matter. Don’t listen to ugly people like her” His boss patted him on the back smiling before walking off to do his own jobs. Kris smiled at his back thankful to have such a nice boss.

He was never going to break up with Suho, he never before cared what people thought of him so why would he care now.

 

Suho heard the door open and put down his phone annoyed that Minho wasn’t messaging him back. He walked out and said hi to Tao who looked deep in thought, Tao smiled at him “I still kinda feel bad about Kris”

“Same, but he tried and got so far it’s progress!”

“hey, about the trip to his Grandpas Im more than happy to pay it I know Kris is a bit tight on money at the moment”

“Thankyou but no, if only he would let me help pay things for him…”

Tao shrugged laughing “he’s always been a stubborn one that one… he must really love you”

“huh?”

“he’s a total different person since meeting you, he used to be so cold”

“really?” Suho smiled at himself happy that he was having a positive effect on Kris’s life. He looked up and saw Tao fiddling with the bandage on his face covering the cut underneath it “hey let me fix that for you, you need a new one”

“sure, thank you” Tao went and sat on a chair while Suho got a new bandage.

He pulled off the old one a little too harshly and Tao flinched, and the wound started to bleed a little causing the boy to reach up and touch his face.

Suho’s eyes widened as he watched Tao’s reaction and he saw a vision of Tao pinned to a wall trying to get away from him as he swung out and punched him in the face causing him to fall to the ground. He looked at Tao terrified and his hands starting shaking “no” he remembered scoffing at Tao cowering from him and grabbing his hair.

Suho dropped the bandage in his hand and stepped away from Tao who looked at him confused

“Suho what’s wrong?”

“I… I did this”

“what”

Suho looked at him with tears in his eyes “I beat you up, I hurt you”

Tao got up and tried to take a step towards Suho, but he just took another step back distancing them “Suho”

“why would I… I’m a monster” he gasped and flung himself at Tao hugging him tightly “I’m so sorry, so so sorry”

Tao hugged him back smiling “it’s ok Suho, really it’s fine”

“but I hurt you, why didn’t you stop me”

“because I would never use my skills against you, or the other two”

“but… but” he tightened his hug and whispered sorry again not even comprehending how he hurt someone like Tao. “why did I hurt you?”

“I deserved it”

“no you didn’t”

“let’s say I was mean to Luhan and you taught me a lesson so it’s fine” he laughed and patted Suho’s back.

“if I try to hurt you again, or anyone for that matter you better stop me by any means necessary!”

“ok” Tao pulled Suho off him and lead him back to the table “I thought you were going to bandage me?”

“ahh true!” Suho let out a little giggle guilt filling him as he re-bandaged Tao’s face.

Tao put his phone in a place that he could see but Suho couldn’t and texted both Luhan and Kris

[Tao: Suho remembered beating me up…]

 

Luhan sighed lying in bed bored, he looked at his phone and saw that Jae had read his messages but hadn’t replied for a couple of hours yet. ‘he must be busy’ he thought to himself to try and make himself feel better.

He heard a knock on his door and his mum entered and immediately clicked her tongue in disgust.  
“Luhan dear I thought I told you to study, not lay on your bed looking at your phone” she walked over and snatched the phone from his hands and pointed at the desk in the side of Luhans room.  
“but…”

“no buts, also I set you up with a psychiatrist your appointments start tomorrow so you better not be late”

Luhan felt anger bubble up in him “mum! Being bi isn’t a mental disorder! It’s just who I am”

“something as disgusting as that is always curable” she turned around and walked to the door not interested in engaging in further conversation

“MUM! WHY ARE YO-“ the door was slammed in Luhans face and he slammed his fist against it in anger. He refused to cry, he was too mad, and he had cried enough. He couldn’t even text anyone because his mum took his phone with her.

He sat down on the bed again, if his parents thought this would make him improve his grades, they were wrong. He took off all his clothes changing into his pjs and sat under the covers with a little sketchbook, he didn’t usually draw, nor was he that good but he enjoyed it occasionally.

He sketched out a few characters and faces, but when he looked back over them, they all looked like Tao in one way or another. He smiled sadly, Tao was really handsome.

 

Kris rubbed his head in annoyance, his shift ended way too late and he only had a few hours of sleep making him feel groggy and grumpy. He leaned against the school gate waiting for the others. His mood lifted a little when he saw Tao and Suho and as soon as he saw him Suho sped up and hugged Kris “how was work?”

“long”

“aww poor baby its ok just sleep in class”

“I planned on it” a small smile appeared on his face when Suho laughed.

“hey guys…” Luhan appeared and gave them a small smile

“why weren’t you answering my texts?” Tao pouted at Luhan making him smile wider and ruffle his hair

“my mum took my phone I only got it back this morning”

“what is it with people and taking your phone?” Kris mumbled and Luhan shrugged gesturing for them all to start making their way to class.

On the way he saw Jae leaning against the bathroom door, they made eye contact and Jae tilted his head a little silently asking Luhan to come to him. Luhan looked at the other three before telling them to continue without him as he needed to go to the toilet.  
He walked up to Jae and he grabbed his arm harshly pulling him into the toilet, he checked to make sure no one was there then locked the door pushing Luhan against it.  
“were you ignoring my messages?” his leant on his arms on the door and put his forehead against Luhans their noses touching

“no, mum took my phone”

Jae laughed softly “Luhan, what are your feelings towards me?”

“wh-what” he had no idea how to answer it

“Luhan I love you” he tilted his head kissing Luhans cheek then his neck sucking it and leaving a mark.  
Luhans heart was hammering against his chest ‘he loves me?’. Something felt wrong and his heart didn’t love him back… but it felt kinda nice having someone say that to him in a non-platonic way for once.  
Jae peaked up cocking an eyebrow “do you love me?”

“yes” Luhan lied and felt hands creep up his shirt and Jae’s teeth sink into his neck just hard enough to leave a mark but not hard enough to hurt. His lips made its way back to Luhans mouth and he kissed him roughly

“prove to me how much you love me”

 

Tao kept shifting in his chair, something didn’t feel right. He looked at Luhans empty seat and couldn’t get the uneasy feeling out of his stomach, he looked back at Suho and Kris to see Kris laying on the desk as usual but Suho was playing with his hair smiling softly.

The teacher came in and he knew something was wrong, especially with his parents in the mood they are in at the moment, he would never be late for class. He wouldn’t dare skip it knowing it would make things worse. They had a habit of skipping Friday classes but not when Luhans parents are mad at him.

He got out of his seat and ran out not bothering to explain to the teacher. He walked back to the bathroom that Luhan said he was going to, he walked up to the door and twisted it confused when he found it locked.

Maybe he had to go to another bathroom? He was about to leave when he heard a noise from inside, he put his ear against the door and heard a moan, he didn’t have to try very hard to relise who’s moan it was.

He put his hand up to his mouth his eyes widening, was he? With Jae? He heard a bang and his hand slipped from the door knob his heart deflating. He wanted to break down the door and stop them, but he couldn’t do that to Luhan, it was Luhans choice and he had no right to interfere. He heard mumbling and he couldn’t help but imagine he was the one with Luhan, the one who makes him happy and feel good. He swiped his hand through his hair sighing and leaning his forehead against the bathroom door trying to make himself turn around and leave back to class. He heard kissing sounds and shook his head turning away and walking away his heart sinking.

 

Luhans heart was beating way to fast and he felt uncomfortable as Jae’s hand pulled off his top and surprised himself by letting out a moan when Jae kissed his chest. Jae’s hand started unbuckling his pants, Luhan didn’t want him to but stopped himself from stopping Jae, he said that he loved him right?

Jae picked him up, his hands on Luhans ass and roughly threw him on the sink with a bang, he spread open Luhans legs and stood in-between them taking off his own shirt.

“goddamn you’re so hot like this” he mumbled to Luhan who looked up at him with a flushed face.  
Jae leaned down kissing Luhan roughly. His body was hurting but he ignored it, he had to do this.  
Jae finally pulled Luhans pants off leaving him in only his boxers, he reached down and palmed him making Luhan moan. But for some reason tears came to Luhans eyes, he was starting to feel dirty, nothing felt right. It felt nothing like his times with Tao… Tao he looked up at Jae with wide eyes “no”

“what?”

“no…please stop”

“what do you mean? I’m showing you how much I love you”

Luhan tried to move but Jae pinned down his hips giving him a death stare

“pl-please I don’t want to”

“you wanted to a second ago” he grabbed Luhans arms and pinned them against the mirror as he leant down and sucked his neck grinding against him.

“no! STOP IT!” he kicked out and kicked Jae away from him. Jae’s eyes flickered in annoyance

“you frigid little bitch” Luhan fell off the sink and scrambled to grab his clothes trying to pull them on. He felt hands on his waist pulling him back and he screamed in fright “let go!”.

One hand left his waist when his back was flush against Jae’s torso, the hand grabbed Luhans jaw tightly. Jae leaned in and whispered into Luhans ear “I thought you said you loved me too, since we’re in school I’ll let it go but Saturday night 7 o’clock come to mine and don’t you dare not come or deny my advances” his voice suddenly went sweet again “let me show you how much I love you”

He let go of Luhan and let him get dressed and left the bathroom without another word fear still brewing in his chest.

He sat down next to Tao and couldn’t even look at him or come up with an excuse as to why he was late. He didn’t want to even touch Tao, he felt so dirty even though they never went all the way… did Jae really love him or was he lying?

Tao looked over at Luhan and noticed purple marks appearing on his neck and his chest tightened a little, so what he heard was true. He sighed studying Luhan a little more, he seemed out of it and his legs were constantly twitching. He sighed shaking his head and looking to the board again pretending to pay attention to what the teacher was saying.

 

During lunch Luhan leant on Tao shutting his eyes and pretending to be asleep so he didn’t have to socialize. He listened in to the conversation.  
“so your memories are coming back?” Kris had his head on Suho’s lap looking up  
“I donno, it’s like random flashes of memory”

“that’s a good thing though, maybe it means that your brain is healing itself” Tao chipped in smiling

Suho looked up frowning at Tao’s cheek “why didn’t you guys tell me I was the one who hurt Tao”

“because we didn’t want you feeling guilty it’s not your fault” Kris smiled up at him

“yeh and it’s not a big deal” Tao poked his cheek to show Suho that it didn’t hurt anymore

“does that mean… when Kris was punched in the cheek, was that me?” he lifted up his fist looking at it in disgust

Kris didn’t know what to say but didn’t want to lie to him “it was but I was being a dick” he laughed softly

Suho’s face fell “I’m sorry… I wish I knew why I’m like this”

“don’t you dare say you don’t know who you are” Kris mumbled

“but I don’t”

“you’re Suho and you’re my boyfriend, simple”

Suho laughed lightly “fine, fine”

Tao was distracted by the weight of Luhan by his side, he figured that he was asleep and looked down studying his features, he was really pretty. His hand reached out and moved Luhans fringe away from his face before sliding down and stroking his cheek with his thumb smiling fondly. His hand traveled down to his neck and he lightly touched the hickeys disgust filling him, how dare Jae mark him like that.

Luhan struggled so hard to keep his eyes closed when Tao started running his hand across his cheek, goosebumps formed on his skin and his heart was pounding, except this time it felt nice. Tao touched the marks he knew that Jae left, and his heart sunk a little knowing that Tao had probably figured it out. He probably thought they went all the way and was disgusted in him.

“guys, should we hang out tomorrow, we haven’t done something all together for a while?” Suho asked causing Tao to retract his hand and focus his attention on Suho instead

“I can’t sorry… I have plans” he shook Luhan a little “Lu, wake up”

Luhan pretended to wake up and smiled at them, "what did I miss?"  
“I was saying we should hang out tomorrow, though Tao can’t he has plans”

“you have plans?” Luhan looked over confused

“yeh… I ahh I’m teaching a class tomorrow”

“oh, fair enough, I can’t either I promised to meet up with Jae”

“I still wanna meet him” Kris mumbled and Luhan smiled awkwardly

“maybe one day” he looked over to see Tao frowning slightly at him, but he just shrugged focusing on Suho again “you two can have a date” he wiggled his eyebrows.

Suho and Kris looked at each other and smiled agreeing silently to have a date tomorrow.

 

Tao looked at his phone, it was only the morning. He texted Luhan a good morning message and asked if he would like to hang out on Sunday  
[Luhan: sounds good, good luck with the class :D]

“yeh class…” Tao whispered to himself, he was finally going to find out who the bully was. He sighed getting up and deciding to go to the studio to release some frustration before he would get ready to go see the bully.  
He walked out and was surprised to see that Suho and Kris weren’t up yet, they must have decided to sleep in for once. He creeped out of the house as quietly as possible leaving a note that he wouldn’t be home till later.  
Suho rolled over and snuggled his face into Kris’s neck smiling “morning”

“morning babe”

Suho blushed at the nickname and snuggled closer “I don’t wanna get out of bed”

“then let’s stay here then”

“all day?”

“all day” Kris smiled up to the ceiling shifting himself so he could wrap an arm around Suho. He tilted his head and kissed Suho’s forehead smelling his hair and flinging his leg over Suho’s

“someone’s cuddly today”

“you’re so cute” he mumbled into Suho’s hair “I love you”

Suho giggled happily into his neck “I love you too Krissy”

Suho closed his eyes and Kris shivered when he felt his long eyelashes brush against his neck. He sighed in content “Hey Suho, why don’t we try to find your parents?”

“really!!” Suho opened his eyes making Kris shiver again

“if it’s what you want”

“yes, yes please” he pulled his face away from Kris and smiled widely at him causing Kris to smile as well and lean up kissing him before pulling him back down on top of him. Suho swung his leg around so he was straddling Kris and placed his hands on his lover’s chest smiling. Kris softly grazed his hands up the bottom of Suho’s shirt holding onto his waist. He couldn’t help but his looking him up and down

“how are you so attractive” Kris whispered out causing Suho to blush and cover his face with his hands

“says the most handsome dude ever” he mumbled out from between his hands. Kris let go of Suho’s waist and reached out pulling his hands from his face and flipped them over, so he was laying on top of Suho now and he leaned down kissing him while he held his hands intertwining their fingers. The kiss was sloppy as they both couldn’t help but smile during it.

After a few minutes Kris pulled away reluctantly and smiled down at Suho “well if we’re gonna do this, we should probably get out of bed”

“probably” Suho laughed pushing Kris playfully. However, he pushed a little hard accidentally and caused Kris to lose balance and fall off the side of the bed crashing to the floor

“omg! I’m so sorry!” Suho couldn’t help but burst out laughing followed shortly by Kris.

 

“ok are we ready?” Kris asked running his hand along Suho’s back and the man nodded in response

“I’m kinda scared”

“It’s ok, I mean isn’t it better to know the truth?” he asked a little cautiously

“I guess so, I hate not knowing things. Literally everything in my life feels like a lie”

Kris gulped and pushed Suho forwards suggesting that they should leave, he had to tell Suho… he felt mean keeping something so impactful on his life a secret.

The walk to the police station was quite long but they kept each other entertained, Suho halted a little when it came into view and Kris coaxed him along “it’ll be alright”

“you’re right”

“what’s the worse that could happen, sure they could be deceased but at least you will know” Kris flinched a little at his own words and Suho squeezed his hand in comfort

“you’re right, I need to know”

He let Kris lead him to the front counter and the elder woman looked at them confused “how can I help you boys?”

Suho breathed out “I need to find my parents, but I don’t know who they are”

“are you adopted” she questioned tilting her head

“n-no”

“then?” she was confused

“he has a memory problem, he doesn’t remember who they are”

“ok? Do you have any form of id?”

“no I don’t”

She eyed him up and down “ok what’s your full name then?”

“Kim Suho”

“Kim Suho… let me see” she typed into her computer before frowning in confusion “dear, can you spell that out for me?”

“K.i.m.s.u.h.o” he said out loud

“that’s strange” she looked at the computer than back to Suho then back to the computer again

“what is it?” Kris asked

“there is no one in Korea with the name Kim Suho, well not your age. The only one is 80 years old”

Suho’s eyes widened “I…what?” he took a step back and looked at Kris frightened “then who am I?”  
Kris grabbed onto Suho and held him close before looking at the lady who was watching them with a worried expression “there must be some way to find out his parents?”  
“I could… run a dna test? The chance of us having the info on our system is limited but we could try?”

“please!” Suho looked up, he wasn’t crying but he was scared. If Suho wasn’t his real name what was.

“sure, I just need to get some details and I’ll refer you to the statistics department” she reached over to get a pen and paper.

Kris felt Suho stiffen in his arms and when the lady was ready he looked up his face completely serious he smiled at the lady.  
“thank you for your help but that wont be necessary”  
“suho?”

Suho glared at Kris and bowed before pulling Suho out of the building and turning around “what the hell are you doing! You’re ruining everything?”

“who-who are you?” Kris knew this wasn’t Suho

“my name is Chen”

"what am I ruining?"

"Suho can't find out about his parents" Chen's eyes were filled with fear making Kris's heart skip a beat.

 

Tao breathed out and went to the bathroom near his studio taking a quick shower and changing into clean clothing. He was starting to get really nervous and sat down on the floor pulling the photo out of his bag staring at it. He shoved it into the bag again and pulled himself off the floor, he still had some time to kill so he decided to walk down to the river near school and just relax while he could. He just strolled up and down the river practically walking in circles, he could see the school from where he was and knew that it was almost time, but he couldn’t bring himself to go yet. He shifted the bag on his shoulder in nervousness and then breathed out starting to make his way to the auditorium.

When he made it he saw no one there and hoped that they were just playing a prank on him and not show up. Hope was bubbling in his chest, but then he felt a presence behind him

“so, you came, you little faggot”

Tao froze unable to turn around fear shaking his body

“what, you came all this way to be a little coward, face me”

He still couldn’t shift his body and heard an evil chuckle behind him “fine then you little bitch, I’ll come to you” Tao shivered when a hand trailed from his back to his belly. Even though the touch was soft it irked him for some reason, it was intimidating.

The hand trailed up to Tao’s face then his hair, the fingers curled in his hair and pulled up harshly causing Tao to let out a little yelp as he was forced to look at the man in front of him. when their eyes met Tao’s widened and his mouth dropped, his heart beat increased in disbelief “it-it was you?!”


	15. It Was You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello <3  
> Sorry for short update and taking a little while but I had a Korean exam and a 3 hourr chem lab to study for with uni so I didnt have much time to write ;;  
> I hope you're enjoying even though I am straying from the main story a little, dont worry there's lots of Suho and Kris to come when they go on their holiday together!  
> Thankyou so much to all my subscribers and readers and commenters and upvoters I love you all and it makes me super excited to post it since writing it brings me so much joy it makes me super happy to see people enjoy it.  
> I hope you have a lovely day/night <3  
> See you soon

~ quick authors note- this chapter contains quite a bit of angst and violence read with caution <3 ~

 

“Hey Chen, I’m sorry I’m just trying to help Suho”

Chen sighed “I know I’m sorry for yelling… it’s just Suho isn’t ready to know about his parents, it might ruin everything”

“ruin everything?”

“you do realize the personalities were made to protect Suho, to allow him to disassociate with the world… therefore there must be something that he needs protecting from”

“what is it”

“it’s not for me to say” Chen shook his head and Kris groaned

“shouldn’t I know so I can protect him when you guys aren’t?”

“it’s not for me because I don’t have the memories in first person, for me I’m like an outsider looking in”

“oh…” Kris drooped a little “what’s Suho’s real name then”

“I donno” Chen shrugged before smiling “by the way nice to meet you, sorry our first interaction was so… filled with yelling” he awkwardly laughed.

“It’s ok” Kris smiled and awkwardly shoved his hands into his pockets “so, what should we do then?”

“if only you and Suho did stay in bed all day, in bed no drama happens” he held up his finger matter of factly and Kris smiled at him almost laughing

“is that a fact?”

“yes! Of course!” Chen smiled and started walking off expecting Kris to follow him. “you know it’s been a long while since I was out”

“what’s your personality?”

“hmm? Good question… normal?” he laughed and then shrugged his shoulders

“I have a question”

“yeh?”

“I wanna tell Suho about the other personalities but I donno how”

Chen paused and looked cautiously over at Kris “I donno man, it’s your choice in the end there’s only so much we can do. I’m just afraid that if he knows than it will send out a butterfly effect of memories”

Kris looked at him and tilted his head “I didn’t think of that component”

“but you’re right it’s cruel keeping it from him and it seems his memories are slowly coming back anyway”

“he remembered Kai’s actions”

“yeh that’s a worry it’s never happened before… go on that trip to see your grandfather, take money from us for the flight trust me it does not matter”

Kris opened his mouth to protest but Chen shushed him “just listen to me, go and take Suho… stay with Minho he lives in that town”

Kris looked at him surprised “I didn’t know that”

“talk to Minho, Minho is the best person to ask he’s the one who went through everything with Suho. They’ve been together since the start”

“I know your personality!”

“what is it?”

“the wise one”

Chen laughed in disbelief and punched Kris lightly in the arm “yeh no, far from”

 

“it-it was you?” Tao gasped in shock and anger filled him

“so?”

“how dare you!” he tried to lunge forwards to tackle the man in front of him, but hands creeped around him from behind holding him in place, how many people were hidden here?

“I wouldn’t try anything Tao, you didn’t think that I would bring back up?” he smirked, and Tao frowned deeper.

“why?”

“just because you’re so fun to pick on, you’re so weak and I know everything that happened in China. You really think moving would save you? Worthless people like you deserve to be tormented until they die… which I hope is soon” the glare was pure evil, and Tao wanted so bad to punch it off his face, but the hands tightened on his arms, so their fingernails dug into his skin through his shirt. Almost like a silent warning.

The man walked up to him again and grabbed his face forcibly making him look at his face “man that look in your eyes, so deadly” he laughed and without warning punched him in the face.  
Tao refused to let out a sound and stayed standing, the hands on his arms helping with that. He just continued to glare at him.  
“I didn’t mean why are you doing this to me, I couldn’t care less” he smirked a little at that statement before glaring again “I mean why are you doing this to Luhan” he spat out the words like venom.

“for fun, though he’s a frigid little bitch, I thought it would be easy to get in his pants. At least I only have to wait till tonight” he winked at Tao and he kicked out hitting him in the shin “shit”

“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU JAE!!” he managed to get one of his arms free and used one of his maneuvers to get the other one free, he lunged himself at Jae and successfully tackled him to the ground. He had one leg on his chest holding him down, he punched Jae in the face and used his free hand to hold his neck to make sure he wouldn’t make any moves to fight back.

He punched Jae again and again until he felt a kick to his side sending him flying off Jae hitting the ground with a bang, his vision blurred a bit when he hit his head, but he shook it trying to stand up again but a foot on his back held him down.  
“haha, he’s got a punch I’ll give him that” Jae stood up wiping the blood coming out of the split in his lip. He crouched in front of Tao and tilted his head up and raised an eyebrow smiling down at him “no matter how skilled you are at fighting, when it’s multiple against one you have no chance” he laughed.  
“why…” Tao groaned in pain when the foot applied more pressure to his spine

“because I hate faggots like you, just go die already”

“but you’re dating Luhan”

Jae stood up and waved his friend off of Tao and then kicked him with full force in the stomach making Tao roll over onto his back “I’m only dating him to mess with you” he laughed evilly “if I get a good night out of it too who am I to complain, Luhan looks like a girl too” he kicked Tao again.

Tao finally looked around the room and gulped in fear when he saw multiple other students standing around just watching and waiting till they’re needed.

“aww are you scared?” Jae glared down at him before starting to walk around him slowly like he was analyzing his whole body “how much should I hurt you I wonder, a warning beating, or maybe one you’ll never forget or should we just hospitalize yo-“

He was cut short when Tao shot out his hand grabbing Jae’s ankle and making him lose his balance crashing to the ground landing harshly on his elbows. Tao groaned in pain but used his strength to roll over on top of Jae and punch him again “fuck you!”

Jae smirked up at Tao and he froze when he felt a presence behind him, arms wrapped around him again and he was pulled off Jae and to his feet before the person threw him across the room, Tao managed to twist his body, so he landed on his hands and knees. He looked up and his heart was racing when he saw the rest of the students walking towards him.

Well now was a better time than ever to test out his skills. He stood up swaying a little from his former injuries but stood in a pose ready to attack whoever approached him first. They all stood in a circle around him and Tao cautiously stayed still, they parted a little to let Jae stand with them right in front of Tao.

“does our tough Tao think he can beat us?” he crossed his arms and smiled “well this should be a fun show” he stepped back from the circle and waved at the others to do as they wished.

“don’t you dare” Tao tried to run forwards to attack Jae but was pushed back into the center when the circle closed up. He turned around looking each person in the eye. He had no choice but to try and fight. Suddenly the students started to lunge forwards with their fists aiming straight for Tao.

 

Luhan sighed Jae wasn’t answering his texts again, it was getting close to the time they were going to meet but Luhan didn’t know where Jae lived so how was he supposed to go there?

He looked at himself in the mirror again and sighed he looked good enough he hopped. He leant against the door of his bedroom and listened to the noises of the house, finally his mum was leaving for her night shift and his dad had left in the morning for work allowing him to slip out for a few hours, he just had to get home before his father, and he’ll be fine.

He looked at his phone again and sighed what was he doing? Maybe he had work or something.

Suddenly his phone buzzed, and he looked at it so fast that he almost dropped the phone  
[Jae: sorry babe, I was at work this morning and I got mugged on the way home ;;;;]

Luhans eyes widened  
[Luhan: omg are you alright?! Did they steal anything?]  
[Jae: they stole my wallet and beat me up but I’m ok, I really wanna see you ;;;; my address is _____ come soon please! <3]

[Luhan: ok I’ll leave now!]

He hoped that Jae was ok, how badly did they beat him up? He threw on his coat and shoved his phone in his pocket and made sure his parents were definitely gone before leaving and hastily walking to the address.

He looked up at the house in awe, Jae’s parents must be rich. He smirked before walking up and ringing the doorbell. Jae opened it immediately and pulled Luhan in hugging him “thank you for coming I really missed you”

Luhan pulled himself back and reached up holding Jae’s face frowning at the bruises and cuts “omg they hurt you pretty bad”

Jae put on his best sad face and mumbled “it hurts Lu…”  
Luhan couldn’t help but flinch at the nickname… only Tao called him that.  
“come sit down I’ll bandage it up!” Jae sat down but pulled Luhan onto his lap with him.

“Why don’t you kiss it better? I heard that heals bruises and injuries faster” he gave Luhan puppy eyes and Luhan laughed and leant down kissing all over Jae’s face.

Jae tilted his head so Luhans lips landed on his own and he deepened the kiss smirking when Luhan complied. His hands went down to Luhans ass holding him still, he broke the kiss and kissed Luhans neck sucking it slightly.  
“Lu, I love you”  
“I love you too”

“then…” he smirked and kissed Luhans chin before leaning to his ear “show me how much you love me, prove to me by sleeping with me” He pulled Luhan closer reaching up and unbuttoning his shirt.

Luhan didn’t know what to do, we wanted to get away… but… he sighed before smiling down at Jae “let’s bandage you up and eat first I’m hungry” he put on his best pout and hoped that Jae would agree. He sighed in relief when Jae nodded his head allowing Luhan to climb off his lap.

Luhan carefully patched up Jae’s face and then smiled placing his hand on Jae’s cheek cupping it and leaning down pecking his nose. He grabbed Jae’s hand and pulled him up letting him lead him to the kitchen  
“what should we make?” Luhan tapped his chin while he looked through the fridge  
Jae just shrugged “I have left overs let’s just eat that?”

“ok, I guess” Luhan sighed grabbing the containers and opened them dishing them up then placing them into the microwave.

He placed the hot plates down on the table and looked at Jae who was busy playing on his phone, he coughed slightly and pushed the bowl closer to Jae who looked up and smiled digging into the food.  
“so, uh, the muggers only punched your face?”  
“mmm, yeh… they were absolute dickheads”

“poor thing”

“I am” he pouted at Luhan trying to be cute, but it just came off as a little creepy to him.

The rest of the meal was mostly quite with Luhan occasionally making small conversations which died out quickly. Jae put down his phone and looked at Luhan sighing “I’m bored…”

“I’m sorry, umm… wait you said you enjoyed video games too right? Let’s do that?!”

“don’t feel like it”

Luhan deflated a little and hesitated “how about we go somewhere?”

“at this time? Stuff that”

“ok… well”

“let’s just go to sleep” Jae interrupted him

Luhan sighed and nodded his head “if that’s what you want, I should go home then before my parents get home”

“stay here”

“no, sorry but I’m meant to be grounded at the moment”

“but I’m injured, and what if the bad guys find out where I live, they stole my wallet”

Luhan tilted his head “I really can’t”

“fuck the rules, live a little”

“I…” Luhan sighed

“fine… then come with me for a sec then go home, I wanna show you something” Jae stood up and grabbed Luhans hand pulling him into his room. He let go of Luhans hand and closed the door while Luhan looked around trying to figure out what Jae wanted to show him.

“what is it?” Luhan turned around and Jae grabbed his face and forced a kiss onto him, he walked forwards making Luhan walk backwards until the back of his calves hit the bed and they both fell on top of it, Jae pinned Luhan down and smirked leaning up a bit so he could look down on Luhan.

“Lu, I wanted to show you how much I love you”  
Luhans eyes widened in realization and he tilted his head swerving Jae’s next kiss, Jae just grabbed his jaw and kissed him anyway not caring that Luhan wasn’t responding and his eyes were wide staring straight at him in fear.  
As soon as Jae left his mouth and started kissing his neck Luhan started struggling again “I already told you no, I don’t want to Jae! Please” tears were pricking his eyes and Jae bit down harshly into Luhans neck in response. Luhan screamed out in protest and pain but Jae just continued to attack his neck and creep his hands up Luhans shirt.

Luhan remembered his phone in his pocket and pulled it out carefully hoping Jae wouldn’t notice, luckily, he was too focused on attacking Luhans neck. He saw a new text from Tao and immediately opened it

[Tao: don’t trust Jae, leave him Luhan, please]

“don’t you dare” Jaes hand grabbed Luhans and forced the phone out of his hand and flung it across the room, Luhan couldn’t help but flinch at the loud bang it made when it hit the floor. His arms were pinned against the bed and there was no way he could struggle free.

 

Tao limped away from the school, he coughed and wiped his mouth looking down and seeing blood staining his fist. He clutched his belly and slowly limped to the park, he was glad that it was night time, and no one was out. He collapsed onto a bench and clenched his eyes shut trying to ignore the pain all over his body. He took out his phone with was thankfully still intact and messaged Luhan with shaking hands, he sobbed out when Luhan didn’t reply even after he stared at his phone for over 10 minutes. He sighed and turned off the phone, the black screen reflected his face and he cringed. He could see blood everywhere and multiple cuts, he just hoped that nothing was broken.

There was blood all down his shirt from his face and he buttoned up his jacket just in case someone was to see him. he put his face in his hands and tried to stop his leg from bouncing up and down in anxiety, he couldn’t go home like this. He couldn’t go to school, he reached into his pocket and breathed a sigh of relief that his wallet was still there. He got up to walk to a hotel but remembered the state he was in and ruffled his hair in annoyance.

He changed directions and hiccupped in pain when a stabbing feeling went through his stomach from the movement. He tried to ignore it and limped his way to the studio. Luckily it was code locked and didn’t require a key or he would be stuck. It took a few goes to open the door because his body was shaking too much from the pain and loss of energy. He stumbled in and leant against the wall for support while he caught his breath, he walked against the wall and made it to the small changing room happy that it had a shower. He paused when he saw himself in the mirror and the tears he tried so hard to hold in poured out.

He was supposed to be able to defend himself now, what was the point of all his training if he just gets beaten to a pulp every time anyway. He wiped the tears away hastily and walked to the shower only having enough energy to take of his jacket, he turned on the water and stuck his head under leaning his hands against the wall for support.

The water soaked his clothing while he looked down at the rivers of red running down the drain. The water stung the cuts on his face and body but he just ignored it pulling up his shirt a little to see a painting of blue, purple and yellow covering his skin. He suddenly remembered the promise he made to Luhan in the morning to meet tomorrow, there was no way that he could, he had to cancel as soon as he had the energy to. His legs gave way and he slipped to the floor curling up on himself under the warm water closing his eyes.

Why does everything have to always be so complicated for all of them, if he wasnt constantly bullied, if Suho was normal, Kris wasn’t scarred and Luhan wasn’t broken hearted and being controlled by a total dickhead wouldn’t they all be so much happier.

He just wanted to protect Luhan that’s why he refused his approaches even though it took all his strength not to give into Luhan and tell him how much he cares for the boy, not to kiss him everytime they meet. But if they dated the things that happened to Tao would also happen to Luhan and he couldn’t let that happen. Even if it means breaking both their hearts in the process.

Plus, when Jae shows Luhan the audio recording there’s no way they would be able to repair their relationship let alone make a romantic one. He was glad for the water washing away his tears, so he didn’t have to feel them soak his face.

 

“JAE STOP” Luhan kicked out and managed to kick Jae off him. he ran to the door trying to prevent his unbuckled pants from falling, he tried to twist the handle, but the door wouldn’t budge. He tried to find the lock, but he couldn’t there was only a key hole.

“looking for this” Jae stood behind him and held the key in front of his face before flinging it across the room, so it fell down the back of his desk.

“please” Luhan dodged him and ran to the other side of the room but just managed to corner himself.

“you’re so cute Luhan, I don’t think I can tell you enough” Jae walked up to him and cupped his face wiping away the tears

“why?”

“because I love you” he whispered

Chills went down Luhans spine, he choked on a sob and closed his eyes not wanting to look at the man in front of him. he felt a hand softly play with his hair

“hey Lu, let’s not sleep together tonight”

He opened his eyes and smiled in hope “re-really”

“just don’t go home”

Luhan gasped “my dad!” he tried to push past Jae, but he was pushed against the wall again “that’s your two choices”

He huffed in annoyance “fine I’ll stay”

“good” Jae smiled and lead Luhan to the bed throwing him some sweatpants to wear. Luhan took off his jeans and put the sweat pants on climbing under the covers, his body shivered when an arm snaked around his waist pulling his body flush with his own.

“I do have something to show you though” Jae’s breath fanned across Luhans ear.

He put his phone in front of Luhan and pressed play on some kind of audio recording. As soon as they started speaking Luhan instantly knew it was Tao and his heart beat increased.

“listen to him carefully” Jae whispered to him

Luhan just nodded and did just that “fine I admit, I don’t love him and never can…” Luhan was confused was he talking about him or someone else he couldn’t tell, suddenly Jae’s voice came through the recording “so you’re finally admitting that you hate Luhan”

His eyes widened at that statement and he was scared of what Tao would say next, there was a few random sounds and something which sounded like a groan of pain before Taos voice came back quietly letting out a strained “yes”.

Luhans hand shot up to his mouth and the tears he was holding in fell down. Jae’s grip tightened on him “see I told you that I’m the only one who loves you” his hand creeped down Luhans body pushing down his sweatpants and the mouth was back on his neck sucking. Luhans whole body was numb in shock, he couldn’t do anything, he couldn’t feel anything. He didn’t care what Jae did anymore.

 

“they’re both not answering” Kris shrugged putting down his phone

“do you think they’re ok?” Chen sat on the bench swinging his legs in worry

“I don’t know with those two” he sighed “there’s something going on I can tell but I can’t bring up the courage to ask”

“let’s just wait Tao has to come home soon, I mean how long can you spend outside of the house you live”

“he usually tells someone though”

“he’s with Luhan don’t worry”  
Chen looked down at the floor, he had a bad feeling and knew that Kris had it too since he had called both of them multiple times and that’s not a very Kris thing to do. He looked at Kris’s face and saw the concern and smiled softly ruffling his hair trying to lesson his tension.  
It seemed to work when Kris’s shoulders fell a little and he let out a little sigh “I guess there’s nothing we can do if we don’t know where they are”

“there we go some logic, let’s do something fun!” he grabbed Kris’s hand taking him to his room and pointing at the bed “let’s watch something on my laptop?”

“mmm sounds good I can’t be bothered doing much else”

“I thought so” Chen laughed and set up his laptop sitting it on the bed in between them scrolling through the movies till he found one which they both thought sounded amusing.

Kris immediately got comfy and Chen sat upright not really sure what he should do, he couldn’t really see the screen but didn’t want to invade Kris’s personal space. Kris looked up at him and frowned “how are you supposed to see the screen from that angle?”

“It’s fine really”

“come here” Kris put his arm around Chen and pulled him close making Chen blush “here put your head here” he moved Chens head with his hand to make Chen lay on his shoulder.

“it-it’s fine” he was feeling quite shy, he really liked Kris, but it was kinda awkward because didn’t they technically just meet?

“just relax Chen, it’s ok because I love you to”

His whole face went beet red and his hands covered his mouth so he didn’t make any noise, the position Kris put him in felt really nice and he couldn’t help but snuggle closer to him which Kris gladly allowed.

 

Tao sat in the corner of the studio looking at himself in the mirror across the room, he was still soaked but couldn’t care less, even though it was making the room 10x colder than it was before. Jae has shown Luhan the recording hasn’t he… he shivered when he remembered Jae holding him down on his knees after everyone had beaten him up. That goddamn smirk on his face once again “well that was a good show, honestly you are a good fighter but look at you now it’s pathetic” he let out an evil chuckle while Tao just looked at him with anger and lifelessness in his eyes.

“should we do round 2?” Tao struggled in protest, he wouldn’t survive another round. “hmm? That looks like a no, well there is a way. Say that you hate Luhan”  
He crouched in front of Tao with his phone in his hands  
“never!” he would gladly take another beating than say something like that

“well, then let me change the choices. Either we beat you up again and then invite Luhan here and do the same to him while you are such a mess you can’t move… or you tell me right here that you hate him”

Tao stared at the ground and gritted his teeth “don’t you dare hurt him”

“well then?” he held the phone in front of Tao, and he could see that it was recording and sighed

“fine… I admit, I don’t love him and never can” He glared at Jae hoping that he got away from saying he hated him, luck wasn’t on his side though.

“so, you’re finally admitting that you hate Luhan”

Tao hesitated and Jae waved at the man who was holding him down and he kicked Tao’s back harshly making him let out a groan of pain. Jae lifted up his chin and mouthed the words ‘do it or else’.

It hurt him so bad to say but he did it anyway, anything to protect him.

“yes”.

Tao looked at his reflection then picked up his phone tapping on Luhans name  
[Tao: sorry I can’t meet tomorrow… something came up]  
He sighed dropping his phone and staring up at the ceiling feeling empty, did he make a mistake refusing Luhan. If he didn’t then he wouldn’t be with Jae and Jae wouldn’t be able to hold that over his head. They were probably together right now and there was nothing he could do.

He was going to have to skip school for a while till his wounds heal up, so the others don’t know what happened. He noticed that Kris had tried to call him a few times but ignored it, he would talk to him tomorrow maybe making up the excuse that he had to go to China for a little or something.

He couldn’t help but feel lightheaded as he sat against the wall, his head kept dropping and his eyes were super heavy. He let himself fall to the floor laying down on the hard wood, it should have been uncomfy, but he was so exhausted and already hurting so much that it felt like heaven. It wasn’t long till his eyes drifted closed and he fell asleep

 

 

Luhan sat next to the door with his arms around his knees curling up as much as he could. He only had an unbuttoned shirt and boxers on, so he was freezing, but his body was shivering for other reasons. He glanced at Jae sleeping peacefully on the bed and grimaced, what was he doing... Did Tao really mean what he said?

He picked up his phone trying to ignore the massive crack now adorning the screen. He read the message from Tao and his heart fell he was really hoping that he could see him tomorrow. He glanced at the time and realized that it was now midnight, he was so in trouble there’s no way his father hadn’t noticed him sneaking out. He crawled over to the desk and reached behind it trying to find the key, he almost yelled in joy when he felt it and pulled it out but contained it so he wouldn’t wake up Jae and get told off again.

He got up off the floor and tip toed to where the rest of his clothing were and pulled them on making his way to the door. Unlocking it he closed it again quietly and creeped through the house glad to see his bag still on the table untouched. He grabbed it but paused when he also saw a wallet on the table, he opened it and frowned when he saw Jae’s id card in it, didn’t he say that the muggers stole it? He threw it back on the table in annoyance and left the house finally making his way home.

He carefully opened the door and snuck in huffing out in relief when he didn’t see his father, he walked to the kitchen and filled a cup with water chugging it down and leaning on the sink shaking his head.

He heard the door open behind him and he froze in fear, he turned around when the light turned on to see his mother putting her bag down and shrugging of her coat. He sighed in relief, she was only just getting home he made it.

“Luhan, what are you doing up?”

“I, uh couldn’t sleep so I came down for some water, do you want some?”

She walked over and held out her hand thanking Luhan for the now full glass of water and leaned on the sink next to him looking him up and down

“what’s with the outfit?”

Luhan looked down to see that he was wearing the track pants instead of his jeans and he shrugged to his mother “I stole them from Tao they’re super comfy… how was work? you're home really early”

“hectic, but I got to finish earlier” she rolled her eyes and smiled “that’s why you have to study hard, so you don’t end up like me, what did you get up to today?”

“not much, just study”

She raised her eyebrow “really?”

“yeh, well what else am I allowed to do?” he tried to not make the words harsh, but his mum still looked at him disapprovingly

“I’m trying to help you out dear, the future you with a nice job, money and a beautiful wife will thank me”

Luhan just cringed “sure future me might have those things…” he looked straight into his mother’s eyes and straightened his posture “but he won’t be happy, he would be depressed as hell like present me is” he turned around not wanting to hear his mother’s response and stormed away to his bedroom not turning around when she called his name out.

He flopped onto bed and curled up staring blankly at the wall.

 

Sunday was lazily spent by all of them. Tao didnt even have the energy to leave his training room, he hardly moved the whole day. Luhan sat in the corner of his room knees to his chest thinking about the night before and shivering, he had just been yelled at by his parents because turns out that his dad had found out that he sneaked out. his parents locked him in his room demanding him to do his study, but he ended up on the floor staring blankly at nothing.  
Kris and Chen spent it playing games and watching movies together, they also tried to cook meals for the week together to freeze but managed to fail because Kris kept messing up the quantities. Chen had given Kris the plane tickets and smiled sweetly at him shushing all his protestes until finally he thanked him.

 

“I always wanted to go to school as me, it’s so interesting”

“now you’re just being weird Chen” Kris laughed and walked over to him adjusting his tie since Chen was struggling with it so much. Chen smiled up at him and muttered a thank you before grabbing his bag.

He walked close to Kris and admired his surroundings, he was feeling chatty and constantly brought up random topics to Kris who was struggling a little to keep up with his thought process  
“would you slow down a little long legs”  
“long legs?” Kris looked back at him with a raised eyebrow

“yeh”

He shrugged and slowed his pace so Chen could keep up with him he looked carefully at him “I… I wish I knew Suhos real name…”

“maybe one day” Chen looked up at him making Kris suddenly remember how pretty he was and smile a little

“I guess it’s ok if I get to see this pretty face all the time”

Chen blushed and looked at the ground bashfully “you got cheesy stop it what happened to the old Kris?”

“that’s me but happy” he touched Chens hand and he pulled it away but Kris grabbed it and intertwined their fingers

“stop it, people are looking”

“so?”

Chen just shook his head and allowed Kris to continue holding him, he was surprised at how well Kris was adapting to loving all the personalities the same way that he loved Suho. They got to the school gates and were surprised when they didn’t see the other two boys there already and leant against it waiting, Chen stepped away from Kris a little just so all the other students stopped looking at them.

“are you scared of what other people will think of our relationship?”

“hmm? Not really” Kris shrugged “We love each other who gives a fuck”

Chen laughed awkwardly he was about to continue but a voice chimed in

“I do, since my parents are dicks”

“Luhan!” Kris straightened his back and walked over to Luhan who looked disheveled and tired “are you ok?”

“yeh, I got in trouble again since I sneaked out last night then talked back to my mum” he shrugged

“wheres Tao?” Kris looked behind Luhan confused to not see the other boy there

“I donno, I haven’t seen him since Friday”

Chen and Kris looked shocked at eachother “but he didn’t come home last night, where else would he go?”

Luhan looked down at the ground worry bubbling in his stomach, until he remembered the words he heard last night and sighed “probably got a partner” he shrugged again and pushed past Kris not wanting to talk about it anymore.

Chen and Kris kept glancing at each other than at Luhan trying to make sense of the situation with the little information they had. Kris almost ran after Luhan but Chen grabbed his arm and shook his head “he doesn’t want to talk about it”

Kris took out his phone ringing Tao again but still there was no answer. He tried again and once again it was ignored.

“somethings not right this kind of thing has never happened especially between those two”

“you don’t think it’s because…” he suddenly remembered that Kris nor Suho had no idea about the confessions and love between the two boys and cut himself off half way through

“because of what?”

“never mind”

“what do you know, please tell me something for once”

Chen frowned at him “’for once’ what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“you guys never tell me anything” he muttered angrily

“because we can’t Kris, why don’t you understand that”

He sighed running his hand through his hair “fine but please just tell me what’s going on between those two”

Chen looked towards the school than back at Kris contemplating whether it was the right choice before sighing “fine… Suho doesn’t know, but Kai found out that Luhan confessed to Tao and was rejected, apparently it happened quite a few times”

“he what!... but that doesn’t make sense, Tao is totally in love with Luhan”

Chen’s eyes widened “he is?” then he squinted them in confusion “how do you know that?”

“he told me”

Kris’s phone buzzed and he immediately opened the message

[Tao: sorry for not answering, I need to go to China for a little bit something came up… I won’t be contactable for a while]

He just stared at the message causing Chen to walk up and peek over his shoulder

“what the”

“somethings wrong”

“agreed”

 

Luhan sat down staring at his phone, that message made no sense why would he suddenly up and leave, no warning no nothing. Maybe something happened to his parents? He shook his head it couldn’t be that. Maybe he just wanted to get away for a little, that would make sense. He leant down on the desk laying his head in his arms like Kris usually does and was surprised when he saw a letter on Tao’s desk. He reached out and grabbed it unfolding it and reading it.

‘Are you convinced yet that you’re ready to kill yourself?’ Luhan growled and ripped up the paper throwing the bits on the floor he was going to kill whoever was doing this.

During lunch he sat silently in front of Kris and Chen simmering in his own thoughts until he felt a hand on his knee

“are you ok?”

He looked up to see Chens kind face smiling sadly at him “kinda… thanks for worrying Suho but it’ll be ok”

“it’s actually Chen at the moment”

Luhan tilted his head “oh I’m so sorry, hello Chen” he gave him a smile and Chen leaned over squishing his cheek

“smile a little more everything’s gonna work out ok?”

Luhan couldn’t help but feel a little better, he was realizing that talking to these to left him no room to think about last night. He looked at his phone to see multiple messages from Jae.

“Luhan, what happened to your phone it was only new”

“oh… I dropped it”

“bummer” Kris took it and examined the crack “you dropped it pretty hard” he looked up with a cocked eyebrow

“yeh haha it was more like a throw drop”

“damn, it wont stop buzzing someone’s popular”

“not really it’s just Jae”

“the boyfriend?”

“yeh” Luhan really didn’t want to talk about him and was trying to think of a sentence that would divert the conversation into a whole new subject

Chen looked at him with determined eyes “tell us about him, does he treat you right?”

“he… he does”

“how far are you into the relationship?”

“pr-pretty far”

“have you…” Kris took over the questioning and Luhan looked at him shocked before blushing, his heart sinking to his stomach

“Kris!” Chen punched him in the arm

Luhan smirked he thought of a way to divert the attention off of him “have you two done it yet”

“wh-what!” Chen went beet red and stared at Luhan in shock

“does it matter?” Kris shrugged

Both Chen and Luhan looked at him in anger before shouting “you’re the one who started this!”

“let’s talk about something else” Luhan muttered out.

Chen looked at Kris and smiled “when are you and Suho going to go see your grandfather?”

“I’m not sure, I think I still need to do about 20 more hours of work before I can affor-“

“we talked about this” Chen huffed out in annoyance “stuff it, I’m buying the tickets tonight during your shift and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

“don’t you dare!”

Chen stuck his tongue out at him “let go of your ego for once”

“what!” Kris tackled Chen to the ground and play wrestled him “ok I figured it out, you’re the wise but annoying personality”

They both laughed as they play fought and Luhan watched over them with a hint of envy in his eyes. He wanted so bad to have that in his life.

As they finished fighting, they both smiled at each other

“but seriously like I said this needs to happen, maybe you’ll even find out Suho’s real name”

“Suho isn’t his real name?” Luhan looked shocked when the two nodded.

“fine let’s go next weekend, Suho is usually back by then” he smirked “… if he isn’t, I have a tactic to get him back”

“don’t you dare surprise kiss me!”

“no promises there” he stuck out his tongue making Chen cringe in shyness.

 

Tao looked at himself in the mirror again cleaning up the cuts which bled during the night and sighed at the bruises all over his face. He wished that he had his makeup, he looked at the time, maybe Kris and Suho were at school so he could sneak into the house and grab a few things then just stay at a hotel till he healed up. He nodded to himself formulating the plan. He grabbed his bag and slowly walked as his whole body was still aching and was even more stiff from sleeping on the floor.

He made it to the house and knocked quite loudly before hiding around the side of the house. After 10 minutes no one answered so he unlocked the door and snuck in going straight to his room. He instantly took off the still damp clothing and threw them in his laundry basket before pulling on sweats and a hoody to cover as much of his body as possible.

He grabbed a bag and filled it with as much items as he thought he needed and walked into the bathroom pulling out his makeup bag.

He winced when the concealer and foundation went into his open cuts and burned a little but ignored it as he needed to do this to not scare the receptionist.

When he was done, he headed out again and contemplated taking the car but didn’t want to raise suspicion, so he just started the long walk to whichever hotel he found first.

He was out of breath and his whole body was radiating pain by the time that he made it to a hotel. He walked in and the lady seemed surprised to see him, especially in the disheveled state he was still in.

“may I help you?”

“I need a room, any will do”

“we only have a double room free”

“that’s fine”

“it’s a little expensive”

“I don’t care” he handed her his credit card and leant on the counter squeezing his eyes shut trying to contain the pain

“are you ok?” the lady looked at him with worried eyes

He just smiled sweetly “just not in the best physical shape at the moment” he laughed softly and thanked her when she gave him the key

He started to walk off, but the lady stopped him “wait take this” she handed him a first aid kit “you shouldn’t cover cuts with concealer they can get infected” she smiled sweetly, and Tao almost wanted to hug her.

“thank you so much”

“it’s ok now go rest” she ushered him off and he went gladly, she gave him enough strength to make it to his room which was on the sixth floor, he washed the makeup off and rummaged through the kit finding the disinfectant and taking care of his wounds.

He shook his head when the thought of how many times in his life he had to do this procedure, get beaten up, hide it from everyone, bandage himself and hope he wouldn’t have to visit the hospital.

He sighed making his way to his bed finally able to plug in his phone to charge, he only had enough to send those texts before it died. He turned it on, and disappointment filled him for some reason when he saw no texts back, did they just accept his excuse and not even think to ask him if he was ok? He shook his head, don’t be stupid.

He sneezed and his whole body felt hot for some reason, he couldn’t be getting sick, could he? He groaned, it must have been from sleeping in wet clothing… on the floor, in a cold room.

He dropped his phone to the floor laying on his side staring at the wall, he glanced at his hands seeing the forming bruises from punching other people before looking at the wall again his mind drifting to past events.

His thoughts couldn’t help but lead to Luhan, he thought about that boy way too much, he wanted to see him but was sure that Luhan wanted nothing to do with him now. He wished he just left back to China with his parents.

 

“do you have to go?” Chen sighed at both Luhan and Kris who nodded in reply

“I have work”

“I’m grounded”

“what am I supposed to do?”

The other two laughed at him “you’ll figure it out” Kris walked up to him and ruffled his hair before waving good bye and walking off with Luhan since they were headed the same way.

Luhan stood infront of his door hesitating to go in, when he did he would have to speak to his parents and that’s the last thing he wanted to do. He twisted it and hoped he could just fast walk to his room, however luck wasn’t on his side and his mum called out to him as soon as he stepped into the house.

“what is it mum?” he asked her sighing and not looking at her

“stop with this attitude right now”

Luhan looked at her in annoyance “and what about your attitude and shit parenting?”

Her mouth fell open “how dare you!” she raised a hand but stopped herself halfway to Luhans cheek

Luhan flinched but then glared at her when he realized she wasn’t going to slap him.

His mum looked at her hand with worry in her eyes “I…I wouldn’t hit you…Luhan” her body shivered with the thought of what she almost did

“maybe you should have, it would have made you feel better” he frowned but then softened his expression a little when he saw his mother’s face “this is what I mean by shit parenting, you never give me the chance to explain, or open up, or even feel worthwhile in front of you… I still don’t understand why you hate me so much”

He turned his back to her and once again walked away not wanting to hear her response. He wished he could repair the relationship between them because she was an amazing mother, but she was a bit thick when it came to other people’s emotions.

When he closed the door, he went over to his desk throwing his back onto it and opening up his laptop to try and distract himself. He opened up a game and started playing it hoping that it’ll pass the time for him.

An hour passed and he was getting into it, his mind was drifting away from his everyday life and a little smile appeared on his face. He could hear his phone dinging and looked at it rolling his eyes when he saw Jae’s name. he ignored it and just went back to playing the game, it kept dinging and he looked at it in pure annoyance until he saw Tao’s name

[Tao: Luhan, I know that things are rocky between us but… maybe I should move back to China]

Luhans heart started racing and all his emotions filled him again as well as anger he threw the phone on the other side of the table and angrily looked back at his game unpausing it. He played harshly and without technique just killed everyone and everything, during his online rampage he didn’t even notice the tears falling down his face or the shattering of his already broken heart.

 

Tao rolled around on the bed changing his position and coughing, ever since he laid down, he couldn’t find the energy getting back up and spent the day going in and out of unconsciousness. He looked at his phone sad when he saw the message, he sent to Luhan was read a few hours ago but never replied to.

He felt sharp stabbing in his abdomen and knew that he should probably go to the hospital but that would require parental authorization and his parents couldn’t find out, not again.

He tried to sit up but it was too painful so he stared at the ceiling hoping to hear his phone signal a new message. It was a couple more hours till it did, he groaned in pain from moving too fast to pick it up and almost jumped for joy when he saw Luhans name but was also terrified of what the message might say

[Luhan: please don’t leave…]

It was simple but still made Tao’s heart beat in happiness, even though he felt like Luhan purpousfully ignored him for a while which decreased from the authenticity of the text he just sent, it still filled his heart a little.

His phone buzzed again

[Luhan: I thought that you were in China, why are we texting?]

[Tao: I’m sorry, I just wanted to talk]

After a few minutes he got a message from his social medias, Luhan had dm’nd him

[Luhan: using this won’t eat up all our credit]

[Tao: good idea]

[Luhan: why did you go to China suddenly?]

Tao wasn’t expected to be asked that question so suddenly and freaked out a little not knowing what to say that would be believable

[Tao: my dad had an accident and we thought it was serious but he’s totally fine]

[Luhan: oh ok, send my regards… but that means you can come back]

[Tao: …]

[Luhan: come back]

[Luhan: please, we need to talk]

Tao looked at his phone and closed his eyes in frustration, everything was so hard, and it was all Jae’s fault… no it was his own. He couldn’t go to Luhan right away he would piece it together. He put his phone down next to him and sniffed pulling the covers over himself hoping that the pain would go away overnight.

 

He woke up annoyed with the headache that was still hammering against his skull, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and sighed in relief when the pain was numbed a little. He lifted up his top sighing when he saw that the bruising was just getting worse.

He carefully stood up and hobbled to the bathroom looking in the mirror, he was satisfied that the band aids on his face hid the majority of the bruising and it didn’t look too bad. Maybe he should go out and buy some painkillers and medicine so he could heal quicker.

He reassembled the first aid kit on the table and grabbed a coat throwing it over his sweats not caring about his fashion for the first time in his life. He leaned against the side of the elevator and tried to catch his breath, it really was difficult moving with the state his body was in. he walked to the front counter and smiled when he saw the same girl as the day before.

He put the first aid box on top of the counter “thank you, you don’t know how much that meant to me”

“I’m glad you’re looking after it, it looks a lot better than yesterday”

“thank you” he smiled at her again and walked out the building, he limped his way to the nearest chemist and straight up to the counter.

He knew exactly which drugs he needed from experience and paid for them ignoring the judgmental stares the clerk was giving him. He saw a café next to the chemist and sighed in relief he needed to sit down for a little.

He did that and ordered a coffee from the waitress who was obviously trying hard to not look at his injuries. He just waved her off and looked in his bag taking out the pills waiting for his coffee so he could take them and hopefully feel a little better.

He was half way through his coffee when the drugs started to kick in and he smiled finally feeling lighter.

He sipped his coffee a little more and smiled closing his eyes, he guessed it wasn’t too bad. Once the pain is gone and he stops thinking about everything in a place like this where he could pretend nothing mattered that he could just live the moment.

He heard a chair scrap across from him but ignored it keeping his eyes shut, someone was probably taking it for another table. It was silent for a few more minutes and he realized that he finished his drink he placed it on the table and slowly stretched to not agitate his injuries.

“so, you lied about being in China…”

His eyes shot open and he winced when his body jolted from the fright “Lu-Luhan?”

“you forgot to turn your locations off dumbass” he glared at him with his arms crossed.


	16. Bruises and Confessions

Luhan sat on the edge of his bed tapping his foot nervously, Jae wouldn’t stop texting him and it was stressing him out. He looked down again when the phone went off again

[Jae: babe, reply. Come over to mine tonight]  
[Jae: I love you]

He sighed  
[Luhan: I can’t sorry]  
[Jae: aww don’t I get a cute nickname yet? Babe ;;]

[Luhan: no sorry I haven’t thought of one]

Disgust filled his heart just thinking of calling Jae something sweet, he was honestly terrified of the man Luhan knew that he could get whatever he wanted, and he knew how to manipulate him.

[Jae: come over then! Let’s make one… and we can do something else too ;P]

[Luhan: I’m sorry I can’t]

[Jae: you with someone else? You know that no one would ever love you like I do]

Luhan stared at his phone in disbelief, he hated how part of him agreed with Jae, no one would ever love him. Yet he’s pushing the one person who says he does away.

He clicked away from the chat ignoring the text and opening up his conversation he had with Tao the previous night. He scrolled through the messages he wished that Tao would come home he really needed to clear the air with him, if he did hate him Luhan wanted him to say it to his face. Say everything they had been through was a lie.

He suddenly remembered something and went to another app and clicking on Tao’s icon, a while ago they had linked their locations just incase something happened to the other and also so if they wanted to meet up they wouldn’t have to put effort in explaining the location.

He smiled when he saw that Tao’s locations was still on, but as soon as he looked at the map his heart jumped to his throat… he was in Korea?. There was no way he would have got here so fast so that means that he never left. Rage filled him why would Tao lie to him? Did he really hate him that much he would pretend to be in another country just to avoid him.

“Luhan it’s time for you to go to school!!!” his dad yelled from downstairs and he rolled his eyes picking up his schoolbag and giving his parents a small wave before leaving the house saying he wanted to walk to school today. He looked back at his phone and sighed “stuff it” he walked towards the direction and saw the icon moving, so he stopped sitting on a bench waiting for the icon to stop moving so he had more chances of catching Tao without him running away.

The icon finally stopped and he stood up and ended up at a café he had never visited before, he peaked around the corner and spotted Tao sitting on a table by himself leaning his head back with his eyes closed and a small smile on his face as he slowly sipped his coffee. He walked up slowly and pulled out a chair wincing when it made a scraping sound but Tao didn’t budge too lost in his mind to acknowledge Luhan.

He sat down and stared at Tao his mood deflating as he saw the bandaging and bruises all over his face, he recognized the pills on the table in front of him as Tao’s go to pain killers and his heart sank was Tao hiding his pain again. Why is he so beaten up?

He shook his head and tried to focus on the reason he was there in the first place  
“so you lied about being in China?”  
“Lu-Luhan?” he looked at Luhan with such shocked and guilty eyes that it made Luhan almost apologise

“you forgot to turn your locations off dumbass” he glared at him with his arms crossed.

“I-“

“please don’t talk” Luhan leant on the table and rubbed his face before sitting his chin on his hand and looking at Tao who still looked like a deer in the head lights

“We… we have things we need to sort out” he hesitated looking down at the table again “… we need to decide if this friendship… if we should just stop” his voice cracked at the end and he shook his head so his fringe covered his eyes.

He felt a hand rest softly on his head but he jolted backwards “don’t touch me”

“let’s g… go to a ho-hotel” Luhan looked up shocked at Tao when his voice kept cracking and stuttering, his heart jolted when he saw tears falling down Tao’s face.

“ok” he stood up and turned his back to Tao waiting for him to grab his things and take the lead. They walked in silence, Luhan tried to ignore Tao’s silent sobs and the wounds all over his body.

They walked into a hotel and Tao smiled at the lady in the reception who smiled back at him before looking at Luhan and then Tao’s tears  
“are you ok honey?”  
“I am thank you” he gave her the sweetest smile and Luhan felt jealous grabbing Tao’s hand and harshly pulling him to the elevator then huffing folding his arms and staring at the door since that was the only place without mirrors.

Tao lead him to a door and let him go in first before closing it and throwing his bag onto the table. Luhan looked around and cringed at the mess  
“you’ve been here for a while” he accused and only heard a sigh behind him.  
He turned around to see Tao leaning against the wall looking like he was catching his breath, Tao locked eyes with him and shook his head in a silent confirmation that he was ok. He walked over to the couch and flopped down sighing out loudly and closing his eyes.

Luhan cautiously walked over and sat down next to him just far enough that they didn’t touch or would accidentally.  
“why would you lie to me?”  
Tao looked at the floor “I’m sorry”

“that’s not an excuse tell me”

“I didn’t want you guys to worry”

“we’ve talked about this before, stop hiding all the time goddammit Tao I thought we were friends!”

Tao’s body started to shake and he let out uneven breaths like he was trying so hard to contain his emotions “I-I should’ve gone to China…”

“no! Tao we talked about this!”

Tao’s hands fiddled with each other and his leg started bouncing up and down

Luhan sighed and grabbed Tao’s hand making the man look up at him “Tao, why did you say that you hate me… Why would you pretend to like me, make me feel all these emotions even though you just hated me” his eyes started to water when he saw the pained expression that Tao made before the boy frowned and pulled his hand away harshly

“this is the problem Lu, you believe anything!” he dug his fingernails into the bruises in his knees “how dare you accuse me of something like that when you know damn well I don’t hate you and instead believe that shitty boyfriend of yours!”

Luhan was taken aback and his emotions were starting to jumble and he didn’t know what he was feeling or what the right response to that was.  
“he’s not shitty!!”  
Tao looked at him sideways and smirked in a pained way “we both know he’s shitty, did he ‘get in your pants’ on Saturday?”

“he…he” Luhans body started shaking with the memories and he growled to try and conceal that pain “you know what, you’re the shitty one!”

“Lu, I know when you’re concealing emotions what did he do?”

“shut up you can’t talk, you never tell me anything”

“this isn’t about me right now”

“IT IS YOU IDIOT!!” he kicked out and hit Tao on the shin causing him to moan out in pain and give Luhan a hurt expression making his heart sink.  
They both sat there in silence for a minute crying silently, Tao got up and walked to the bathroom locking the door and turning on the shower.  
Luhan leant back on the couch and listened to the water pouring, he missed how things were before he confessed, before he managed to get the worst boyfriend in the world. But the thing is Jae was right, he was the only one who loved him. Tao didn’t love him enough to tell him what was going on in his life and didn’t even tell him why he said he hated him in the first place.

He stood up and walked to the bathroom knocking loudly on the door  
“yeh?” Tao yelled out over the running water  
“why did you say you hated me?”

There was silence and Luhan hit the door a few more times “Answer me goddammit”

“I can’t”

He started banging his fists on the door as his emotions hit breaking point

“TELL ME” suddenly the door opened, and he feel forwards but he was caught by Tao who held him to his chest, he only had a towel wrapped around his waist and Luhans hands were splayed on his chest. He stared down wide-eyed at Tao’s chest and belly, he couldn’t see any skin colour, all of it was purple, blue and yellow

“Tao…”

Tao’s arms wrapped around Luhan pulling him close “fine, if you really must know… I said it to protect you”

“you’re an idiot! The biggest idiot I hate you” Luhan sobbed into his chest and Tao chuckled

“yes, I am”

“they told you to kill yourself again yesterday”

Tao’s body froze a little before he let out a breathy laugh “either they kill me, or I kill myself”

Luhans hold on Tao tightened and he sobbed out “don’t leave, let me protect you”

“there’s nothing you can do we both know that”

“don’t say that” Luhan leant back a little and traced his hand over the trauma to Tao’s body

He looked up at Tao and saw him looking down at him with the strangest look on his face, something he had never seen before. Tao leant down a little and looked at Luhan right in the eyes making his heart jump his eyes drifted down and landed on Luhans lips. He came a few cms closer and let out a sigh which fanned across Luhans face and made him blush in response.

He reached out and cupped Luhans face with one of his hands and stroked his thumb over his cheek smiling sadly. Luhan could see the emotions going on in his head through his eyes and was frozen to his spot unsure of what Tao was thinking, or what his intentions were.

Tao looked back up at Luhans eyes again and wiped his tears away softly before leaning forwards and closing the gap between them, Luhan melted into the kiss, it held so much emotion and unspoken words. It was something he needed and wished never ended but his emotions were too over the place that he didn’t know how to take it. His hands landed on Tao’s chest and he couldn’t help himself as he pushed harshly and caused Tao to lose his balance and topple backwards falling hard on the floor, the pain on his face was so heart breaking and Luhan knew that even though most of it was physical pain, a lot of it was emotional too.

He stood back and shook his head “I-I have a boyfriend… and, and I can’t… please” he took a few steps back and looked at Tao tears streaming down his face “I regret everything… you, me… everything we did together” before he bolted from the bathroom and picked up his belongings on the way before running out of the room and into the elevator holding his chest and breathing so hard he thought he was hyperventilating. He slid down the wall and stared at the mirror on the other side and watched as his body shook and his eyes filled with tears again.

 

“calm down Kris” Chen grabbed onto Kris’s arm and gave him puppy eyes

“I can’t, they’re my best friends” he looked at Chen who sighed patting his hair

“we love them but there’s nothing we can do, it’s for them to sort out now let’s go to class”

“I don’t wanna” he grabbed Chens hand and forced him to follow him even though he put up a little fight.

He lead them to the roof and Chen gave him an annoyed look “we’re gonna get in trouble some day”

Kris shrugged in response giving him a little ‘I don’t care’ grin making him shake his head in annoyance but he still couldn’t help but smile. Kris sat down near the edge where he could see the best view and patted the spot next to him. Chen walked over and leaned on the railing and smiled softly. Kris looked up in awe admiring the way the wind ruffled Chens hair and how his eyelashes fluttered a little as he looked around with such a cute look on his face. He looked down at Kris and smiled wider

“what are you looking at?”

Kris blushed and pouted that his view was over and instead looked back at the dull grey concreted roof. Chen sat down next to him and shrugged off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves “man it’s hot today”

He rested his head on Kris’s shoulder and sighed in content closing his eyes

“they’re looking better” Kris breathed out only just loud enough for Chen to hear what he was saying

“what?” he shifted his head so he was looking up at Kris but still leaning on him

“the… the scars” his voice was really little and Chen looked down at his arms understanding what Kris was referring to

He laughed awkwardly “yeh I kinda forgot those were a thing” he held them up and traced along the scars with a sad look in his eyes “I wish they were never a thing”

“why did you start?”

That question caught him off guard and he let his arms drop and accepted Kris when he touched their hands asking for permission to hold his. Kris’s thumb rubbed little circles into the top of his hand as their fingers intertwined.

“we haven’t been making them for long, Suho actually started them when he was younger and was just… him” he paused a little wondering how much information to give out “he couldn’t hold his emotions any longer and felt so worthless he wanted to do something that would give him control over his own body so he decided to try it out… the first time he did it he did it 5 times”

Kris stayed silent in shock, he still couldn’t comprehend someone with a soul as pure and kind hearted as Suho’s doing something like that

“so how long?”

“he started when he was 13, he stopped for a little but when his mind started to dissociate. When Lay came that was when it became a full-time thing… how it progressed to this” he held up his arms again refering to the mess of scars.

“so, it was because of Suho that Lay cuts?”

“remember that all of us represent a part of Suho, each one of us is a different bit of the man you love… but the reason Lay cuts is a whole different story”

“I figure I shouldn’t bother asking you what that is…” Kris’s voice trailed off at the end of the sentence unable to hide his frustration.

“I… this is probably stupid but… maybe it would be better to start triggering Suho’s memory”

‘don’t be stupid!’ Chen rolled his eyes at the voice in his head

‘if he finds out everything will go to waste’

“shut up”

“huh?” Kris looked at him confused and Chen shook his head at him

“I wasn’t talking to you, freakin Sehun won’t shut up”

‘hey!’

“you can talk to the other personalities?!”

“no but sometimes I can hear them like voices in my head”

Kris looked at him wide-eyed and had no idea what to say to that, Chen looked at him with a frown, but his eyes were smiling and he pulled a funny face “I’m crazy!”

Kris burst out laughing “you’re lucky that I like crazy”

“no you don’t”

“true… I just like you”

Chen opened and closed his mouth a few times before pouting and blushing and looking away huffing trying to fawn frustration as he tried to cover his shyness.

 

Tao couldn’t move from the place which Luhan had pushed him onto the floor, his whole body was stiff, and his mouth trembled as the tears silently fell down his face.

Did Luhan really regret meeting him? Did he blame Tao for everything, lose the love he had for him and started to hate him?

He didn’t know what to do, he wouldn’t be able to function without that boy by his side. He couldn’t lose him, Luhan was the only reason he was happy and alive and now it felt that he ripped the entire world from beneath his feet and reached into his chest ripping out his heart.

He looked down at his injuries and smirked “I deserved this didn’t i?” he reached up to the table top and opened his phone looking at the messages. He scrolled through them until he saw Jaes name and clicked on it reading the slew of hateful and manipulative taunts. 

 

Kris leaned against the doorframe of Suho room and watched as Chen ran around collecting a few things and shoving them into a suitcase

“you do realize that we are only going for four days and that it’s not till the end of next week?”

“it pays off to start packing early”

Kris laughed “this is just being a bit silly don’t you think”

Chen dropped the shirt in his hand and looked up pouting at Kris and crossed his arms “don’t be mean”

Kris walked up to him and grabbed his waist pulling him close, Chen’s body untensed and he blushed looking up with surprised eyes “wh-what are you doing?”

Kris leaned down and touched Chens nose with his own and smiled softly, he tilted his head slightly and Chen realized what he was trying to do and dropped down to the floor so suddenly that Kris had no chance to stop his action. He fell to the floor with a thud and looked up at Kris with an angry face

“I don’t wanna go yet, I said I wasn’t going to kiss you” he poked out his tounge and laughed when his bottom started to throb “that might have been an over reaction though”

Kris crossed his arms and looked down at him with a cocked eyebrow “you think?” he crouched down so he was eyelevel with him and tilted his head leaning in and kissing him on the cheek “I can do that though”

“ye-yeh you can” he hid his face behind his hands and let out an annoyed sound “I cant handle you” he mumbled and Kris laughed standing up and walking over to his bed pushing of the clothing Chen folded and the bag he was packing not caring about the mess

“hey!”

“chill” Kris stretched and cuddled into the sheets “what do you think Luhan was doing when he missed school? His parents are gonna be pissed”

Chen stood up finally brushing off his pants he gave Kris a soft look “you really care about them don’t you”

“huh?”

“you pretend to be someone who doesn’t give a shit, but really you have the biggest soft spot for us three”

Kris groaned “I can’t help it, you three are the only people in my life… the only people who give a shit about me”

Chen walked over and climbed onto the bed he crawled on top of Kris and straddled his lap, he grabbed Kris’s shirt and started unbuttoning it. He unbuttoned just enough to see his scar and he placed a hand over it he smiled and looked down

“I know that Suho would say you’re so strong and kind hearted”

Kris looked down at his chest and rolled his eyes looking up at Chen, his words were caught in his throat and didn’t know how to respond to that.

Chen leant down and kissed the top of his nose before smiling and touching their foreheads “don’t go anywhere Kris” we whispered and looked right into his eyes.

Kris watched them sparkle and his heart beat rose as his hands reached up and softly touched Chens waist. “I wont”

 

Luhan rolled over in his bed and looked at the sun rays from the sunrise shine through his curtains, he didn’t want to get up and go to school. He didn’t want to go anywhere, he heard a knock on the door and rolled over again so his back was facing the door.

His mum came into the room and touched his shoulder “you need to go to school honey”

Luhan just shook her off tugging the blanket up higher to hide his face  
“Luhan…”  
“mum go away, I don’t feel well I’m not going to school”

“you need to, especially after yesterday”

“no! leave me alone” he curled up and refused to address her properly

“fine”  
Luhans body stiffened a little, she never agreed so quickly, she usually puts up a fight and then just forces him to do what she wanted anyway.  
“get better soon, I will book you some counseling sessions” she turned her back and left the room closing the door behind her.

Luhans eyes were wide ‘counseling?’ his own mum thought that he was mentally sick? Maybe he was… but he didn’t want to go to sessions like that, tell a complete stranger what he was feeling.

He turned on his phone and looked through the names in his contact list, which wasn’t long at all. He paused slightly at Taos name but kept scrolling, he didn’t want to message Suho and Kris and ruin their evening. He sighed, Jae was literally the only person he could message, that he could rely on. He clicked on his name and wrote out a message

[Luhan: let’s go out tonight]

[Jae: really? Yay! Let’s go to the place we met ;]]

[Luhan: ok]

[Jae: ?]

[Luhan: ok babe]

[Jae: see you then honey, wear something sexy]

Luhan rolled his eyes and pressed away from the messages and instead opening his location app, he saw that Tao hadn’t moved from the room. What he said was harsh, he admitted it, but they weren’t right for each other. They just brought each other down all the time, Tao was better off without him.

 

“I don’t wanna go” Kris wriggled closer to Chen and hugged him tighter

“we have to go to school” Chen tried to wiggle away but Kris just groaned and held him tighter.  
His hand creeped up Chens pj shirt and softly felt along his abs as he kissed Chen’s neck  
“stop feeling me up” he said to muffle the moan he let out, he rolled his eyes and smiled when Kris just continued and sucked on his neck before leaning back and smiling at the mark he made.

“ok maybe we can go”

“thank god” Chen rolled away but looked back at Kris and grinned unbuttoning his shirt and letting it fall down past his shoulders “guess we should change then” he winked before getting up and letting the shirt fall to the floor loving the way he could feel Kris’s gaze.

Kris groaned and covered his eyes “you’re mean” he rolled over and pulled the blanket over his head. Chen walked over to him and pulled the blanket down to his feet.

“get up”

“fine”

Kris pulled himself out of the bed and took of his pjs on the way the shower, he picked up his school clothes and gave Chen a glance with a raised eyebrow before smirking when he confirmed that the boy was looking at him and blushing. He turned away and went to the bathroom.

By the time he was finished Chen was holding two coffees and some breakfast.  
“youre so slow I had time to go to a café” he teased  
“I look good though”

“truth” Chen laughed and handed over the coffee nodding at Kris’s mumbled thanks.

They sat down on the table together and Chen slid over a envelope. Kris looked at him confused  
“another letter from his ‘parents’?”  
“no, no. we might as well stop that now theres no fooling Suho”

“what is it?” he picked up the envelope and opened it before putting it down and staring at Chen pointedly

“what?” he shrugged “I said I was just going to buy them behind your back” he laughed at Kris’s annoyed face

He sighed and looked at him with a little smile “thanks Chen, they're for the end of this week though? that's why you were packing!”

“no backing out now, I’m so excited for you to see your grandpa, I know Suho really wants to meet him too!”

“I’m excited to see him too, but this flight is during school time…”

“who cares” he shrugged and stuck out his tongue “at least the majority of the time is over the weekend”

“you think…” Kris looked at the table trying to figure out a way to phrase it “that Suho will be back so soon”

Chen tapped his lips “like you mentioned before we have ways”

Kris sipped his coffee in embarrassment before bursting out in laughter as Chen rested his chin in his hand watching him and admiring how beautiful his laugh was, since it was so rare that Kris laughed this hard and looked this happy.

 

Luhan twisted his body in all different directions to try and see every perspective of his outfit, it seemed sexy to him, but he wasn’t sure if it was Jae’s taste. His shoulders slumped and he plodded to the bathroom to fix his eyeliner and hair.

He was starting to regret initiating tonight, was it the right thing to do? What was he doing? He tugged at his hair the stress starting to sink in again

He huffed in annoyance when he realized he ruined his hairstyle and had to redo it, he stared at himself in the mirror and the longer he looked the more imperfections he found on his face. He shook his head and walked out of the bathroom giving up on trying to make his appearance look any better what was the point anyway?

He opened his window climbing out and instantly shivering when he stood up, he regretted not taking a jacket but couldn’t be bothered climbing back up into his room, so he just hugged himself and walked to the club. He was out of breath and shivering uncontrollably when he made it and opened his phone calling Jae to try and find out where he was. He didn’t answer and Luhan just decided to walk in and wait for him next to the bar where they met for the first time.

He flashed the guard his fake id and walked in his body heating up a little from the mass of bodies and pyrotechnics. He walked slowly and looked around, but he couldn’t see him anywhere, sighing he leaned against the counter and ordered a drink to try and relax a little.

He sipped on it and looked around constantly before giving up and turning around and leaning on the counter just focusing on gulping down the last of the drink and ordering another, he got halfway through when he suddenly felt hands on his waist.

“you came” he turned around and his eyes widened “wait?”

“yes, I’m here” the hands on his waist tightened as Luhan tried to get away

Luhan tried to pry his hands of his waist but they wouldn’t budge “you’re not Jae, let go!”

“who’s that? Your boyfriend?” the stranger leaned closer, so his face was inches from Luhans

Why did this always happen to him. Luhan yelled out for help but the man covered his mouth and glared at him before leaning close and kissing his cheek “come-on baby, I know you want it” one hand creeped up Luhans side and the other went down and grabbed his ass squeezing it and pulling Luhan closer to him

“let go!” Luhan wriggled harder and tried hitting the man, he looked around in desperation, but everyone was ignoring them. The hand on Luhans chest slid down the buckle of his pants, the hand on his ass prevented him from moving as the other hand started to pull down his zipper.

“sto-stop please” tears were forming in Luhans eyes and he so desperately wanted to get away, but he just couldn’t.

The hand slipped into the front of his pants and he felt so defeated and dirty, a gross stranger was feeling him up in the middle of the club, people were glancing at them with disgusted faces but refusing to help Luhan even when he gave them pleading eyes.

Suddenly the man was soaking wet and the emptied glass was smashed onto his side sending him a few steps away from Luhan. A figure stepped in front of Luhan protectively in a threatening stance towards the creepy guy

“don’t you dare touch him, only I can do that to him know your goddamn place!”

“Jae?” Luhan let out a whisper and never felt so much relief flood him as when Jae turned around and smiled at him before turning around back to the man who had now gotten to his feet and looked pissed.

“what gives you the right to own him?” he snarled

“just cause he’s mine” Jae’s hands balled into fists and he smirked when the man started to lunge forwards “bad move idiot”

Jae lunged towards him too and punched him square in the face. Before tackling him to the ground and punching him repeatedly, a move he had learned from Tao the other day.

By the time blood was coming out of the man’s face bodyguards had caught wind of the fight and pulled all three boys outside chucking them onto the street.

The man looked at both Luhan and Jae before shaking his head “an ugly bitch like that isn’t worth all that” and turned around half running off.

“thankyou” Luhan whispered up and curled in on himself shivering from the mix of the cold and feeling so disgusted after being touched like that and not being able to do anything.

“see baby, you need me to protect you” Jae walked over and pulled Luhan into his chest.  
Luhan snuggled into the warmth and safe atmosphere he was feeling. His heart clenched in realization, he did need Jae, Jae protected him and told him he loved him and wouldn’t leave his side.

Sure, Jae might have done a few things that weren’t ok, has made him cry and shiver in fear… but at least he was there and willing to hold him and tell him he loved him.  
He grabbed Jae’s hand and intertwined their fingers pulling him closer  
“you’re mine ok?” Jae leaned down and kissed Luhans forehead before resting his chin on his head, so they were even closer. When he was out of Luhans sight he smirked to himself and tried hard not to laugh, Luhan was dependent on him now, he had won.

 

Jae gave the warm drink to Luhan and pulled the blanket over him more patting his hair “here you pick a movie I’ll be back” he leaned down and kissed Luhan giving him the remote and smiling at him.

He walked into his room and burst out into a quiet laughter his face contorting into an expression that would make anyone uncomfortable.

He leaned against the door and unlocked his phone deciding to send his little victim a text  
[Jae: I don’t know what you did to precious little Lu, but thank you. Maybe you are worthwhile for something. Now I have another toy]  
[Tao: don’t you dare hurt him!]

[Jae: no promises there. Meet me at the auditorium again on Friday same time, let’s have fun again]

He switched off his phone and tried so hard to stifle the next laughs afraid that Luhan would hear him. Life was becoming so much fun, he had 2 toys, one to break and one to make into a whole new toy. He hummed to himself as he changed into some comfier clothing going back to Luhan and sitting next to him snuggling into his side.

By the end of the movie Luhans head was struggling to stay up, he yawned and looked over to see Jae looking up at him smiling  
“come on sleepy let’s go to bed”  
Luhan nodded and yawned again, he let Jae pick him up off the couch and carry him to the bedroom. He threw Luhan down and climbed on top of him leaning down and kissing his neck

“Jae… can we not, I don’t feel like it after that guy…”

“but I need to reclaim my property”

Luhan cringed at the word ‘property’ but tried to shrug it off “please…”

Jae pouted “so that guy can touch you, but I can’t?”

“it’s different”

“fine, let’s just play a little, nothing too much. Just touch here and there then go to sleep” he tilted his head smiling and leaned down kissing Luhans lips his free hand creeping down his body.

 

Luhan sat in the shower leaning against the wall lifelessly, maybe that’s all he was good for? It seems the only thing people wanted with Luhan was to get into his pants. As soon as Luhan became devoted to them or wanted anything more they run away and throw him to the curb. Just as Tao did.

He was only coming to this realization he always thought he was the bad one in the relationship, but he just didn’t understand his worth. Maybe Jae would leave him too once he’s bored… but he said he loved him and Luhan couldn’t bear to be lonely again.  
He just had to deal with the night time and then the days could go on being nice. He was dirty anyway so what was the point trying to deny it.  
His head lolled backwards, and he stared at the roof, constantly blinking when the water from the shower was getting in his eyes. He wasn’t crying it was just the shower, or so he was trying to convince himself.

 

Tao punched the wall, he didn’t know what to do anymore. Jae was pissing him off, but he had no right to meddle in Luhans life anymore, Luhan didn’t want him, he lost his only chance and still couldn’t accomplish his goal of keeping the boy he loved safe.

He tried calling him, but he wouldn’t answer, and it was driving him mad, what was Jae doing to him. Why couldn’t Luhan stay away from him and see him as the jerk he was.

He slid to the ground and fumbled for his phone which he accidentally dropped when he punched the wall, he looked at the amounts of missed calls from both Kris and Suho and sighed out. Maybe he should tell them, get them to help.  
His finger hovered over Kris’s name, but he couldn’t do it, he looked so weak at the moment. He was emotional and would end up telling them everything, he couldn’t do that.  
He kneeled on the floor and leaned forewords, so his forehead was on the coolness of the wall, after a few minutes he breathed out and looked around the room trying stupidly to find answers. His eyes landed on the phone and the image of the girl in reception came to his mind. It was late but maybe she was there.

He stood up on shaky legs and sat on his bed popping two of the painkillers into his mouth and swallowing them waiting a while and sighing in relief when the pain in his body subdued a little. He picked up the phone and keyed in the number for reception before he could change his mind.

“hello this is reception how may I help you?”

“wait” this wasn’t the girl, this person sounded much older “the other girl, where is she?”

“she’s finished for the night”

“re-really” his voice cracked, and he covered his mouth “I-I really need her… please can I talk to her” his voice was starting to shake and he heard silence for a few seconds on the line before the woman sighed

“I won’t tell you her number but I can put you through on this line, no promises that she’ll pick up this late though hun”

“thank you so mu-much”

The line went on hold and he held his breath hoping that she would pick up.

Finally, the line went through and the girl answered in an obviously tired voice “yes? Hello who is this?”

“I… I don’t even know your name… and you pr-probably don’t know me”

“wait, band aid dude?”

“yeh” Tao let out a little broken laugh at that name

“what’s wrong, are you ok?”

“firstly… what’s your name”

“oh, my name is Yuna… what is yours?”

“Tao”

“that’s good to know, now tell me why you called me and are crying?” she let out a little laugh

“I… don’t know what to do”

“honey, tell me what happened maybe I can help” she was so sweet it warmed Tao’s heart

“the person I’m in love with is in danger but I can’t do anything about it because I broke their heart…”

“oh, the guy who stormed out after going to your room?”

“yeh…”

“I just want to say I’m totally fine with gay people I couldn’t care less who you loved… but that boy, he was crying he looked so defeated but also hesitant to leave the building, to leave you”

Tao paused a little “has anyone said you’re the sweetest person alive”

“not till now” she laughed

“it’s not only that but I don’t know if I should get our other friends involved”

“they don’t know about your condition, do they?”

“no…”

“firstly, tell them about your condition, tell them what happened Tao. They’re you’re friends for a reason. I bet it’s hurting them to see you two hurting but not knowing what’s going on”

“that… actually makes a lot of sense”

“Tao… do you want me to come there, we can talk properly”

“if-if you could? I mean you must be super tired and want-“

“Shh, I’m coming stay tight”

She hung up and Tao let the phone fall onto the table top, why did he say yes to that, she couldn’t see what he was like and the room was a mess. He was crazy, he should call her back. He picked up the phone and went to call her but remembered that he didn’t actually have her number. He put the phone back on its rest and ruffled his hair.

He heard a knock on the door a short while after and plodded over opening the door “im sorry for making you come”

“you didn’t make me I wanted to” she smiled at him and held up the back in her hands “I brought food lets talk”

“its like 12 oclock”

“midnight snacks are the best” she gave him a peace sign and waltzed into the room clearing a bit of the mess so they could sit on the floor together “man you made a mess”

“sorry”

“don’t be, now sit”

Tao sat next to her and she looked at his face “I’m glad you are looking after the cuts they seem to be healing well”

Tao just nodded and looked away from her trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall

“hey… Tao, what is it. I’m a stranger so you can tell me” she reached up and touched his shoulder trying to comfort him the best she could without over stepping boundaries.

He looked at her sighing “I don’t know where to start”

“tell me about what happened to you why are you so beat up”

Tao explained everything to her and by the end she was holding him in her arms trying to calm him down and reassure him that everything was going to be fine

“honey… you need to call Kris and Suho let them help you”

“but they’ll see me like… this”

“who cares, man up and call them” she groaned in annoyance and picked up his phone which was laying on the ground

“we can’t it’s like 2 in the morning”

She looked at the clock on the wall and widened her eyes in realization “that is true” she looked at Tao’s phone and smirked unlocking it and going to his messages

“hey! What are you doing?”

“shhh” she held the phone out of Tao’s reach and clicked on Kris’s name when she found it sending him a text

[Tao: hey, when you wake up please call me…]

“why did you do that!” he snatched his phone from her, and she just laughed and reached over cupping his face making him look at her

“because I know that you won’t call him, you need to talk to them, trust them and let them help you. You can’t keep living like this, if you lose them too what will you have left”

Her words sent a dagger through his heart, she was right without the rest of them he had nothing. He looked right into her eyes and smiled for the first time that night  
“thank you… I’m really glad I met you”  
She ruffled his hair and pulled him into a hug before stepping back “I should really go home and sleep, you sleep as well ok? And stop taking those pills like lollies”

Tao nodded and thanked her again before helping her collect her things and waved her good bye. His whole body felt lighter and he never knew that talking things out would make him realize what he was truly feeling and what he had to do.

 

Kris groaned and rolled over in bed, he hated mornings, hated getting out of the comfort and peacefulness of bed. He glanced over at Chen who was still sleeping peacefully. Ok maybe there was one good thing about mornings. He relaxed back into the sheets and watched him, he felt a little creepy but couldn’t help but admire the perfectness that was his boyfriend.

He finally decided to stop staring and sat up grabbing his phone from the nightstand, his eyes widened when he saw a message from Tao and when he read it he became scared. That text didn’t sound like Tao and what the hell was he doing at 2 in the morning other than sleeping. He slipped out of the bed careful to not wake Chen up and walked out of the room pressing the call button next to Tao’s name.

[“hello?”] Tao’s voice was raspy, and he sounded like Kris had woken him up

“Tao, are you ok what’s up? Are you back?”

[Tao let out a laugh “calm down Kris it’s ok”]

“it’s obviously not, somethings going on”

[he sighed “I’ll explain it to you but not over the phone”]

“where are you?”

[“at a hotel”]

“why? Come home”

[“Ok…”]

“I’m going to skip school today, so you better come, and you better tell me what’s going on”

[“sure… I’ll come later”]

Tao hung up on Kris and he just stared at the screen

“Kris” he felt a hand on his shoulder “what is it, is he ok?”

“we were right something is really wrong” his leg started to bounce up and down making his body shake a little. Chen wrapped his arms around Kris’s waist in a way to try and calm him down. Kris melted into his grip but couldn’t help but continue to worry, he tried texting Luhan, but the boy wouldn’t reply so he decided to just deal with one first then help the other if he can.

 

Tao sat on the floor shoving his clothing into his bag and trying hard to try and clean up the place for Yuna. He hoped that she was down there so he could say thank you again, he heart sank at the thought that she wasn’t going to be right there anymore when he leaves. Would they ever meet again after this?

He slung the bag over his shoulder and looked around to make sure he hadn’t left anything before leaving.

Once he left the elevator a huge grin spread on his face when he saw her sitting by the front desk reading a book since business was slow. He walked up and leaned on the desk looking down at her smiling and waiting for her to notice. When she looked up she jumped a bit before laughing

“you scared me Tao!”

“sorry”

“are you though?”

“not really” he tilted his head and his smile faltered a little “I’m going back home”

“he called you?”

“yeh, thank you for everything Yuna”

She shrugged and smiled at him before jumping up and grabbing a piece of paper and scribbling her name and a number down on it

“here’s my number if you ever want to talk, stay in touch” she handed it to him with a kind smile and Tao couldn’t help but mimic the smile, he didn’t have to leave her behind after all

“thank you”

“stop saying thank you and go to your friends already” she waved him off sitting back down and letting out a giggle when Tao did just that and ran out of the hotel, it wasn’t long till his injuries started throbbing and he had to slow down. His eyes widened when he realized that he accidentally left his pain killers, Yuna moved them didn’t she?

“goddammit” he sighed with a smile, she had a point thought the last thing he wanted was to become addicted to them. He tried his best to ignore the pain and walked slowing more and more when he was getting closer to the house. Was this really the right thing to do? How would Kris and Suho react? What if Luhan was there, he wasn’t strong enough to see Luhan yet.

He stood outside of the house with the key in his hand and sighed wanting so bad to turn around and go back to the hotel instead of going back to life. He constantly lifted and dropped his hand before shaking his head and shoving the key into the door twisting it and pushing the door open. He slowly walked in and the house was silent, did they go out? Maybe they went to school after all… he walked up to the kitchen counter and threw his bag on the top and sat down put his face into his hands. He was trying to formulate the future conversation in his head and trying to script how he would tell the two.

He jumped when arms wrapped around him from behind and flinched when they tightened around his stomach  
“stop… please” the hands loosened but didn’t let go  
“are you ok?” he heard Suho’s voice and he sighed

“honestly?”

“honestly” he heard Kris and felt a hand ruffle his hair as he walked around him to lean on the table in front of him “Tao…” Kris let out a sigh when he saw Tao’s face and the healing injuries and bruises “take of your shirt”

Kris walked towards Tao with his hands out while Suho watched him confused

“I don’t want to” he wrapped his arms protectively around himself but Kris still grabbed the bottom of his shirt. With a pointed stare Kris convinced Tao to trust him and let him pull the shirt off.

Both men just stood there staring at Tao with their mouths open and pained looks on their faces

“it’s not as bad as it looks” he broke the silence trying to calm them down

“who did it?”

“just… a bunch of thugs”

“Tao…”

“I’m not lying”

Suho tilted his head and looked at the bruises with a horrified look “it-it was the bullies wasn’t it?” his hands were shaking so he shoved them in his pockets.

Tao looked at them but didn’t reply making Kris angry “those bastards I’m going to kill them”

“Suho, are you ok you’re looking pale” Tao frowned at how the man was obviously over reacting to the situation

“it’s Chen… I’m ok” his breath shuddered but his voice remained normal shifting the focus back onto Tao “tell us everything Tao, please”

“nice to meet you Chen” Tao completely ignored the second thing he asked and smiled at him

“don’t ignore the question Tao” Kris sat down next to him and looked him right in the eyes “tell us”

Tao sighed and looked at the table fiddling with his phone, he didn’t talk for a few minutes because he couldn’t find the words and didn’t know the amount of details he should tell them.

“Kris I never really told you the reason that I moved to Korea even though I couldn’t speak the language” he finally looked up and saw Kris’s eyebrows raised in curiosity and fear “In China I was bullied relentlessly, it started off as taunts and small jokes here and there, then they started picking at my appearance and shyness. When they found out that I was gay… that’s when it got physical” he scratched his neck in nervousness “sometimes it was so bad I had to be hospitalized” he looked away when Kris and Chen’s face contorted in pain from hearing that

“that’s why my parents decided to move here, to save me. I’ve only told Luhan but…” he freaked out not thinking that he would ever have to tell another soul this, he stayed silent until he Felt Kris grab his hand and intertwine their fingers to comfort him.

He let out a sigh and continued “the real reason which pushed my parents to move was that the last time I was in the hospital I escaped my room and went to the roof… I was planning to jump of and… end things but the doctor was able to stop me”

Kris let out a little sound and slouched in his chair the realization hitting him, the way that Tao acted when they first met them and how long it took for him to trust them. The way Luhan reacted whenever Tao said any joke to do with death.

“tao..”  
Tao just stuck up his finger to shush him, not wanting to hear anything from the other two until he had the courage to finish.  
“it was meant to get better here, and it did. Because of you two things became a lot better and I’m genuinely happy, but then the bullying started again. I never understood but now I know that the main bully has connections to my previous ones and decided to continue it”

He paused again and let the two digest the information, he realized that speaking was becoming easier as he was going on and for some reason, he didn’t understand it was actually making him feel better. He felt like he was finally offloading heavy things off his shoulders.

“I’ve told you before Kris, and I think I told you at some point Chen… but I’m in love with Luhan, I have been for such a long time. And he finally confessed to me… but the timing was wrong, the bullying had started up again and I had to refuse him and constantly break his heart. I thought it was the only way to protect him from what I knew was going to happen to me all over again” he stopped and put his head in his free hand which were resting on the table “it was a mistake, I drove him away and right into dangers hands and I don’t know what to do.”

“so that’s why you two have been fighting?”

“yeh” he looked down at their hands and smiled softly “I wasn’t ever going to tell you guys”

“why?”

“I’m not sure, didn’t want to burden you when we already have” he looked over at Chen and he tilted his head before realizing what he meant and shrugging before looking away again

“Chen are you sure you’re ok? You really don’t look good”

“yeh… just, don’t like seeing you this way” he smiled sweetly and gulped harshly, there was no way he was telling them the real reason that he was uncomfortable hearing Taos story and seeing his injuries. He was nowhere near as brave as Tao had been.

“Tao, you know you can tell us everything… heck I’ll even tell you about my scar if you ask”

“Kris… thank you”

“it’s ok… come here” he held out his arms and Tao leaned over accepting the hug and sniffling

“I’m sorry for dealing with everything by myself”

“it’s ok, but never again” Tao laughed into Kris’s chest.

 

“Luhan, sit down we need to talk” Luhan sighed when he walked in the door

“not now mum” he shrugged her hand off him and tried to walk away but she moved so she was standing in his way

“it wasn’t a choice, Luhan sit down”

He huffed in annoyance but sat down anyway throwing his bag onto the floor

“where were you last night?”

“at my boyfriends” Luhan shrugged, he didn’t want to lie and also the reaction of his parents was priceless

“Luhan we talked about this! You need to dump him”

“why because I’m disgusting?”

“Luhan…” his dad spoke up and Luhans focus turned to him staring daggers

“oh, so now you talk dad. You let mum say these horrible things to me and never talk, how can you call yourself a man” he waved his hands in frustration and his dad shut up not knowing how to handle the situation

“apologise to him now!” his mums face was going red

“no, first apologise to me. You have said the same things to me, I know in vivid detail how disgusting you think I am”

There was momentary silence in the room and before Luhans mum could reply Luhan burst out in tears unable to keep up his strong angry façade. His dad shot up and walked over to him hugging him and looking at his mum in a scream of help.

“Luhan… honey”

“this isn’t fair! What’s so wrong with me?” he covered his face with his hands and allowed his father to continue holding onto him. His dad was a silent man and liked to show everything through actions and Luhan accepted that. What he couldn’t accept right now was his mother he looked up at her and tried to control his sobbing to talk to her

“mum… I love you, bu-but you need to accept me as I am, I’m bi so what? My grades suck but who cares I’ll find something else… just let me be happy please”

His mum stared at him with big round eyes and her mouth open, she didn’t say anything but Luhan could tell that he got through to her the gravity of what she was doing to him.

“I’m not friends with Tao anymore” both his parents looked at him shocked when he said that, they felt like Tao was another one of their sons with the amount of time he spent in their house.

“wh-why”

“I confessed to him and he rejected me. Then I found out he hated me and there’s so much emotional turmoil between us I don’t think we can fix it”

His dad tensed before sighing out “Luhan, listen to me. Fix it with him, don’t lose someone like him I know how much you like him and how much you need each other”

Luhan looked up at him surprised and smiled a little “you think so?”

“I know so, fix it” he let go of Luhan and patted his head before looking at his wife and nodding his head slightly to the right in a cue for them to leave their son alone for now.

Luhan stared at the table thinking about what his dad said, it was true that there was a bit of hope that they could fix things, but it would be hard and Luhan didn’t deserve someone like Tao.

 

“we have to invite him over in order for you two to make up, we all know how stubborn that boy is” Kris sighed holding his hand out for Tao to give his phone back. Tao shook his head refusing to give it back after snatching it out of his hand mid text.

“I can’t” he stepped away holding the phone to his chest

“just let him Tao, please” Chen grabbed onto his shoulder to make sure that he wouldn’t run away  
Kris walked up to them and held out his hand giving Tao a pointed stare. With hesitation he handed it back and sighed sulking at Chen.

Kris turned away from Tao to write the text  
[Kris: hey Luhan, want to come over?]  
[Luhan: I’m grounded, where are you?]

[Kris: so? Come over to Suho’s]

The texting bubble appeared and disappeared a few times until a new message appeared

[Luhan: fine]

Tao stood there with his arms crossed and the pout still lingering on his face “this isn’t going to end well”

“then at least we tried ok, don’t overthink it”

Tao sighed rolling his eyes and plodding off to his room to have some time alone before things got intense again.  
He paced across the room and decided to take a shower and change. He flopped onto his bed and stared at the roof, lifting up his phone to eye level he decided to send a text to try and calm his nerves  
[Tao: hey… they’re forcing me to talk to Luhan today…]

[Yuna: that’s great!]

[Tao: ;;;]

[Yuna: haha, Tao it’s ok. Talking to him is the only way to fix your relationship. You still love him so you’ll be fine]

Tao read the text over and over again trying to believe in the words she was saying  
[Tao: where do I even start…]  
[Yuna: with your feelings for him, and a sorry]

[Tao: it’s not that simple]

[Yuna: nothing ever is, now stop overthinking and fight for him!]

[Yuna: I’ve gotta get back to work good luck! Tell me how it goes <3]

[Tao: thank you]

Tao smiled at his phone and closed his eyes relaxing into the mattress. His body stiffened again when he heard talking from the living room, his heart raced when he heard Luhans grumpy voice.

He left his phone on the bed and creeped into the hallway peeking around the corner into the kitchen, he could see Luhan’s back and the other two asking him something. Luhan shrugged and sighed running his hand through his hair. Suddenly Chen looked up and met eyes with Tao, he silently motioned for him to come out of hiding.

Tao shook his head and Chen glared at him, Luhan noticed Chen’s line of gaze and turned around letting out a huff when he saw Tao, he whipped his head around and glared at Kris  
“so, this is why you wanted me to come, I’m leaving”  
“wait” Tao ran up and grabbed Luhans arm, the smaller boy ripped his arm away and glared at the other three with so much hatred it made all of them uncomfortable.

“don’t you dare touch me” he sent daggers to Tao and stepped three steps back when Kris walked up to him intending to give him a hug which usually calmed the boy down

“Luhan, what’s wrong… speak to us”

“why?”

“because we’re your best friends” Chen spoke quietly but it was enough to make the room silent, the tension decreasing slightly when Luhan deflated a little and let out a small laugh

“everything… is so fucking messed up” he looked to the ground.

Tao looked at Kris and Chen and mumbled sorry before walking up to Luhan and grabbing his hand lightly guiding him to his room and locking them both in.  
“we’re alone now, please talk to me… why did you say that the other day”

“tell me where your injuries came from”  
Tao walked over to the bed and hunched over staring at his hands, he felt the bed dip as Luhan cautiously sat down next to him.  
“the bullies”

“fuck” Luhan hunched over and pulled at his hair.

Tao reached over and pulled his hands away from his hair “you need to stop doing that”

Luhan looked up at him with tears filling his eyes “why don’t you tell me STOP HIDING!!”

Tao let his hands drop and sighed looking at the wall rather than the boy next to him “what you said… in the hotel, you broke my heart, I wanted to die”

“Tao…”

“shh, hear me out. But I realized that I can’t lose you, the only reason I’m living is because of you and when you left I realized just how much I have hurt you and I’m sorry”

“you said you would stop talking about dying” At that Tao looked back at him and Luhan couldn’t make eye contact. Tao reached out and grabbed Luhans waist to reposition him so they could face each other but Luhan flinched so hard he fell of the bed. He scrambled to his feet and wrapped his hands around himself shivering a little

“don’t touch me, what did I say”

“Luhan what was that reaction? What happened” Tao stood up and tried to get closer to him but Luhan shook his head making him pause mid-step.

He tilted his head and looked Luhan up and down before sighing “you don’t tell me anything either”

“I would if we weren’t in this… situation”

“Luhan”  
Luhan looked up at him with wide eyes because of his tone of voice  
“I want you to know something… I love you, I always have”

“why did you reject me then?”

“because I wanted to protect you, you deserve better”

“who could possible be better than you, you’re a total idiot!!”

“I know…”

Luhans phone buzzed and he sighed looking at it, just then Tao’s phone buzzed as well making Luhan look at it laying on the bed and he sighed.  
“this needs to stop Tao, we’re tearing each other down. I have my boyfriend and you have…” he squinted his eyes to see the name on the screen of Tao’s phone better “you have Yuna” he shrugged and shoved his own phone in his pocket  
“don’t say that Luhan, I only want you”

Luhan shook his head and shifted his feet towards the door “I should go Jae wants to hang out”

“don’t go”

Luhan stared at him with his lip slightly upturned

Tao shrunk into himself “you can’t go to him he will hurt you”

“how do you know?”

“because… he hurt… he” Tao couldn’t admit it and groaned out loud in annoyance at his weak self

“he what?” Luhans body was frozen, he could finish the sentence in his head but he refused to believe it there was no way. The way they both were beaten up on the same day, how Jae had that recording, how he lied about having his wallet stolen. He looked at Taos injuries on his face and peaking out the top of his shirt and anger filled him.

“I’m leaving!” he was going to find the truth.

“no please”

“I have to” Luhan turned around and left the room leaving Tao alone and frozen again.

 

It wasn’t long until both Chen and Kris were in his room  
“what happened? Tao?” Kris was worried with how unresponsive Tao was and immediately walked over engulfing him in a hug letting him sob into his chest  
“I do-don’t know what to do, what am I doing wrong”

“It’s ok give it time”

“we don’t have time” he mumbled making Chen and Kris look at each other worried.

“let’s just go to bed, it’s early I know but you need rest ok Tao?” Chen walked up and stroked his cheek before grabbing his hand and leading him to his bed tucking him in and handing his phone to him. "Get some rest, we’ll figure this out I promise."

 

“Chen… it’s getting close to the day” Kris leaned up on his elbow and moved hair out of Chens face.

“I don’t wanna go”

Kris laughed and cupped his face smiling down at him “we need Suho though”

Chen rolled his eyes and smiled “true”

“by close I mean it’s Thursday and we leave tomorrow…”

“shoot” his eyes widened and he sat up on the bed “I didn’t realize it was that close, we gotta give Suho a little bit of a warning”

Kris let out a laugh “I’m sure he would appreciate that”

“fine! Do it!” Chen tensed up and closed his eyes and pouted his lips, Kris couldn’t help but burst out laughing causing the other to open his eyes and frown down at Kris until he stopped laughing.

“if we are doing this, let’s do it right” his arm wrapped around Chen’s waist and pulled him down onto the bed and climbed on top of him cupping his face with both hands. Chen stared up at him with a red face and tried to look away, but Kris made sure their gaze stayed connected.

“you know what’s great about your condition?”

“what?”

“I get multiple first kisses from the person I love”

Chen froze his face going impossibly redder and he struggled to get away again.

Kris held his hips down and smiled down at him before leaning down as close as he could without actually touching, he swerved a little and kissed his cheek then his forehead down to his neck and leaned up looking down at him proud to see that Chen was breathing hard and had his eyes closed with a little smile on his face

“so beautiful” he smirked before leaning down and kissing him finally. He licked Chen’s lower lip asking for entry. Chen gave it to him with a little moan and let Kris dominate. Kris felt no change in his lover’s aura, so he deepened the kiss and gripped his waist harder. After a few minutes he opened his eyes and Chen did the same looking up at him with a smile and a little tear fell down his cheek “bye Kris” he whispered before passing out.

Kris climbed off him and pulled the blanket over him playing with his hair for a little before standing up straight and stretching. It was only the morning and he was still deciding whether to go to school or not. It depended on Suho really.

He walked over and sighed at Chen’s horrible packing skills and started working on neatening it out and picking things he knew Suho would want.

 

Suho woke up and groaned at the headache pounding against his skull. He looked around and looked at the clock, 12? He looked at the sunshine shining through his window and decided it must be the middle of the day, he looked around confused when he saw his clothing in suitcases.

He reached over and opened his phone looking at the date, it had been over a week since he passed out what happened? He sorta remembered there was something major between Tao and Luhan but annoyingly he couldn’t remember what it was, he grabbed his head trying to remember something, anything, that happened.

He looked up when he heard the door open “oh you’re awake” Kris walked over and sat down next to him leaning over and kissing his cheek “here”

He handed Suho some painkillers and water which he took thank fully sighing in relief when he finished taking them “what would I do without you?”

Kris laughed and looked at him with big eyes making Suho pinch his cheeks adoringly “suitcases?”

“oh yeh” Kris looked over at the packing and back to Suho smiling “we’re going to go see my grandpa and Minho”

“really?! When?”

“tommorow”

“wait… what!”

“yeh, sorry for the late notice”

“what the hell”

He couldn’t help but smile at Kris’s excited face and he reached over cupping his cheek “we better finish packing then”

 

Luhan leant against Jae’s door and watched him run around his room grabbing the things he needed for school  
“so, we ran out of school during lunch for you to get what?”  
“my sports uniform my parents will kill me if I forget it again and get another warning”

“you could have just borrowed mine”

Jae looked up at him with a cocked eyebrow and walked over grabbing his waist making Luhan flinch and try to get away “you’re so small, there’s no way it’ll fit”

“haha true” Luhan grabbed Jae’s hands making him let go of him

“here it is, let’s go back”

They started walking back to the school which luckily wasn’t too far and Luhan sighed, this was a good time as ever to confront Jae about his new-found revelation when he was talking with Tao

“hey Jae…”

“babe.”

“babe… are you one of… one of Tao’s bullies”

Jae stopped making Luhan have to take a few steps back to be by his side again. Jae glared at him  
“how dare you accuse me of something like that?”  
“but he was hurt the same time as you, you lied about your wallet being stolen and…”

“shut up!!” Luhan flinched at Jae’s shouting voice.

Jae grabbed his arm and roughly pulled him into an alleyway pushing him up against the wall and leaning in close

“how dare you, I though you trusted me but now you are going behind my back to meet up with Tao. Are you cheating on me? Why would you believe someone like that who doesn’t even love you. He fucking hates you” he slammed his hand on the wall right next to Luhans head.

“he-he”

“shut-up slut” he grabbed Luhans chin “those bullies who beat him up, they also beat me up. I was too embarrassed to tell you”

Luhans eyes widened, Jae turned around letting go of Luhan and started to walk away “Jae! Wait! I had no idea” he ran up to Jae holding onto his arm. “I love you, I believe you. I would never cheat on you with him”

“that’s nice to hear” Jae smirked down at him and pulled him along smiling to himself as Luhan mumbled constant apologies

“too easy” he whispered to himself under his breath.

 

Tao threw the suitcases into his car looking at the sunrise and stretching.  
“it’s a long walk to the airport guys…”  
“It’s ok we’ll make it” Suho smiled and clung onto Kris who shrugged

“fine, ill meet you guys there so you don’t have to cart this absurd amount of clothing all the way there”

“thank you” Kris smiled at him.

They walked off and Tao sat in his car deciding to leave a little after since it will take him a quarter of the time it took them. He smiled looking down at his phone, he was texting Yuna about her day and she was telling him a story about a couple who were staying in a room.

They texted almost every day and Tao was so grateful he found someone like her, he never had anyone but Luhan and Kris to vent his feelings to, and that wasn’t ideal as all his feelings were about them and his parents.

After a few minutes he started up the car and drove to the airport once again leaning back into the chair and waiting.  
Finally, he got a text from Kris that they made it and he sent them his location. He gave both of them a hug and waved them off, he was happy that Kris was finally going on this overdue trip and that Suho could go with him. He was forever thankful to Suho because of what he had done for Kris. He watched them walk off with their hands intertwined and smiles on their face and his heart ached a little.  
He hoped back into his car and sighed looking at the time, he drove aimlessly for a little trying to waste time and calm his nerves. He parked behind the school and slowly made his way towards the auditorium, he knew he was an idiot for coming. He could just turn around and run away but he couldn’t. he knew that if he didn’t go the consequence would be worse than what he was about to face.

He breathed deeply and pushed open the doors and walked in with confidence not letting it falter when he saw a line of people holding baseball bats and Jae standing in the middle of them with that goddamn smirk and his arms crossed.

“there you are”

 

Kris rested his head on Suho’s shoulder “is leaving them the best thing to do at the moment?”

“as much as we want to help them, we can’t it’s their problem and something only they can figure out”

Kris sighed “I guess so”

Suho’s and reached around and glided down Kris’s cheek “I’m excited to meet your Grandfather!”

“me too” Kris laughed softly “he’s really going to like you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello <3  
> How are you, did you enjoy the chapter? :)  
> I know i've been focusing on Tao and Luhan for the past few chapters but next chapter is pure Kris and Suho I can promise you that so prepare yourselves!  
> thank you so much for reading and putting up with my random upload schedule (it's hard to be consistant with uni and work ;;) I hope you guys have a wonderful night/day!


	17. old friends and hometowns

“Kris wake up” Suho nudged Kris slightly and the man Slowly opened his eyes groaning

“Are we there already”

“how did you manage to sleep the whole way” Suho sighed  
Kris just shrugged and straightened himself, so he wasn’t leaning on Suho’s shoulder anymore.  
Once they managed to hop of the plan Kris pulled out his phone turning it back on and looking through his contact list sending a little message before holding Suho’s hand

“I’m glad this town is so small” Kris laughed still feeling bad that he forced Suho to walk the whole way to the airport

“It’s good! I like walking now! Who needs cars” he giggled when Kris smiled down at him.

 

“woah! This house is so cute” Suho gushed over the cottage when they finally made it

“wait till you see inside it’s so old school but cute, like you”

“really? Wait? Old school! I’m not that old!”

“yeh you are”

“you’re old too!”

Kris let out a huffy laugh and knocked on the door before shifting nervously on his feet, Suho squeezed Kris’s hand to try and calm his nerves a little.

The door opened and Kris’s Grandpa instantly broke into a smile and dropped his walking stick to give Kris a huge hug

“you came home”

“I did, I missed you pa” Kris tightened the hug and smiled happily “I’m sorry it took me so long”

“too long! How did you get here?”

“plane”

“ahh” he huffed out sad that Kris hadn’t gotten over his phobia yet, he pulled away and looked over to Suho looking him up and down while smiling “and who is this handsome boy?”

“Pa! please… his name is Suho, and he’s my boyfriend”

“I’m so happy to meet you, I have so much to ask you” he hobbled over to Suho and gave him a hug too while Kris bent down and grabbed his walking stick.

He let go of Suho and grabbed the stick with a nod “come inside, come inside we have catching up to do”  
Both boys followed him inside taking off their shoes and walking into the living room.  
“your house is so pretty!” Suho looked around in awe before walking up to all the picture frames and studying the people in it “look! It’s baby Kris! So cute” he picked up the frame and smiled at it “those must be your parents, they’re so attractive like you”

“they were” Kris smiled and walked off into the kitchen while his Grandpa went up to Suho and looked at the photo

“Mr. Wu, you were handsome too” he looked at another photo

“please call me Pa, and I was wasn’t I”

They both laughed and Suho carefully put down the photo’s he was holding. He looked down and noticed that Pa’s hand was shaking a little making the cane wobble, so he grabbed his other hand “let’s go sit down”

“yes, yes good idea”

They walked over to the couch and Suho sat down right next to him

"I'm sorry about your child, Kris told me everything. but thank you for looking after him so well. I wouldnt have met him otherwise"

“I've healed from it, plus I gained a son. even though he is my grandson i see him as my own child...So, how did you guys meet?” Pa was immediately into the questions changing the subject and looked so excited that it made Suho let out a little laugh

“we met at school, I transferred in and at first Kris hated me but then we hung out more and it led to this”

Pa laughed “that sounds like him, are you a Seoul kid?”

“oh… I umm, I’m not sure”

“how can you not know where you came from?”

“that’s why Kris hated me, I have a bit of a memory problem I only remember the last three years”

Pa’s eyes widened and he reached over grabbing Suho’s hands “I’m so sorry son, it’s ok though Kris will look after you, he’s a sweetheart under that tough exterior isn’t he”

“he is”

“are you guys talking about me”

Both Pa and Suho replied yes at the same time before laughing

“you better keep this one for a long time, I like him”

“I’m planning on it Pa” Kris smiled and sat on the couch across from the two after placing the teas onto the table “how have you been”

“you know same old, but I’m just a boring old man. Tell me everything you’ve been up to in the city”

They updated Kris’s Grandpa on everything that has been going on his life before he became too tired and Kris helped him to his room before walking out with a little smile on his face.

He walked over to Suho and grabbed his hands “let’s go to bed, we are meeting with Minho and Taemin in the morning”

“we are? Let’s sleep fast then!”

Kris laughed “let’s do that”

 

“I love your Grandpa!!” Suho sat cross-legged on the bed watching Kris get changed

“haha I’m glad”

“he’s so sweet and friendly”

Kris looked at himself in the mirror and fixed his hair before walking over to Suho and holding out his hands to help him up “you ready?”

“yeh!” he stood on his tippy-toes and gave Kris a peck on his lips “let’s go see Minho and Taemin I’m so excited”

“I can tell”

Kris grabbed his hand and led them both out and walked up to his grandpa giving him a kiss on the forehead  
“we’re heading out now Pa”  
“Ok boys, have fun” he looked down at their intertwined hands and smiled.

“have a nice day Pa” Suho waved at him as Kris pulled him out of the house.

Suho couldn’t help but look around excitedly, he hadn’t been to this town in forever.

“didn’t you use to live here?”

“not really, I just bunked with Minho for like a month so it’s still new”

“you seem to know your way”

“I have great directional instinct”

“fair enough”

Suho continued to look around while he pulled Kris along as he was walking too slowly for how excited Suho was. He hummed to himself and turned his head this way and that to study all the houses.

They walked past one house and Suho’s body just stopped, Kris wasn’t happy as he was suddenly jolted back by Suho’s abrupt stop.  
“hey, what is it” he saw the frown on Suho’s face and how his head was tilted.  
“this house…” for some reason it made his heart beat rise and sweat form on his forehead, he had an overwhelming urge to both run away from that house and go inside it.

“what about it” Kris was now studying the house as well, but it just looked like a normal house to him.  
Suho shook his head and pulled Kris along again keen to get away from the house and forget about the feeling it gave him.  
“that was weird Suho”

“I am a weird one” Suho laughed and Kris just stared at him with a frown on his face.

They reached the restaurant and walked in looking around, Suho suddenly ran off and Kris followed that direction to see Suho in Minho’s arms. Kris smiled at Taemin “nice to see you again”

“you too hyung, look at those two, should we give them a moment?” Taemin joked and nudged Kris’s side.

“honestly yeh”

Suho and Minho finally broke apart and Minho walked over giving Kris a hug “how’s everything been?” he whispered to him

Kris knew what he was referring to and smiled “really well actually, I just meet Chen.

“Chen’s a lovely one”

“he really is”

“hey what are you guys whispering about?” Suho yelled at them and they looked over sticking their tongues out at him.

“getting you back for talking about me earlier”

“come on let’s get something to drink” Minho handed them all a menu once they sat down.

They all chatted excitedly about everything that was going on, when a man walked up to them and tapped Minho on the shoulder looking at them with a tilted head and eyes wide.  
“Minho?”  
Minho turned around and his body stiffened “Yo-Yoongi what are you doing here?”

“visiting my parents? I used to live here” his eyes drifted past Minho and a small smile appeared on his face when he locked eyes with Suho “man, it’s been so long, how are you?”

Minho shot out of his seat and put his hand on Yoongi’s shoulder trying to push him lightly away from the table

“huh?” he looked at Minho’s serious face and then Suho’s confused face “did I say something wrong? Ju-“Minho’s hand covered his mouth and he gave him a stern look

“sorry guys we’ll be two secs” he grabbed Yoongi’s hand and pulled him out of the café with him.

“do you know him hyung?” Taemin grabbed Suho’s arm

“no, I mean he seemed familiar but not at the same time” he watched them confusedly briefly trying to read Minho’s lips but gave up after it didn’t work.

Kris furrowed his eyebrows, just before Minho covered Yoongi’s mouth was he going to say Suho’s real name? he stood up abruptly “I’m gonna go see it they’re ok” and left the table walking outside. He stood next to the two boys and they looked at him confused.

“who is this Minho?”

“Yoongi is Suho’s childhood friend/neighbor”

“so, you know what happened to him?” Kris grabbed Yoongi’s shoulder, but the smaller boy glared at him shaking him off

“that’s none of your business if he hasn’t told you himself, Minho why did you take me away from him?”

“I don’t know how to put this Yoongi, but he doesn’t remember you”

“he what?” his eyes widened, and he shook his head “how is that even possible? Did he really you know… lose his mind?”

“I wouldn’t put it that way he just disassociated and lost memories, it’s ok he doesn’t remember how we became friends either”

“huh”

“you… you almost said his name, what is it?”

“we can’t tell you” Minho interjected before Yoongi could tell him “ask Sehun”

“you always say that, it would be so much easier if you just told me or told Suho. How could you keep this from him!” Kris was becoming frustrated 

“how am I supposed to talk to him then?” Yoongi rolled his eyes at Kris and focused back on Minho

“Just say you’re a childhood friend”

“but… what about everything that happened” he looked to the ground

“One day he will remember you can talk about it then, about that… how are you going?”

Yoongi just shrugged and looked through the window to see Suho staring at him, he looked away and smiled “somewhat ok, up here is healing” he tapped his forehead and let out a breathy chuckle

“I’m so confused” Kris slumped a little

Yoongi smirked at him “good” he pushed past them both and walked back into the restaurant.

He walked up to Suho and smiled at him “You won’t remember me, but we used to be friends, how are you going?”

“we were? I’m sorry” Suho looked away

“My names Taemin, nice to meet you” Taemin smiled and offered Yoongi to sit down with them, the other two soon caught up and sat down as well

“I’m doing really well. Tell me about you, we should be friends again” Suho focused his attention back

“that’s good to hear finally” he scratched his head and his smile faded a little “that would be nice, but don’t worry too much about it I’m pretty busy nowadays I just debuted in a band as a rapper”

“congratulations!! That’s amazing”

“thanks”

“you actually did it? I’m so proud of you, I knew you could do better than underground” Minho looked at him proudly.

Yoongi nodded at him and leaned back “it’s nice to finally have a proper place to produce songs”

Silence surrounded them for a little and Taemin thanked the waitress when she dropped them their drinks, he started a little conversation with Yoongi trying to get to know the new guy.  
Suho looked over to Kris a little worried and shifted so he was sitting closer to him and bumped his shoulder a little “you ok?”

“hmm? Yeh, just thinking”  
He smiled up at him and leaned his head on Kris’s shoulder, he looked over and saw Yoongi looking at them weirdly with his head tilted before he shook it and looked back to Taemin.

 

Another hour passed with small conversations back and forth before they finally decided to leave. Yoongi noticed that Kris and Suho wouldn’t leave each other’s sides, that was until Taemin tugged Suho to the side to show him something in a shop window. Yoongi reached out and grabbed Kris’s arm making him slow down and walk next to him

“who is Suho to you?”

“what does it matter to you?”

“just answer it”

“he’s my boyfriend”

“you love him?”

“what? Of course I do, what kind of question is that”

Yoongi sighed before hitting Kris on the back softly “as long as you don’t hurt him, I’m happy for you. Please look after him, he’s been through way too much pain already he doesn’t need any more”

Kris slowed down a little more so they both trailed further away from the group “I can’t figure out what would be best for him, and as much as it annoys me you seem to know him better than me. What should I do? Do I continue to shelter him or tell him the truth”?

Yoongi was silent for a while before sighing “it seems that you know the happy Suho better than I do… he deserves to know, but do it slowly his past is fucked up and I never want to see him like he used to be” he gestured towards Suho’s excited movements “I’ve never once seen him like this, look… if I tell you his real name do you promise to use it wisely?”

“you’ll tell me?” Kris looked at him surprised

“yeh, from what I’ve seen you are the best person for the job I mean he doesn’t even remember me” he laughed sadly “his real name is Kim Junmyeon”

“Junmyeon? That’s a nice name” he smiled fondly making Yoongi let out a laugh and nod before speeding up to catch up to the group “Kim Junmyeon” Kris whispered to himself.

 

“what should we do?” Suho was once again prancing around the house looking at all the possessions laying around

“we could go for a walk, I haven’t been on one in a while”

“are you sure Pa?” Kris looked at him worried and Pa just stood up leaning on his cane and smiled reaching up and ruffling Kris’s hair

“I may be old, but I still have health in me”

“ok, let’s go on our old route?”

“sounds good”

Suho nodded and walked up to Pa linking their arms to help support him  
“Kris, I really like this one” he smiled fondly at the boy helping him and Suho gave him a massive smile  
“you’re like the father I never had” he laughed and walked with him out the door with Kris on the other side

“you don’t have parents”

“ah, no not really”

“relatives”

“I’m not sure…” Suho deflated a little

Pa pulled him closer and tightened their linked arms “then I’ll be your family along with Kris”

“really!!!” Suho jumped a little in happiness “thank you!”

They slowly walked along the path and Suho pointed out things to Pa that he thought was interesting and Kris looked at the two fondly.  
Silence surrounded them for a while as they admired the sights around them.

Suho felt kinda weird because he seemed to recognize his surroundings but couldn’t remember ever coming to this part when he lived here. He looked around and a chill went down his spine, as pretty as the place was the whole town was making him feel uneasy. He felt Pa tug on his arm to show him that they were changing direction, for some reason his feet wanted to keep going the same direction and he stopped  
“Pa, is it alright if we keep going the same direction?”  
“huh? Maybe next time, I’m a little tired so we should head back”

“sure” he looked back and his eyes fixed on a tree with a ribbon tied around it, he felt a sense of de ja vu and knew for some reason that the ribbon was for him. He shook his head, he would go there some other time.

 

Suho stirred the vegetables in the pan and sighed thinking about the tree, something about it made him want to go there straight away. He didn’t want to leave but his whole being was telling him he needed to get away from this town. He ignored it and smiled when he felt arms wrap around him from behind and Kris rested his chin on his shoulder

“smells really good”

“it should be ready soon”

“what were you thinking so hard about before?”

“can we go for a walk tomorrow? There’s something I want to check out”

“hmm? Of course, sounds fun”

Suho tilted his head and kissed Kris on the cheek making him smile “thank you, though you need to let go now I need to plate up”  
Kris reluctantly let go and leaned on the table watching Suho plate up everything grabbing two plates and motioning to Kris to grab his own.

 

“we should shower, we’re stinky” Kris stuck out his tongue

Suho hit him on the shoulder “speak for yourself, I always smell nice”

Kris rolled his eyes and turned on the shower before taking off his shirt and unbuttoned his pants before Suho stopped him  
“wait? To-together?”  
“yeh why not” Kris shrugged and pulled down his pants

Suho looked away blushing “i-I”

Kris walked up and grabbed his hips “we’re both boys”

“it’s different since I love you”

“it’s not like you haven’t seen me naked already, comeon” he grabbed Suhos shirt and lifted it up over his head and then threw it on the ground his hands then going for the buttons of Suho’s jeans.

Suho covered his face shyly and stepped back “I can take my own pants of”

“if you insist” Kris laughed and turned around walking into the shower and sighing in satisfaction as the water trailed down his body. He turned around and smirked when he saw Suho shyly standing there

“come here silly I’ll wash your hair”

Suho looked up at him his face beet red and he let out a sigh before laughing quietly “you are way too sexy goddammit”

He walked into the shower and turned around, so his back was to Kris allowing the taller to start washing his hair. They took turns under the water and helped wash each other the awkwardness quickly wearing off and both trying very hard to keep their hands off each other.

It didn’t take long for Kris to break and he leaned forwards kissing Suho and grabbed his hips pushing him against the wall. He pulled his face away and smiled down at him  
“I love you”  
“I love you too” Suho smiled brightly up at him and leaned forwards a little pecking his lips which led to another make out sesh.

They finally decided that they should get out of the shower when the tips of their fingers were starting to prune.  
Suho wrapped a towel around his waist and shook his head satisfied when Kris let out a yelp and complained about Suho spraying him.  
“hey Kris, can I ask something?”  
“yeh?”

“this town does it give you a weird feeling?”

“no, not really. I mean I have memories of the lowest moment in my life here but nothing that makes me hate the town why? Are you ok?”

“I donno, I’m having so much fun but something seems off. Like I shouldn’t be here”

Kris crossed his arms and leaned against the counter in deep thought “maybe something happened here in the years that you don’t remember?”

“that’s not a bad thought, it’s probably that”

“maybe you lived here longer than you thought?”

Suho walked up and grabbed Kris’s hand leading him out of the bathroom since it was quite a cold night and he wanted to put on pajamas and climb in bed.

He snuggled against Kris’s chest and sighed “it would make sense that I was here longer than I thought I was. I don’t know how I ended up at Minhos house in the first place, he told me that I had an accident and that I had memory problems. Which I did, the only thing I could remember was that Minho was my childhood friend. He looked after me but it was a little weird because they never let me leave the house, this was when Minhos parents were still living in that house. I had a strict curfew and the only way I was allowed outside was if Minho was with me. He also never told me anything about my past and he kept calling me Suho and I thought that it was my real name and now… it all seems so weird and it’s frustrating”

Kris wanted to tell Suho what his real name was, but he felt scared because everyone else thought it was such a bad idea.  
“maybe you were heavily concussed, and they wanted to make sure you didn’t have anything bad happen to you because of it?”  
“that would make sense” Suho yawned and closed his eyes snuggling his face into Kris’s chest signaling to him he didn’t want to talk anymore and sleep.

Kris’s hand rubbed circles on Suho’s back and he closed his own eyes enjoying the warmth by his side. He could feel slight bumps on Suho’s back and his mind drifted back to when he saw the scars on his back, it was weird that Suho hadn’t noticed them yet. He couldn’t think of an injury that would cause scaring like that, the scars were too linear, too clean.  
He sighed and tried to clear his mind so he could sleep but there were too many and he knew it was going to be a long night.

 

“wake up already” Suho shoved Kris making him roll over but another small snore left his mouth as he continued to sleep peacefully. “fine whatever” Suho sighed and changed into some nicer clothes before leaving the house to go and buy something for breakfast.

He played on his phone while he waited for his order to be made and he felt a light tap on his shoulder, he looked around surprised to see a familiar face  
“Yoongi, hello again”  
“hi”

“I thought you said you debuted? Shouldn’t you be working?” Suho teased unable to think of something else

Yoongi rolled his eyes “I’m just having a small break between performances and our next comeback, I produce everyday though so technically I’m still working”

For some reason Suho felt really proud of him and was compelled to say it “I’m super proud of you, I always knew you could do it”

“you remember?”

“no, but I know that I have always thought you would be able to do it and even though I’ve never heard your songs, I know you’re amazing”

“haha thanks hyung, it really means a lot” Yoongi heard his name being called out and he walked over grabbing his coffee before sitting in the chair next to Suho.

“it’s so crazy to see you this happy, I almost can’t believe you’re the same person”

Suho tilted his head “what did I use to be like? How long have you known me?”

Yoongi looked lost in thought for a while before he shrugged and the smile fell off his face “I’ve known you for around 8 years… the old you” he paused again thinking about how to word it “you were very reclused, and depressed. You were in so much pain… and honestly every single day Minho and I thought that it was the last day we would ever see you again”

Suho looked at him wide-eyed “I… I’m sorry for that”

“don’t be, you had every reason and honestly you helped me… through trying to help you it made me understand my own mental health issues better and now I am doing a lot better”

“I’m glad to hear that” he excused himself when he heard his name called and went and grabbed the food and drinks. He struggled a little with the amount and Yoongi walked up to help him.

“you don’t have to”

“I want to”

Suho smiled and they walked back together to Pa’s house “I assume you won’t tell me my real name or what happened to me either?” he sighed

“I wish I could, but it’s not my place to”

“fair” Suho felt a little deflated but just shrugged one day he would find out. “if I find out, will I regress back to the mental state I used to be in?”

“there’s a high chance you will I’m not going to lie… that’s why we don’t just tell you”

He didn’t want to end up like that and he was scared to find out, maybe he should just stop chasing it and live for the future. He tried to convince himself but he just couldn’t let it go he needed to know his old life, why he was like he was.

“come inside”

“nah, I’m going back to Seoul tomorrow, thank you though. It was really good to see you. I hope we can catch up sometime?”

“of course, here” he handed his phone to Yoongi and he happily put his number in it before handing it back and smiling "Can I tell you something?" he paused and Suho nodded at him smiling "I used to be in love with you... when we were younger, I don't anymore but just know that I care deeply for you and always will so please keep in touch and look after yourself" he gave Suho a hug, he was shocked at the sudden confession but still held him tightly. Yoongi smiled at him and thanked him before turning around and walking off.

Suho stood there shocked, he didnt expect Yoongi to say something like that, but it warmed his heart for some reason and he couldnt help but smile. he felt a hand lay on his shoulder making him turn around.

“there you are” Kris huffed out “why didn’t you wake me up?”

“You don’t think I tried?” Suho laughed and handed him the coffees walking into the living room smiling when he saw Pa “Pa, I got brekky”

“I think you two should just move in here with me, and never go back”

“I think that’s a plan” Kris laughed and sat down next to his Grandpa.

 

“let’s go for a walk!” Suho shouted and Pa smiled before laughing

“you two go do something romantic. I’m sore from yesterday I don’t want to go”

“we’ll bring you back something nice!!” Suho grabbed Kris’s hand and pulled him out of the door determined to find that tree again.

His feet led him straight there without a single thought and he ran up and ran the ribbon between his fingers, it was old and weathered. It had lost its colour, but he knew that it used to be red.

Kris walked up and placed his hand on the tree “this is what you wanted to see?”

“yeh…” Suho trailed off and walked around the tree studying it. He knelt down and ran his hand over markings that was scratched onto the trees base. Most of it was unreadable but he could see something very defined ‘save me’. He traced it and motioned at Kris to look at it

“that’s my hand writing”

“you think you wrote that?”

“I know I did”

“but why?”

Suho didnt answer and just looked at the ground and felt the urge to dig, Kris gave him questioning eyes but just let him do what he wanted.

Suho had dug quite a bit and was about to give up when he felt something weird. He dug around it and finally pulled it out, it was a plastic envelope which had mold stains all over it from being underground for a long time. It broke in his hands as he tried to open it and Kris crouched down next to him lightly taking it off him.

“you’ve gotta be careful or you’ll break whatever’s inside.

He carefully picked away at the plastic and pulled out a plastic sleeve with what looked like photographs inside it. The boys looked at each other and Kris pulled them out surprised that they were still in good shape despite some water damage

“how did you know they were under there?”

“I’m not sure”

Kris handed him the photos and Suho looked at the first on his eyes widening, it was a picture of three boys holding hands and smiling at one another. “it’s us”

“huh?”

“me, Minho and Yoongi”

Kris took the photo off of him to look at and he nodded his head “you were definitely a cute kid” he laughed and Suho smiled looking at the next one, once again it was the three of them.

He flicked through the photos and noticed that in everyone it was the three of them and they progressively became a bit older each time.

He wished he could remember the story behind each photo but was still glad he had something of his past.

He was about to put them all back into the plastic sleeve, but he noticed the last photo had three people in it as well but the two people with him were different, they weren’t Minho or Yoongi.

He was sat in a chair and standing behind him was a female and male adult “you don’t think?”

“they must be your parents”

Suho stared at them wide eyed, he could see similarities and knew that they must be his parents. There was another reason he was shocked though, he thought he would be happy to see his parents faces and knew they existed somewhere, at some time. But he just felt sick to the stomach looking at their faces.

 

“hey, let’s keep walking ok?” Kris could sense Suho’s mood being off, so he decided to take the photo out of his hands and shove them in his pocket. He grabbed Suho’s hand and helped him stand up, Suho held onto him tightly and he hoped that walking would help him calm down a little. He would have talked but Kris’s mind itself was going a million miles an hour, what just happened wasn’t normal and there was something about everything that had happened in this town that made him want to take Suho away as soon as possible.

They walked in silence both lost in their own minds before Suho froze again in front of the same house as before.

Kris recognized it “we should keep going, Suho…” he tried to tug him forwards, but he wouldn’t move too transfixed by the building in front of him.

“I want to go inside”

“We can’t just go into random people’s houses”

“I used to live here”

Kris paused a little and looked at him confused “this isn’t Minho’s house?”

“I know” Suho let go of Kris’s hand and walked forwards to the house touching the fence as he passed it.

Suho couldn’t explain the feeling bubbling up inside of him, he couldn’t resist the urge to approach the house, but he knew if he went further something terrible was going to happen. He hated this house he knew that much but he also felt attached to it, it felt like home.

He made it half way before his heart started to react and beat a million miles per hour. The more steps he took the more light headed he became, and he knew that he was going to pass out, so he stopped and shook his head looking back at Kris who had panic all over his face

“Suho, come back… please”

“I…” he looked back to the house and the world started spinning causing him to fall to his knees.

“SUHO!!” Kris ran over after seeing Suho fall harshly to his knees. He knelt down and wrapped his arms around Suho holding him tight

“Suho, look at me please” he begged but he knew from the lifelessness behind his lovers’ eyes that it wasn’t going to be Suho who answered.

Suddenly a tear escaped his eye and his breathing became rapid he looked at the house again and started to yell which scared Kris, but he refused to let go  
“NO!! NO, GET ME AWAY FROM HERE!!”  
He squirmed in Kris’s grip and managed to break free and scrambled backwards falling over again but still trying desperately trying to get away  
“Kris!!” he looked at Kris terrified “I can’t… I can’t… take me away!!” his whole body shook, and Kris ran over wrapping his arms around him again

“I CAN’T GO BACK!!!” he sobbed loudly, and Kris managed to maneuver his body to pick up Suho and carried him away from the house. People were looking but Suho continued to scream and sob loudly. It was only when they left the street that Suho calmed down a little his fists gripping Kris’s shirt as he continued to cry.

He walked straight into the house and shook his head at his Grandpa to make him know that he would tell him what happened later. He walked into the room and laid Suho down on the bed stroking his hair  
“it’s ok now, everything is ok”  
“why did we have to come here” Suho’s whole body was shaking

“may I ask…” Kris trailed off

“It’s Lay unfortunately” he dug his fingers into his arms trying to calm himself down, but it wasn’t working. Memories where flooding his mind and he couldn’t handle it he looked around the room, but Kris grabbed his face making him look at him.

“don’t think about it, please. If you want to hurt yourself, please just hurt me instead. If that would make you feel better hurt me all you want”  
Lay didn’t want to hurt Kris and sighed in defeat pulling the blankets up and over himself to try and hide from the world.

Kris didn’t know what to do and wondered what to tell his Grandpa who must be worried.  
“don’t move” Kris stroked Lay’s hair and sighed getting up deciding that he would just tell his grandpa the truth like he always has.  
Before he made it though, his phone started ringing and he was confused to see Luhans name.

He pressed pick up and changed direction walking out of the house instead holding the phone up to his ear  
“Luhan?”  
[“when are you guys coming home?]

“tomorrow night why?”

[“you need to come earlier”]

“what do you mean? What happened? Are you ok?”

[“no…it’s not me though, Tao… he’s in the hospital”]

“why!? Is it serious?”

[“it is, I mean he’ll live but… I can’t tell you over the phone, please he needs you guys please come I’m sorry”]

“don’t be, I’ll see what I can do”

[“thankyou…”]

Kris was frightened, Luhan sounded terrified and worn down and distressed. He knew something horrible was going on. That paired with Lay made him stress out.

He walked back inside and walked straight to the room, his Grandpa was seated by Lay’s side patting down his forehead with a damp cloth and was speaking softly  
“It’s ok now Lay, you’re safe” he kept whispering and Kris could see Lay was relaxed and completely recovered from his panic attack  
“how did you know his name?”

“he told me everything, the poor child” he grabbed Lay’s hand and massaged it

“I’m sorry to tell you this Pa, but we need to go home”

“what happened”

“a friend of mine has been hospitalized”

“is Luhan ok?” Lay looked really worried

Kris shrugged “he doesn’t sound very good but it’s Tao who’s hospitalized

“we need to go” Lay sat up straight with determination in his eyes “the quicker I get away from this town the better, plus I need to talk to Luhan”

Kris nodded “ill book flights for tonight then… sorry Pa I wish we could stay longer”

“no, you need to go and look” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a phone giving it to Kris “I finally bought a phone, now you have to stay in touch”

Kris excitedly put his number in, he was overjoyed that his grandpa finally bought a phone. It was worrying for him to have an elderly family member living alone with no means of communication in emergencies

“finally, Pa, I’m proud of you”

“come on let’s pack your bags then”

 

Kris didn’t want to let go of his Pa “why don’t you come with us?”

“no, I’m too old for traveling” he laughed and patted Kris on the back “just come visit soon, don’t wait as long as last time”

“I won’t”

“and Lay, my son please don’t be a stranger, and don’t you dare break up” he gave Lay a hug and he smiled agreeing.

They started their walk to the airport, it was a cold night and Lay was shivering so Kris gave him his jacket and held him close to his side. Lay still felt a little awkward around Kris but he had to admit that he did love him and felt safe around him. But if it was his choice, he would be with Luhan right now not Kris.  
He was also sad that they didn’t have time to say goodbye to Minho and Taemin but it was an emergency so they would understand.  
They finally made it on the plane and sat down close to one another, Lay couldn’t help but rest his head on Kris’s shoulder to try and get comfy he wanted nothing more than to sleep so he wouldn’t be caught up in his mind during the flight even though it wasn’t necessarily a long one.

Kris was impatiently tapping his foot and couldn’t hide the worry which was resonating from him in waves. Lay decided to grab his hand and squeeze it, that was something that always calmed him down so maybe it would have the same effect on Kris.  
It seemed to and the taller breathed out closing his eyes. Lay looked out the window when he felt the plane move and sighed in relief to be leaving the town again, he couldn’t believe that he saw that house again, he promised himself that he would never go back there but somehow, he ended up there all over again.

He shivered and tried to think of other thoughts, he remembered when he was younger and found a pretty red ribbon and decided to tie it around the tree that he scratched markings into when he needed to get away from life. His mind drifted to Yoongi and he smiled, he was glad to see him doing well. He worked so hard and gave up so much to pursue music and he finally made it.  
He never would have survived if he didn’t meet Yoongi, if the boy didn’t give all he had to keep him safe. Many nights they spent together in Yoongi’s crappy little apartment, he wouldn’t even have met Minho if it wasn’t for Yoongi help him branch outside of his little protective shell.  
if he didnt dissasociate due to what happened he would have easily fallen in love with the boy as well.

He felt Kris move his hand and realized that he was digging into his arms unconsciously and little specks of blood were appearing on his sleeves. He muttered a small thanks and Kris just nodded.

 

Finally, the plane landed and this time it was Kris shaking Lay awake.  
They were thankful that the hospital was only a short walk from the airport and walked as fast as they could. They made it and Kris frantically looked around and he saw Luhan sitting on a chair his hands curled in his hair and his feet tapping nervously on the floor. He looked an absolute wreck.

The boys ran over to him and grabbed his hands from his hair horrified to see him crying  
“Luhan, what happened”  
“he’s ok, the doctors are fixing his stitches at the moment” he wiped his tears roughly and tried to control his breathing “he has hypothermia and multiple impact injuries he… he…”

Lay sat down next to him pulling him into a hug “calm down Luhan”

“Lay?”

Lay nodded and smiled “it’s going to be ok, he’ll be fine”

“he almost drowned, we almost lost him!” Luhan shook his head, he couldn’t get over the trauma of that thought. He was reevaluating everything that had been happening between them the past few weeks.

“he’s been here since Saturday and I haven’t been allowed to see him, his injuries… when I brought him in…. they were so bad” he hiccupped when he tried to hold his sobs back. Kris walked over to him and knelt down rubbing circles into Luhans knees.

“Luhan, that was two days ago why didn’t you tell us”

“I didn’t want to ruin your holiday… and I didn’t have the strength to... I’m a mess Kris” he sobbed out and shoved his face into Lays chest, so he didn’t have to look at either of them.

“Luhan tell us what happened to him”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~  <3  
> I'm sorry this chapter is short and Im not really happy with it but I promise the next chapter will be better! also the chapters updates might slow a little as uni is getting quite intense especially with exams coming up but i will write whenever i get a chance!  
> I want to give a massive shout out to ella1of1 <3 she drew me a cover for this story but you'll have to go to my asianfanfic version to see it, it's her first ever digital art and she isnt that happy with it but I love it!   
> Please go follow her instagram https://www.instagram.com/ella1of1/ she does amazing traditional art of kpop idols. go show her love for me <3


	18. Hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick disclaimer: this chapter contains a high amount of angst, blood, violence and mentions of self-harm and suicide so please be careful reading if they are triggers to you stay healthy my beautiful people <3  

“there you are”

Tao huffed out in annoyance and crossed his arms “what is it this time? Still too scared to come on your own”

Jae smirked and walked forwards till he was centimeters away from Tao’s face “such a big boy we have here, it’s not as fun when it’s just me. I don’t get to watch”

Tao let out a growl and didn’t break eye contact with him “break up with Luhan”

Jae laughed before placing his hand on Tao’s cheek “honey, that is not happening. I thought we established this”

Tao’s hand shot out and grabbed him by the throat and squeezed cutting off his breath “don’t you dare fucking hurt him or I will kill you”

Jae’s hands tried to pull Tao’s away, but he wouldn’t budge so he kicked out and kneed Tao in the stomach making him let go in pain. he grabbed onto both of Tao’s hands and pushed him against the door behind them “will you now? I thought that you didn’t love that little slut?”  
Tao thrashed out but Jae held him tightly and stuck his leg in between Tao’s to prevent him moving.  
“I was talking with my friend the other day, you know… the one from China” he smirked at Tao’s surprised face “he told me more about the things he did to you” he leaned closer and licked Tao’s cheek making him flinch and shiver “they had a lot of fun with you over in China didn’t they?” he looked over his shoulder and smirked at the line of people behind him “he’s such a dirty fag isn’t he?” they all laughed and nodded in agreement.

“what are you guys getting from this huh?” Tao piped up and shouted at the rest of them “does it make you feel strong and manly to gang up on one person? Do you all have small dick syndrome”

Jae burst out laughing and looked at the people behind him again “well do you?” they all groaned in annoyance “it’s ok guys you can get him back later for that I promise”

He looked back at Tao and tilted his head looking at Tao’s annoyed face “what do you want Jae? What do you get out of this?”

He shrugged “it’s fun, when my friend told me how much fun he had destroying you it made me want to join in” he suddenly pulled Tao off the wall and flung him against the floor satisfied to hear him hit it with a bang. He walked over slowly and dodged Tao’s hand when he tried to grab him to pull him down “that trick only works once”

He knelt down so one knee was on Tao’s chest holding him down and the other was stabilizing him.  
“you know…” he reached down and grabbed Tao’s chin running his thumb along his mouth “I think I know why you’re so infatuated with Luhan, you’ve definitely slept with him” he covered Tao’s mouth with his hand to let himself finish “he’s a beast in bed and he sounds just like a girl, his skin is so soft” he stopped to let out a little click of his tongue when Tao tried to bite his hand “I wouldn’t do that if I was you, anyway where was I? his hair is soft too and perfect to pull, down below… he’s so tight and…” he was interrupted when Tao managed to kick him off and pounce on him holding him down.  
“how fucking dare, you touch him” he slammed his fist into Jae’s face but before he could do it again, he was pulled off and thrown to another person’s feet who instantly kicked him in the face making his vision blur for a little.

Taos’ eyes widened when he felt something cold and hard rest on his back holding him down “I wouldn’t try that again” Jae appeared in his vision again he reached under Tao and grabbed his tie pulling him up.  
Tao tried to loosen the tie because he couldn’t breathe but Jae just smirked at him “revenge”  
Just when Tao thought he was going to faint from lack of air Jae let go and gave a thumbs up to someone behind him. He let out a scream when something hard and narrow collided with his back sending painful bolts up and down his spine, he fell to his knees and coughed from the shock of pain.

He looked up with tears in his eyes and saw Jae whispering to someone and occasionally letting out laughs “we were just talking about how pathetic you are, can’t even stay on your feet”

Tao grinded his teeth and stood up not breaking eye contact “what can you possibly get out of this? All of you? What will this accomplish” he was on the verge of shouting and opened his mouth to say something else when the guy next to him swung his bat and hit Tao right in the belly making him fold over groaning.

“go on boys have a little fun” Jae waved his hand and walked over to the steps sitting down and lighting a cigarette to smoke while he watched.

 

“stop…” Tao groaned out in pain, he was covered in his own blood and could no longer feel half his boy. He was sure that he had broken bones but tried to ignore it. The hits wouldn’t stop coming and he could hardly keep his conscience.

He looked up and saw a bat on the ground in front of him, he reached for it but someone stepped on his hand. He felt something crack and hoped it wasn’t the bones. He used the last burst of energy he had to punch the guy in the balls and surge forwards on the ground to grab the bat.  
Relief filled him when he felt it in his hands, and he used it to help himself get on his feet again and walk backwards from the group that was walking towards him threatingly.  
“look at you being all tough again” he flinched when he saw Jae walk towards him twirling a bat in his hands “look, you can fight me here and now no help… or you can run away what do you think?”

Tao looked to the door but shook his head, they wouldn’t let him leave anyway “don’t be stupid you know my answer” he was surprised at how firm his voice was with how unstable he felt.

“well the thing is, I told Luhan that I’m being attacked and where we are, so do you really want him to see you beating up his boyfriend?”

“bullshit” Tao swung his bat hitting Jae right in the face making him fall to the floor in shock dropping his own bat.

The other men ran towards Tao but he gritted his teeth and focused on hitting them all, he got through quite a few before he was struck down again. He heard Jae laugh and stand up again “so you really think I didn’t call Luhan? Hit me again”

Tao didn’t even think twice and hit him across the stomach with the bat

“shit” he groaned in pain

“Jae?” Tao’s eyes widened when he heard the familiar voice, he did call Luhan. He looked around the room and tried to run away and hide but one of the men grabbed Tao and whispered into his ears “show Luhan who you really are, hit him again I dare you”

Tao struggled but the man held onto him tighter Jae smirked at him before yelling “LUHAN HELP PLEASE!!!”

Tao’s heart skipped a beat when Luhan appeared at the door huffing in exhaustion “wh-what’s happening?” he looked at Jae first worried to see him on the floor bleeding, but his eyes widened when he saw Tao standing there with a group of men all holding bats.  
Tao was bleeding horrendously; his shirt was stained red and he looked like he was in so much pain “Ta-Tao?”  
The man flung his arm around Tao’s shoulder “so boss, now he’s here what should we do with the pretty boy?” Tao looked at him confused

“do-don’t hurt him please, just continue to hurt me” Jae let out a whimper and stood up pretending to be in pain.

“Lu-“ the man pressed into Tao’s shoulder making him let out a hiss of pain and stop his sentence. Luhan looked horrified and confused.

A man walked up to Luhan and pushed him against the wall grinning down at him “isn’t our leader such a smart man, get you here and then torment him while you watch?”

“let them go!!!”

“them?”

“Tao and Jae!!! Stop hurting them!!!”

The man let out a laugh “did you hear that boys, he still thinks Tao is so innocent”

“wwh-at”

The man holding onto Tao leaned down and whispered into Tao’s ear “this is the plan pretty boy, you’re going to hit Jae again. You are our boss now, do as I say or your pretty little friend over there is going to be in a whole ‘nother world of pain and we might even have some fun with him, Jae made him sound real delicious”

Tao’s hand tightened around the bat in pure rage “if you hurt him…”

“only if you don’t do what we say, now do it”

Tao froze as the man stepped away from him and smirked “ok boss now what”

Tao lowered his head, so his fringe covered his eyes and snarled in annoyance, damn Jae and is manipulation. “let’s finish the job” he let out in a low voice and swung the bat hitting Jae right in the side of the head sending him sprawling to the floor in a cry of pain.

He looked up to Luhan to see him frozen and looking at Tao with so much surprise and hurt behind his eyes, he just stood there when the man holding him to the wall let go.

Tao felt horrible he knew Luhan would never trust him again, the men behind him laughed and pat him on the back “nice hit boss, next week same time for the fun?” they asked before leaving one by one, leaving only the two men who were holding the boys back a second ago

Jae rolled on the ground groaning while holding his head in pain.

“Lu…”

Luhan dropped eye contact and cautiously walked over to Jae rolling him over “are you ok?” he touched Jae’s head horrified to see blood on his hand.

Tao reached out but Luhan flinched “don’t touch me!” he helped Jae up and put his arm around his shoulder to support him as he helped him walk out of the auditorium he stopped and looked back at Tao like he was going to say something but then closed his mouth, an unreadable expression crossed his face but he just turned around and continued to walk away taking the rest of Tao’s fragile heart with him.

“good work” the man slapped Tao’s back harshly making him cough in pain again, but this time a bit of blood came out. He glared at the man who just laughed and nodded at his friend who picked up a baseball bat and threw it so it hit Tao’s tummy with a loud thud before falling to the floor like Tao who suddenly lost all his strength.

He couldn’t stop coughing and everyone sent shocks of pain through his body and blood flying out of his mouth. He couldn’t bare the pain it hurt so much and the thought that Luhan now saw him as a monster hurt even more, he couldn’t help it when sobs started to wrack his body mingling with the coughs and gasps of pain.

 

It was well past midnight by the time he gathered enough strength to pull himself off the ground and limp to his bag pulling out his phone and slumping against the wall. This time was way worse than last time, last time he could at least walk somewhere but this time he could hardly move without feeling like his whole body was going to fall apart.

He looked to see he had a missed message from Yuna, and a small smile appeared on his face, she truly was an angel when he needed her most. As embarrassed as he was for her to see him like this, he needed help and needed to get away from the school.

He pressed call and felt more and more nervous the longer she didn’t pick up, finally on the last call she picked up  
[“Tao, I’m sorry I was having a shower, what’s up]  
“so… you’re not at work”

[“no… are you ok, you don’t sound good”]

Tao let out a cough “I need help… please help me”

[“omg, what happened? Where are you, I’m coming now!”]

“I’m at the school auditorium… I” he paused and let out a loud breath trying to contain the pain running up and down his whole being

[“hey, don’t talk, it sounds bad… I’m in the car now, stay on the phone ok, you don’t need to talk just keep breathing and stay awake”]

He could hear the sounds of the car and knew she wasn’t too far off which flooded him with relief “thankyou”

[“I said don’t talk”]

Tao nodded knowing she couldn’t see him but would know that he agreed. He was struggling to keep the phone up but every time he let his arm fall Yuna yelled through the phone to make him put it back where she could hear his breathing, so she knew he was ok.

He heard running and finally Yuna burst through the door looking around frantically until she saw Tao on the ground trying so hard to keep up his strength. She ran over to him and started fussing over him “those fucking fuckers I’m going to kill them I really am”

She contained her anger enough to carefully help Tao up and grab his stuff helping him limp over to her car, she was glad she parked really close and she helped lay Tao on the back seat “we need to get you to the hospital”

“no!” Tao tried to sit up, but the world spun so he laid back down again “no hospitals we established this” he coughed and Yuna flinched at the sound

“you need to, you are covered in blood and you look horrible and I’m sure multiple things are broken” she looked like she was about to cry but she was holding it all in for Tao to try and be strong for him.

“just take me home please” his voice was so soft

“no, I’m not leaving you alone, you’re coming to my house”

She relented and decided to not go to the hospital and sighed “if you’re no better in the morning I’m taking you and if you die it’s your fault” she huffed out and Tao let out a little laugh

“thanks”

 

Yuna helped him out of the car and into her small apartment, it reminded Tao of Kris’s apartment making him feel instantly more comfortable. Yuna took him to her room and laid him down on the bed.

“I can’t…”

“shhh” she put her pointer finger over his mouth “you’re sleeping in my bed tonight, I’ll sleep on the couch. You need to be comfortable to heal. Now take your shirt off”

Tao let out a laugh which was instantly followed by a series of coughs “you remind me of my friend”

“which one”

“Kris”

She just let out a soft giggle and motioned for him to take his shirt of, she grimaced when she saw the state of him. She thought the bruises she saw before were horrifying… but these… they looked sickly, unnatural  
“can we please go to the hospital you’ve definitely broken a few ribs”  
“there’s no need I’m fine” Tao stubbornly let out

Yuna just sighed and pulled out her first aid kit doing the best she could to heal him, she grimaced every time he flinched in pain and it annoyed her that she couldn’t take him to the hospital when it was obvious, he desperately needed to.

Tao’s eyelids kept dropping and he tried so hard not to fall asleep, but the pain and the exhaustion of his body soon took over and he fell unconscious leaving Yuna to continue to bandage him up with no help.

She pushed the fringe out of his eyes and sniffled, she wanted so badly to help him out of the situation, but she didn’t know how to. She hardly knew the kid, but she wanted to be there for him.

She grabbed his phone and hesitated before opening it, she didn’t want to invade his privacy, but she needed to find people who she could message if she needed, she hoped that Tao didn’t tell her fake names.

She smiled when she saw the three names and copied them and their phone numbers into her own phone “just in case ok Tao?” she whispered and put his phone back with a little guilt, but she knew it was the right thing to do.

 

Luhan could hardly carry Jae, he was so heavy. He decided to put him down for a little on the side of the building when he heard a clang and a groan before seeing the two last men leave the auditorium.

He didn’t see Tao leave yet, he looked down to see Jae was focused on rubbing the blood of his face and he sneaked away peaking around the door to see Tao kneeling on the ground clutching his stomach and crying. He was in so much pain and Luhan wanted nothing other than to run over to him but his legs couldn’t do it.

Tao fell to the ground so he was laying down and coughed up blood freaking Luhan out he stepped away from the building and used all his self control to not run into the building, he was sure that Tao would be fine and it would just be worse for him if Luhan interfered

He sighed walking back over to Jae and picking him up “the cabs here”

As soon as they got to Jae’s house he started complaining about how much pain he was in and ordering Luhan around. Luhan was in the kitchen preparing pain relief for him when his mind wandered back to Tao’s face when he was leaving.

His eyes was begging Luhan to stay, to believe that he wasn’t the type to hurt others. The thing is Luhan knew that, how couldn’t he? You notice everything about the person you love. Which means that the bullies were playing a sick game. He could only get one person away and regretted that he chose Jae over Tao but at least he would be ok, he had to be.

He sighed and walked back out to Jae setting the glass and pills next to him  
“Im sorry I didn’t tell you Tao was the bully all along”  
Luhan said nothing and sat down next to him, Jae instantly pulled him into his side “you don’t believe me babe?”

“I don’t feel like talking”

“it must have been hard to see someone you trusted like that”

“JAE SHUT UP… please” Luhan shook his head

Jae’s arm left his side before grabbing him and throwing him down on the couch climbing ontop of him  
“what did you say?”  
“I said shut up I don’t feel like it today”

“I was the one beaten up!”

Luhan let his head roll to the left so he didn’t have to keep eye contact with him. Jae took that movement to lean down and bite into Luhans neck making the boy squirm uncomfortably “stop”

“if you wont talk then make me feel better this way”

“no stop it”

Jae shoved his leg inbetween Luhans and smirked “come on you want it too”

“I don’t, youre injured, im tired… lets just leave it. I want to go home”

“youre not allowed to”

“im what?”

“you have to stay here”

Luhan looked at him shocked and anger was bubbling up in him “get off of me” he said in his most stern voice but Jae wasn’t getting the message just pressing harder against him

“I thought you loved me? I feel real shitty right now and thought you would comfort me”  
Luhan gritted his teeth and sighed when Jae’s hands went up his shirt.

 

Tao woke up with a grown, he needed pills, everything felt like it was on fire. Jolts of pain shot around his body and he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking. He slowly got up and limped to the bathroom looking through all the cabinets till he saw a bottle full of painkillers. He almost laughed in happiness. He then recognized the bottle, it was the one he left in the hotel, Yuna must have found it and kept it just in case.

He didn’t really care though all he wanted was the pain to go away.

He usually only took 2 at a time but he just shrugged and poured around 6 into his hand, that should be enough to dim the pain enough. He swallowed them all with water and smirked.  
He sat down on the floor his legs unable to hold up his weight anymore and waited for the effects to hit in. it wasn’t long till his body calmed down and he started to feel drowsy, by the time he felt that he also noticed the tears streaming down his face.  
He couldn’t believe that he had ended up right in this position all over again, theoretically he had nothing left. The boy he loved thought he was a bully, someone who hurts others… a monster. He would live the rest of his life being taunted and hurt by others and he didn’t know it he could handle that.

He looked at the bandages covering him and let out a sob, he couldn’t live like this. He needed to run away… no that wouldn’t help, it was him. He tried running away before, but he ended up in the exact same situation, so it must be him, he isn’t worthy of a happy life… he isn’t worthy of any life.

Something clicked in his head and he smiled, it was time. It was finally time.

He grabbed onto the sink ledge and hoisted himself up and grabbed his phone, walking was a lot easier now, even though he still had a limp and it wasn’t comfortable, he could bear the pain. It didn’t really matter where he was going anyway. He walked past Yuna on the couch a bent over patting her hair and smiling down at her lovingly “thank you so much for everything Yuna”

He looked around the room and grabbed a piece of paper and pen writing a short note before setting it on the table in front of her. He looked at her once again before walking out of the door and towards the river.

 

Yuna woke with a jolt and shook her head, goosebumps filled her arms and she felt really uneasy for some reason. She looked towards her room and walked towards it peaking through the door, she couldn’t see anyone on the bed and her heartbeat increased “Tao?”

She heard no answer and switched on the light “TAO!” she was freaking out now and ran to the bathroom hoping he might be going to the toilet or something, she burst in and was horrified to see the bottle of pain relievers spilled on the floor. How many did he take?

She ran back to the living room to grab her phone, that was when she saw a piece of paper underneath it.  
She picked it up with trembling hands and read through it

‘Yuna, I’m so grateful to have met you and thank you so much for everything you have done for me. We were strangers yet you looked after me thank you.  
I’m sorry for what I’m about to do, but it’s my time don’t mourn me too much, I love you and thank you again. have a healthy and happy life’  
Her eyes widened and she threw the paper down grabbing her phone and calling Tao, there was no answer she was freaking out till she remembered she stole those numbers off Tao and thanked her past self for doing that.

She dialed Luhan first knowing from what Tao said to her that he would be her best chance to save Tao from himself.

The first call wasn’t answered so she tried again.

 

“Jae get off me my phone is ringing!!!” Luhan kicked Jae off him, luckily he got right where Tao hit him with the bat making him coil over in pain.

He missed the call and sighed but then the phone immediately started ringing again  
“hi, who’s this?”  
[“LUHAN!! It’s Yuna, you probably don’t know me but Tao needs help right now!!”]

“what happened?” Luhan ran out of the room grabbing his jacket and ignoring the screams from Jae behind him

[“he” she let out a sob “he’s going to kill himself… I think… we need to find him”]

“he… what?” Tears started to fall from Luhans eyes and he sped up running straight out of the house not bothering to close the door. He even hung up on Yuna. The only thing on his mind was Tao, but where would he go? Right he went to the hospital didn’t he? He called Yuna back

“was he at the hospital?”

[“no? an ambulance did pass us but we were at my house”]

“shit” he hung up on her again and started freaking out, he could be anywhere then. Suddenly he remembered the location app.

“please please please have your phone on you” he tried hard to read the screen through his tears.

It finally stopped loading and he saw the icon on the bridge across the Han River “oh no”

He ran even faster and redialed Yuna’s number just to tell her where Tao is before shoving the phone into his pocket, he knew that she would call the ambulance, so it was ok. He almost sighed in relief when he saw the bridge but continued to run hard, he couldn’t be too late.

His heart dropped when he couldn’t see Tao anywhere, he kicked something and looked down his heart skipping multiple beats when he saw Tao’s phone on the ground.

 

Tao hit the water with a powerful slam and groaned in pain, but his mouth just filled with water, he was sinking. It felt so peaceful, he was so sleepy, and it felt nice to just be slowly floating downwards. It was finally over he was at peace.

He closed his eyes and let himself fall further and further, he didn’t have the strength or will to swim back up anyway.

He could feel himself slipping away, his lungs were burning, and he fought his own instincts to find air, he never thought drowning was so painful. His whole body was panicking, and he had to ignore it as best he could. He opened his eyes to see the surface was so far away, the city lights dancing on it, his vision was starting to blur and turn black and the last thing he saw was a splash disrupting the beautiful light rays, for some reason he was imagining that it was Luhan but that was impossible, the boy hated him he wouldn’t save him. He would have laughed if he wasn’t underwater and he fell unconscious his body finally filling with water and running out of oxygen.

 

Luhan felt a jolt of pain run through his body when he hit the water, in hindsight jumping from the bridge wasn’t the smartest idea. If he was hurt then he couldn’t save Tao. Luckily he was fine and didn’t even hesitate in diving under the waves, please not let him be too late.

Everything was dark and his body was begging for oxygen but he continued to dive deeper and deeper desperate to find his best friend. His insides jumped for joy when he ran into a body and he wrapped his arms around him kicking his legs as strongly as possible to get them both to the surface.

In movies this seemed so easy, but in reality Luhan thought he wasn’t going to make it. He was going to drown with him…  
That would make for a modern day Romeo and Juliet story.  
He pushed forwards and finally broke the surface gasping in the water and coughing hard. He looked both ways and let out a whine when he saw they were right in the middle and he still had a long way to go. He looked at the boy in his arms and his heart broke, he was unconscious and Luhan wasn’t even sure if he was breathing. He kept his hopes up and started to swim, by the time he made it to the shore he was exhausted and wanted nothing than to roll over next to Tao and catch his breath and strength but he couldn’t he had to save Tao.

He started to do cpr not sure what else to do and he was crying and shouting Tao’s name over and over again in desperation. He suddenly hit Tao’s chest really hard and Tao’s eyes shot open and he rolled over coughing harshly and threw up water. The sound was horrible but it made Luhan feel better, he was alive, Luhan didn’t lose him.

Tears streamed down his cheeks and Tao turned and weakly looked at him with sad eyes

“why…” he let out chest-wretching coughs and wiped a bit of blood from his mouth “let me die”

Luhan was shocked and grabbed Tao’s face “I cant, you know that, I need you Tao. Don’t leave me you selfish prick” he couldn’t keep in his emotions and Tao looked at him with tears forming in his own eyes

“I’m a monster… I deserve…” he was disruptive by his own breathing as his body tried to fight the water in his lungs making him cough once again

“you’re not a monster!!! You idiot!!! I love you! I cant live without you” Luhan shouted

Tao tilted his head at Luhan and leaned forwards connecting their foreheads “I love you”

Luhan couldn’t help himself and kissed him pushing him to the ground, Tao instantly rolled them over so he was on top and grabbed his face deepening the kiss, the could hear sirens and knew that they needed to inform the ambulance where they were but couldn’t tear themselves away.

Tao suddenly stopped and started coughing again and coughed up a whole heap of water mixed with blood before smiling down at Luhan and fainting right on top of him freaking Luhan out. He softly pushed Tao off and called for the emergency services help.

 

He was pacing back and forth in the waiting room, he had no idea how Tao was and it was freaking him out, why did he faint? Did he die?

He tapped the phone in his hand and turned around to walk the other way again. Should he call the other two? He should… but he couldn’t he didn’t want to ruin the trip that Kris had been waiting so long for, but what if it was Tao’s last moments?

He felt a hand grab his arm and he looked up shocked before sighing in relief when he saw Luna, she smiled at him before a worried look took over her face again “is he ok? What happened?”

“he… I don’t know… I pulled him out of the water” a tear left his eye and he wiped it away instantly and pulled away from Yuna to start pacing again. Yuna ran up to him and grabbed his shoulders

“you need to change you’ll catch a cold, you’re soaked”

“it doesn’t matter”

“Luhan, you can’t get sick now, you have to stay strong for Tao”

“let go of me” he shook her off and stepped backwards “why are you saying this stuff? Isn’t it better if you’re here rather than me, you’re his girlfriend”

“his what?” she looked at him shocked

“it’s obvious isn’t it, he rejected me to be with you and now he hates me. He lied to me and said he was gay I thought I had a chance”

“Luhan” she walked up to him again and grabbed his hands holding them tight when Luhan tried to pull away “listen to me carefully, don’t interrupt. I’m just his friend, someone he met after he went through everything with you. I’m just a stranger he can turn to for help and vise versa. Nothing else is happening between us. And you know why?”

She tilted her head and leaned in close, so she was whispering in Luhans ear “one, because he is completely gay. Two because he is completely and utterly in love with you you idiot” she leaned back and smiled at Luhans shocked face.

She let go of his hands and took off her jacket handing it to Luhan “at least take the shirt off, you’re wearing shorts so it shouldn’t be too bad”

Luhan nodded not saying anything else and took of his shirt throwing it on a chair and putting the jacket on buttoning it up. He folded his arms to stop his shivering and sat down next to Yuna trying to process everything she said.

 

“are you the boy who came in with Mr. Huang?”

“I am” Luhan shot up out of the seat and bowed at the doctor “is he ok?”

“luckily he is, you saved him just at the right moment any longer and he would have drowned” he sighed “but he hasn’t gone out of it without any suffering, he has hypothermia and water still in his lungs, as well as multiple impact wounds and broken bones including his finger, ribs and arm. He needs multiple stitches and surgeries so he will be in intensive care for a little, I’m sorry but you won’t be able to see him till we have finished”

Luhan couldn’t hold the tears in “I… please save him doctor”

“we will don’t worry, he’ll be fine I promise. I just have a question the suicide attempt you explained to the nurses doesn’t explain the rest of his injuries. Do you have an idea of what caused it?”

Luhan looked at Yuna and she nodded her head, he breathed out heavily and tried to steady his voice and emotions “he was attacked by multiple people with bats, his bullies”

The doctor rang his hand through his hair and sighed “thank you, I can’t do it due to patient confidentiality… but I would highly recommend telling the police, the injuries he have are ones I’ve seen in attempted murders…”

He bowed and left leaving Luhan to stand there in shock before falling to his knees and pulling harshly at his hair. Yuna ran over to him and pulled him into her arms cradling him “its ok Luhan, It’s ok”

“it’s not! He could have died… and… and… I didn’t help him… I thought for a split second that he was the bad guy… and he almost died” he sobbed out loud and shoved his face into Yuna’s neck for comfort while his whole body shook with cries.

 

Luhan sighed sitting down in the same seat he had been sitting in for the past day. He looked down at his phone and his thumb hovered over Kris’s name. he felt bad for shortening their trip, but they needed to know, Tao was their friend too and Kris would kill him if he kept it a secret the whole time Tao was undergoing treatment.

He sighed finally pressing the name.

He couldn’t hold in the tears when he saw Kris and Suho enter the doors, so instead he shoved his face into his hands and pretended to not notice them, it wasn’t long till they noticed him though.

Eventually Kris was knelt in front of him rubbing circles into his knees while Suho tried to move his hands from his face so he could talk more clearly. As soon as Suho moved his hands he shoved his face into his chest and shook his head, he couldn’t tell them… how would they handle the news that Tao tried to kill himself again. Does that mean they were back to square one, what if his mental health had deteriorated again.

Luhan couldn’t help but blame himself.

 

Kris and Lay looked at each other with sad looks on their face and with a silent agreement not to push Luhan too hard at the moment. Lay tilted his head when he saw a pretty girl walk up to them with two coffees

“sorry, I would have got more, Luhan didn’t tell me you guys were coming so soon” she nudged Luhan softly “come on, we talked about this, be strong for Tao” she pulled him off Lay and softly wrapped his fingers around the coffee “drink up, it’ll make you feel better”

“who are you?” Kris suddenly asked making Yuna look up at him surprised

“right, I’m Yuna nice to meet you finally” she bowed and smiled at him

She laughed when they both still looked at her confused “I met Tao a few weeks ago when he first got… you know… and helped him out. The same with this time”

“thank you” Kris smiled at her instantly feeling comfortable in her presence even though she was a stranger still.

Luhan silently sipped on his coffee and tried to blink away the tears, he looked at Lay and tilted his head “L-Lay?”

“yeh, hi again” he placed his hand on Luhans cheek and the boy nuzzled into his palm

“I’m glad you’re here again” he sighed

“we need to get parental approval for Tao’s hospitalization, I tried to sign but they wouldn’t let me even though I’m old enough” Yuna interjected

“want me to call them?” Kris pulled his phone out of his pocket but Luhan almost hit it out of his hand in panic

“we can’t!” he shook his head frantically “Tao would never forgive us”

Yuna looked at him with a cocked eyebrow “so that’s why he refused to let me take him”

“yeh… I’ll call my parents, see if they can maybe sign, I think they have done so in the past”

Luhan stood up on shaking legs and left the room to try and call his parents even though they both were at work. Kris stood up and sat down next to Yuna “what happened, are you ok. You seem a little shaken”

She shook her head and let her body relax a little “Luhan hasn’t left the hospital since they both came here in the ambulance

“the ambulance was involved?”

“yeh, I don’t know if I should tell you it’s quite private”

“things like this shouldn’t be private”

She sighed “I guess Luhan is a bit too stubborn to tell you. Tao was attacked by his bullies again, it was really bad. Broken bones, could hardly walk, coughing up blood bad… I took him home and patched him up the best I could and looked after him the best I could but in the middle of the night he snuck out of the house after consuming-“

“YUNA!” Luhan looked at her annoyed “why are you telling them?”

“they need to know!”

“Luhan let her speak, you won’t tell us” Kris calmly said to him patting the seat next to himself.

“no! I will tell you ok” he was angry and wanted to cry but he was out of tears “he… he jumped of the bridge into the river ok!... he tried to ki-kill himself again” saying it out loud solidified the memories even more and Luhan couldn’t control his emotions, the room seemed like it was spinning and he shook his head but he blacked out falling to the floor.

 

He felt so groggy, but he was strangely comfortable, he sat up and looked around surprised to see himself in Suho’s room. He immediately stood up but a hand pushed him back into the bed “you’re not going back yet Luhan…”

“I need to, Tao needs me!”

“he needs you to be well rested when he wakes up ok” Lay pulled the blanket back up over Luhan and brushed the fringe away from his face. He sat down on the bed next to Luhan and brushed his hand against Luhans cheek “I’ll look after you”

Luhan looked at him and a wave of warmth flowed through his body and he smiled lightly “thank you”

He heard a ding and he looked over to the bedside table to see his phone charging, Lay followed his line of gaze  
“I noticed it had ran out of battery so I plugged it in for you”  
“thank you” he smiled and reached over annoyed to see he already had multiple missed messages and calls “hey… I really feel like a tea”

“I’ll go make on” Lay jumped up and walked into the kitchen to prepare something for Luhan.

He unlocked his phone and scrolled through some of the messages, it was no surprise who it was from. He paused on one reading it a few times

[Jae: you’re nothing without me Luhan, please come home. I’m in pain, where are you when I need you. I saved you so many times~]

[Jae: who else will love you other than me]

He sighed running his hand through his hair and read through the messages again, just then Lay walked in with a cup of tea and placed it on the table before looking at Luhan worried

“what’s wrong?”

“nothing”

“Luhan don’t lie to me” Lay grabbed the phone and looked at it annoyed to see Jae’s name “why haven’t you broken up with him?”

“it’s none of your business”

“he’s toxic it doesn’t take much to see that, there’s so many bad rumors about him in school as well”

“like what?”

“that he’s the leader of the school bullies, his parents are part of a gang”

Luhan looked at him wide-eyed, that must mean that Jae was the bully and the scene he saw before was manipulated like he was hoping. That’s why Tao was so obsessed with the idea of him breaking up with Jae.

However, there was the self-conscious part of himself which didn’t believe it “rumors are just rumors nothing more”

“Luhan…” Lay looked at him with sad eyes and leaned forwards a little before sighing and pulling away from him and pulling away standing up “break up with him” he said in a low emotionless voice leaving the room.

“what the?” Luhan held his hand over his beating heart and breathed out heavily, that small action of leaning forwards made Luhan feel something and that scared him. There was just something about Lay’s aura.

His phone started ringing, he almost ignored it till he noticed his mother’s name and pressed answer.

 

Lay rubbed his face with his hands and crouched leaning against the wall, he couldn’t be feeling these things, not for Luhan. Why couldn’t he love Kris? Kris was his soulmate… no he was Suho’s soulmate. But he isn’t anything but a fragment of Suho. Who was he really?

He tried to shake the feelings overwhelming him, but he couldn’t no matter how hard he hugged himself, he needed more painful ways to deal with his mind, but he promised Luhan, he promised Kris and Minho. He couldn’t start again.

He stood up and walked to the couch flopping down and staring at the ceiling deep in thought, he wasn’t sure how long he was like that until he felt the couch dip next to him. He let his head roll to the side and smiled when he saw Luhan

“I’m sorry for…”

“it’s ok” Luhan leaned his head on Lay’s shoulder and hummed out in comfort “you are right. If I was sane, I would break up with him… but I just can’t I don’t know why”

“because the dickhead has emotionally manipulated you. He wants you to feel like you can’t live without him and his fake love… that’s what people like him do”

Silence enveloped them for a few minutes while Luhan processed that “I never… thought of it like that”

Lay moved so he was facing Luhan and he grabbed his face cupping both his cheeks and studied his face, he was truly beautiful. Both inside and out and it hurt Lay so much that they weren’t allowed to be together. But if he couldn’t have Luhan then he deserved to have someone who would treat him properly and look after him.

“what are you thinking?” Luhan looked up at him with those big doe eyes

“it’s not important, did Jae tell you that he loved you?”

“he did”

“did he tell you that you can’t live without him”

“yes”

“did he… take advantage of you”

Luhan went silent, he didn’t want to tell them that yet. He didn’t want Lay, or anyone for that matter, to know how disgusting he was, how used. He tried to redirect his line of site, so he wasn’t looking at Lay anymore.

Lay let out a growl and the hands holding Luhans cheeks tightened and he forced Luhan to look at him again “do you think you’re disgusting? That I would hate you, never look at you the same?”

Luhan let out a little gasp and started to panic, it was like Lay could read his mind “I-I”

Lays eyes darkened “if I thought you were disgusting would I do this?” he leant forwards and before Luhan could even register what was happening their lips were touching.

Lay tilted his head and deepened the kiss biting Luhans lower lip making the boy let out a little moan. Lay’s hands crept to the back of Luhans head curling his fingers into his hair while he pulled it back to make them both lean back into the couch till Lay was hovering over Luhan. Luhans whole body was shivering and Lay couldn’t tell if he was enjoying it or was terrified, he made sure not to touch the smallers hips of waist, not imply anything sexual. Because if Luhan went through what he thought, the last thing he wanted to do was scare him by triggering bad memories.

He knew from his own experience how to treat traumatized people.

Luhan felt a something wet hit his face and opened his eyes surprised to see Lay crying, it triggered something in him, and a tear fell out of his own eye.  
He pulled back “Lay what’s wrong?”  
“shut up” Lay reconnected their lips and Luhan could feel his lips quivering against his own, he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Lay pulling him close. Lay let out a sob breaking the kiss again and instead kissed Luhans cheek and neck before burying his face into the couch next to Luhans face.

Luhan said nothing and just held him tight trying to hold in his own sobs.

 

“let’s play a game” Lay finally piped up and rolled of Luhan falling to the ground and sitting up leaning on the couch

“what is it?”

“truth and dare… without the dare”

Luhan rolled his eyes staring at the ceiling “so you just wanna ask me questions?”

“you can ask me a question after, we will take turns”

“ok, I guess”

“first question then, do you love Jae”

Luhan hesitated a little before sighing “no, do you love Kris?”

“in a way, it’s a tad complex. But Suho does. Do you love Tao?”

“I… I’m not…” he picked at his nails nervously “yes. Do you love… me?”

Lay was silent and used the time to wipe away the tears on his face “I do, but we can’t be together”

“yeh… maybe in some alternate reality”

Lay giggled “yeh, somewhere we’re together. Do you blame yourself for Tao’s attempted suicide?”

Luhan sat up “I’m bored of this game, let’s do something else” Lay grabbed his hand turning himself around

“stop running away”

“stop asking personal questions”

Lay’s grip loosened a little in shock and his hand fell back to the floor “why won’t you open up about yourself, you’re in so much pain”

“fine, let me ask a question. Why do you cut? Does it feel good?”

Lay stood up and took a step away from Luhan “I cut because I deserve it and it hides the pain I feel inside, it lets it out”

“with that reasoning maybe I should try it? I deserve pain, don’t I? you know what, yes I do blame myself for Tao’s suicide”

“shut up! Luhan you are not like me, I’m weak and pathetic. The shit I’ve been through has messed me up. I’m not even a complete person look at me!”

Luhan stepped towards Lay intending to hug him and help him calm down but Lay grabbed his wrist forcibly and dragged him to the bathroom closing the door “sit down”

“Lay, what are you doing?”

“sit down!” he walked over to the cabinet and reached behind it shuffling around till he found what he was looking for and pulled out a box of razor blades. He turned back around to Luhan who was white as a sheet “take off your shirt”

Lay took of his own throwing it on the floor and storming over to Luhan sitting down in front of him, so close that their knees were touching

“L-lay stop it, what are you doing”

“take it off” Lay waved his hand and Luhan took of his shirt with hesitation letting it fall to the floor beside them. Lay looked at the box in his hand and opened it taking out a blade and placing it in Luhans hand

“I thought we threw all these out?”

“I’m not an idiot I made a secret stash before I changed back last time”

“Lay…”

“you wanted to try cutting didn’t you? You deserve it don’t you?”

Luhans hand holding the razor started to shake “I, I can’t”

“fine” Lay carefully grabbed Luhans hand and rearranged the blade so Luhan was holding it between his thumb and pointer finger with the sharp end facing downwards and held out his own arm placing the blade right above his wrist. He held Luhan’s hand down so he wouldn’t move away.

Luhan was looking at his own hand with so much terror and horror that it looked like he was about to implode.

“if you can’t hurt yourself hurt me” he pressed Luhans hand down, but the smaller boy used all his strength to keep his hand in the same place

“I don’t want to! Please Lay don’t make me” he closed his eyes and tried to control the trembling of his body

“don’t you see Luhan, you are different from me. You can’t do it”

“stop it stop it!” he shook his head in denial

“you don’t deserve to be in pain, you don’t deserve to hurt” Lay suddenly pushed Luhans hand down causing the blade to cut into his skin.  
Luhans eyes shot open and he flinched causing the blade to dig deeper and drag across Lays skin, he dropped the blade in horror watching as the blood trickled down Lay’s wrist.  
“LAY! I’ll get-get the fir-“

Lay grabbed Luhans arm with his good hand and made him sit back down “you don’t deserve to be like me, Jae… he will ruin you, he will use and abuse you till you are nothing but a shell. Till you turn out like me”

Luhan was too shocked to say anything and he was too fixed on the blood staining the floor beneath them, he needed to stop it. By impulse he used both of his hands to cover the wound and apply pressure which helped the blood stop a little

“make me a promise. And I will make one in return, that I will never lay a blade to my skin again”

Luhans eyes widened in hope “what is it! I’ll do it”

“break up with Jae”

Luhan leant forwards and rested his forehead against Lays closing his eyes and trying to rest his beating heart “I promise”

 

 

He was running as fast as he could but he couldn’t escape the monsters chasing him. They collided into him with bone crushing force and he fell to the ground in pain, they continued to tear at him, hitting him. He couldn’t get away. When he looked up multiple faces of students looked down at him laughing, only three of them weren’t laughing but they were so far away, if he could just crawl to them everything would be ok.

He recognized one of them as Luhan and saw him turn away and walk away with one of the monsters, he called out but his voice wasn’t working and instead he was left alone on the cold ground in pain begging for someone to save him.

 

Tao woke up with a jolt his whole body sweating from the nightmare, his body was in pain still and he groaned laying back down. Was he dead? No he couldn’t be he knew the scent of this room, the blinding whiteness and eary silence. He was in hospital again, he failed.

He suddenly remembered kissing Luhan and dismissed it as a hallucination he had while drowning as that couldn’t have possibly happened. He sighed looking out the window noticing that it was dark outside, looking down at his body he noticed that he was covered in multiple bandages big and small and he had two needles connected to his arm.

His head felt groggy and he could hardly think straight, all he knew was that he was lonely and wanted to see someone. He needed to save Luhan, even if he hated him, he had to get him away from Jae, then he could leave and Luhan would never have to see him again.

With a groan of pain, he looked around the room annoyed that his phone wasn’t there, he couldn’t leave the bed, so he just laid back down and stared at the ceiling twiddling his thumbs in boredom and anxiety.

He just hoped that his parents hadn’t found out, it may be the breaking point for them.

He heard the door open and he looked over to see a doctor and watched them walk in looking at their clipboard before looking up and their body stiffening in surprise.

“you’re awake”

Tao just nodded

“how are you feeling?”

“sore”

“is it alright if I do a few tests, just to make sure everything’s ok?”

“go ahead” Tao looked at the ceiling again and imagined what it would be like if he was dead rather than laying here.

After around 10 minutes the doctor was done and looked at him with slight worry in her eyes

“does your lungs or stomach burn?”

When she pointed it out, he breathed in and noticed an uncomfortable hotness in his lungs and nodded “the area where my lungs are does hurt”

She walked over to the corner of the room and picked up the bin placing it by his side “we extracted as much water as possible from your lungs but there is still some, if you need to vomit don’t hold it back ok?”

“ok”

“you will be fine, it will take a little for your body to heal but it will. I will come back later for another checkup. Did you want to allow visitors now?”

He nodded eager to see someone, he didn’t want the doctor to leave then he’ll be alone again, and his mind was toxic when he was alone.  
“that’s good, your friends are very eager to see you”  
She walked out and closed the door, he hoped they wouldn’t take long to come see him. His heart beat increased when he remembered that he just tried to kill himself, he was going to have to explain it to them. What if they hate him for it, or tell him he’s selfish, what if they secretly wished that he succeeded… he squeezed his eyes shut to try and suppress those thoughts. They loved him it would be ok.

The door opened and Kris peaked his head around, he cringed when he saw the number of bandages and cords peeking out from Tao’s blanket, it really sunk in the fact that his friend was in pain.  
“Tao” he called out softly and Tao looked over at him and smiled  
“hi”

“hey” Kris walked over and waved in Yuna who stood behind the door awkwardly

“hey Tao” Tao looked at her with wide eyes before looking down at his blankets ashamed in himself.

Kris sat down next to the bed and reached over placing his hand over Tao’s “it’s nice to see you finally”

“like wise”

“hey where’s that smile gone?” Kris tilted his head and pulled a funny face trying to cheer Tao up

“you remember when you were teaching me Korean and I was so frustrated that I couldn’t memorize the words and you acted like a complete idiot and cheered me up somehow” Tao let out a little laugh looking fondly back on his memories

Kris let out a laugh as well “you learnt so quickly I’m still impressed”

“I’m just that smart”

“you are” they smiled at each other and Tao looked over at Yuna who was smiling at the both of them

“you were right, I did need to go to the hospital”

“you’re an idiot I hope you know that” she giggled and for some reason it cheered Tao up

“I’m sorry to have put you through that”

“as long as you don’t do it again, you’re forgiven”

 

Luhan looked down at his phone in shock “he woke up! We need to go back now”  
Lay nodded and held the towel to his arm with a little frown, Luhan looked at his arm worried but Lay just shook his head.  
They called a uber and Luhan used all his self-constraint to not run into the hospital and right to Tao. Lay waved him off telling him he would follow shortly, instead he walked up to the counter and pulled the towel of his arm and smiled awkwardly at the receptionist “I think I cut too deep, can I get it checked out?”

“o-of course right this way” she ushered him off to the emergency room.

Luhan stood outside of the room trying to think of what to say to Tao, he had to not cry, the past days all he has been doing is crying. What if Tao regretted kissing him.

He tugged at his hair to calm himself down before opening the door and freezing when he saw Tao staring at him, a look of shock crossed with regret and happiness crossed his face and it took everything in Luhan to not run over to him and hug him.

He closed the door and walked over holding out his hand which Tao reached out in instinct and held onto.  
“you promised you wouldn’t leave me” Luhan looked to the ground  
“I’m sorry… it was you who saved me wasn’t it?”

“i-it was” he looked up again tilting his head “you don’t remember what happened… after?”

“not really unless we really…” his line of gaze went down to Luhans lips and Luhan blushed instantly

“hey, guys we’ll go get drinks and be back later” Kris awkwardly waved at Luna to leave the room to give the two some space.

Tao couldn’t stop staring at Luhan and his heart was the organ in his body that was burning now “you have to break up with Jae”

“I am”

Tao looked up surprised and smiled widely “you are?!”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t realize the person he was”

“he told you what he did?”

“no… but I know he’s a crappy person”

Tao looked to the bed and studied his body pulling of the blanket so he was just in his gown and Luhan could see the bandages and bruises scattered all over his body “Jae… he was the one who did this, everything was instigated by him, I’m sorry I never told you”

Every moment with Jae flashed through Luhans mind and his knees felt weak, but he tried to stay strong. All the lies Jae made were making sense, the scene he walked in on made sense. How could he be so stupid

“no Tao, I’m sorry I am a total idiot, how could I be so blind”

“he was good at manipulating”

Luhan looked at him with furrowed eyebrows when he realized something “that means… that voice recording, did you say that to protect me? Did you go through all of this to protect me?” he couldn’t stand anymore and sat in the seat that Kris left. Everything was making sense, it was his fault he was right.

“Lu don’t you dare blame yourself”

“you almost died!!!” Luhan yelled.

Tao went silent his heart sinking, he didn’t want to think about what he did, the feeling he had on top of that bridge. He felt free and when he fell the thought of the hurt Luhan would feel flashed through his mind and when he hit the water the painful reality hit him. Everything they he could have been flashed through his mind, as he sunk, he couldn’t say that he regretted it but it hurt he felt like he was going to burn alive.

He gripped onto Luhan’s hand tighter to stop his own shaking  
“I did, and I thought it would make everything better”

 

Kris leaned against the wall waiting for the coffees to be made, he watched Luna mull over the menu thinking of food to get everyone. He looked up and noticed Lay and a doctor walking together talking, Kris told Yuna to wait for the coffees and walked over waving down the two.

“what is it?”

The doctor looked at Lay and bowed “make sure you look after it and come back in a few weeks ok?”

“yes doctor, thankyou”

Kris looked down at the doctors gaze and noticed a bandage wrapped around Lay’s arm, he freaked out a little “you didn’t…”

“don’t worry I promise it’s the last time I do this ok?”

“is it bad?”

“only two stitches not too bad, will heal fine”

Kris cringed a little, it always hurt him how nonchalant Lay was about hurting himself, it was something so normal to the boy  
“can we talk outside for a little?”  
“hmm? Yeh of course” Lay let Kris pull him outside to the gardens and they found a bench sitting down enjoying the fresh air

“what is it?”

“why did you start cutting?”

Lay shrugged “my emotional health had reached rock bottom I guess you could say. I felt like dying, but I didn’t want to. I wanted control over my body, my childhood…” he paused breathing out heavily and controlling the tremor in his voice “In my childhood I never had control of my body, my life. Constantly in pain, I always wanted to feel like my own person I wanted to live without the pain. The funny thing is as soon as the pain stopped, I realized I couldn’t live without it and it felt so much better when I did it to myself”

Kris didn’t know how to process the information and didn’t ask for any more details than Lay stated, he knew that it was hard enough for him to say that much “thank you for telling me”

“Kris… I have to tell you something” he face Kris and forced the taller to do the same thing, he grabbed his hands and intertwined their fingers.

“the others, they love you with their whole soul… well apart from Kai” he let out a little laugh “but the thing is I’m the same as Kai… I kissed Luhan today”

Kris looked at Lay in so much confusion and shock that it made him feel bad “why?”

“because I love him, though I promise there’s nothing between us and remember that Suho loves you, he would never do this to you”

“but you’re a part of him”

“only a small part, and I would be lying if I said that I didn’t have any feelings for you”

Kris didn’t reply and instead pulled him in for a hug, Lay took it as forgiveness, and he relaxed happy that he didn’t ruin things for the others.

“you know what, I think you need to know what happened to Suho” relief showed in Kris’s eyes and Lay laughed “don’t get too excited I’m not telling you, just another hint… research Min Yoongi, go to the police station with Suho’s real name and find his father”

Kris nodded and he smiled petting Lay’s head “thank you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello <3  
> phew a tad of an intense chapter I hope you are ok!  
> I'm not sure if many of you know but I made a teaser for Tao and Luhans story which is on the foreword and also my youtube:   
> https://youtu.be/m9NbAZud48g
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and have a wonderful day/night


	19. Hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick disclaimer: this chapter contains a high amount of angst, blood, violence and mentions of self-harm and suicide so please be careful reading if they are triggers to you stay healthy my beautiful people <3  

Quick disclaimer: this chapter contains a high amount of angst, blood, violence and mentions of self-harm and suicide so please be careful reading if they are triggers to you stay healthy my beautiful people <3  

 

“there you are”

Tao huffed out in annoyance and crossed his arms “what is it this time? Still too scared to come on your own”

Jae smirked and walked forwards till he was centimeters away from Tao’s face “such a big boy we have here, it’s not as fun when it’s just me. I don’t get to watch”

Tao let out a growl and didn’t break eye contact with him “break up with Luhan”

Jae laughed before placing his hand on Tao’s cheek “honey, that is not happening. I thought we established this”

Tao’s hand shot out and grabbed him by the throat and squeezed cutting off his breath “don’t you dare fucking hurt him or I will kill you”

Jae’s hands tried to pull Tao’s away, but he wouldn’t budge so he kicked out and kneed Tao in the stomach making him let go in pain. he grabbed onto both of Tao’s hands and pushed him against the door behind them “will you now? I thought that you didn’t love that little slut?”  
Tao thrashed out but Jae held him tightly and stuck his leg in between Tao’s to prevent him moving.  
“I was talking with my friend the other day, you know… the one from China” he smirked at Tao’s surprised face “he told me more about the things he did to you” he leaned closer and licked Tao’s cheek making him flinch and shiver “they had a lot of fun with you over in China didn’t they?” he looked over his shoulder and smirked at the line of people behind him “he’s such a dirty fag isn’t he?” they all laughed and nodded in agreement.

“what are you guys getting from this huh?” Tao piped up and shouted at the rest of them “does it make you feel strong and manly to gang up on one person? Do you all have small dick syndrome”

Jae burst out laughing and looked at the people behind him again “well do you?” they all groaned in annoyance “it’s ok guys you can get him back later for that I promise”

He looked back at Tao and tilted his head looking at Tao’s annoyed face “what do you want Jae? What do you get out of this?”

He shrugged “it’s fun, when my friend told me how much fun he had destroying you it made me want to join in” he suddenly pulled Tao off the wall and flung him against the floor satisfied to hear him hit it with a bang. He walked over slowly and dodged Tao’s hand when he tried to grab him to pull him down “that trick only works once”

He knelt down so one knee was on Tao’s chest holding him down and the other was stabilizing him.  
“you know…” he reached down and grabbed Tao’s chin running his thumb along his mouth “I think I know why you’re so infatuated with Luhan, you’ve definitely slept with him” he covered Tao’s mouth with his hand to let himself finish “he’s a beast in bed and he sounds just like a girl, his skin is so soft” he stopped to let out a little click of his tongue when Tao tried to bite his hand “I wouldn’t do that if I was you, anyway where was I? his hair is soft too and perfect to pull, down below… he’s so tight and…” he was interrupted when Tao managed to kick him off and pounce on him holding him down.  
“how fucking dare, you touch him” he slammed his fist into Jae’s face but before he could do it again, he was pulled off and thrown to another person’s feet who instantly kicked him in the face making his vision blur for a little.

Taos’ eyes widened when he felt something cold and hard rest on his back holding him down “I wouldn’t try that again” Jae appeared in his vision again he reached under Tao and grabbed his tie pulling him up.  
Tao tried to loosen the tie because he couldn’t breathe but Jae just smirked at him “revenge”  
Just when Tao thought he was going to faint from lack of air Jae let go and gave a thumbs up to someone behind him. He let out a scream when something hard and narrow collided with his back sending painful bolts up and down his spine, he fell to his knees and coughed from the shock of pain.

He looked up with tears in his eyes and saw Jae whispering to someone and occasionally letting out laughs “we were just talking about how pathetic you are, can’t even stay on your feet”

Tao grinded his teeth and stood up not breaking eye contact “what can you possibly get out of this? All of you? What will this accomplish” he was on the verge of shouting and opened his mouth to say something else when the guy next to him swung his bat and hit Tao right in the belly making him fold over groaning.

“go on boys have a little fun” Jae waved his hand and walked over to the steps sitting down and lighting a cigarette to smoke while he watched.

 

“stop…” Tao groaned out in pain, he was covered in his own blood and could no longer feel half his boy. He was sure that he had broken bones but tried to ignore it. The hits wouldn’t stop coming and he could hardly keep his conscience.

He looked up and saw a bat on the ground in front of him, he reached for it but someone stepped on his hand. He felt something crack and hoped it wasn’t the bones. He used the last burst of energy he had to punch the guy in the balls and surge forwards on the ground to grab the bat.  
Relief filled him when he felt it in his hands, and he used it to help himself get on his feet again and walk backwards from the group that was walking towards him threatingly.  
“look at you being all tough again” he flinched when he saw Jae walk towards him twirling a bat in his hands “look, you can fight me here and now no help… or you can run away what do you think?”

Tao looked to the door but shook his head, they wouldn’t let him leave anyway “don’t be stupid you know my answer” he was surprised at how firm his voice was with how unstable he felt.

“well the thing is, I told Luhan that I’m being attacked and where we are, so do you really want him to see you beating up his boyfriend?”

“bullshit” Tao swung his bat hitting Jae right in the face making him fall to the floor in shock dropping his own bat.

The other men ran towards Tao but he gritted his teeth and focused on hitting them all, he got through quite a few before he was struck down again. He heard Jae laugh and stand up again “so you really think I didn’t call Luhan? Hit me again”

Tao didn’t even think twice and hit him across the stomach with the bat

“shit” he groaned in pain

“Jae?” Tao’s eyes widened when he heard the familiar voice, he did call Luhan. He looked around the room and tried to run away and hide but one of the men grabbed Tao and whispered into his ears “show Luhan who you really are, hit him again I dare you”

Tao struggled but the man held onto him tighter Jae smirked at him before yelling “LUHAN HELP PLEASE!!!”

Tao’s heart skipped a beat when Luhan appeared at the door huffing in exhaustion “wh-what’s happening?” he looked at Jae first worried to see him on the floor bleeding, but his eyes widened when he saw Tao standing there with a group of men all holding bats.  
Tao was bleeding horrendously; his shirt was stained red and he looked like he was in so much pain “Ta-Tao?”  
The man flung his arm around Tao’s shoulder “so boss, now he’s here what should we do with the pretty boy?” Tao looked at him confused

“do-don’t hurt him please, just continue to hurt me” Jae let out a whimper and stood up pretending to be in pain.

“Lu-“ the man pressed into Tao’s shoulder making him let out a hiss of pain and stop his sentence. Luhan looked horrified and confused.

A man walked up to Luhan and pushed him against the wall grinning down at him “isn’t our leader such a smart man, get you here and then torment him while you watch?”

“let them go!!!”

“them?”

“Tao and Jae!!! Stop hurting them!!!”

The man let out a laugh “did you hear that boys, he still thinks Tao is so innocent”

“wwh-at”

The man holding onto Tao leaned down and whispered into Tao’s ear “this is the plan pretty boy, you’re going to hit Jae again. You are our boss now, do as I say or your pretty little friend over there is going to be in a whole ‘nother world of pain and we might even have some fun with him, Jae made him sound real delicious”

Tao’s hand tightened around the bat in pure rage “if you hurt him…”

“only if you don’t do what we say, now do it”

Tao froze as the man stepped away from him and smirked “ok boss now what”

Tao lowered his head, so his fringe covered his eyes and snarled in annoyance, damn Jae and is manipulation. “let’s finish the job” he let out in a low voice and swung the bat hitting Jae right in the side of the head sending him sprawling to the floor in a cry of pain.

He looked up to Luhan to see him frozen and looking at Tao with so much surprise and hurt behind his eyes, he just stood there when the man holding him to the wall let go.

Tao felt horrible he knew Luhan would never trust him again, the men behind him laughed and pat him on the back “nice hit boss, next week same time for the fun?” they asked before leaving one by one, leaving only the two men who were holding the boys back a second ago

Jae rolled on the ground groaning while holding his head in pain.

“Lu…”

Luhan dropped eye contact and cautiously walked over to Jae rolling him over “are you ok?” he touched Jae’s head horrified to see blood on his hand.

Tao reached out but Luhan flinched “don’t touch me!” he helped Jae up and put his arm around his shoulder to support him as he helped him walk out of the auditorium he stopped and looked back at Tao like he was going to say something but then closed his mouth, an unreadable expression crossed his face but he just turned around and continued to walk away taking the rest of Tao’s fragile heart with him.

“good work” the man slapped Tao’s back harshly making him cough in pain again, but this time a bit of blood came out. He glared at the man who just laughed and nodded at his friend who picked up a baseball bat and threw it so it hit Tao’s tummy with a loud thud before falling to the floor like Tao who suddenly lost all his strength.

He couldn’t stop coughing and everyone sent shocks of pain through his body and blood flying out of his mouth. He couldn’t bare the pain it hurt so much and the thought that Luhan now saw him as a monster hurt even more, he couldn’t help it when sobs started to wrack his body mingling with the coughs and gasps of pain.

 

It was well past midnight by the time he gathered enough strength to pull himself off the ground and limp to his bag pulling out his phone and slumping against the wall. This time was way worse than last time, last time he could at least walk somewhere but this time he could hardly move without feeling like his whole body was going to fall apart.

He looked to see he had a missed message from Yuna, and a small smile appeared on his face, she truly was an angel when he needed her most. As embarrassed as he was for her to see him like this, he needed help and needed to get away from the school.

He pressed call and felt more and more nervous the longer she didn’t pick up, finally on the last call she picked up  
[“Tao, I’m sorry I was having a shower, what’s up]  
“so… you’re not at work”

[“no… are you ok, you don’t sound good”]

Tao let out a cough “I need help… please help me”

[“omg, what happened? Where are you, I’m coming now!”]

“I’m at the school auditorium… I” he paused and let out a loud breath trying to contain the pain running up and down his whole being

[“hey, don’t talk, it sounds bad… I’m in the car now, stay on the phone ok, you don’t need to talk just keep breathing and stay awake”]

He could hear the sounds of the car and knew she wasn’t too far off which flooded him with relief “thankyou”

[“I said don’t talk”]

Tao nodded knowing she couldn’t see him but would know that he agreed. He was struggling to keep the phone up but every time he let his arm fall Yuna yelled through the phone to make him put it back where she could hear his breathing, so she knew he was ok.

He heard running and finally Yuna burst through the door looking around frantically until she saw Tao on the ground trying so hard to keep up his strength. She ran over to him and started fussing over him “those fucking fuckers I’m going to kill them I really am”

She contained her anger enough to carefully help Tao up and grab his stuff helping him limp over to her car, she was glad she parked really close and she helped lay Tao on the back seat “we need to get you to the hospital”

“no!” Tao tried to sit up, but the world spun so he laid back down again “no hospitals we established this” he coughed and Yuna flinched at the sound

“you need to, you are covered in blood and you look horrible and I’m sure multiple things are broken” she looked like she was about to cry but she was holding it all in for Tao to try and be strong for him.

“just take me home please” his voice was so soft

“no, I’m not leaving you alone, you’re coming to my house”

She relented and decided to not go to the hospital and sighed “if you’re no better in the morning I’m taking you and if you die it’s your fault” she huffed out and Tao let out a little laugh

“thanks”

 

Yuna helped him out of the car and into her small apartment, it reminded Tao of Kris’s apartment making him feel instantly more comfortable. Yuna took him to her room and laid him down on the bed.

“I can’t…”

“shhh” she put her pointer finger over his mouth “you’re sleeping in my bed tonight, I’ll sleep on the couch. You need to be comfortable to heal. Now take your shirt off”

Tao let out a laugh which was instantly followed by a series of coughs “you remind me of my friend”

“which one”

“Kris”

She just let out a soft giggle and motioned for him to take his shirt of, she grimaced when she saw the state of him. She thought the bruises she saw before were horrifying… but these… they looked sickly, unnatural  
“can we please go to the hospital you’ve definitely broken a few ribs”  
“there’s no need I’m fine” Tao stubbornly let out

Yuna just sighed and pulled out her first aid kit doing the best she could to heal him, she grimaced every time he flinched in pain and it annoyed her that she couldn’t take him to the hospital when it was obvious, he desperately needed to.

Tao’s eyelids kept dropping and he tried so hard not to fall asleep, but the pain and the exhaustion of his body soon took over and he fell unconscious leaving Yuna to continue to bandage him up with no help.

She pushed the fringe out of his eyes and sniffled, she wanted so badly to help him out of the situation, but she didn’t know how to. She hardly knew the kid, but she wanted to be there for him.

She grabbed his phone and hesitated before opening it, she didn’t want to invade his privacy, but she needed to find people who she could message if she needed, she hoped that Tao didn’t tell her fake names.

She smiled when she saw the three names and copied them and their phone numbers into her own phone “just in case ok Tao?” she whispered and put his phone back with a little guilt, but she knew it was the right thing to do.

 

Luhan could hardly carry Jae, he was so heavy. He decided to put him down for a little on the side of the building when he heard a clang and a groan before seeing the two last men leave the auditorium.

He didn’t see Tao leave yet, he looked down to see Jae was focused on rubbing the blood of his face and he sneaked away peaking around the door to see Tao kneeling on the ground clutching his stomach and crying. He was in so much pain and Luhan wanted nothing other than to run over to him but his legs couldn’t do it.

Tao fell to the ground so he was laying down and coughed up blood freaking Luhan out he stepped away from the building and used all his self control to not run into the building, he was sure that Tao would be fine and it would just be worse for him if Luhan interfered

He sighed walking back over to Jae and picking him up “the cabs here”

As soon as they got to Jae’s house he started complaining about how much pain he was in and ordering Luhan around. Luhan was in the kitchen preparing pain relief for him when his mind wandered back to Tao’s face when he was leaving.

His eyes was begging Luhan to stay, to believe that he wasn’t the type to hurt others. The thing is Luhan knew that, how couldn’t he? You notice everything about the person you love. Which means that the bullies were playing a sick game. He could only get one person away and regretted that he chose Jae over Tao but at least he would be ok, he had to be.

He sighed and walked back out to Jae setting the glass and pills next to him  
“Im sorry I didn’t tell you Tao was the bully all along”  
Luhan said nothing and sat down next to him, Jae instantly pulled him into his side “you don’t believe me babe?”

“I don’t feel like talking”

“it must have been hard to see someone you trusted like that”

“JAE SHUT UP… please” Luhan shook his head

Jae’s arm left his side before grabbing him and throwing him down on the couch climbing ontop of him  
“what did you say?”  
“I said shut up I don’t feel like it today”

“I was the one beaten up!”

Luhan let his head roll to the left so he didn’t have to keep eye contact with him. Jae took that movement to lean down and bite into Luhans neck making the boy squirm uncomfortably “stop”

“if you wont talk then make me feel better this way”

“no stop it”

Jae shoved his leg inbetween Luhans and smirked “come on you want it too”

“I don’t, youre injured, im tired… lets just leave it. I want to go home”

“youre not allowed to”

“im what?”

“you have to stay here”

Luhan looked at him shocked and anger was bubbling up in him “get off of me” he said in his most stern voice but Jae wasn’t getting the message just pressing harder against him

“I thought you loved me? I feel real shitty right now and thought you would comfort me”  
Luhan gritted his teeth and sighed when Jae’s hands went up his shirt.

 

Tao woke up with a grown, he needed pills, everything felt like it was on fire. Jolts of pain shot around his body and he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking. He slowly got up and limped to the bathroom looking through all the cabinets till he saw a bottle full of painkillers. He almost laughed in happiness. He then recognized the bottle, it was the one he left in the hotel, Yuna must have found it and kept it just in case.

He didn’t really care though all he wanted was the pain to go away.

He usually only took 2 at a time but he just shrugged and poured around 6 into his hand, that should be enough to dim the pain enough. He swallowed them all with water and smirked.  
He sat down on the floor his legs unable to hold up his weight anymore and waited for the effects to hit in. it wasn’t long till his body calmed down and he started to feel drowsy, by the time he felt that he also noticed the tears streaming down his face.  
He couldn’t believe that he had ended up right in this position all over again, theoretically he had nothing left. The boy he loved thought he was a bully, someone who hurts others… a monster. He would live the rest of his life being taunted and hurt by others and he didn’t know it he could handle that.

He looked at the bandages covering him and let out a sob, he couldn’t live like this. He needed to run away… no that wouldn’t help, it was him. He tried running away before, but he ended up in the exact same situation, so it must be him, he isn’t worthy of a happy life… he isn’t worthy of any life.

Something clicked in his head and he smiled, it was time. It was finally time.

He grabbed onto the sink ledge and hoisted himself up and grabbed his phone, walking was a lot easier now, even though he still had a limp and it wasn’t comfortable, he could bear the pain. It didn’t really matter where he was going anyway. He walked past Yuna on the couch a bent over patting her hair and smiling down at her lovingly “thank you so much for everything Yuna”

He looked around the room and grabbed a piece of paper and pen writing a short note before setting it on the table in front of her. He looked at her once again before walking out of the door and towards the river.

 

Yuna woke with a jolt and shook her head, goosebumps filled her arms and she felt really uneasy for some reason. She looked towards her room and walked towards it peaking through the door, she couldn’t see anyone on the bed and her heartbeat increased “Tao?”

She heard no answer and switched on the light “TAO!” she was freaking out now and ran to the bathroom hoping he might be going to the toilet or something, she burst in and was horrified to see the bottle of pain relievers spilled on the floor. How many did he take?

She ran back to the living room to grab her phone, that was when she saw a piece of paper underneath it.  
She picked it up with trembling hands and read through it

‘Yuna, I’m so grateful to have met you and thank you so much for everything you have done for me. We were strangers yet you looked after me thank you.  
I’m sorry for what I’m about to do, but it’s my time don’t mourn me too much, I love you and thank you again. have a healthy and happy life’  
Her eyes widened and she threw the paper down grabbing her phone and calling Tao, there was no answer she was freaking out till she remembered she stole those numbers off Tao and thanked her past self for doing that.

She dialed Luhan first knowing from what Tao said to her that he would be her best chance to save Tao from himself.

The first call wasn’t answered so she tried again.

 

“Jae get off me my phone is ringing!!!” Luhan kicked Jae off him, luckily he got right where Tao hit him with the bat making him coil over in pain.

He missed the call and sighed but then the phone immediately started ringing again  
“hi, who’s this?”  
[“LUHAN!! It’s Yuna, you probably don’t know me but Tao needs help right now!!”]

“what happened?” Luhan ran out of the room grabbing his jacket and ignoring the screams from Jae behind him

[“he” she let out a sob “he’s going to kill himself… I think… we need to find him”]

“he… what?” Tears started to fall from Luhans eyes and he sped up running straight out of the house not bothering to close the door. He even hung up on Yuna. The only thing on his mind was Tao, but where would he go? Right he went to the hospital didn’t he? He called Yuna back

“was he at the hospital?”

[“no? an ambulance did pass us but we were at my house”]

“shit” he hung up on her again and started freaking out, he could be anywhere then. Suddenly he remembered the location app.

“please please please have your phone on you” he tried hard to read the screen through his tears.

It finally stopped loading and he saw the icon on the bridge across the Han River “oh no”

He ran even faster and redialed Yuna’s number just to tell her where Tao is before shoving the phone into his pocket, he knew that she would call the ambulance, so it was ok. He almost sighed in relief when he saw the bridge but continued to run hard, he couldn’t be too late.

His heart dropped when he couldn’t see Tao anywhere, he kicked something and looked down his heart skipping multiple beats when he saw Tao’s phone on the ground.

 

Tao hit the water with a powerful slam and groaned in pain, but his mouth just filled with water, he was sinking. It felt so peaceful, he was so sleepy, and it felt nice to just be slowly floating downwards. It was finally over he was at peace.

He closed his eyes and let himself fall further and further, he didn’t have the strength or will to swim back up anyway.

He could feel himself slipping away, his lungs were burning, and he fought his own instincts to find air, he never thought drowning was so painful. His whole body was panicking, and he had to ignore it as best he could. He opened his eyes to see the surface was so far away, the city lights dancing on it, his vision was starting to blur and turn black and the last thing he saw was a splash disrupting the beautiful light rays, for some reason he was imagining that it was Luhan but that was impossible, the boy hated him he wouldn’t save him. He would have laughed if he wasn’t underwater and he fell unconscious his body finally filling with water and running out of oxygen.

 

Luhan felt a jolt of pain run through his body when he hit the water, in hindsight jumping from the bridge wasn’t the smartest idea. If he was hurt then he couldn’t save Tao. Luckily he was fine and didn’t even hesitate in diving under the waves, please not let him be too late.

Everything was dark and his body was begging for oxygen but he continued to dive deeper and deeper desperate to find his best friend. His insides jumped for joy when he ran into a body and he wrapped his arms around him kicking his legs as strongly as possible to get them both to the surface.

In movies this seemed so easy, but in reality Luhan thought he wasn’t going to make it. He was going to drown with him…  
That would make for a modern day Romeo and Juliet story.  
He pushed forwards and finally broke the surface gasping in the water and coughing hard. He looked both ways and let out a whine when he saw they were right in the middle and he still had a long way to go. He looked at the boy in his arms and his heart broke, he was unconscious and Luhan wasn’t even sure if he was breathing. He kept his hopes up and started to swim, by the time he made it to the shore he was exhausted and wanted nothing than to roll over next to Tao and catch his breath and strength but he couldn’t he had to save Tao.

He started to do cpr not sure what else to do and he was crying and shouting Tao’s name over and over again in desperation. He suddenly hit Tao’s chest really hard and Tao’s eyes shot open and he rolled over coughing harshly and threw up water. The sound was horrible but it made Luhan feel better, he was alive, Luhan didn’t lose him.

Tears streamed down his cheeks and Tao turned and weakly looked at him with sad eyes

“why…” he let out chest-wretching coughs and wiped a bit of blood from his mouth “let me die”

Luhan was shocked and grabbed Tao’s face “I cant, you know that, I need you Tao. Don’t leave me you selfish prick” he couldn’t keep in his emotions and Tao looked at him with tears forming in his own eyes

“I’m a monster… I deserve…” he was disruptive by his own breathing as his body tried to fight the water in his lungs making him cough once again

“you’re not a monster!!! You idiot!!! I love you! I cant live without you” Luhan shouted

Tao tilted his head at Luhan and leaned forwards connecting their foreheads “I love you”

Luhan couldn’t help himself and kissed him pushing him to the ground, Tao instantly rolled them over so he was on top and grabbed his face deepening the kiss, the could hear sirens and knew that they needed to inform the ambulance where they were but couldn’t tear themselves away.

Tao suddenly stopped and started coughing again and coughed up a whole heap of water mixed with blood before smiling down at Luhan and fainting right on top of him freaking Luhan out. He softly pushed Tao off and called for the emergency services help.

 

He was pacing back and forth in the waiting room, he had no idea how Tao was and it was freaking him out, why did he faint? Did he die?

He tapped the phone in his hand and turned around to walk the other way again. Should he call the other two? He should… but he couldn’t he didn’t want to ruin the trip that Kris had been waiting so long for, but what if it was Tao’s last moments?

He felt a hand grab his arm and he looked up shocked before sighing in relief when he saw Luna, she smiled at him before a worried look took over her face again “is he ok? What happened?”

“he… I don’t know… I pulled him out of the water” a tear left his eye and he wiped it away instantly and pulled away from Yuna to start pacing again. Yuna ran up to him and grabbed his shoulders

“you need to change you’ll catch a cold, you’re soaked”

“it doesn’t matter”

“Luhan, you can’t get sick now, you have to stay strong for Tao”

“let go of me” he shook her off and stepped backwards “why are you saying this stuff? Isn’t it better if you’re here rather than me, you’re his girlfriend”

“his what?” she looked at him shocked

“it’s obvious isn’t it, he rejected me to be with you and now he hates me. He lied to me and said he was gay I thought I had a chance”

“Luhan” she walked up to him again and grabbed his hands holding them tight when Luhan tried to pull away “listen to me carefully, don’t interrupt. I’m just his friend, someone he met after he went through everything with you. I’m just a stranger he can turn to for help and vise versa. Nothing else is happening between us. And you know why?”

She tilted her head and leaned in close, so she was whispering in Luhans ear “one, because he is completely gay. Two because he is completely and utterly in love with you you idiot” she leaned back and smiled at Luhans shocked face.

She let go of his hands and took off her jacket handing it to Luhan “at least take the shirt off, you’re wearing shorts so it shouldn’t be too bad”

Luhan nodded not saying anything else and took of his shirt throwing it on a chair and putting the jacket on buttoning it up. He folded his arms to stop his shivering and sat down next to Yuna trying to process everything she said.

 

“are you the boy who came in with Mr. Huang?”

“I am” Luhan shot up out of the seat and bowed at the doctor “is he ok?”

“luckily he is, you saved him just at the right moment any longer and he would have drowned” he sighed “but he hasn’t gone out of it without any suffering, he has hypothermia and water still in his lungs, as well as multiple impact wounds and broken bones including his finger, ribs and arm. He needs multiple stitches and surgeries so he will be in intensive care for a little, I’m sorry but you won’t be able to see him till we have finished”

Luhan couldn’t hold the tears in “I… please save him doctor”

“we will don’t worry, he’ll be fine I promise. I just have a question the suicide attempt you explained to the nurses doesn’t explain the rest of his injuries. Do you have an idea of what caused it?”

Luhan looked at Yuna and she nodded her head, he breathed out heavily and tried to steady his voice and emotions “he was attacked by multiple people with bats, his bullies”

The doctor rang his hand through his hair and sighed “thank you, I can’t do it due to patient confidentiality… but I would highly recommend telling the police, the injuries he have are ones I’ve seen in attempted murders…”

He bowed and left leaving Luhan to stand there in shock before falling to his knees and pulling harshly at his hair. Yuna ran over to him and pulled him into her arms cradling him “its ok Luhan, It’s ok”

“it’s not! He could have died… and… and… I didn’t help him… I thought for a split second that he was the bad guy… and he almost died” he sobbed out loud and shoved his face into Yuna’s neck for comfort while his whole body shook with cries.

 

Luhan sighed sitting down in the same seat he had been sitting in for the past day. He looked down at his phone and his thumb hovered over Kris’s name. he felt bad for shortening their trip, but they needed to know, Tao was their friend too and Kris would kill him if he kept it a secret the whole time Tao was undergoing treatment.

He sighed finally pressing the name.

He couldn’t hold in the tears when he saw Kris and Suho enter the doors, so instead he shoved his face into his hands and pretended to not notice them, it wasn’t long till they noticed him though.

Eventually Kris was knelt in front of him rubbing circles into his knees while Suho tried to move his hands from his face so he could talk more clearly. As soon as Suho moved his hands he shoved his face into his chest and shook his head, he couldn’t tell them… how would they handle the news that Tao tried to kill himself again. Does that mean they were back to square one, what if his mental health had deteriorated again.

Luhan couldn’t help but blame himself.

 

Kris and Lay looked at each other with sad looks on their face and with a silent agreement not to push Luhan too hard at the moment. Lay tilted his head when he saw a pretty girl walk up to them with two coffees

“sorry, I would have got more, Luhan didn’t tell me you guys were coming so soon” she nudged Luhan softly “come on, we talked about this, be strong for Tao” she pulled him off Lay and softly wrapped his fingers around the coffee “drink up, it’ll make you feel better”

“who are you?” Kris suddenly asked making Yuna look up at him surprised

“right, I’m Yuna nice to meet you finally” she bowed and smiled at him

She laughed when they both still looked at her confused “I met Tao a few weeks ago when he first got… you know… and helped him out. The same with this time”

“thank you” Kris smiled at her instantly feeling comfortable in her presence even though she was a stranger still.

Luhan silently sipped on his coffee and tried to blink away the tears, he looked at Lay and tilted his head “L-Lay?”

“yeh, hi again” he placed his hand on Luhans cheek and the boy nuzzled into his palm

“I’m glad you’re here again” he sighed

“we need to get parental approval for Tao’s hospitalization, I tried to sign but they wouldn’t let me even though I’m old enough” Yuna interjected

“want me to call them?” Kris pulled his phone out of his pocket but Luhan almost hit it out of his hand in panic

“we can’t!” he shook his head frantically “Tao would never forgive us”

Yuna looked at him with a cocked eyebrow “so that’s why he refused to let me take him”

“yeh… I’ll call my parents, see if they can maybe sign, I think they have done so in the past”

Luhan stood up on shaking legs and left the room to try and call his parents even though they both were at work. Kris stood up and sat down next to Yuna “what happened, are you ok. You seem a little shaken”

She shook her head and let her body relax a little “Luhan hasn’t left the hospital since they both came here in the ambulance

“the ambulance was involved?”

“yeh, I don’t know if I should tell you it’s quite private”

“things like this shouldn’t be private”

She sighed “I guess Luhan is a bit too stubborn to tell you. Tao was attacked by his bullies again, it was really bad. Broken bones, could hardly walk, coughing up blood bad… I took him home and patched him up the best I could and looked after him the best I could but in the middle of the night he snuck out of the house after consuming-“

“YUNA!” Luhan looked at her annoyed “why are you telling them?”

“they need to know!”

“Luhan let her speak, you won’t tell us” Kris calmly said to him patting the seat next to himself.

“no! I will tell you ok” he was angry and wanted to cry but he was out of tears “he… he jumped of the bridge into the river ok!... he tried to ki-kill himself again” saying it out loud solidified the memories even more and Luhan couldn’t control his emotions, the room seemed like it was spinning and he shook his head but he blacked out falling to the floor.

 

He felt so groggy, but he was strangely comfortable, he sat up and looked around surprised to see himself in Suho’s room. He immediately stood up but a hand pushed him back into the bed “you’re not going back yet Luhan…”

“I need to, Tao needs me!”

“he needs you to be well rested when he wakes up ok” Lay pulled the blanket back up over Luhan and brushed the fringe away from his face. He sat down on the bed next to Luhan and brushed his hand against Luhans cheek “I’ll look after you”

Luhan looked at him and a wave of warmth flowed through his body and he smiled lightly “thank you”

He heard a ding and he looked over to the bedside table to see his phone charging, Lay followed his line of gaze  
“I noticed it had ran out of battery so I plugged it in for you”  
“thank you” he smiled and reached over annoyed to see he already had multiple missed messages and calls “hey… I really feel like a tea”

“I’ll go make on” Lay jumped up and walked into the kitchen to prepare something for Luhan.

He unlocked his phone and scrolled through some of the messages, it was no surprise who it was from. He paused on one reading it a few times

[Jae: you’re nothing without me Luhan, please come home. I’m in pain, where are you when I need you. I saved you so many times~]

[Jae: who else will love you other than me]

He sighed running his hand through his hair and read through the messages again, just then Lay walked in with a cup of tea and placed it on the table before looking at Luhan worried

“what’s wrong?”

“nothing”

“Luhan don’t lie to me” Lay grabbed the phone and looked at it annoyed to see Jae’s name “why haven’t you broken up with him?”

“it’s none of your business”

“he’s toxic it doesn’t take much to see that, there’s so many bad rumors about him in school as well”

“like what?”

“that he’s the leader of the school bullies, his parents are part of a gang”

Luhan looked at him wide-eyed, that must mean that Jae was the bully and the scene he saw before was manipulated like he was hoping. That’s why Tao was so obsessed with the idea of him breaking up with Jae.

However, there was the self-conscious part of himself which didn’t believe it “rumors are just rumors nothing more”

“Luhan…” Lay looked at him with sad eyes and leaned forwards a little before sighing and pulling away from him and pulling away standing up “break up with him” he said in a low emotionless voice leaving the room.

“what the?” Luhan held his hand over his beating heart and breathed out heavily, that small action of leaning forwards made Luhan feel something and that scared him. There was just something about Lay’s aura.

His phone started ringing, he almost ignored it till he noticed his mother’s name and pressed answer.

 

Lay rubbed his face with his hands and crouched leaning against the wall, he couldn’t be feeling these things, not for Luhan. Why couldn’t he love Kris? Kris was his soulmate… no he was Suho’s soulmate. But he isn’t anything but a fragment of Suho. Who was he really?

He tried to shake the feelings overwhelming him, but he couldn’t no matter how hard he hugged himself, he needed more painful ways to deal with his mind, but he promised Luhan, he promised Kris and Minho. He couldn’t start again.

He stood up and walked to the couch flopping down and staring at the ceiling deep in thought, he wasn’t sure how long he was like that until he felt the couch dip next to him. He let his head roll to the side and smiled when he saw Luhan

“I’m sorry for…”

“it’s ok” Luhan leaned his head on Lay’s shoulder and hummed out in comfort “you are right. If I was sane, I would break up with him… but I just can’t I don’t know why”

“because the dickhead has emotionally manipulated you. He wants you to feel like you can’t live without him and his fake love… that’s what people like him do”

Silence enveloped them for a few minutes while Luhan processed that “I never… thought of it like that”

Lay moved so he was facing Luhan and he grabbed his face cupping both his cheeks and studied his face, he was truly beautiful. Both inside and out and it hurt Lay so much that they weren’t allowed to be together. But if he couldn’t have Luhan then he deserved to have someone who would treat him properly and look after him.

“what are you thinking?” Luhan looked up at him with those big doe eyes

“it’s not important, did Jae tell you that he loved you?”

“he did”

“did he tell you that you can’t live without him”

“yes”

“did he… take advantage of you”

Luhan went silent, he didn’t want to tell them that yet. He didn’t want Lay, or anyone for that matter, to know how disgusting he was, how used. He tried to redirect his line of site, so he wasn’t looking at Lay anymore.

Lay let out a growl and the hands holding Luhans cheeks tightened and he forced Luhan to look at him again “do you think you’re disgusting? That I would hate you, never look at you the same?”

Luhan let out a little gasp and started to panic, it was like Lay could read his mind “I-I”

Lays eyes darkened “if I thought you were disgusting would I do this?” he leant forwards and before Luhan could even register what was happening their lips were touching.

Lay tilted his head and deepened the kiss biting Luhans lower lip making the boy let out a little moan. Lay’s hands crept to the back of Luhans head curling his fingers into his hair while he pulled it back to make them both lean back into the couch till Lay was hovering over Luhan. Luhans whole body was shivering and Lay couldn’t tell if he was enjoying it or was terrified, he made sure not to touch the smallers hips of waist, not imply anything sexual. Because if Luhan went through what he thought, the last thing he wanted to do was scare him by triggering bad memories.

He knew from his own experience how to treat traumatized people.

Luhan felt a something wet hit his face and opened his eyes surprised to see Lay crying, it triggered something in him, and a tear fell out of his own eye.  
He pulled back “Lay what’s wrong?”  
“shut up” Lay reconnected their lips and Luhan could feel his lips quivering against his own, he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Lay pulling him close. Lay let out a sob breaking the kiss again and instead kissed Luhans cheek and neck before burying his face into the couch next to Luhans face.

Luhan said nothing and just held him tight trying to hold in his own sobs.

 

“let’s play a game” Lay finally piped up and rolled of Luhan falling to the ground and sitting up leaning on the couch

“what is it?”

“truth and dare… without the dare”

Luhan rolled his eyes staring at the ceiling “so you just wanna ask me questions?”

“you can ask me a question after, we will take turns”

“ok, I guess”

“first question then, do you love Jae”

Luhan hesitated a little before sighing “no, do you love Kris?”

“in a way, it’s a tad complex. But Suho does. Do you love Tao?”

“I… I’m not…” he picked at his nails nervously “yes. Do you love… me?”

Lay was silent and used the time to wipe away the tears on his face “I do, but we can’t be together”

“yeh… maybe in some alternate reality”

Lay giggled “yeh, somewhere we’re together. Do you blame yourself for Tao’s attempted suicide?”

Luhan sat up “I’m bored of this game, let’s do something else” Lay grabbed his hand turning himself around

“stop running away”

“stop asking personal questions”

Lay’s grip loosened a little in shock and his hand fell back to the floor “why won’t you open up about yourself, you’re in so much pain”

“fine, let me ask a question. Why do you cut? Does it feel good?”

Lay stood up and took a step away from Luhan “I cut because I deserve it and it hides the pain I feel inside, it lets it out”

“with that reasoning maybe I should try it? I deserve pain, don’t I? you know what, yes I do blame myself for Tao’s suicide”

“shut up! Luhan you are not like me, I’m weak and pathetic. The shit I’ve been through has messed me up. I’m not even a complete person look at me!”

Luhan stepped towards Lay intending to hug him and help him calm down but Lay grabbed his wrist forcibly and dragged him to the bathroom closing the door “sit down”

“Lay, what are you doing?”

“sit down!” he walked over to the cabinet and reached behind it shuffling around till he found what he was looking for and pulled out a box of razor blades. He turned back around to Luhan who was white as a sheet “take off your shirt”

Lay took of his own throwing it on the floor and storming over to Luhan sitting down in front of him, so close that their knees were touching

“L-lay stop it, what are you doing”

“take it off” Lay waved his hand and Luhan took of his shirt with hesitation letting it fall to the floor beside them. Lay looked at the box in his hand and opened it taking out a blade and placing it in Luhans hand

“I thought we threw all these out?”

“I’m not an idiot I made a secret stash before I changed back last time”

“Lay…”

“you wanted to try cutting didn’t you? You deserve it don’t you?”

Luhans hand holding the razor started to shake “I, I can’t”

“fine” Lay carefully grabbed Luhans hand and rearranged the blade so Luhan was holding it between his thumb and pointer finger with the sharp end facing downwards and held out his own arm placing the blade right above his wrist. He held Luhan’s hand down so he wouldn’t move away.

Luhan was looking at his own hand with so much terror and horror that it looked like he was about to implode.

“if you can’t hurt yourself hurt me” he pressed Luhans hand down, but the smaller boy used all his strength to keep his hand in the same place

“I don’t want to! Please Lay don’t make me” he closed his eyes and tried to control the trembling of his body

“don’t you see Luhan, you are different from me. You can’t do it”

“stop it stop it!” he shook his head in denial

“you don’t deserve to be in pain, you don’t deserve to hurt” Lay suddenly pushed Luhans hand down causing the blade to cut into his skin.  
Luhans eyes shot open and he flinched causing the blade to dig deeper and drag across Lays skin, he dropped the blade in horror watching as the blood trickled down Lay’s wrist.  
“LAY! I’ll get-get the fir-“

Lay grabbed Luhans arm with his good hand and made him sit back down “you don’t deserve to be like me, Jae… he will ruin you, he will use and abuse you till you are nothing but a shell. Till you turn out like me”

Luhan was too shocked to say anything and he was too fixed on the blood staining the floor beneath them, he needed to stop it. By impulse he used both of his hands to cover the wound and apply pressure which helped the blood stop a little

“make me a promise. And I will make one in return, that I will never lay a blade to my skin again”

Luhans eyes widened in hope “what is it! I’ll do it”

“break up with Jae”

Luhan leant forwards and rested his forehead against Lays closing his eyes and trying to rest his beating heart “I promise”

 

 

He was running as fast as he could but he couldn’t escape the monsters chasing him. They collided into him with bone crushing force and he fell to the ground in pain, they continued to tear at him, hitting him. He couldn’t get away. When he looked up multiple faces of students looked down at him laughing, only three of them weren’t laughing but they were so far away, if he could just crawl to them everything would be ok.

He recognized one of them as Luhan and saw him turn away and walk away with one of the monsters, he called out but his voice wasn’t working and instead he was left alone on the cold ground in pain begging for someone to save him.

 

Tao woke up with a jolt his whole body sweating from the nightmare, his body was in pain still and he groaned laying back down. Was he dead? No he couldn’t be he knew the scent of this room, the blinding whiteness and eary silence. He was in hospital again, he failed.

He suddenly remembered kissing Luhan and dismissed it as a hallucination he had while drowning as that couldn’t have possibly happened. He sighed looking out the window noticing that it was dark outside, looking down at his body he noticed that he was covered in multiple bandages big and small and he had two needles connected to his arm.

His head felt groggy and he could hardly think straight, all he knew was that he was lonely and wanted to see someone. He needed to save Luhan, even if he hated him, he had to get him away from Jae, then he could leave and Luhan would never have to see him again.

With a groan of pain, he looked around the room annoyed that his phone wasn’t there, he couldn’t leave the bed, so he just laid back down and stared at the ceiling twiddling his thumbs in boredom and anxiety.

He just hoped that his parents hadn’t found out, it may be the breaking point for them.

He heard the door open and he looked over to see a doctor and watched them walk in looking at their clipboard before looking up and their body stiffening in surprise.

“you’re awake”

Tao just nodded

“how are you feeling?”

“sore”

“is it alright if I do a few tests, just to make sure everything’s ok?”

“go ahead” Tao looked at the ceiling again and imagined what it would be like if he was dead rather than laying here.

After around 10 minutes the doctor was done and looked at him with slight worry in her eyes

“does your lungs or stomach burn?”

When she pointed it out, he breathed in and noticed an uncomfortable hotness in his lungs and nodded “the area where my lungs are does hurt”

She walked over to the corner of the room and picked up the bin placing it by his side “we extracted as much water as possible from your lungs but there is still some, if you need to vomit don’t hold it back ok?”

“ok”

“you will be fine, it will take a little for your body to heal but it will. I will come back later for another checkup. Did you want to allow visitors now?”

He nodded eager to see someone, he didn’t want the doctor to leave then he’ll be alone again, and his mind was toxic when he was alone.  
“that’s good, your friends are very eager to see you”  
She walked out and closed the door, he hoped they wouldn’t take long to come see him. His heart beat increased when he remembered that he just tried to kill himself, he was going to have to explain it to them. What if they hate him for it, or tell him he’s selfish, what if they secretly wished that he succeeded… he squeezed his eyes shut to try and suppress those thoughts. They loved him it would be ok.

The door opened and Kris peaked his head around, he cringed when he saw the number of bandages and cords peeking out from Tao’s blanket, it really sunk in the fact that his friend was in pain.  
“Tao” he called out softly and Tao looked over at him and smiled  
“hi”

“hey” Kris walked over and waved in Yuna who stood behind the door awkwardly

“hey Tao” Tao looked at her with wide eyes before looking down at his blankets ashamed in himself.

Kris sat down next to the bed and reached over placing his hand over Tao’s “it’s nice to see you finally”

“like wise”

“hey where’s that smile gone?” Kris tilted his head and pulled a funny face trying to cheer Tao up

“you remember when you were teaching me Korean and I was so frustrated that I couldn’t memorize the words and you acted like a complete idiot and cheered me up somehow” Tao let out a little laugh looking fondly back on his memories

Kris let out a laugh as well “you learnt so quickly I’m still impressed”

“I’m just that smart”

“you are” they smiled at each other and Tao looked over at Yuna who was smiling at the both of them

“you were right, I did need to go to the hospital”

“you’re an idiot I hope you know that” she giggled and for some reason it cheered Tao up

“I’m sorry to have put you through that”

“as long as you don’t do it again, you’re forgiven”

 

Luhan looked down at his phone in shock “he woke up! We need to go back now”  
Lay nodded and held the towel to his arm with a little frown, Luhan looked at his arm worried but Lay just shook his head.  
They called a uber and Luhan used all his self-constraint to not run into the hospital and right to Tao. Lay waved him off telling him he would follow shortly, instead he walked up to the counter and pulled the towel of his arm and smiled awkwardly at the receptionist “I think I cut too deep, can I get it checked out?”

“o-of course right this way” she ushered him off to the emergency room.

Luhan stood outside of the room trying to think of what to say to Tao, he had to not cry, the past days all he has been doing is crying. What if Tao regretted kissing him.

He tugged at his hair to calm himself down before opening the door and freezing when he saw Tao staring at him, a look of shock crossed with regret and happiness crossed his face and it took everything in Luhan to not run over to him and hug him.

He closed the door and walked over holding out his hand which Tao reached out in instinct and held onto.  
“you promised you wouldn’t leave me” Luhan looked to the ground  
“I’m sorry… it was you who saved me wasn’t it?”

“i-it was” he looked up again tilting his head “you don’t remember what happened… after?”

“not really unless we really…” his line of gaze went down to Luhans lips and Luhan blushed instantly

“hey, guys we’ll go get drinks and be back later” Kris awkwardly waved at Luna to leave the room to give the two some space.

Tao couldn’t stop staring at Luhan and his heart was the organ in his body that was burning now “you have to break up with Jae”

“I am”

Tao looked up surprised and smiled widely “you are?!”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t realize the person he was”

“he told you what he did?”

“no… but I know he’s a crappy person”

Tao looked to the bed and studied his body pulling of the blanket so he was just in his gown and Luhan could see the bandages and bruises scattered all over his body “Jae… he was the one who did this, everything was instigated by him, I’m sorry I never told you”

Every moment with Jae flashed through Luhans mind and his knees felt weak, but he tried to stay strong. All the lies Jae made were making sense, the scene he walked in on made sense. How could he be so stupid

“no Tao, I’m sorry I am a total idiot, how could I be so blind”

“he was good at manipulating”

Luhan looked at him with furrowed eyebrows when he realized something “that means… that voice recording, did you say that to protect me? Did you go through all of this to protect me?” he couldn’t stand anymore and sat in the seat that Kris left. Everything was making sense, it was his fault he was right.

“Lu don’t you dare blame yourself”

“you almost died!!!” Luhan yelled.

Tao went silent his heart sinking, he didn’t want to think about what he did, the feeling he had on top of that bridge. He felt free and when he fell the thought of the hurt Luhan would feel flashed through his mind and when he hit the water the painful reality hit him. Everything they he could have been flashed through his mind, as he sunk, he couldn’t say that he regretted it but it hurt he felt like he was going to burn alive.

He gripped onto Luhan’s hand tighter to stop his own shaking  
“I did, and I thought it would make everything better”

 

Kris leaned against the wall waiting for the coffees to be made, he watched Luna mull over the menu thinking of food to get everyone. He looked up and noticed Lay and a doctor walking together talking, Kris told Yuna to wait for the coffees and walked over waving down the two.

“what is it?”

The doctor looked at Lay and bowed “make sure you look after it and come back in a few weeks ok?”

“yes doctor, thankyou”

Kris looked down at the doctors gaze and noticed a bandage wrapped around Lay’s arm, he freaked out a little “you didn’t…”

“don’t worry I promise it’s the last time I do this ok?”

“is it bad?”

“only two stitches not too bad, will heal fine”

Kris cringed a little, it always hurt him how nonchalant Lay was about hurting himself, it was something so normal to the boy  
“can we talk outside for a little?”  
“hmm? Yeh of course” Lay let Kris pull him outside to the gardens and they found a bench sitting down enjoying the fresh air

“what is it?”

“why did you start cutting?”

Lay shrugged “my emotional health had reached rock bottom I guess you could say. I felt like dying, but I didn’t want to. I wanted control over my body, my childhood…” he paused breathing out heavily and controlling the tremor in his voice “In my childhood I never had control of my body, my life. Constantly in pain, I always wanted to feel like my own person I wanted to live without the pain. The funny thing is as soon as the pain stopped, I realized I couldn’t live without it and it felt so much better when I did it to myself”

Kris didn’t know how to process the information and didn’t ask for any more details than Lay stated, he knew that it was hard enough for him to say that much “thank you for telling me”

“Kris… I have to tell you something” he face Kris and forced the taller to do the same thing, he grabbed his hands and intertwined their fingers.

“the others, they love you with their whole soul… well apart from Kai” he let out a little laugh “but the thing is I’m the same as Kai… I kissed Luhan today”

Kris looked at Lay in so much confusion and shock that it made him feel bad “why?”

“because I love him, though I promise there’s nothing between us and remember that Suho loves you, he would never do this to you”

“but you’re a part of him”

“only a small part, and I would be lying if I said that I didn’t have any feelings for you”

Kris didn’t reply and instead pulled him in for a hug, Lay took it as forgiveness, and he relaxed happy that he didn’t ruin things for the others.

“you know what, I think you need to know what happened to Suho” relief showed in Kris’s eyes and Lay laughed “don’t get too excited I’m not telling you, just another hint… research Min Yoongi, go to the police station with Suho’s real name and find his father”

Kris nodded and he smiled petting Lay’s head “thank you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello <3  
> phew a tad of an intense chapter I hope you are ok!  
> I'm not sure if many of you know but I made a teaser for Tao and Luhans story which is on the foreword and also my youtube:   
> https://youtu.be/m9NbAZud48g
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and have a wonderful day/night


	20. Losing you?

“there we go done” Luhan put down his phone and smiled at Tao “finally confirmed my breaking up with him”

“I’m proud of you… so you don’t hate me?”

“how could I ever hate you idiot” Luhan shook his head and smirked

Tao patted the bed next to him and Luhan smiled slowly climbing in and curling up against Tao’s side careful to avoid his injured body parts  
“we’ve been through shit times, haven’t we?”  
“yeh”

“I thought I was losing you” Tao sighed

“well I almost lost you and thought you died on me, do you know how much I cried after I saved you”

“I’m sorry”

“you better be” Luhan pouted

“the… kiss, what did you mean by that” he asked changing the subject

Luhan looked at their intertwined hands “it meant that I love you still, and always will”

Tao was silent and gazed blindly at the ceiling, he could feel the warmth of Luhan by his side holding onto him as tightly as he dared to and the soft breeze of his breath fanning across his neck. He was filled with guilt, how could he make Luhan go through this again, he remembered the splash above him, knowing that hitting the water must have hurt Luhan as much as it hurt him, and the way Luhan looked when he was above Tao dripping wet and tears running down his face as he screamed his name over and over again.  
He sighed and looked down at Luhan who was staring up at him with his doe eyes “are you ok Tao?”  
“I-“he was interrupted by several dings and Luhan took out his phone annoyed, especially when he saw 10 missed messages from Jae “turn it off, don’t look” Tao growled and Luhan nodded turning off his phone and placing it on the other side of the bed.

“you think we could be the same as we used to be?” Luhan whispered snuggling back into Tao’s side

“no”

Luhan stiffened and held his breath

Tao let out a small sigh “let’s be better than we were before and not let things get so out of hand… let’s start anew”

“ok… Hi I’m Luhan, but you can call me Lu”

Tao laughed louder this time and wrapped his arm around Luhan “I’m sorry I put you through so much pain. It’s kinda ironic cause the reason I refused you so many times was to protect you from the pain I go through every day, but I happened to make it worse for you…”

“don’t…”

The door opened and Yuna peeped her head around “coffee?”

The two waved her in with smiles and she awkwardly entered followed closely by Kris and Lay “looks like you two made up”

“somewhat” Luhan smiled up at Tao and Tao ruffled his hair

“coffee would be great Yuna” he held out his hand delighted when Yuna passed him one

“Hey Suho and Kris, how did the trip go? I’m sorry I cut it short didn’t I…” Tao shrank a little in apology

Kris shook his head signaling that it was ok “it was really nice actually, Pa is doing great and he loved Suho”

“It was actually good timing for us to leave since I’m Lay at the moment and not Suho”

“what happened?”

Lay shrunk in a little “I visited a place I never thought I would have to again… it’s a bit complicated so another time” he smiled and hid partially behind Kris so he wouldn’t have to explain himself. He made eye contact with Luhan and felt a pang in his heart when he saw how cuddled up, he was with Tao, Luhan noticed this and smiled softly at him and mouthed the word ‘thank you’ making Lay break eye contact.

“what do you guys mean?” Yuna broke the silence a little confused about the conversation

“remember the friend I said that has multiple personalities”

“ahh that’s right, I mean when you told me but it’s still hard to get my head around” she laughed awkwardly, and Kris cocked his head at her  
He looked over at Tao frowning “how much did you tell her about us?”

“everything” he shrugged and laughed when Luhan kicked him as softly as he could in the leg.  
They all laughed and changed their conversation to a lighter topic which had nothing to do with anything that happened but rather things to distract them all.

 

Kris swung his legs over the side of the bench and closed his eyes breathing in the fresh air blowing over his face. He let the wind ruffle his hair and listened to the noise of an occasional car and night wildlife.  
Everything seemed relatively peaceful despite everything that was still wrong, he felt a presence next to him and smiled “Lay” he breathed out.  
“hi”

“what did the doctor say after the checkup” he opened his eyes and stared up at the night sky

“everything’s looking good, only one complication so far but it’s minor”

“that’s good to hear”

“Luhan is still in there, I don’t think he’s going to leave”

“Yuna got home safe?”

“she did”

Kris let out another held breath and looked over at Lay smiling when he saw Lay’s held tilted back also staring at the sky, the lighting from inside the hospital illuminated the curves of his face. His jawline was pronounced, and his face looked angelic.

“do you know how pissed I am that you kissed Luhan… but it’s frustrating because I can’t be mad at you because I love you too much”

He noticed a blush instantly spread over Lays face and the boy smiled before looking at Kris as well “I think one day I might come to love you”

Kris smiled and couldn’t help but blush a little “can I ask you something?”

“yeh?”

“that house, what does it mean to you?”

Lay sighed and turned his gaze to the plants in front of him and licked his lips nervously “I grew up there”

“but… that reaction…”

Lay just shrugged and tilted his head looking at Kris “honestly I’m too scared to tell you, to let Suho find out. What if I’m the personality that he follows this-“he held up his arms and sighed looking at them “this could be the path he takes to cope”

“I won’t let him, so don’t worry”

Lay chuckled “somehow that is reassuring”

“also, these…” Kris pulled out the sleeve with the photos in it and handed them to Lay

“you kept them?”

“of course,”

Lay pulled the photos out flipping through them and smiling softly “you know that I owe my life to Minho and Yoongi… I love them”

Kris just nodded and leant a bit closer to Lay, so their shoulders were touching and looked at the photos as well. He noticed how Lay didn’t flip to the last photo, purposefully stopping before he saw it and putting them back into the plastic sleeve handing them back to Kris  
“don’t ask” he sensed the questioning lingering on the edge of Kris’s lips and Kris let out a breath instead.  
“we should go home for now”

“we should”

They walked side by side in silence mulling over their own thoughts. Kris looked down when his hand brushed against Lay’s and he felt an urge to hold onto it. He hesitated at first before slipping his hand into Lay’s, Lay looked at him confused and Kris just looked the other way pretending not to notice he was doing anything. Lay let out a light chuckle and tightened his fingers around Kris’s, rearranging their hands so they could walk comfortably together while holding onto each other.  
Kris unlocked the door and waved Lay in before him “are you hungry?”  
“a little…” Lay said in a small voice stifling a yawn

“I might order a pizza or something?”

“yeh that sounds good” Lay walked over to the couch and flopped down onto it lifting up his hand and scanning the bandage for any blood seeping through.

“did you only do it once?” Kris made Lay jump a little

“yeh”

“why?”

Lay shook his head “I needed to”

“where are the blades? Did you use a knife?”

“no, I stashed some blades in the bathroom”

Kris stood up ready to walk to the bathroom but Lay just grabbed his arm and made him sit down again  
“I already promised everyone I will stop”  
“what if you can’t? What if something happens?”

“Kris stop worrying it’s fine”

“how can I not worry! The person I love is hurting himself!”

Lay reached over and stroked Kris’s face and gave him a warm smile “because I don’t like to break my promises”

Kris pouted but accepted that excuse and leaned back into the couch huffing “I just don’t want you to hurt anymore”

Lay went into silence, that was a lot for Kris to ask of him, but he shrugged the thought away “I’ll try, for you”

“and Luhan”

“let it go” Lay chuckled and lent over so he was leaning against Kris “it’s not going to happen again, shouldn’t you be thanking me for breaking Luhan and Jae up and pushing him to Tao again”

“you did that?”

“yeh”

Kris looked at him surprised then smiled and ruffled his hair before smoothing it down and playing with a few strands aweing at how soft it was “you did really well”  
Lay closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of Kris playing with his hair until the pizza arrived.

 

Kris rolled over in bed and huffed out in annoyance not seeing Lay there anymore, looking at the clock he noticed that it was already 10 in the morning. He rolled out of bed unwillingly and plodded to the kitchen not even bothering to put a shirt on, he rubbed his eyes and finally opened them properly halting mid step when he saw Yuna standing in the kitchen.  
“morning Kris” she smiled sweetly  
“what are you doing here?”

She held up a backpack that she was shoving things into “Luhan and Tao wanted me to get a few things”

Kris awkwardly shuffled and brought a hand up to his chest when he saw Yuna’s eyes shift down to his chest and stare a little.  
She noticed his uncomfortableness and winked at him “I won’t ask about it don’t worry”  
He laughed awkwardly and walked over to the table sitting down grabbing an apple to snack on “do you know where Lay is?”

“he went to the hospital a few hours ago, he said you were knocked out” she giggled, and Kris nodded agreeing with that last part

“don’t you kids have school?”

“what day is it?”

“Wednesday”

“already?!! We do have school I forgot”

She shook her head and sighed “at least you guys have a good excuse otherwise I would be whooping your asses” she flung the backpack over her shoulder and did a little salute at him “make sure you contact the school to make sure you don’t get into trouble and don’t fall behind”  
She left the house yelling at him to eat something and get a little sleep.

Kris pulled out his phone and scrolled through it a little not really looking at what he was doing but rather stuck in his own mind.  
He wanted to find Suho’s parents, Kris knew himself the hard way what life was like without parents and he so badly wanted Suho to have a second chance. Mainly because he couldn’t have a second chance himself maybe there was hope for Suho.  
His hand reached up to his scar again and traced it slowly, he remembered the pain he went through during the healing process of it all and he couldn’t imagine the pain Lay had to deal with, and those scars on his back what made them? Whatever it was it would have hurt beyond the extent of Kris’s and it made his heart sink every time he saw them.  
He pulled the photos over to himself that he left on the kitchen table when they came home last night and pulled them out flipping through until he got to the family portrait and stared at the two adults for a little. Something about them seemed familiar like he had seen them before, and he might have since he briefly lived in the same town as Suho. Maybe when he was living there the thing that made Suho how he was today happened, and he could have possibly prevented it. He shook his head, then he wouldn’t have fallen in love with the Suho of today.

He took the photo into the room while he got dressed and sent Luhan a text that he would come to the hospital later because he had a few things to do.  
He walked to the police station and shivered a little, the weather had started to get really cold and he didn’t even notice because of everything that was happening. He looked up to notice black clouds and hoped it wouldn’t rain anytime soon since he had to walk everywhere.

He walked into the station and wrapped his jacket around himself tighter and hoped from foot to foot to try and improve his blood circulation. He finally walked up to the police counter and smiled at the lady there.  
“hello dear, how can I help you?”  
“I would like to find someone”

She looked at him confused “what is the relationship between you and this person”

“my boyfriend’s parents, we’re trying to find them”

“I… I can’t really help you with that, you need the permission of direct family members”

“I don’t need to know exactly where they are… just a brief idea please”

She sighed and looked him up and down before relenting a little “I won’t tell you exact addresses”

“that’s more than fine!” Kris smiled widely at her and thanked her silently

“so, what are their names?”

“I’m not sure, that’s the problem my boyfriend has a memory problem and doesn’t remember”

She paused a little contemplating whether she was making the right decision “what’s his name then?”

“Kim Joonmyun”

She went silent for a little as she searched up the name and clicked through a few things before signaling to the screen “is this him?”

Kris leaned over the counter and smiled at the outdated photo of younger Suho “yeh”

“Don’t gush too much honey” she laughed at him and Kris scratched his head laughing a little too  
She did a bit more searching before frowning and looking at Kris unsure of what to tell him, her demeaner fell a little “are you sure you want to dig too deep about his parents?”  
Kris felt a pang of nervousness run through his body “please”

She sighed “his mother is deceased, and his father… is in prison”

Kris just froze staring at her with wide eyes “what… why? What happened”

She shook her head “I can’t disclose that I’m sorry, but there was a lot of press about this case so if you do some digging you will find out. That’s all I can tell you due to confidentiality”

Kris nodded and bowed “thank you so much for the information”

He left the police station and felt like he was walking on air, his soul felt like it was floating beside him rather than inside of him, he felt so weird.  
He found out more information, but it wasn’t making him feel better, if anything it scared him to death. It can’t be that bad can it.  
He made it half way to the hospital before he ran out of energy and had to sit down staring blankly ahead of him so lost in thought. What was he supposed to do now should he keep digging? Maybe he should just wait till Suho remembers by himself whether it be soon or in 30 years.  
He subconsciously pulled out his phone and he suddenly thought of the other part of Lay’s advice to talk to Yoongi.

He pressed Yoongi’s number and waited for him to pick up, when he did, he sounded out of breath and his voice was echoing  
[“what?” he sounded tired]  
“is this a bad time?”

[“no, I’m just in dance rehearsals”]

Kris could hear others talking and laughing in the background and wondered if they were his bandmembers “I was calling because…”

[“because?”]

“I just went to the police station to try and find Suho’s parents”

[“you what...”]

“they said that his mother was dead, and his father was in prison…”

[Yoongi sighed “yeh, I knew that”]

Kris let out a groan of annoyance “well?”

[“look, I told you it’s fucked up, everything about Joon is fucked up… no not you Namjoon shush… anyway I suggest that you just figure it out slowly. All at once would be too much”]

Kris rubbed his face “its driving me mad”

[“the truth will drive you insane then”]

He could hear commotions on the other side of the phone and shouts for Yoongi to hurry up so they could continue practice “thank you Yoongi, you think we could talk again sometime?”

[“yeh of course, I would love to see Joon again too”]

“good luck with practice”

[“good luck with your search”]

Yoongi hung up on him and Kris was about to slouch into the chair again when his phone started ringing again and he saw Suho’s name on the screen  
“Lay?”  
[“you need to come to the hospital now”]

“what happened! Is Tao ok!”

[“he’s fine, but Jae is here”]

Kris shot out of the chair and regained all his energy through rage and ran all the way to the hospital as fast as he could.  
He burst through the door and noticed Lay holding his arms out wide preventing Jae from passing while a nurse tried to diffuse the situation.  
Kris stormed right up to them and grabbed Jae by the shoulders throwing him away from Lay.  
“what are you doing here?” he towered over Jae  
Jae looked up at him with rage and stood up “I’m here to see my boyfriend, we have a few things to… settle”

“he is not your boyfriend, you are not allowed around them”

“and what authority do you have huh?” he sized up to Kris trying to intimidate him, but it wasn’t working since Kris was in full defense angry mode.

“if you dare lay a finger on either of them ever again, I will personally break every single bone in your body” he whispered right into Jae’s ear so the nurses and security couldn’t hear the threat since they already looked like they were on high alert.

“oh yeah? You’re too much of a pushover to do that”

Lay had left his position and clung to Kris ready to help him if needed but was too scared to stand up any more than he already had been.

Jae looked around and smirked before stepping around Kris and sprinting down the hallway before they could even react. Kris immediately sprinted after him hoping to catch him before he made it to Tao’s room. He had obviously found out the information beforehand and who knew what he was going to do once he got to the room.  
He cursed out loud when he noticed how fast Jae was and couldn’t catch up, he saw him burst into Tao’s room and he ran impossibly faster.

He kicked open the door to see him holding Luhan against the wall by the collar while Tao screamed at him and tried to get out of bed while Yuna yelled at him to stay where he was while she tugged at Jae’s arm trying her all to get him of Luhan.  
Jae got pissed and pushed Yuna harshly off him causing her to crash into the bed and onto the floor accidentally hitting the emergency button for the doctor.  
He noticed and threatened Luhan a little more before letting him fall to the floor and spinning around to punch Kris in the face now that Kris was pulling at him trying to throw him on the floor again. Lay ran in and pushed Jae harshly defending Kris, Jae stumbled a little and placed his hand on the table. He reached for anything and grabbed a glass cup Tao had been drinking out of. Smirking, he poured the rest of the drink over Tao and glanced around the room. His eyes landed on Lay and he knew that he was the weakest one in the room, the only one he hadn’t hurt yet. Lay cowered under his gaze and his eyes were wide looking at the glass in his raised hand.

Everything seemed in slow motion, Kris yelled at Jae and lunged at him trying to stop him from throwing the glass. Yuna had stood up and was fussing over Tao while Luhan stayed on the ground unable to find the strength to stop him.

Lay was just frozen a million emotions crossing him, the most prominent one was fear and he couldn’t take his eyes off the glass and the look in Jaes eyes, the psychotic murderous gaze which sent chills down his spine. Jae threw the glass as hard as he could and Lay didn’t even move, he felt the glass graze his cheek and heard it smash on the wall behind him, the sound and the noise just consumed him, and he fell to his knees with his hands over his ears and just screamed unable to control the feelings inside of him.

Jae heard a commotion in the hallway and bolted from the room a few minutes before a doctor and two nurses burst in horrified at the scene in front of them.  
Their eyes scanned the room unsure who they should help first.  
Tao was trying to get to Luhan and was soaked while Yuna shoved him on the bed trying to hold him still so he doesn’t upset his injuries. Luhan was sat on the floor staring straight ahead with wide eyes his body trembling. Kris was yelling at Lay who was now limp in his arms and not waking up or responding at all.

The doctor snapped out of his shock and started ordering the nurses around and ran over to the bed gently pushing Yuna to the side and investigating Tao’s condition. He was shocked to find red on Tao’s gown, he had struggled too much and pulled open a few stitches above his ribs. He yelled at the nurses to get everyone out of the room so he could fix Tao and get him dried.

Luhan wouldn’t respond to the nurse trying to help him up, he was so lost in his own mind he didn’t know what was happening around him, he couldn’t even hear Tao still yelling his name.  
He felt the nurse start to tug at him but couldn’t shake the feelings overwhelm him.  
Kris looked at the nurse and silently waved her off pointing at the broken glass on the floor before lifting up Lay and walking him out of the room.

Yuna ran over to Luhan and the nurse to try and help him snap out of it, she slapped his face lightly and sighed when he wouldn’t respond. She helped the nurse get him on his feet and they both helped him out of the room sitting him on the first chair available. Yuna sat next to him and ensured the nurse that he was fine so she would leave

“Luhan… look at me” she tilted his head towards her and saw emptiness in his eyes, almost like they were clouded over.  
“Luhan, you need to snap out of it, Tao needs you”

There was still no sign of Luhan listening to her even though he was staring right into her eyes  
“I… I remember when Tao was telling me about you. That was the first time I had seen him smile whole heartedly, with so much love”

She paused briefly when Luhan shifted a little before freezing again  
“we will protect you from Jae, you know that. He doesn’t control you anymore stop listening to what he says. He’s an arsehole and nothing more, I’m sorry that you felt something for him. But he’s not in control of you no one is, you need to realize that you are special and strong and there’s people around you that genuinely love you”  
Luhans eyes suddenly filled with water and a tear fell down his cheek before his eyes regained colour and he fell onto Yuna sobbing out loud while desperately clutching onto her “I..I tho-thought that.. he was gone th-that I didn’t have to se-see him again”

 

Kris didn’t know what to do he was freaking out, the last time Suho passed out like this was when he saw the blood from Luhan falling on the broken glass. Usually he changed straight away and not pass out. His arms were trembling, but he refused to leave Suho anywhere unsafe or uncomfortable. He shifted him and put Suho on his back with his arms dangling over his neck and held onto his thighs. That was a lot comfier and he walked out of the hospital. He looked back, he felt bad leaving the other three but the man on his back needed to be home, who knew who would appear next and Kris knew that whoever came would need to be in familiar surroundings.  
He sighed and turned away walking off into the night.  
By the time he made it to the house he was out of breath and extremely relieved to had made it, he reached around him and slipped his hand into Suho’s back pocket pulling out the house keys, he unlocked the door and threw the keys on a bookstand beside the door and kicked the door closed.

He went straight to Suho’s room and placed him carefully in the bed before tucking him in and petting back his hair.  
Suho was completely unresponsive and it was stressing Kris out. He breathed heavily into his nose and let it out in a big breath before closing his eyes and trying to calm down. He would wake up soon he just had to wait.

 

Luhan leant against the wall and stood up a bit straighter when the doctor finally left the room closing the door, he looked a bit shocked when he saw Luhan looking at him expectantly  
“he’s ok, I re-stitched his wounds and his injuries aren’t too stressed so he will be fine. He’s asleep now.” He furrowed his eyebrows a little “are you ok? I saw the state you were in…”  
“I’m ok, I was just shocked that’s all”

“that was a lot more than shocked, I’m a doctor I can tell” he let out a light chuckle lightening the mood, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a card handing it to Luhan “I highly suggest Tao seeing a therapist when he heals… but it would also benefit you. This therapist is one of the best and I hope you consider it” he bowed and left to the next patient.

Luhan looked at the card and sighed, there was no way Tao would go to therapy again, but maybe the doctor was right and Luhan needed it.  
He shoved the card into his pocket and pushed open the door sighing in relief when he saw Tao was unconscious, that means they didn’t have to talk right away. He walked over and stared down at the boy pushing his hair out his face and smiling at how pretty he was.  
He sat down and opened his phone. Like usual it was filled with texts from Jae, though the difference now was that he was threatening Luhan instead of trying to manipulate him. The texts were sending shivers down his spine but at least he knew now that the bullies wouldn’t target Tao anymore… because he was now the new target.

 

“Suho why aren’t you waking up!” Kris shook his arm a little stressed to see it remain limp. Suho mumbled a little in his sleep but wouldn’t open his eyes.

Kris sighed and walked out of the room calling Luhan  
[“hello?”]  
“Luhan he’s still not waking up”

[“what? But it’s been three days already”]

“I’m really worried”

[“hey, it’ll be fine. Maybe call Minho he always seems to have all the answers”]

Kris nodded that was actually a good idea “fine… how are you going?”

[“good”]

“are you going to leave the hospital anytime soon?”

[“nope, I don’t want to leave Tao”]

Kris rolled his eyes “ok, just don’t make me have to worry about you as well… and call me straight away if… anything happens”

[“will do, look after yourself and Suho”]

Kris grunted in response before hanging up and calling Minho  
“Minho!”  
[“Kris? What is it?”]

“Suho… he fainted a few days ago but isn’t waking up, has he done this before? Is he ok?”

[Minho was silent for a little before taking in a deep breath “the only time he does that is when…" he let out the breath "what triggered him?”]

“someone threw a glass at him and it shattered behind him, is this the same kind of situation as when he saw Luhan bleeding from the broken glass?”

[there was silence for a while before Minho replied “no, this time is a lot worse. Something like that is very likely to trigger the worst in Suho… I wish I could be there, but I can’t, even if I was there’s only one person who knows how to help him… text me when Suho comes to and you get his name. but I have a feeling that you need to call Yoongi”]

“Yoongi? But why?”

[“because he knows what Suho went through, he knows how to calm him down”]

“why can’t I do it!”

[“Kris… just trust me ok”]

Kris sighed and deflated “fine... thank you”

[“it’s ok, everything will be ok alright?”]

“yeh… bye” Kris hung up on Minho and sat down on the chair in front of him resting his head in his hands on the table. What Minho said and the tone of voice really worried Kris, he thought that maybe Suho would wake up. But now he was second guessing himself, was he going to meet someone new? Maybe Kai was coming out again?

He groaned and rubbed his face harshly before standing up and walking back into the room sitting down next to Suho’s bed again and leaning back watching the boy sleep.

 

After another day of no response from Suho Kris was starting to freak out really badly and decided to take Minho’s advice of calling Yoongi. He scrolled through his contacts and found his name clicking on it after a moment’s hesitation.  
Once again it took a few rings before Yoongi picked up  
[“Hello Kris”]  
“I need your help”

[“huh? Why?”]

“I called Minho about something that is happening with Suho… Joonmyun… and he told me that I should call you as you are the best person to help him”

[“are you sure that’s what he said?... I wish I could come but my schedule is really tight at the moment we have comeback preparations…”]

Kris felt his heart drop “please… I think the person he is going to be next needs you… someone who knows about his past”

[there was silence for a while before he sighed “fine, bring him here, to my dorm and I’ll help him there”]

Kris was a little hesitant, that was almost on the other side of Seoul how was he supposed to get Suho there and be able to visit both him and Tao “I… I don’t think I can get there”

[“why not? I can send a car if you want, or just take public transport”]

Kris’s throat tightened and he stuttered a little not really saying anything

[“what’s wrong Kris?”]

“I can’t drive…”’

[“that’s why I will send a car… with a driver”]

“… I will text you later about it”

[“ok, good luck”]  
Yoongi hung up and Kris felt like gagging at the mere thought of traveling in a car, what could he do. Obviously Yoongi couldn’t risk his career to come there. He didn’t know what to do, he just had to wait till Suho woke up to decide.

“Tao…”

“yeh?”

Luhan used both of his hands to play with Tao’s, tracing the lines of his bones and veins before playing with each individual finger  
“you won’t lie to me anymore will you? Not even if you think it will hurt me?”  
“no, I won’t”

“that’s good”

“as long as you won’t ever do something as stupid as dating a guy like Jae ever again”

“deal” Luhan smiled at their hands not noticing that Tao was staring at him, studying all his features and smiling internally at how perfect Luhan was.

Luhan suddenly lost his smiled and looked to the ground dropping Tao’s hand  
“Lu? What’s wrong?”  
Luhan finally looked up at Tao with sad eyes “are you ok Tao?”

“I’m fine, I’m healing really well surprisingly”

“no not that… I mean are you feeling ok, we never really talked about why… why you felt the need to kill yourself again after so long, I want to know if your brain is ok”

Tao looked at him with shock “I…”

“you promised me you wouldn’t lie”

He sighed and reached up cupping Luhans face softly caressing his cheek with his thumb “dammit Luhan… I know I will be fine soon especially with all of you around me… but right now I feel like I’m still drowning, I feel like I will never be anything more than what I am now. History will repeat for me always, everything will be great and wonderful, and I’ll wonder why I ever tried to kill myself. And that is when everything will crumble around me again and I’ll end up the same as I am now or even better dead”

Luhan’s body was trembling and he ripped his head away from Tao’s hold unable to look at him as the emotions flushed over him, he promised himself he wouldn’t cry in front of Tao will he was in an obviously worse place than him.  
He choked back the tears and sobs before looking at Tao with a angry face “I will make you another promise right here and now… I will not leave you ever again and I will never let you get back to the place you are now. If you ever leave me, I’m coming right with you!”

Luhan grabbed Tao’s face hovering above him and leaned down till their noses were touching “I thought that I already told you that I cannot live without you”  
They stared into each other’s eyes for a while before Luhan backed off and sat back down on the chair sighing.  
Tao couldn’t think of what to say so instead he reached his hand over the side of the bed hoping Luhan would play with it again, which he did until a smile graced his face again.

Kris nibbled on his thumbnail nervously watching Suho, he had been moving around a lot more than usual which must mean he was waking up right?  
Suho constantly twitched and let out little groans and Kris wanted to know what was going on inside of his head, he had gotten a call from the school earlier and had to explain what had happened to everyone so they wouldn’t call the other parents. Luckily Luhans parents were understanding enough to call the school as well and also sign off Tao so the hospital didn’t call his parents.

He was about to pick up his phone to see how the two boys were going but Suho let out a louder groan this time and Kris dropped his phone in surprise when he saw Suho staring right at him  
“you woke up!” he leaned over so he was closer and reached up to touch him “how are you?”  
Suho’s eyes widened at Kris’s hand and he flinched moving further back in the bed “do-don’t touch me”

“what’s wrong”

Suho shrunk in on himself and shivered a little “please… don’t hurt me”

“I won’t please, trust me”

“I-I don’t know you”

Kris sat there frozen “you don’t remember me?”

“n-no”

Kris moved quickly to grab his phone, Suho flinched so hard that it made Kris freeze “am I scaring you?”

Suho nodded and wriggled backwards a little so he was on the opposite side of the bed away from Kris.

“what’s your name?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Beautiful people <3  
> phew~ another chapter, sorry it took a while but I've had exams for the past week and I'm finally done yay!
> 
> Alot happened in this chapter wow, I hope you enjoyed it! Also just to clear it up Yoongi is debuted as BTS and it's been around 3 years since theyve debuted in the story (the amount of time he hasnt seen Minho and Joonmyun for) so they are 2016 BTS so the comeback is the Wings album! so he's already famous (might be useful knowledge in the future chapters ;P)
> 
> I hope you are all having an amazing day/night and it isnt as cold as it is here at the moment  
> thank you for reading <3


	21. Yoongi and Fights

“my-my name? why?” he looked around the room before looking down at his hands clutching at the sheets

“yeh… it’s alright you can tell me”

“i… what do you want with me?”

Kris looked at the boy unable to decide how to approach the skittishness Suho was portraying “I want you to trust me ok, I won’t hurt you I promise”

“h-how do I know”

“look at me”  
Suho didn’t reply and continued to look at the sheets  
“ok… one step at a time” Kris muttered under his breath before standing up making Suho flinch and look up at him finally “let’s eat something”

A weird expression flashed over Suho’s face and he shook his head quickly “I’m not hungry”

“but you’ve been out for almost three days you need to eat something”

“I’m fine”

“fine… either you eat something or tell me your name… please”

“it’s Minseok, but call me Xiumin I prefer it”

“ok… thank you, how about some water then?”

Xiumin looked up at him licking his lips and got out of bed slowly and cautiously followed Kris into the kitchen, Kris motioned for Xiumin to sit down and he immediately did what he was told accepting the cup of water that the taller gave him and sipped constantly from the cup looking anywhere but at Kris who was blatantly staring at him.

“let’s start from the start, shall we? My name is Kris, I’m you’re… a friend of yours” he flinched at the last part but tried to push his romantic feelings for the man in front of him to the side, it wasn’t important at the time being.

Xiumin nodded and placed the empty glass on the table changing his position to play with his own hands. Kris sighed and ran his hand through his hair, he looked down and quickly sent a text to Minho telling him the name of Suho’s current personality.  
It was only a few seconds till Minho replied  
[Minho: get Yoongi]  
Kris rolled his eyes and looked up at Xiumin tilting his head “Xiumin… do you know Yoongi by any chance?”

“Yoongi?!” his attention immediately went to Kris and a light flashed in his eyes “you know where Yoongi is?”

“I do…”

Excitement filled Xiumin’s face and it was the most emotion apart from fear that Kris had seen from him all morning “I want to see him please”

Kris felt a chill go through his body; it was obvious that Yoongi was the only person who Xiumin would feel comfortable around… but how was he supposed to get him there he already felt like throwing up with just the thought of being in a car.  
“I-I will take you to him somehow… but we need to go to the hospital first ok??”  
Xiumin was still shying away from Kris and showed absolutely no progress in starting to trust him “Xiumin… you need to start trusting me ok? That’s the only way I can take you to Yoongi”

Xiumin looked at him with wide eyes but nodded looking back down at the table making Kris sigh and get up walking to the bathroom to take a shower and try to collect his thoughts. He took the opportunity to text Yoongi  
[Kris: We need to come see you, Suho has woken up as Xiumin and all he wants is to see you]  
[Yoongi: he remembers me?]

[Kris: yeh…]

[Yoongi: why would he want to see me… I’ll send a car anyway; I will do everything I can to help him]

[Kris: thankyou]

Kris sighed finally stepping into the stream of water, he was trying every trick in the book to try and forget about riding in a car. But he just couldn’t, and he felt sick to the stomach, the memories were resurfacing. The car crumbling around them, his father, the red everywhere, the pain in his chest, the screaming of his mother… he opened his eyes and fell out of the shower breathing in and out at a much to fast pace. His hand pressed firmly against his chest and he squeezed his eyes closed trying to control his breathing and emotions.

His body was shaking so he started to sing to himself softly in a technique to try and focus his attention elsewhere and calm his nerves. It seemed to work, and he slowly calmed down his breath returning to normal. He opened his eyes and stood up finally on shaking legs turning off the shower and leaning against the counter. He had to do this, he had to be strong for Suho.

 

He heard a crash and threw on some pants running out to find Xiumin on the floor trying desperately to clean up a mess he made knocking over a pile of books, he looked up at Kris with so much fear in his eyes it made Kris’s heart ache.  
“I-I’m sorry…so-sorry I won’t do it again I-I tripped and-“  
Kris cut him off by kneeling down and helping him clean up “don’t apologise there’s no need to”

“y-you won’t punish me?”

“no” Kris gave him a weird look and noticed that Xiumin had frozen and was staring at Kris’s chest. In his haste he forgot to put on a shirt, he froze as well a little uncomfortable at the stare.

“you…. You are like me?”

“what do you mean”

Xiumin creeped closer and reached out touching the scar and grimacing “you have scars too”

“yeh I do” Kris smiled softly at him, Xiumin snapped out of his thoughts and recoiled back again focusing back on cleaning up “if I tell you what happened to me to get my scars will you tell me what happened to you?”

Xiumin just shrugged unable to find an answer to that and placed the last book back on the table before standing up and dusting himself off, he looked at the ground and let out a mumble which Kris could only just make out “at least I trust you a little more”

 

“where are you going?” Luhan reached out and grabbed Tao’s arm stopping him from getting out of the hospital bed

“I’m just going to the bathroom don’t worry”

“how can I not what if you kill yourself in there?”

Tao grimaced and just pulled his arm out of Luhan’s grip walking into the bathroom, as if he could kill himself in there, the nurses knew his history and therefore there was nothing in there he could hurt himself with. Ever since he was admitted Luhan wouldn’t leave nor would he be apart from Tao for more than 5 minutes. As much as Tao loved it, it also made him feel claustrophobic and he wished that Luhan would trust him again.

He washed his face and looked into the mirror, he had lost quite a bit of weight since being admitted to the hospital, but at least all his injuries were healing well. It still hurt to walk, and he couldn’t even remember how many bones he broke and the internal bleeding as well as the water in his lungs took a couple of days to heal.

He sighed and walked back out to see Luhan staring at his own hands playing nervously with the corner of Tao’s blanket.  
He leaned against the doorway to try and get his breath back since something as simple as going to the bathroom took up most of his energy. He just stared at Luhan and it wasn’t long till the smaller boy was staring at him too  
“are you ok?”

“I am”

“ok…” Luhan looked back at the blanket but let go of it letting his hands fall and lose grip of the fabric

“Lu…”

“yeh?”

Tao made his way to the bed and climbed in sighing in relief “you need to stop worrying, sometimes it’s better to just pretend everything is ok”

“but what if Jae comes back? what if I’m not enough to stop you from succeeding in killing yourself? What if everyone sees how useless I am and leave me?”

“Lu, we have told the staff to not let him in, or anyone other than Kris, Suho and Yuna, so he won’t do something like that again I promise… you are not useless Lu, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I would be so lost without you. You are something that gives me the courage to fight, to live. Understand that ok?”

Luhan nodded and leaned forwards a little so Tao could pet his hair, Tao smiled because he knew how calming this was for Luhan and he loved doing it. His hair was so soft and fluffy that it sent warmth up his arm.  
He looked up when the door opened, and he was surprised to see Kris walk in followed by Suho… no Xiumin. Kris sent them a text to explain what happened.  
“Kris… Xiumin hello” Tao smiled at them and the two said hello as well.

Xiumin hid mostly behind Kris and avoided eye contact and didn’t talk to the two boys.  
“guys… I need to go away for a bit for Xiumin, we are going to see Yoongi”  
Luhan tilted his head “how are you going to get there you can’t walk”

Kris sighed “Yoongi sent a driver”

“Kris… you can’t”

“I know, I will try though… I will try”

“are you sure?”

“not really” Kris let out an awkward laugh and Luhan frowned at him.

“I can go” he looked at Tao and then sunk in a little “actually…”

“no, you don’t need to go Luhan it’s fine. You need to be here with Tao”

Tao looked between the two before sliding down his bed in guilt and also annoyance that he was now being babied so much. He guessed that he deserved it after what he tried to do for the second time.

“what are we talking about” a female voice filled the room followed by a giggle

Kris felt someone latch onto his back and forcibly turn him around  
He smiled when he saw Yuna “hello”  
“hello Kris, Luhan, Tao, Lay”

“it’s Xiumin now” Kris motioned to the man behind him but Xiumin hid more his body slightly trembling

“oh, nice to meet you Xiumin”

“no”

“huh” Kris turned the top of his body to see Xiumin cowering and showing so many emotions it sent chills down his spine “are you ok?”

“she…” Xiumin pointed at Yuna “she looks like… like” he shoved his face in the middle of Kris’s shoulder blades trying to block the vision of Yuna

“I’m sorry… should I leave?” Yuna stepped back a little unsure of the reaction Xiumin had of her

“no of course not” Kris reassured her “Xiumin what are you doing”

He twisted his body, so he forcibly made Xiumin come out of hiding, his line of vision went straight back to Yuna and he cowered again while his eyes darted between both Kris and Yuna  
“Xiumin talk to me”  
“I can’t see her please” Xiumin fell into Kris again and tried to move them as far away from Yuna as possible

Kris looked at Yuna apologetically and waved her to the side “I guess we should go now anyway the car is due soon”

“I’m sorry?” Yuna whispered tilting her head in confusion trying to see Xiumin but he refused to look at her and lightly started tugging Kris out of the door.

Kris looked around again to see the other three staring at him “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone for… stay away from trouble ok?”

“ok” Tao smiled at him, Luhan just looked at Kris with a frown and Kris shrugged knowing the cause of his concern

“I’ll figure it out somehow” he waved and left the room.

Xiumin was standing next to the wall awkwardly fiddling his thumbs and looking like he was trying to fight away thoughts. Kris walked up to him and touched him lightly on the shoulder, yet no matter how careful he was Xiumin still flinched.

“are you ready to go?”

Xiumin nodded and waited for Kris to move first so he could follow the taller, he didn’t say a single word till they reached the car which was waiting patiently for them. Kris helped Xiumin in first and hesitated himself holding onto the door unable to move his body. The smaller looked at him confused and a little concerned

“are you ok?”

“I-I have a problem with being in cars… especially if they are moving”

“is it to do with your scar?”

Kris cringed a little but let out a breath and nodded his head climbing into the car nervously buckling himself in

“are you guys ready?” the driver asked turning the key to start the engine

Kris was starting to sweat a little and his hands were starting to shake “ca-can you drive slowly please”

“sure thing”

Xiumin watched Kris with interest studying his movements and the way his face scrunched up when the car started to move, he felt the need to reach out and grab Kris’s hand… so he did. The tallers body relaxed a little but his eyes remained shut tight and the occasional tremors in his body started to happen more and more regularly the longer the car was driving.

The colour was drained from Kris and his body was as cold as ice but he couldn’t stop sweating and his mind was racing, the warmth from Xiumins hand was helping a lot it gave Kris something else to try and focus his mind on, he spent 10 minutes thinking of Suho and how to help him and what would happen when they got to Yoongi.

But the car hit a speed bump and Kris’s eyes shot open and his breath quickened when he noticed how many cars were around them and how fast they were traveling the memories were starting to plague him again and his head darted around in an effort to focus his mind on something else. He looked at Xiumin who was looking at him with wide eyes  
“are yo-“  
“pull over!” Kris shouted at the driver ignoring Xiumin

“but we are on the highway”

“pull over right now!”

The driver drove a little more before pulling over to a safe area and stopping the car, Kris opened the door and practically fell out landing on his knees and staring wide-eyed at the gravel beneath him. It wasn’t long till hesitant hands were on his shoulders and Xiumin squatted in front of him  
“breath”  
“I-I can’t”

“you can, trust me” for the first time Xiumins voice wasn’t shaky

“I can’t do it; I can’t drive anymore” Kris was so frustrated with himself he wanted to cry but it was strange because he was so shaken that he couldn’t get himself to cry

Xiumin grabbed Kris’s face and made him look at him “you can, I know you can because you are stronger than me. The amount of times I spent in my room crying and not being able to breath… when I thought that I could never be my own person, never have freedom or friends or a normal life… or love… but somehow, I made it through, I’m not perfect. Fuck I’m messed up as hell, but I made it and I can finally breath you just have to keep strong ok?”

Kris had stopped hyperventilating and a tear finally fell down his cheek as he stared at Xiumin in silence. For some reason what he said really motivated him and he felt strength enter him again, he was still shaky, but he let Xiumin pull him up off the road  
“ok, I can do it”  
“should we wait a little?”

“no, it’s ok” Kris took in a deep breath climbing back into the car and trying to not close his eyes or think too much about everything “driver… can you turn the music up really loud?”

“ok”

The engine started again but Kris couldn’t hear it over the music and Xiumin immediately intertwined their hands.

The next few minutes were going ok until Kris’s stomach lurched at the sight of a truck and his hand shot up to his mouth, Xiumin noticed and immediately searched the car pulling out a bag which Kris threw up in, he apologized and sunk back in his chair until he couldn’t see out the window well anymore, all he could see was the cloudy sky.

He started to count numbers in his head, a trick his grandpa taught him when he locked himself in his room when his emotions became too much, and his body started to freak out and his mind go overdrive.

 

When his parents died and he moved in with his Grandpa he refused to leave his room, to eat or change his clothing. His whole world had fallen apart, and he didn’t know how to cope, how to stop blaming himself, truthfully, he never did stop blaming himself, he firmly believed that it was his fault for distracting his father, for talking too much and forcing his parents to give him attention.

He never used to be someone who was cold towards people he just met or have an attitude so slack and boring. Nothing to him was interesting anymore, apart from Suho, Suho lit something in him he hadn’t felt for years and he was regaining the confidence and start to trust and love people again instead of holing himself up and refusing to talk to anyone but Luhan and Tao.

He felt the car jolt softly as it came to a stop and he straightened again looking out the window and seeing they were in front of a nice house, he looked over to Xiumin who looked as amazed as him.  
“there’s no way Yoongi lives here? Are you sure this is right?”  
“it’s the address he gave me”

Xiumin frowned but shrugged and let go of Kris’s hand finally, Kris stepped out of the car and a massive wave of relief flowed over him when he felt the ground beneath his feet and no longer felt suffocated in the confines of the car.

Xiumin stood next to him like an obedient puppy waiting for Kris to make the first move, he wasn’t used to his lover acting like this, usually he was so independent and the one making the first moves. But it wasn’t Suho, this was Xiumin.  
He walked up the pathway and rang the doorbell, it wasn’t long till the door opened and a young-looking boy with brown longish hair and big puppy eyes opened the door “hello?”  
“hey, my name is Kris, and this is Xiumin… we are here to see Yoongi”

“oh, it’s you guys! Come in!” he waved them in and closed the door walking in front of them again to face them, he bowed in greeting and smiled again “my name is Jungkook!”

“nice to meet you” Kris nodded and looked around sighing when Xiumin was hiding behind him again

“I’ll just call Yoongi hyung, he’s in his studio at the moment” he motioned to the couch so the other two could sit while they waited.

He made the call and within a few seconds hung up. He was about to talk when a tall man walked into the room looking up from his phone in surprise  
“Jungkook are they?”  
“yeh! Namjoon hyung these are Kris and Xiumin, Kris and Xiumin this is Namjoon”

“have you offered them a tea or anything?”

“NO! do you guys want tea or anything?”

Namjoon smiled and shook his head fondly before walking over and sitting in front of the two boys starting up conversation “luckily you chose today since it’s our day off”

“lucky, you guys have a nice house by the way”

“thank you, we just moved in”

“I’ve heard briefly of your guys accomplishments congratulations”

“haha thanks” Namjoon rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly “anyway what brings you here Yoongi didn’t really tell us much”

Kris looked at Xiumin who was looking at his hand twiddling his thumbs again, he looked awkward and highly uncomfortable, but Kris didn’t want to be rude and ask if they could be alone, so he looked back up at Namjoon to answer his question.  
“Xiumin is Yoongi’s childhood friend and I need help to… to comfort him a bit so I thought it was best if Yoongi looked after him instead of me”  
“oh, ok are you guys friends too?”

Kris clenched his jaw contemplating what to tell Namjoon, he studied him a little and licked his lips. Namjoon didn’t look like someone who would judge his sexuality, so he shrugged “I met Yoongi once, and Xiumin is my boyfriend”

Namjoon smiled warmly at them “you look nice together”

“thankyou”

“I-I’m your boyfriend?” Xiumin finally looked up confused and shuffled a little away from Kris

“yeh I- “

“but I don’t want a boyfriend” Xiumin shivered

Namjoon looked at them both confused before looking at Kris “is it one sided? You shouldn’t force yourself on anyone”

“who forcing themselves on who? Also, cookie?” Jungkook reappeared with two cups of green tea and a jar of cookies offering them around both Namjoon and Kris took one but Xiumin shook his head, Jungkook took one for himself setting the jar onto the table and sat down on the arm rest of Namjoons chair

“It’s not like that it’s hard to explain…” Kris shook his head

“it’s because Junmyeon has multiple personalities”  
Everyone’s head shot up and looked at the door which Yoongi was leaning against. Xiumin shot up of the couch and a smile overtook his face before it scrunched up and he let out a sob running over to Yoongi and almost balling him over in a hug.  
“you idiot! I thought you died or left me or…” he leaned back to stare at Yoongi’s face.

Yoongi gave him a soft smile and wrapped his arms around Xiumins waist “I’m sorry I was too cowardly to stay”

“what-what happened?”

“I decided to do what you said and chase my dreams and I made it look” Yoongi shifted his eyes around the house instead of motioning, he bit his bottom lip trying to keep in the tears. He finally remembered him, everything they had been through.

“when you disappeared… I couldn’t sleep… I didn’t know-“

“stop…” Yoongi touched their foreheads together before looking around the room “let’s go somewhere private ok?”

“ok”

Kris got up to follow them but Namjoon reached out and grabbed his arm making him stay “I don’t know what’s going on… at all, but I can tell they need to be alone ok?”

“fine” Kris sat down huffing and folded his arms not really wanting to hold conversation anymore.

 

“you lost again, Lu what’s up with you?” Tao collected all the cards in front of him and put them into his own hand.

“I donno, I usually love snap”

“no shit” Tao tilted his head

“I can’t stop thinking about Kris, do you think he made it? If he did do you know what this means!” Luhan looked at him with a smile

“it means he got over his phobia”

“it means he is healing that he can overcome his ptsd to a degree!” Luhans smile got wider

“That’s amazing” Yuna tuned in and placed her own cards on the bed followed shortly by Tao and Luhan who had silently agreed that they didn’t feel like playing anymore

“man, I can’t wait to get out of here” Tao stretched and kicked of his blankets groaning a little when he twisted and pulled at the stitches in his abdomen before smiling at the two worriedly looking at him

“well if you weren’t such an idiot you wouldn’t be here” Luhan crossed his arms

Tao stuck out his tongue “touché”

“hey… do you guys know why Xiumin reacted to me like that before?”

“hmm… not really, he did say you reminded him of someone so maybe you look like someone he knows”

“ok..”

“don’t feel bad Yuna, it’s not your fault”

“that’s true I guess” she put a smile back on her face and shrugged.

“Yuna…”

“yeh?”

Tao looked down at himself and the bandages covering him before looking back up at her “why did you help me? A stranger?”

Her smile faulted a little before it came back “because you were in trouble”

“but you could have easily turned your head, did your own thing but instead you took a risk and helped me”

“he could have been dangerous you didn’t know him” Luhan chimed in starting to wonder the same since Tao brought it up.

Yuna let her smile leave her face and her hand went up to her hair twirling into her ponytail, she looked at the wall contemplating whether to tell them why “can’t you accept I’m a nice person” she winked focusing her attention back to them.

“Yuna…” Tao sighed knowing that she was keeping the reason to herself

“Tao, don’t force her she might not want to share”

“it’s fine” Yuna’s hand left her hair and instead she intertwined her own fingers “you remind me of my younger brother that’s why”

“you have a brother?”

She bit her bottom lip and shook her head “I had a younger brother”

“oh… I’m so sorry”

“it’s ok, when you came in all I could see was him in you, it was like he had come back that’s why I helped you because otherwise you might have ended up like him… you almost did”

“did he…” Luhan couldn’t finish his sentence and Yuna nodded sadly.

“yeh, I regret not being around for him. I was naïve and thought that it was just a depressive episode, a phase. I didn’t take it seriously and that was the biggest mistake in my life” she looked away from the boys hiding her watery eyes

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know” Tao’s voice was quiet and gentle and Luhan nodded before moving his chair closer to Yuna’s and wrapping his arms around her

“Tao can be your brother now and he’s not going anywhere”

Yuna used her sweater paw to wipe her eyes and smiled half-heartedly “really?”

“of course, I love you Yuna!” Tao reached over and pet her head smiling and looked over to Luhan “I promise I’m not going anywhere”

 

Kris couldn’t help his head drooping as he sat on the couch, Jungkook was rambling about a song he was thinking of making to Namjoon. It wasn’t boring but he felt so emotionally drained that his energy had just left his body, he couldn’t tell if the two were getting quieter or if he was just tuning out of the world as his body slipped away from consciousness.

He woke up with a jolt in a car, he tried to speak but for some reason he couldn’t his throat was sore and his head dizzy. Where was he? He looked out the window to see the world speeding past him, there were no cars on the road only the occasional truck. He gripped onto the seat beneath him and looked to the front seats, there were two people in the seats singing softly to the music coming out of the stereo. The female in the passenger seat flicked her hair in a manner that was way too familiar

“m-mum?” his voice was back

The woman didn’t speak but instead turned her head, he couldn’t make out her face, it was distorted and covered in shadows, the world suddenly turned dark and the streetlights speeding past them made shadows dance in the car.

“st-stop the car!” Kris gripped harder  
The man in the driver’s seat laughed and sped up  
“STOP IT!” Kris grabbed harder and could feel the leather beneath him ripping.

The woman turned around again, this time blood was dripping from her mouth, a truck horn went off and its head lights illuminated the entire car blinding him for a second.

When he could see again the car was still speeding along the highway but this time there was no one in the front seats, he looked around in panic and saw in horror that Suho was sitting beside him with his headphones on humming happily.  
“Su-Suho! There’s no one driving! Look at me!”  
He reached over and shook Suho’s shoulders making the older look at him with a scary smile “we are going to crash anyway”

Kris looked to the front window again to see a truck speeding towards them

“NO!” Kris grabbed onto Suho trying to protect him with his body, but the truck blew it’s horn and crashed right into them head on sending them flying to the front of the car.

 

“NO!” he screamed and sat up his eyes wide, he clutched his chest and couldn’t catch his breath, he felt something cold fall from his forehead to his lap scaring him again. He looked around frantically to see he was still on the couch.

“are you ok?” an unfamiliar voice asked, and he looked around wide-eyed seeing a boy he didn’t know kneeling next to the couch holding a wet rag

“I-I”

“shh it’s ok just lay back down that was a nasty nightmare” he tugged Kris making him lay back down

“I’m so-sorry” Kris shivered and felt uncomfortable showing weakness in front of someone he didn’t know

“it’s ok, it happens” the boy smiled sweetly and lifted up the rag dabbing it on Kris’s forehead wiping away the sweat “my name is Jimin by the way”

“I’m Kris, I’m sorry”

Jimin laughed cutely and shrugged “we’ve all had nightmares it’s ok, did you want to talk about it?”

“not really”

“ok” Jimin put the cloth back into the bucket of water in front of him cleaning it and dabbing Kris again

“your being very nice to someone you just met…”

“you didn’t look like you were having a nice sleep, so I tried to make it better, but it didn’t work” Jimin pouted and Kris let out a little laugh

“thank you”

The younger smiled and nodded

“how long was I out?”

“about three hours”

“three hours!!” Kris shot up “where’s Xiumin?”

“he’s still with Suga”

“Namjoon and Jungkook?”

“they are working”

“I thought it was your day off?”

Jimin shrugged “we still work” he laughed awkwardly “I guess that’s what happens when your job is your life”

Kris sat up straight and stretched shaking his head trying to forget the nightmare

“should we do something to help you forget?” Jimin stood up sitting next to Kris

“we just met”

“so” the smaller laughed and shrugged “I just spent three hours trying to calm you down”

“you did!” Kris looked at him surprised

“mmhmm… should we go see a movie I can get a driver to come and take us”

“no!” Kris half shouted startling Jimin a little “I mean… I don’t really want to be in a car yet”

“so, you were in a car in your nightmare I wasn’t sure, well we could just have movie night here”

“oh, he woke up” another stranger walked into the room carrying a bucket “I guess I don’t need this” he smiled a bright box smile and placed the bucket next to the door “are you ok?”

“yeh I’m fine thanks”

“I’m Taehyung, you can call me V though!” he walked over to the two sitting in front of them where Namjoon was

“nice to meet you I’m Kris” he shook his head “I’m not sure if I’m up to movie night, sorry”

 

“Xiumin I’m sorry I left you… I just couldn’t anymore” Yoongi sunk further into his chair

“I hated you for so long…”

“I know, I was selfish…”

“the thing is though; you were depressed anyone could see. Everything was a burden on you in that town, and by leaving look what you have become you are finally your own person”

Yoongi looked up surprised and licked his lips with a grimace on his face “that’s bullshit”

“it’s not” Xiumin looked down “it’s fine now, even though it’s been three years but… you could have at least told me, so I didn’t hate you for so long. So, I didn’t think that either you didn’t love me anymore and couldn’t deal with my shit… or that he killed you”

Yoongi sighed and allowed his memories to visit the past he wanted to forget

 

~flashback~

Yoongi sat outside of a closed store on the curb watching the occasional car pass by in the otherwise quiet night. He rolled his eyes taking a cigarette out of his pocket and putting it between his lips, reaching into his pocket he pulled out his favorite lighter and flicked it on pulling it up in front of his lips. Before he could light the cigarette, it was pulled from his lips and thrown on the road

“fuck of” Yoongi looked up annoyed before he saw a familiar face and scoffed “what do you want Minho”

Minho rolled his eyes at him and sat down next to him handing over a cd “you need to keep trying Yoongi”

Yoongi grabbed the cd flipping it over in his hands “what’s the point” he saw the writing and knew it was his own “I’m never going to be anything”

“it’s your dream”

“so…” Yoongi sighed dropping the cd between his legs and saw the jewel case crack a bit as it landed on the asphalt “you know how long I’ve been chasing this dream, how many times I was scammed, the times that I traveled and couldn’t come back because I had no money? The amount of times I couldn’t eat no matter how hungry I was? There’s no place in the spotlight for people like me”

“you are good though, you have talent. Someone doesn’t get as popular as you in the underground with no talent”

Yoongi shrugged “you’re not getting the point”

“Maybe I’m not” Minho reached onto the road and picked up the cd opening the case and putting the cd back into place before closing it and handing it back to Yoongi “what about your song tomorrow”

Yoongi just shrugged “maybe once I believed that, but not anymore”

“but what about that audition you saw”

“I’ll never pass”

“You don’t know that”

Yoongi sighed standing up and dusting himself off before looking at his cigarette laying on the road annoyed “shouldn’t you get back to Junmyeon?” he turned the other way and walked off taking another cigarette out of his pocket.

He pulled out a sheet of paper from his pocket reading through it again as he walked “bighit entertainment…” he mumbled under his breath, was Minho right? Should he just try. He knew he couldn’t make it but what did he have to lose. Even if he could just be a producer in an actual studio, he would be happy.

He finished his cigarette flicking it into the bushes next to his house. He walked in and took of his shoes looking around annoyed when his father appeared “where have you been??”

“doing stuff”

His father looked at his hand and snatched the sheet out of his hand reading it before ripping it in half and letting it fall to the floor “how many times do I have to tell you that you can’t do things like this, go to college get a real job” he sighed shaking his head disappointed “we don’t have money for you to be chasing stupid dreams, we already spend too much money on that therapy of yours. I don’t even know you anymore”

“you know what fuck you” Yoongi threw his cd at him and stormed away to his room slamming the door, he was fuming why couldn’t he just have supportive parents. Ones who don’t care about money but about him.

He rummaged through his desk throwing things on the floor till he found the details for the audition that he wrote down just in case. He would just have to show his dad and himself that his dreams weren’t a fantasy or something to be taken lightly, anything would beat the hell hole he lived in now.

He read the location and rolled his eyes grabbing his piggy bank and throwing it on the ground breaking it, he rummaged through the shards grabbing the coins and counting it. He just had enough for a one-way ticket train ride to Seoul, with determination he packed a small bag and climbed out of the window going straight to the train station.

 

Yoongi stood outside of Minho’s house nervously with an opened letter in his hands, he looked down at it again reading through it, he had been accepted as a trainee in Bighit entertainment. He still couldn’t believe it his dream was right in his hands but… he looked back at the house and shoved the letter into his pocket, how was he supposed to tell Junmyeon that he was leaving. He walked up to the door and knocked, he heard a shout to come in and did, going straight to Junmyeon’s room smiling softly when he saw the boy curled up in bed

“Jun… it’s me”

He looked over to Minho who was sitting on the desk in the corner of the room looking through some homework he looked over and smiled before focusing back to the sheets in front of him. Yoongi walked over to the bed shaking Junmyeon softly “Jun”

“hi” he finally replied softly

“hey” Yoongi petted his hair and smiled again “how are you?”

Junmyeon shrugged finding the energy to sit up “ok…”

Yoongi grabbed his hand “shall we go outside?”

“I don’t…”

“come on” Yoongi tugged him out of bed and supported him when his legs gave out, he tried to keep in his grimace when he felt once again that the boy in his arms was no more than a skeleton and skin, no muscles, no fat just bone.

“I don’t think I can”

“of course, you can Jun, you’re the strongest person I know”

“but what if…”

“no one out there will hurt you I promise”

Junmyeon clenched his jaw and let his overgrown hair fall over his eyes, he was pulled along with Yoongi to the backyard where they sat together on the bench “wait here” Yoongi suddenly got up and ran back inside. He came out a few minutes later with scissors and a towel “how about we cut that hair of yours, you can’t even see with that fringe can you?”  
Junmyeon shrugged not really caring

“don’t worry, I have always cut my own hair so I’m not that bad” Yoongi took of his jacket and put it on the bench next to Junmyeon “here, relax”  
He wrapped the towel around Jun’s shoulders to protect his clothing from the hair, he set to work cutting the brown locks. Jun got distracted by Yoongi’s jacket and pulled out a lighter which was slipping out and flicked it on and off again. It was quiet apart from the scissors running through Junmyeons hair.  
Yoongi felt his heart sinking, he couldn’t leave Jun, not like this. He hadn’t seen the boy smile in over a year, he felt like Jun was breaking apart. Into little pieces while on the outside he was so lifeless, with no energy or emotion. Just plain, a shell.  
He played with Jun’s hair a little before chopping it off trying to extend the process as much as he could, the flame of his lighter flicked on and off constantly, distracting his attention every now and then.

“why are you crying?”

Yoongi didn’t even notice that he stopped cutting the hair and now Jun had twisted himself around to look up at Yoongi with those pretty brown eyes.  
“I’m not”  
“you are” Jun reached up wiping away the tear rolling down Yoongi’s cheek

“turn around let me finish my job” he made Jun face the other way and continued to trim his hair until he put the scissors down and wiped the stray hairs off Jun’s shoulders. He couldn’t stop the tears, but he made sure his sobs were quiet. He walked around and sat next to Jun taking the lighter out of his hands and pulling a cigarette out of his pocket but it was taken out of his mouth and placed on the bench in the middle of the two as Jun leant over resting his head on his shoulder.

Yoongi wrapped his arm around the boy and sighed leaning his head back closing his eyes and listening to the breaths fanning across his neck from Jun.  
Minho watched from the doorway smiling sadly before walking back in and preparing some food for the two to eat later.

 

“you have to eat Jun, please” Minho sat next to Junmyeon almost force feeding him but the other refused so many times that Minho had to give up.

“Don’t call me Jun, or Junmyeon” He shook his head and balled his fists, so his nails dug into his hands

“what shall we call you then?” Yoongi put his chin in his hand

“I donno” he shrinked into himself

“how about Suho?”

“why Suho?” Yoongi tilted his head confused as to where Minho got that from

“because it means guardian” Minho said fondly

“of what?” Yoongi frowned

“I’m not strong enough to be a guardian” Junmyeon mumbled

“But you are, you are the strongest person in the world, you are a protector of yourself and of our hearts so make sure you hold them close ok”  
Junmyeon said nothing and looked at the table emotionless once again.  
Yoongi nodded at Minho but couldn’t help the amount of guilt holding him down, how could he tell the man in front of him, so broken and helpless, that he was leaving him, disappearing. He put his hand into his pocket and felt the letter standing up abruptly and going outside, he couldn’t breathe in there.

Minho watched him in shock but instead wrapped his arms around Junmyeon  
“if you like Suho, I’ll call you Suho from now on ok?”  
Junmyeon just nodded

“come on let’s get you to bed”

He lifted Jun to his feet and helped him make his way to bed, he could tell that Jun had no energy left. He always runs out within a few short hours. He tucked him in and pushed his hair back softly smiling when he saw that it was a lot shorter now and more comfortable.  
Jun immediately rolled over so he was facing away from Minho and it hurt him to see how the boy he was friends with for so many years could no longer function normally, the pollution in his mind weighing him down.  
He turned off the lights and walked out to were Yoongi went to before. He saw him in the garden with his lighter flicked on the flame licking the bottom of a piece of paper. He could see Yoongi’s shoulders shaking and he let out occasional sobs. Minho walked fast over to him and blew out the little fire starting to engulf the paper

“what are you doing? What’s wrong”

“I’m a selfish bastard” Yoongi refused to look at Minho and tried to conceal his sobs

Minho snatched the paper and read it his eyes widening “what do you mean? This is fantastic you’re achieving your dream!”

Yoongi turned around angrily snatching the paper back, his eyes were red and puffy and his cheeks wet “you don’t understand Minho! It means I have to leave, I can’t!”

Minho looked back at the house knowing why, he sighed “Yoongi… you have to, you can’t stay tied to this town your whole life”

“but… I’m meant to leave tonight; I can’t tell him” he crouched down covering his face with his hands

Minho crouched down with him and removed his hands holding them “chase your dream, I’ll look after him ok? I’ll tell him something, maybe one day we’ll come visit you”

“but what about you?”

“I’ll figure it out” Minho smiled

Yoongi gritted his teeth “I can’t”

“I’m not giving you a choice” Minho reached into his own pocket and pulled out a ring giving it to Yoongi

“that’s…”

“yeh… take it and go, live your dream you deserve it”

Yoongi twirled the ring around in his fingers and let out a sob when Minho grabbed his hand and slid the ring onto his middle finger. He pulled them both up and slung his arm around Yoongi’s shoulder taking him to the front of the house and waving him off with a smile trying to ease the youngers nervousness.

Yoongi waved at him and almost left but instead ran over and handed him his lighter curling the tallers fingers over the white object “you have this then, take care Minho”

“you too, throw away the cigarettes”

Yoongi nodded and threw the cigarette pack at Minho before shoving his hands into his pockets and walked away to the train station before he changed his mind. No matter how much heavier his heart got every time he took another step away from the only people who ever meant anything to him.

~end of flashback~

 

“so, you were going to tell me?”

“I was, but I couldn’t I didn’t want to break you more”

“you d-didn’t do a good job at that”

Yoongi looked down feeling that old weight on his heart again, he noticed the ring on his middle finger and smiled half-heartedly “I never took it off”

“what?”

“the ring” Yoongi held up his hand showing Xiumin the silver surrounding his finger

“that’s”

“yeh…”

“why do you have my father’s ring?”

“Minho gave it to me”

Xiumin reached out tracing his finger along the metal feeling all the little grooves and indentations of it

“no matter the amount of complaints the stylists gave me I never took it off in hopes that you would maybe watch me on tv and notice it, know that I didn’t leave you for no reason and forget about you”

He softly grabbed Xiumins hand and took the ring off slipping it onto Xiumins finger instead “you can have it now”

“I don’t want it” he shook his head taking the ring off again

“you do, give it to Kris. He’s the person who you love the most even if you don’t know it”

Xiumin looked at the ring grimacing before sighing and remembering the love the ring holds not the hatred.

Silence filled the room and Yoongi felt chills going down his spine and freaked out a little “don’t go silent please…”

“I’m not like how I used to be”

“but you remember…”

“and I’m coping” Xiumin sighed

“You look good… a lot better” Yoongi smiled trying hard to keep it on his face.

Xiumin didn’t want to tell Yoongi just how much pain him leaving left him in and he knew that Minho wouldn’t either, the boy was trying to chase his dreams, not hurt him like everyone else in his life did. He had such little sleep that he constantly collapsed, and he didn’t eat for whole weeks at times, his world collapsed for a second time and that’s when his mind started to get foggier and foggier.

He shook his head “At least I’m not a skeleton anymore and… I’m proud of you Yoongi”

Yoongi looked at him with such a stressed face but it lightened a little when he saw Xiumin trying hard to smile to reassure him.  
“I wrote a song about you…”  
“you did?” Xiumin looked surprised and tilted his head in curiosity

“do you want to hear it?”

“yeh”

Yoongi hesitated a little but turned on his computer and finding the folder containing his old songs he wrote “it’s a little…”

“it’s ok”

Yoongi clicked on the song making it play before he could regret it, a piano riff sounded over the speakers and Xiumin could immediately notice that it was Yoongi’s before an unfamiliar voice sounded over so he decided to listen to the lyrics instead.

He could hardly breath when the song ended

“It’s called Hold Me Tight…” Yoongi said in a soft voice

“it’s… did you really love me?”

“… I did, head over heels to be honest, it was so hard to leave. Every day was so hard it took me a long time even with Minho telling me you were getting better. Though he never told me that you developed…”

“multiple personalities”

Yoongi shrugged “yeh”

“you never could have prevented what happened” Xiumin stood up and looked back “but... you could have at least called or texted or something” he sighed and went to walk out of the room to escape the suffocating atmosphere

“wait, do you forgive me?”

Xiumin sighed “I do Yoongi, I still love you don’t worry that feeling never went away”

“you don’t remember because you were Suho but… I went back home to find you, not to see my parents. My relationship with them is better nowadays that I proved myself but… I couldn’t handle it anymore and really wanted to see you. I was surprised when I met a totally new person, someone who didn’t remember me or what you went through”

“it must have been hard…”

“it was, but I was also happy that you were living life… had moved on”

Xiumin shrugged “I guess the disorder I have isn’t so bad” he turned and finally left the room.

 

Kris sighed frustrated “what are they doing”

“catching up on stuff” Taehyung shrugged and pushed the computer over to Kris “you decide on the movie we narrowed the selection down”

He rolled his eyes and pointed at a random one not really caring

“interesting choice” Jimin let out a giggle and connected the laptop to the tv starting the movie grabbing the popcorn bowl from Kris and eating some before handing it to Taehyung. Another boy named Hoseok had joined them and lightened the mood a little, he was the one who convinced Kris to watch a movie and relax a little taking his mind of Suho for once. They sat on either side of Kris and were heavily engaged in the show while Kris struggled to even focus, he saw someone in the corner of his eye and looked over to see Xiumin standing there rubbing his arm and looking down at the ground.

He excused himself and struggled out of his position between the three boys who complained a little when he briefly blocked the screen.  
Xiumin motioned to a random room which Kris assumed to be Yoongi’s and someone else’s considering half the room was black and the other half was pink. Xiumin went and sat on the black bed curling in on himself “don’t you find me exhausting”  
“sometimes” Kris let out a small chuckle

“you know that if you can’t handle me you are allowed to leave nothing is holding you back”

“you’re wrong” Xiumin looked at him surprised “my heart is holding me back; I can’t leave you because I love you”

Xiumin scoffed “you don’t know anything about me”

“so? I love you not your past”

Xiumin’s eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat “that… woah” he couldn’t find words to reply to that so instead he grabbed Kris’s hand and slipped the ring onto his finger instead

“what’s that?”

“my father’s ring”

“are- what?”

“I want you to have it”

Kris looked at his hand in surprise “thank you? why did you give it to me”

“because it symbolizes love”

Kris’s face went beet red and he froze unable to look away but Xiumin just laughed and shook his head getting up and walking out of the room.

 

“dinners ready” a new face poked his head into the room “Kris, right?”

“y-yeh”

“my names Jin, dinners ready come out”

“ok thanks” Kris stood up from the bed unsure of how much time he sat there staring at the wall in surprise.

They all sat around a large table happily chatting about their days, the seven members were talking about a future comeback and things they wanted to do. Xiumin and Kris just sat in silence awkwardly next to each other. Kris finished about half his meal when he noticed that Xiumin hadn’t eaten anything.

He leant over and whispered into his ear “are you going to eat?”

“I’m not hungry”

“eat something at least come on a few bites you haven’t eaten in about three days” Kris was a little concerned but didn’t want to kick up a fuss.

However, the table had gotten dead quiet  
“what do you mean he hasn’t eaten in three days” Hoseok looked extremely concerned  
“it-it’s nothing”

“eat something now” Jin demanded and Namjoon nodded

“I’m not hungry”

“please Xiumin” Kris begged him

Xiumin looked at his plate in disgust and shook his head “I don’t want to”

“eat!” Jin stood up a bit pissed off

Jimin reached up and tried to pull Jin back down “please Jin, he doesn’t want to”

“you should know the best why this is an issue” he looked back at Xiumin “please at least a few bites you’ll starve”

“so?” Xiumin stood up abruptly and stormed off to Yoongi’s room again.

“shit not again” Yoongi looked horrified and quickly got up running off to his room to find Xiumin

“I’m sorry it’s just he reminded me of…”

“it’s ok you did the right thing” Kris shook his head “I’m getting worried now”

 

“Xiumin wake up” Kris shook him a little

“what time is it?”

“it’s 10”

“early”

“come on I made you breakfast”

“I’m not hungry”

“yes, you are” Kris pulled Xiumin out of bed and the boy freaked out a little ripping himself from Kris’s hold and wrapping his arms around himself

“don’t touch me like that!”

“what do you mean”

Xiumin had that look of fear in his eyes again and Kris decided to drop it waving for Xiumin to follow him out to the kitchen and sit down at the table while Kris pushed a plate of food over to him  
“do I have to?”  
“just a few bites, I have a question aswell, why did you hide from Yuna?"

"the girl?" he tilted his head happy to be distracted from the food in front of him

"yeh"

"she looks like my mother"

Kris went silent trying to understand but it was messing with his mind so he motioned Xiumin to eat  
Xiumin sighed and ate a few mouthfuls before going white and pushing the food away, he shook his head and ran out of the room startling Kris.  
He walked around the house struggling a little to find him “Xiumin? Where are you?” he called out but there was no answer.

He finally found a closed door and recognized it to be the bathroom  
“are you ok?”  
“I’m fine” Xiumin sounded chocked and there was another weird sound and it took Kris a little to figure out what it was, when he did, he started to panic and knocked on the door

“are you throwing up in there?”

“n-no”

“don’t lie to me, let me in”

He heard the toilet flush and the door opened presenting a sleepy Xiumin with no energy “can I go back to bed please?”

“we need to talk”

“am I in trouble?” he looked scared again, the confidence he was displaying yesterday completely gone “are you going to punish me? Please don’t”

“I’m not going to punish you; I just want to make sure you’re ok”

“I’m fine”

“Xiumin…”

“how does this multiple personality thing work, can I change already so I can go back to sleep?”

Kris looked at him with a worried frown “hey- “

“save it” Xiumin let his face fall further and he trudged past Kris slowly making his way to Yoongi’s room once again.

 

Kris didn’t know what he could do, Yoongi had banned him from seeing Xiumin and it had been three days since he heard Xiumin throwing up. He paced up and down the house, he just wanted to go home, he just wanted to see his lover. It hurt way too much knowing that he couldn’t help him. Yoongi knew more than him, he knew everything so why couldn’t Kris.

He kicked the wall in anger but felt a hand on his shoulder “don’t blame yourself”  
Yoongi looked at him with a tired smile  
“how is he?”

Yoongi just shrugged “he hasn’t changed, I thought he did but he’s just good at lying”

“so... he’s the same as before he developed the disorder”

“yeh… at least Xiumin is, Suho isn’t though don’t worry” Yoongi sighed and walked to the kitchen cabinet pulling out a bottle pouring himself a glass of brown liquid

“isn’t it a bit early for that?” Kris raised an eyebrow watching Yoongi shrug and rummage through the cabinet more before pulling out a wine bottle as well

“want some?”

“fuck it” Kris walked over and grabbed the new glass that Yoongi filled

“don’t stress too much Kris, it’s ok”

“sure” Kris sipped at his drink sighing at the feeling of alcohol running down his throat it was a welcome burn. “I just wish I could do more”

“you are doing plenty”

“he hasn’t eaten in almost a week”

“and that is nothing new ok” Yoongi filled his glass again

“oh god, I’m so hungry” Xiumin appeared around the corner swaying a little and clutching his stomach like he was in pain, his eyes scanned the room confused “why are you two drinking? why are we here… I’m so confused”

He walked over to the fridge and opened it grabbing a random bit of food and shoving it in his mouth, he turned around to see the other two staring at him with wide eyes and their drinks frozen mid-way to their mouths “what?”

“Suho?”

Suho shrugged finally feeling a bit better after eating some food “you know what I love, waking up in a totally different place that I’ve never been and being confused as hell. But you guys are so normal” Suho rolled his eyes.

Kris put down his drink and walked over to Suho happily “I’m so glad you’re back” he hugged Suho but the smaller just pushed him away and walked over to the table grabbing Kris’s drink and chugging it down in one go slamming it back onto the table.

“that wasn’t a good idea, you haven’t eaten in a week” Yoongi grimaced

“oh, so now I haven’t been eating, I haven’t been fucking conscious for a week?”

Kris was a little taken aback by the behavior “Kai?”

“what do you mean Kai? My name is Suho if you can’t remember!” his face was getting flushed by both his anger and the alcohol.

“Suho, I can explain” he walked up to Suho, but he just stepped away

“don’t touch me! What do you mean you can explain? News flash you said that before but always managed to change the subject, make up excuses, I’m sick of it!”

“Suho you need to listen and trust Kris” Yoongi added in

Suho glared at him “we may be friends, but you have no say in this” he redirected his glare back at Kris “why the fuck are we in Gangnam and why do I never remember events that happen in my life! Because I know for sure that I wasn’t unconscious for the whole time!”

“you need to calm down Suho please” Kris tried to reason  
Yoongi looked at them awkwardly and Kris just waved at him to leave, this was for him to fix.  
Suho let out a sarcastic laugh “calm down? Are you serious! I’m sick of the lies Kris” he rubbed his eye with the back of his hand harshly before looking at him in the eyes again “it’s not fair, you know more about me than I know of myself” Kris opened his mouth to speak but Suho shushed him “how am I supposed to trust you!”

“I can- “

“JUST SHUT UP!” Suho covered his ears before letting his hands fall to his side in defeat a tear running down his face “personally, I think I’m crazy!” he wiped the tear his voice going softer again “is my life just a game to you? Just some fun little project?”

“where is this coming from Suho, you know I wouldn’t play with you. I love you”

“oh, do you now?” Suho looked at him with an angry glint in his eyes “then stop lying! Do you really think that little of me”?

Kris was freaking out his heart going a million miles an hour “every moment of my life since I met you, I’ve been thinking of you. We are family! You said you would be my family”

“maybe I don’t want to be your family. Family can trust one another”

“so, it’s over… just like that?” Kris’s voice was small

“yeh, maybe it is”

Kris shook his head “no! we are family” he stormed over to Suho and grabbed his shoulders not letting him escape but being gentle enough do he wouldn’t scare his lover “fine, there’s something I need to tell you, I should of told you a long time ago it’s my fault… I will explain everything”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Beautiful people <3  
> I hope you enjoyed the newest chapter <3 We've met all the personalities now! which one is your favourite?  
> secrets are about to come out! so stay tuned and I'll see you next time!  
> have a lovely day/night thank you for reading


	22. I want the Truth

Suho glared at him “oh really?... then explain this!” Suho held up Kris’s notebook.

Kris’s heart skipped a beat “what? Ho-how did you get that?”

“get what? Oh, the notebook which has every little detail about me written in it?” Suho threw the book on the ground wrenching himself from Kris’s hold “let me tell you my morning; I woke up hungry as hell, no idea where I was, no idea what happened. For all I knew I could have been kidnapped. The only clue in the room was your bag on the floor so I snooped through, shame on me” he paused to sigh loudly before motioning to the floor “then I find that…” he waved his hand in an expression that said he had no idea what to call it “why are there other men’s names? Why…”

His face suddenly went sad, he was on the brink of tears “why does it say that my mother is dead, and my father is in jail?”

“I-I can explain” Kris’s voice was quiet he didn’t know how to handle the situation and he could feel anxiety drowning him.

“are you seeing other people?”

Kris was so shocked that he was speechless

“well, are you?! Is that why you accidentally call me other names all the time”

“no! listen to me!” Kris stepped towards Suho again but the older shook his head

“I’m so sick of it” he covered his face with his hands and his body shook a little he sniffed before rubbing his eyes and resuming his glare at Kris “tell me then!”

“can we sit down?”

“TELL ME NOW!”

“fine… you- you have a condition” Kris sighed he had no idea how to tell him, it didn’t feel like the right time “it makes you forget things and…”

“well state the obvious” Suho’s face fell a little as a thought went over his mind “if you are seeing other people, I want the truth, if you are… I don’t want to be together anymore; I don’t want to be your family”

Kris felt his whole heart drop to the floor and was stunned, he stood statue still and let the tears he was trying desperately to hold in fall down his face.

Suho faltered a little, some of his anger left him as he saw Kris start to break in front of him. But he couldn’t get rid of the feeling that Kris was hiding something from him, not telling him the truth. He felt like the trust between them had shattered into a million pieces.

Kris was no longer looking at him and he could see droplets of tears fall from his face, silence enveloped them and Suho felt his heart in his throat.  
“Suho, we need to talk… I don’t want to lose you too, please” Kris’s voice was shaky and so soft it was almost a whisper.  
Something about it calmed Suho down enough to agree, he felt bad getting so angry, but it wasn’t fair on him having so many secrets held by the one he was hoping to live with the rest of his life.

Kris took a couple of breaths in and out before looking up with red eyes “your condition… I was hoping to find a better way to tell you, but it seems like now has to be the time…” he sighed “you have Dissociative Identity Disorder… so basically all those names in the book, they are all you I just wanted to keep a record so I didn’t forget things about all the personalities”

“I…I what?” Suho looked down at his own hands confused as hell “how?” his brain didn’t know how to handle the information “so... that’s why I blackout… why I do things and not remember them… why you call me different things and… and…” his legs felt weak, so he reached out and leant against the table. Disbelief was filling his entire being, but he knew that it made sense, it answered his confusion but at the same time gave himself so many new questions about who he was really.

“I’m sorry… for getting so mad… and being so troublesome” he backed away a little from Kris not being able to stand the feeling consuming him while watching Kris break down. “I’m sorry” he turned and ran away not sure where he was going but wanted to be alone just for a little. He ran right into a man he had never met before but did recognize to be part of Yoongi’s band (he researched them after meeting Yoongi for the first time).

“are you ok Xiumin?” the man reached out but Suho stepped back wide-eyed, that was one of the names in Kris’s book... So it was true.

 

Kris wanted to run after Suho but couldn’t find the energy so instead he watched as he ran right into Namjoon who was just entering, he paused for a few seconds before running out the front door.

“where is he of to in such a hurry?” Namjoon laughed not reading the feeling of the room yet, that was until he saw Kris.

Everything around Kris felt like he was trapped in a fish bowl, he couldn’t find the energy to talk to Namjoon and somewhat felt Namjoons arms loop under his own arms holding him up, he didn’t even realise that he was falling to the ground.

What if he messed up, he shouldn’t of made that book, he shouldn’t of told Suho yet. What if he lost Suho, his family. He couldn’t go through that again.

“are you ok? Kris look at me” Namjoon kept calling out but Kris never answered his eyes going in and out of focus, it wasn’t long till Yoongi reappeared and sprung into action helping Namjoon take the dazed boy to bed.

 

“should we go after Xiumin?” Namjoon asked, worry starting to take over him.

“I don’t know” Yoongi sighed “maybe I should call Minho, this is massive”

“what happened?”

“he told Suho about his condition”

“has he changed back to Suho?”

“yeh…” Yoongi sighed “I guess back to not being friends again”

“hey, one day he will remember”

“I don’t know if he should though, that’s the problem” he shook his head before walking out of the room without another word, leaving Namjoon to tend to Kris.

[“Hello Yoongi, what is it?”]

Yoongi felt a bit of relief when he heard Minho’s voice “Suho knows”

[“what do you mean?”]

“Kris told Suho, in brief terms, about his condition”

[Minho let out a little gasp “is he ok? How did he react?”]

“he ran away, I don’t think he took it well. I mean it is a lot to take in”

[“go after him”]

“are you sure? What if he wants to be alone”?

[“whenever I left him alone… it never ended well”]

“wh-what do you mean”

[“the first time he ran away is when I found him… hurting himself”]

Yoongi could hear the hurt in Minho’s voice “ok, I will go after him… I just have one question”

[“yeh?”]

“you were there when he developed the personalities… how did it happen?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone until Minho took in a deep shaky breath

[“one day he was fine… just out of nowhere he was happy again, he had a different name… the day before he… there was an accident”]

“an accident”

[Minho bit his finger “get Suho to go home I’m going to get there”]

“don’t change the subject”

[“bye Yoongi, good luck”]

The line went flat and Yoongi let out a groan what did Minho mean by an accident?

He shoved the phone in his pocket and walked out the front door trying to figure out where Suho could have gone.

 

“are you sure he’s ok to leave?” Luhan went close to the doctor and tried to peak at his clipboard

The doctor sighed and held his clipboard to his chest “preferably he should stay here, but he is healthy enough to sign himself out. As long as he comes in for checkups and doesn’t do anything too stressful to his body” he nodded and left

“I think you should stay a little longer!” Luhan focused his attention back onto Tao

The taller smiled “but I really want some fresh air”

“but you’re still hurting… and healing”

“I promise I won’t do anything to physically exhausting”

Luhan pouted but shrugged “it’s up to you I guess…”

Tao groaned as he sat up and slipped out of the bed stretching his body before hissing in pain, he looked over to Luhan who had his arms crossed and a frown on his face “you’re stubborn you know that”

“you are too” Tao laughed in response

“at least use the wheelchair” Luhan pointed to the chair

Tao groaned “but…”

“either that or don’t sign out yet”

Tao rolled his eyes but walked over to the wheel chair and plonked down on it hiding his grimace when the action shook his body and moved his injuries.

Luhan smiled and skipped over grabbing the handles and pushing the chair out of the room after making sure that they had gathered all their belongings. As soon as Tao signed himself out and grabbed the paperwork telling the information of how to look after his injuries and when to come in for check ups, Luhan rolled him to the front door but froze

“why did you stop?”

“do we have to leave?”

“huh?” Tao leant his head up to look at Luhans face

Luhan scrunched his nose “here we are safe and we have no problems but making sure you heal…”

“we can make out there safe again”

Luhan looked down at him with doubt written all over his face “can we?”

“we can, all we have to do is stay by each others sides, look after one another”

“we have to start all over”

“and maybe it’s for the best, now push this wheelchair forwards or I’m going to get up and walk”

“no! you’re not allowed to” Luhan shoved the wheelchair forwards and found Tao’s car.

 

“Suho!!??” Yoongi called out frustrated that he still couldn’t find his friend

He looked around and scratched his head trying to figure out where he could have gone.

He noticed someone hunched over hugging their knees next to the river, he recognized the outfit and hair and made his way over sitting silently next to Suho.  
“Suho… how are you?” he talked in a soft voice looking out at the river  
Suho didn’t say anything but shrugged which Yoongi saw in the corner of his eyes

“you can’t blame Kris for keeping it from you, you know when we all met back in our hometown, I told Kris that he should keep things from you”

“why…” Suho’s voice was small

“… because we’re scared as hell of you remembering your past…”

“I hate it”

“I know- “

“do you though? Do you know what it feels like not to know yourself? To live a total lie which everyone else around you seem to have a better understanding of”

“no, I can’t understand that feeling… but what I do understand is that everyone is only trying to protect you, sometimes doing what feels wrong turns out to be the best decision… like when I left you”

Suho looked up and wiped the tears of his face “you left me?”

“I did, I chose my own dreams over the welfare of my best friend” Yoongi sighed

“I shouldn’t have reacted like I did this morning, that wasn’t like me” Suho fiddled with a rock in his hands

“you had your reasons”

Suho lifted the rock and threw it into the river watching the ripples it made in the surface as it sank “I… I can’t-“ Suho couldn’t finish his sentence

“did you mean what you said to Kris… that you don’t want to be his family anymore?”

Suho looked up in shock “I said that didn’t I?” he shook his head “I didn’t mean it”

“you need to tell him that… I know you’re hurting, but you can’t keep it to yourself. Stop running and share your problems with others so they can help you”

Suho shook his head “easier said than done” he looked up to Yoongi as a thought crossed his mind “do you know about my parents?”

He was surprised at the sudden question and he cringed a little “yeh I do”

“is it true that my mother’s dead and my fathers in jail?”

“yeh… that’s true”

“why?”

Yoongi sighed looking away back at the river “Suho…”

“tell me something please”

“your father…” Yoongi didn’t know what to tell Suho, telling him everything would break the boy. However, telling him nothing would torture him more. He thought over what to say next in his head a couple of times before letting out a breath of air looking at Suho and grabbing his hand to comfort him before he told him “your father, he killed your mother. That’s why he’s in jail... he's the reason you are like what you are”

Suho froze, his eyes widened and his jaw slack “he what?” he was in disbelief how could that have happened? What kind of person was his father to do such a thing? It gave him goosebumps “do I know that?”

“you do” Yoongi squeezed his hand tighter not letting Suho pull away “I promise you will find out everything but promise me you wont dig too deep to fast, I’m sure that it will break you again and I can’t deal with that again”

Suho felt like the earth beneath him was slowly sinking as his heart became heavier and heavier “it can’t be that bad can it?”

Yoongi stayed silent, the thick atmosphere giving Suho the answer to his question.

“the… the letters…”

“your other personalities wrote them”

“what about the money?”

Yoongi frowned “I’m not sure… remember I haven’t seen you for three years, you should talk to Minho, he’s going to give you a visit soon anyway”

“he is?”

Yoongi nodded, Suho shrunk a little into himself. He didn’t understand anything anymore, his whole life felt so foreign, like he was watching a movie and trying to discover the main characters background and traits. He thought he knew… but it turns out he knew nothing all along and he had been living a lie.

 

Luhan hopped out of the car and ran over to Tao’s side helping the taller out and leading him to the front door then straight to his bed.  
“there are you comfy? Does anything hurt? Are you hungry?” Luhan fretted  
Tao just laughed and grabbed Luhans hand “stop worrying I’m fine” he pulled and Luhan fell onto the bed. Tao rolled over and wrapped his arms around the smaller and pulled him close smelling his hair “let’s just stay like this for a while”

Luhan was grateful that his face was buried into Tao’s chest so the taller couldn’t see the blush that covered his face. For some reason he thought of Lay and the kiss they shared and felt guilty, should he tell Tao? How would he react? He sighed and decided not to ruin the moment. Another feeling he couldn’t get over is how much he wanted to kiss the man that was holding him, the urge almost too large to resist.

But he curled his hands in Tao’s jumper and stopped himself from moving up, instead he sneaked a small kiss onto Tao’s chest, just soft enough so he wouldn’t feel it.  
“this is nice” Tao whispered  
“Warm…” Luhan replied before sighing “I let you down”

“huh? What do you mean?” Tao’s arms tightened around Luhan as he tensed

“I promised you that I wouldn’t let you get in the mindset of wanting to die again” Luhans fists tightened in the cloth

Tao sighed his hand creeping up Luhans back and curling into his hair, he tilted his head, so his lips touched Luhans forehead “you didn’t let me down, you saved me once again”

The smallers eyes shot open and he clenched his teeth at the feeling of Tao’s soft lips against his forehead, the air from Tao’s nose ruffling his hair.  
“I want…” Luhan stopped himself  
“you want?”

Luhan let go of Tao’s jumper so he could run his hands up his chest making sure to miss all the injuries and bruises until his hands ended up on Tao’s neck just above his own head “I want…” his hands creeped up further and ran along Tao’s jawline, he finally looked up when his hands cupped Tao’s cheeks “I want to kiss you”

 

“come on Suho let’s go home ok?” Yoongi stood up shoving his hands into his pocket

“hey Yoongi… you suffered because of me in the past, didn’t you?” Suho stood up as well looking at Yoongi in the eyes finally

“you… I suffered yes, but it was never because of you” he smiled softly

“how did you deal with the pain?”

Yoongi shrugged “Mostly I smoked, ruined myself… but the music, that’s what saved me, then through the music I found my family” he showed a small smile.

“you don’t smoke anymore do you?”

“nah, I quit when I left”

“that’s good…”

Suho tightened his lips and narrowed his eyebrows in thought as he followed Yoongi back to the house.

He wasn’t ready to apologise when they made it, but he felt so bad and wanted to see Kris, make sure he was ok.  
He walked to the room and peaked around the door to see Namjoon sitting on a chair by the bed reading a book while it looked like Kris was sleeping soundly.  
Namjoon looked up and gave Suho a small smile before getting up and walking over pushing Suho more into the room as he left closing the door. He tip toed over to the bed and squatted down so he was eye level with Kris’s sleeping face. He reached up and rested his elbow on the bed while he brushed Kris’s hair out of his face playing with each strand.

He noticed the uneasiness on his lover’s face and instantly felt bad, a sinking feeling weighing him down, did he trigger Kris’s memories again? He could tell that the taller wasn’t having a nice sleep, he ran his hand over Kris’s cheek grinning a little when Kris unconsciously nuzzled into his palm. He would make it up to Kris somehow, no matter how angry and hurt he was that such a big secret was kept from him he couldn’t stop loving the man in front of him no matter how hard he tried.

Kris moved a little and Suho froze scared that he woke him, he stopped moving and Suho let out a sigh of relief. That was until he looked at Kris and noticed his eyes half open staring at Suho with disbelief.

“you came back?”

Suho ran his hand back into Kris’s hair and smiled softly “of course… we’re family aren’t we?”

“but you said…” Kris couldn’t complete his sentence because he suddenly burst into tears

“Kris, hey…” Suho reached up and tried to wipe the tears away but they kept coming “don’t cry please”

“I thought you left me… that I would never see you again… like my parents, I can’t lose my family again” he cried harder and flung himself at Suho knocking them both onto the floor. Suho was a little squished between Kris and the floor but he didn’t care as Kris tightened his hold on the smaller crying into his neck.

“I’m sorry” He hugged Kris just as hard “we will always be family ok”

“I’m sorry fo-for keeping se-secrets”

“it’s ok, shh stop crying” his hands tangled themselves into Kris’s hair again as he nuzzled into the side of his head. He didn’t realize how much his outburst this morning had hurt his lover; never took into consideration the past pain the man had been through and just how scared he was of losing people.

Something in his brain clicked, no wonder Kris was so hesitant to make new friends, to let others into his life. He was scared that when he makes the connection, feels something for them, they would leave him one way or the other.  
“I won’t leave you I promise”  
He lifted up Kris’s head and looked at him with a smile wiping away his tears, he pulled the tallers head to his own and kissed him. It took a while for Kris to respond but when he did, he put his hands on either side of Suho’s head on the floor deepening the kiss while Suho held him in place.

Kris’s hands creeped down so they were holding Suho’s waist holding him a bit too tight. That combined with Kris’s weight and the kissing he couldn’t breathe, he could feel his heart beating fast and couldn’t bear to move, to break the moment, no matter how uncomfortable it was.

 

“you what?” Tao’s eyes were wide, he couldn’t believe that he heard Luhan say that, that Luhan still wanted to be with him no matter the shit they had been through together.

“please…” Luhan couldn’t tear his eyes away from the others lips

It was driving Tao mad, the way Luhan looked at him and how he licked his lips every so often

“are you sure?”

“yeh” Luhan whispered

Tao breathed in and out heavily, his breath the only sound filling the room apart from the beats of their hearts “isn’t it too soon”

“shut up” the smaller growled his hands clenching around Tao’s jaw, he bit down on his tongue softly

“I…” Tao couldn’t complete his sentence, he couldn’t read Luhans expression

“if I… if I kiss you now, what will that mean?” he finally looked up into Tao’s eyes

“it… it means we have no excuse to push one another away anymore”

Luhans hands unclenched and wrapped around the back of Tao’s neck he pulled himself up closer till he was centimeters away from Taos lips “then no more excuses” he closed the gap and kissed him softly, he pulled away and smiled. Tao licked his lips and grabbed Luhans shoulders pulling the smaller closer to him and bit Luhans lower lip softly before tilting his head to deepen the kiss.

 

“why are you blushing hyung?” Jimin tilted his head at Yoongi who was walking into the room with red cheeks and two hot drinks in his hands

“Namjoon… they made up, I don’t think they need these” he put the drinks onto the table before shaking his head and walking back out of the room to his studio followed closely by Jimin who wanted to hang out with him.

Namjoon chuckled and picked up one of the cups taking a sip.

“hyung” Jimin creeped into the studio before Yoongi could close the door to lock him out

“yeh?” Yoongi walked over to his chair and sat down turning on his electric keyboard pressing a key, smiling at the sound it made

“are you going to tell him about his past?”

“huh? I don’t think that’s my job”

“but weren’t you close?” Jimin stepped closer kneeling on the floor next to Yoongi resting his head on the armrest listening to Yoongi’s soft piano playing

“we were… really close”

“then- “

“Jimin… it’s out of my control” Yoongi stopped playing and ran his hand through his hair in frustration

“it’s a shame… it would be nice if you two could be close again”

“I don’t think that will happen, I abandoned him when he needed me the most to follow my own dream”

“even though I don’t know him that well, I know he’s the kind to forgive and forget”

Yoongi looked down at him and reached out petting Jimin’s head “I hope so…”

“was he your first love? The one you were telling me about… that you wrote that song about?”

“yeh” he gritted his teeth

“you should tell him”

“you think?”

“yeh” Jimin smiled and stood up letting Yoongi’s hand fall from his hair and leaned down kissing Yoongi on the nose “just remember that if you didn’t leave you wouldn’t have met me”

Yoongi couldn’t help but smile at that and leant up pecking Jimin on the mouth before slapping him on the ass “now leave and let me work”

“ok hyung, don’t work too hard” he waved and ran out of the room.

 

Suho snuggled further into the blanket yawning, his mind was filling with all the information Kris told him last night after their moment and after he had stopped crying. He had told Suho about all of his other personalities and how he acted when he changed, as well as the things he did that he didn’t remember.

He felt weighed down with it all, his mind just couldn’t grasp it. He flung his legs over the side of the bed and pulled on a jumper creeping out of the room. He saw Yoongi sitting on the porch with a coffee and his earbuds in obviously spaced out, he tapped him on the shoulder, and he looked up surprised before motioning to the seat next to him and pulling out his earbuds

“how did you sleep?”

“ok, I made up with Kris”

“I saw”

“you did?” Suho blushed out of embarrassment

“I’m glad”

“me too… there was a time when I moved, I had no one but Minho. The only reason I moved was to stop being a burden to him… but I was so lonely, not knowing anyone or my past”

Yoongi slouched a little looking at the floor “I’m sorry, I should have kept in touch”

“don’t be, I didn’t know who you were anyway” he laughed awkwardly “I’m proud of you for following your dream”

“you are?” Yoongi looked at him surprised

“yeh, so stop feeling guilty” Suho smiled

For some reason that lifted a big weight of off Yoongi’s chest and he breathed out his worries “Jimin said last night that I should tell you about your past… but I still don’t think it’s my job, I think that you should remember by yourself”

“what if I can’t, it’s driving me slightly mad if you haven’t noticed”

Yoongi shrugged “I know, you can ask me questions it’s ok”

“really?”

“yeh but be specific”

“what were you to me?”

He wasn’t expecting that question and he looked over at Suho “we were best friends, neighbors… and I… I loved you, I have no idea if you loved me too though” he picked at his nail nervously

“huh… you don’t still…”

“no, I love you as a friend now” Yoongi’s mouth lifted at the side

“my father…”

“don’t ask about him”

“why?”

He cocked his eyebrow “because he is someone, I’m not comfortable talking about… hey promise me something”

“yeh?”

“don’t try to visit your father till you remember everything about him ok?”

“but… wouldn’t it be best to meet him; I want to meet him”

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea”

“hey, there you are” Kris walked outside stretching “I thought you left again” his voice went small

Suho grimaced “I’m sorry Kris, I’m here”

“I know” Kris smiled and walked over to Suho leaning down and pecking him on the forehead “what were you guys talking about?”

“his father”

“oh really? What’s he like? Whys he in jail”

“he killed someone… among other things”

“he said I shouldn’t go see him till I remember him”

“why?” Kris looked at Yoongi curious

Yoongi rolled his eyes “because he killed someone” he stood up “question time is over for now” he grabbed his phone and walked back inside.

“how are you feeling?” Suho grabbed Kris’s hand

“I’m ok now, how are you coping?”

“getting there” he laughed softly “I’m sorry for losing my temper and going off at you yesterday and saying things I didn’t mean”

Kris squatted so he between Suho’s legs looking up at him, leaning his arms on Suho’s thighs “it’s ok, you had every right to, I won’t keep things from you anymore, if I learn something, I will tell you straight away”

Suho reached up and twirled a strand of Kris’s hair with his fingers “you will?”

“I promise”

“a lot of promises are being made” he laughed looking fondly at Kris

“it’s a good thing”

 

“are you sure you guys have to leave so soon?” Jimin and Taehyung sighed, they were just getting to know the two boys

“yeh, thank you so much for looking after us”

“you guys are always welcome” Namjoon smiled

“look after yourselves” Yoongi said in a small voice

The rest of the members waved them off as they left the house loading their things into the car.

Suho suddenly looked at Kris confused “wait… car…” he looked Kris up and down before tilting his head “how did we get here?”

“we drove the car”

“but…”

“I think I can cope with it now… I’ll try not to throw up this time”

Suho’s eyes widened and a huge smile took over his face as he ran to Kris and jumped into his arms. Kris was surprised but managed to catch him holding him tight

“I’m so proud of you!!” Suho kissed him happily before letting himself fall to the ground prancing over to the other side of the car hopping in. they told the driver where they were going and he started the car.

Suho watched Kris intently seeing how nervous the boy still was when he heard the sound of the motor and felt the car move forwards. He didn’t waste any time reaching over and holding Kris’s hand “you can do it again!”

They only had to stop two times for Kris to have a break, Suho distracted him for the rest of the ride by showing him videos on his phone which seemed to work as they ended up in front of Suho’s house.

“look! Tao’s car is back, does that mean he got discharged” Suho pointed excitedly.

Kris wiped his mouth grimacing at the taste of vomit “damn I said I wouldn’t vomit again” he sighed “he must be home, that means he’s healed, that’s fast”

“let’s go say hi” Suho ran to the house and unlocked it barging in.

The house was quiet, so he walked over to Tao’s door knocking but not waiting a second before barging in. he was met with Tao and Luhan hiding under the blanket, only their eyes looking at him in shock and horror

“oh… ahh, sorry, I’m going” he slammed the door shut in embarrassment. He looked over at Kris who was looking at him confused “don’t go in there, those two have definitely figured things out” he got over his shock and started laughing.

Kris smirked and walked over to him pinning him to the wall “maybe we should ‘figure things out’ too” he said in a low voice.

Suho laughed awkwardly before escaping and running off hiding the blush on his face.

 

“don’t do this to yourself” Taemin grabbed onto Minho’s arm momentarily stopping him from packing his bags.

Minho petted Taemin’s head “I have to, he found out about his condition. What if he decides to go see his father now he knows more about him”

“but… I know you feel guilty about Suho, but you can’t just drop everything every time he discovers something new”

“it’s my fault he developed the disorder so intensely”

Taemin pouted “you know that isn’t true, you may have fastened the process but in no way shape or form is it your fault”

Minho sighed clicking his tongue “I still want to go to make sure he’s ok”

“fine, I’m going with you then” Taemin clenched his fists holding them in the air making the taller smile

“ok, hurry and pack”

They packed Minho’s car and hopped in starting their journey

“it will be nice to see them again anyway” Taemin smiled, his arm hanging out of the car window as he enjoyed the wind flowing over his face

“yeh, I should go see Yoongi as well. I have something I should give back to him”

“sounds like a plan”

“you know you didn’t have to come”

“I wanted to, I love you and I want to be there for our friends too”

Minho smiled lovingly.  
When he met Taemin it was like everything around him was breaking apart, he didn’t know how to live without caring for Junmyeon, with the guilt that he could have caused his condition. But as soon as he started hanging out with Taemin it was like those pieces slowly started to fix themselves. His mind was less polluted, and he found someone else to care for that could also care for him.  
He parked the care and sighed leaning back in the chair “maybe I should just move closer, so I don’t have to drive so far every time” Minho groaned

“because our lives are back home, remember you can be there for Suho but don’t make your whole life about him anymore”

Minho smacked his lips hoping out of the car and taking out the bags following Taemin to the house, it only took a few knocks for Suho to appear. A massive smile took over his face when he saw who it was  
“you came!!” he launched himself at Minho causing the taller to drop all the bags in shock, but he still accepted the hug anyway. Taemin hoped from foot to foot in anticipation for the next hug which didn’t take long.

“how are you?” Taemin asked into Suho’s shoulder  
“better”

“are you… coping with the news?” Minho piped in

Suho pursed his lips and exhaled through his nose “define coping...”

“come on let’s go inside” he waved them all in before following them to the kitchen placing the bags on the kitchen table

“sorry we don’t really have any spare rooms anymore” Suho looked around thinking where the other two could go

“it’s fine, we’ll sleep on the couch!” Taemin pointed

“Minho is too long though”

“I’ll cope”

“fine…” Suho sat down “Kris is in the shower at the moment, the other two went out to get some food since none of us have been home for a while”

“how is Tao?”

“he recovered really well, I mean he’s still covered in bruises and bandages but he’s fine”

“that’s good to hear”

“you knew about my condition as well didn’t you?”

Minho cringed a little “yeh… I’ve known since it started”

“started? So I wasn’t always like this?”

“no”

“what happened?”

Taemin looked at Minho worried when his body deflated “I don’t know if I can tell you”

Suho’s face fell and he scoffed “how am I supposed to know then”

“when you change personalities 90 percent of the time it’s because you are triggered by something, meaning the other personalities are protecting you from anything that could possibly make you remember”

Suho hadn’t even thought of it that way “how do I stop them then?”

“maybe he has to trigger memories but not too harshly if that makes sense” Taemin chimed in

The other two looked at him with surprise before thinning their eyes in thought “that’s not a bad idea” Minho rubbed his chin

“how though”

“maybe if we make you relive certain events in your past… actually no”

“why?”

“because I can’t do that to you”

Suho softly slammed his head on the table “this is so frustrating why can’t someone just tell me what happened is it really that hard! Why do I have to have this stupid condition”?

“sorry…”

“Minho, it’s not your fault” Taemin whispered but not quite enough for Suho not to hear

“what do you mean you’re sorry, it’s not your fault?” Suho looked up from the table. Just then Kris walked in rubbing his hair with a towel, he joined the conversation after saying hellos

“I… there was an accident when you were staying with me and after that day you seemed to develop the personalities one by one”

“an accident?”

“you were already developing them I think but… I made it accelerate” Minho had to sit down the past guilt instantly filling him once again

 

~flashback~

 

Minho yawned walking out of his room and routinely going straight to Junmyeons room, he peeked in and his heart skipped a beat when he didn’t see the boy in bed.

“Suho?” he called out but there was no answer

He walked around the house but couldn’t see him anywhere. He finally walked out the front and saw him sitting next to the road staring at the cars driving past. He walked up and carefully touched Junmyeon on the shoulder not missing how he still flinched even though Minho didn’t apply any pressure

“what are you doing?” he asked in a soft voice

Junmyeons dead eyes looked at him briefly before looking back at the road not a sound being uttered from his mouth

“let’s go back inside ok?”

Junmyeon just stood up and walked back to the house, his walking stiff. Minho followed him closing the front door when they both entered “we should tend to your wounds; can you sit on the table for me like usual”

Junmyeon did as he was told and lifted his shirt over his head dropping it to the floor.  
Minho pulled the first aid box over which was permantly left on the table now. He took out the antiseptic and bandages walking around so he could see Junmyeons back.  
He got to work removing the old bandages and sighed when he saw that some of the scars had reopened letting little streams of blood run down Jun’s back “you haven’t been careful…”

He sighed and cleaned up the blood before dabbing the antiseptic onto the wounds, Junmyeon didn’t even flinch he was so used to the pain that it no longer phased him. Minho finished wrapping the bandages and walked in front of Jun picking up his shirt and helping him put it on. He gritted his teeth trying not to look at Junmyeons face, the boy was so spaced out that no emotion ever crossed his face anymore. He seemed to have given up on talking.

“should-should we do something today”

Junmyeon just shrugged letting his head flop to the side while he stared at the wall

“how about a walk?”

Minho softly grabbed Junmyeons hand and led him to the door, he put a coat on the smaller before grabbing his hand and leading him outside again.

They walked for a bit till Junmyeon stopped and refused to go any further, Minho looked up and noticed how close they had gotten to Jun’s childhood home. He wanted to go forward, maybe if Jun faced his fears, he would be able to start to heal

“come on let’s go a bit further it’s ok” he tugged at Jun’s hand, but the boy only took a few steps before stopping again

“please” Minho pulled again but instead of staying still Junmyeon started pulling the other way trying to get Minho to let go of him. Minho looked at the boy’s face and saw so much fear and pain that it made his heart stopped, maybe he pushed him too much.

He wasn’t focused on his hand and it loosened a bit just as Junmyeon tugged as hard as he could, which wasn’t that much considering how malnourished he was. But it was enough to send the weak boy flying backwards straight into a tree.

“JUNMYEON!!” Minho saw the back of his head hit the tree with a considerable amount of force and he ran straight to him grabbing him in his arms “are you ok?!”  
Fear rose in him when Junmyeon wasn’t responding, he touched the back of Jun’s head and saw blood on his hands. He freaked out calling the ambulance.

 

Luckily in the hospital he found out it wasn’t too serious, the doctors were more concerned with the state Junmyeon was in health wise.  
It only took a day for the smaller to wake up, and when he did Minho instantly knew something was wrong because Jun was… happy?  
“Minho! Hello, what happened?”

“you… you talked?”

“yeh” he smiled a real smile before it faded a bit when he saw Minho’s expression

“Suho, what…”

“my name is Sehun…”

“just give me a second please” Minho ran out of the room freaking out, did he hit his head too hard. Why was he suddenly in a better mood, has a different name?

He went to find the doctor in charge of Jun “excuse me… Junmyeon is acting weird”

The doctor instantly looked concerned “what is he doing?”

“his mood changed and he’s saying he has a different name”

“he’s the one with the head injury, isn’t he?”

“yeh”

The doctor dropped what he was doing and instantly went to Junmyeons room to ask him a few questions and run a few tests. Minho waited impatiently outside.

After a few hours the doctor finally came out running his hand through his hair, he sat next to Minho and checked if he was ok first before telling him what he found  
“I’m not sure yet, but there is one thing which is standing out to me. I think he has DID otherwise known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. Meaning he while transition from different personalities and names, think he is someone else”

“he… what?”  
“considering his… troublesome past it is the most likely, he might suffer memory loss as the formation of other personalities is a form of coping. Junmyeon may have no memories of his past”

“thank you doctor” Minho wanted to be alone, how was he supposed to process this information, would he have to start all over again in trying to fix Jun. would he have to learn the boy all over again

 

~end of flashback~

 

“how was that your fault?” Suho tilted his head

“because… if I hadn’t of forced you, if I held onto you properly you would have never fallen and hit your head, you wouldn’t have developed the personalities”

“it wasn’t your fault, obviously I have a messed up past that would have been what cause it”

“I just…” Minho hugged himself

“stop thinking about the what if’s, the same thing would have happened no matter what you did” Kris said sternly trying to make Minho stop putting the blame on himself.

“I guess” he agreed in a small voice.

“the others are back, should we change the subject” Taemin walked back into the room with some shopping bags followed by Tao and Luhan.

Luhan flicked Tao’s fringe letting out a laugh “you need to cut your hair”

“It’s been a while hasn’t it?”

They placed the bags onto the table and took out the various things to cook with.

It wasn’t long to finish dinner since all of them helped, they decided to have movie night again to try and get their minds off the issues surrounding them.  
“what are you doing?” Kris whispered from Suho’s lap where he was resting his head  
Suho reached down touching Kris’s cheek taking his focus away from his phone. “not much, hey I was wondering… you said you wouldn’t keep secrets from me, right?”

“yeh?”

“what’s my real name?”

“huh…” Kris hesitated a little before remembering his promise “it’s Kim Junmyeon”

“shhh” Luhan shushed them from across the room and they both apologized before going silent again. Kris focused back on the movie and Junmyeon looked back at his phone typing in his name into the inmate search. He sighed when nothing came up, so he changed site typing in his name again, it came up with nothing for his name, but it showed a list of relatives currently in jail.

There was only one person, an older male with the name Kim Byung-Joon. He instantly recognized the face by the horrible feeling in his gut, but he couldn’t help but smirk. He found him.

 

Suho shifted in bed, he couldn’t stop thinking about his father. He had both Minho’s and Yoongi’s voices in his head telling him not to see him, not to ask questions about him.

But he needed to know.

He looked at the clock and noticed that it was 5 in the morning, the first rays of sunlight where shining through the windows. He climbed out of bed careful not to wake Kris and silently pulled on some clothing grabbing his wallet and shoving it in his pocket. He walked out of the room and saw Minho and Taemin curled up together on the couch, he walked over and pulled the blanket over them more smiling when they cuddled further into each other.

“I’m sorry…” he whispered to Minho before walking out of the house.

 

Kris woke up and was sad when he couldn’t feel Suho next to him, he looked at the clock and noticed that it was 8 in the morning. What the hell was Suho doing up so early?

He groaned as he climbed out of bed and walked to the bathroom before walking out to the living area to see Minho and Taemin chatting to each other quietly as they snuggled on the couch

“morning”

“morning” they both replied to him at the same time

“have you seen Suho?”

“no? I thought he was still in bed”

“he’s not, he’s not in the bathroom either” Kris frowned and walked to Tao and Luhans room peeping in to see the two sleeping peacefully.

“he’s not in the house?” he took out his phone and texted Suho but there was no reply, so he tried calling him instead. His head whipped around when he heard Suho’s ringtone, he went back into Suho’s room and saw his phone sitting on his bed stand

“guys…” he held up the phone so the other two could see it

“where did he go?” Taemin questioned finally sitting up and letting Minho sit up too

“you don’t think?” Minho’s mind instantly went to the conversation they had yesterday

“he did ask me to tell him his name” Kris sensed the tension coming off of Minho

“what if he went to go find his father?”

The three boys froze before jumping into action starting to fear the worst

 

Suho tapped his foot impatiently, he still had to wait 10 more minutes for visiting time to start. He asked the guard about the person he found yesterday, and the guard confirmed with him that he was an inmate in the jail. Now he just had to sit and wait, wait to see if that man was his father.

Finally, the visiting time had started and he was escorted to the meeting area while a guard on the other side of the glass went to go find Kim Byung-Joon.

Suho was extremely nervous, his foot wouldn’t stop moving and his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest he just stared at the table tapping his fingers on the wood.

He was lost in his own mind until he heard a tap on the glass in front of him and he looked up to see an older, scary looking man sitting in front of him wearing the orange jumpsuit.

Suho’s heart stopped and dropped to his stomach, he couldn’t breath and his whole body went cold as a shiver passed through his body and he broke out in a cold sweat.

“you…” he choked out

The man smirked “hello Junmyeon”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! <3  
> it's been a while... I'm sorry :( I had massive writers block and was also doubting my writing skills, but I hope that this story is still interesting and entertaining to you lovely readers! (it's also a very short chapter sorry ;;)  
> Anyway I hope you are having a lovely night/day   
> Thankyou for reading love you <3


	23. Everything's ok. Is it?

“forget it! We need to go now” Minho threw his hands up in frustration

“we need to tell the other two, we cant keep secrets… have you forgotten that the majority of our problems are because of secrets” Kris stormed off and banged on Tao and Luhans door loudly

The two were sat up in bed shocked when Kris opened the door “wh-what is it?” Lucifer rubbed his eyes

“we need to find Suho now”

“ok… what happened?” Tao climbed out of bed immediately searching for a shirt

“I’ll explain in the car, we need to leave now” he walked off

The two boys looked at each other in surprise before shrugging and throwing on semi-decent clothing walking to the car where the others were waiting impatiently.

They crammed in the back with Taemin, their uplifted moods were crushed as they heard more and more of what happened.  
“how do we figure out which prison it is though” Kris scratched his head his eyes not leaving the roof of the car to keep himself calm.  
“I know where his father is…” Minho sighed

“how?”

“because Yoongi and I are the reason he is in jail. We called the cops on him, we took him to court and we provided all the evidence”

“you… woah” Luhan was genuinely impressed

It wasn’t long till they made it to the jail, Kris immediately jumped out of the car and took big steps to get there faster but Minho grabbed his arm stopping him  
“you cant go in there…”  
“why?” Kris was visibly agitated

“because you don’t want that man to see your face… if he ever gets out it could mean you’re in danger. He already knows my face so it’s better if I go”

“but…”

“no buts. Come on follow me”

Minho nervously bit his lips as he walked into the reception. He told the guard the name of Suho’s father with a scowl and the guard searched up the name in his computer before shaking his head in response  
“I’m sorry but only 1 visitor at a time, at the moment he is with family”  
“but we have to go in, he might be in danger”

“he’s safe behind the glass, plus he’s in jail” the guard cocked his head in confusion

“no, the visitor… is his son…”

The guard looked down at the information on the computer in front of him and his eyebrows furrowed “I understand why… but it was his choice to come, no idea why though… but it is the rules of the institution sorry”

“can you at least send a message for us?”

 

“hello Junmyeon”

Suho’s eyes widened “why are you here? What happened?” he wrapped his arms around his torso as his body got colder and colder.

The man seemed surprised before the smirk widened “you don’t remember?”

“n-no”

“you need to get me out of here son, you know that what I did was to protect you”

“protect me?” that statement clashed with the impression he got of the man from Yoongi and Minho “what do you mean?”

The man tilted his head looking Suho up and down before leaning forwards in his chair holding the phone closer to his ear “I thought I would never see you again, what happened to you the past few years that I’ve been stuck here?”

“pl-please don’t change the su-subject” he clenched his hand on the phone

He sighed and rolled his eyes “my son, I killed your mother to protect you. She was going to hurt you more, she told me she would kill you then pin the blame on me… I decided that if the blame is going to be pinned on me then I would much rather her being the one who is dead than you”

Suho swallowed harshly, he didn’t know whether to trust the man in front of him. A voice deep inside of him was screaming at him to run away, to leave the jail and never look back. But his brain reasoned that he didn’t know the actual story… and he needed to know even if it defied what everyone he cared about was telling him.

“I don’t… I don’t have any me-memories from more than three years ago”

“what happened?”

“I hit my head” he shrugged not wanting to tell his father everything

His father was trying hard to suppress a smile, he instead changed it to his most convincing worried face “are you ok?”

Suho nodded

“son listen, I love you. you don’t remember everything we’ve been through together, but I’m glad since it means you don’t have to deal with the memories. But you need to get me out, I’m innocent, if you just testify in court than they will let me out on parole”

“huh?” Suho looked at him surprised, their eyes met and it made Suho clench his jaw. There was no emotions in those eyes, his face was contorted into a look of pain but his eyes… they were empty.

He jumped a little when a guard tapped him on the shoulder

“yeh?”

“your friends are here, they asked me to give you a message” the guard placed a piece of folded paper into Suho’s hand and turned around walking out again.

Suho put down the phone and his father tapped on the glass trying to get Suho to pick it up again but he just put a finger up and mouthed ‘one second’

He unwrapped the paper and recognized Minho’s handwriting, sighing he read through it his body developing goosebumps in response

‘Suho, listen to me. You need to leave now please. Your father is not a man you should trust he is manipulative and under all circumstances don’t tell him you have no memories he will use that against you. Please come out, let’s talk, I know it’s frustrating but now is not the right time.’

He looked up at his father with narrowed eyes and picked up the phone again

“what was that about? What does it say”

“do you know Minho?”

His father stiffened and a dark expression crossed his face “you mean the person who put me in here”

“he… he put you in jail?”

“he made assumptions and stole you from me and put me in here. he doesnt know the whole truth”

“he wouldn’t do something like that for no reason”

“you only have three years of memories; how do you know you can trust him?”

“because-“

“Junmyeon I am your father; you should trust me”

Suho bit his lips and he felt his nose tingle as tears filled his eyes for seemingly no reason “I don’t, you seem way to happy that I lost my memories”

His father clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth and scowled a little tilting his head, so he was looking down his nose at Suho “it’s a shame… I do so much for you your whole life and this is my thanks… I save your life, get rid of the person hurting you and you don’t even try to save me”

Against his better judgement he felt a little bit of guilt, this was his father anyway, he scrunched the paper in his hand trying desperately to figure it all out.

“what happened to me goddammit. What is so bad?”

“have you seen your back? The scars littered over your entire body, not including the self-inflicted ones” his face broke into a dark smile “have you ever thought about what caused them?”

“scars on my back?” Suho reached around and stuck his hand down the top of his shirt “there’s nothing the-“he felt around a little more and froze not finishing his sentence when he felt a considerable amount of raised skin “how have I never noticed that before?”

“your mother caused those that’s why I punished her, let me protect you again, please help me out of here… if you remembered your childhood you would have already gotten me out”

Suho couldn’t respond he felt like there was a rock in his esophagus, his head hurt, and he felt dizzy. Every time he felt dizzy he fainted, no he changed personalities. He didn’t want to; he wouldn’t remember anything if he changed. He needed to know more; he couldn’t blow this opportunity.

“what are you doing” his father asked in a monotonic voice

“I-give me a sec” he held his head and gritted his teeth “tell me the truth” he regained enough composure to stare his father dead in the eyes

His father’s top lip lifted slightly as he looked with disgust at his son “I told you already, don’t you remember the times you bled, the times your mother abandoned you, the times that I helped you up of the floor? Put you in your own special little room to protect you?” he leaned forwards so his nose was almost touching the glass “if you don’t get me out of here you’re going to get hurt, I’m the only one who can protect you… I’m the one who-“

“SHUT UP!!!!” Suho suddenly screamed throwing the phone at the glass, it bounced right off the screen and hit Suho on the mouth causing his bottom lip to split and start to bleed “shut up!!!” he stood up so quickly his chair fell over. His father stood up and hit the glass with his fist when he saw the fear and anger in Suho’s eyes, he screamed at Suho to pick up the phone, by now guards started to surround his father

“GET AWAY!!!” the tears were streaming down his face and his whole body shook in fear.

 

Minho shot out of his chair when he heard the screaming, he knew it was Suho’s voice. He looked at Kris who had also jumped up and he ran to the entrance of the visitor room, he ran straight past the first guard who was the one who refused them entry in the first place, he made no attempt to stop him or Kris.

The second guard however, stood right in Minho’s way making the man come to a halt, Kris pushed past Minho and started to push the guard to the side. He used all his strength to try and fight him.

He looked over to Minho and nodded, he understood the plan and ran past when Kris held the guard back. It didn’t take him long to find Suho, he pushed past the guards trying to calm him down and wrapped his arms around the shaking boy who was staring without blinking at the glass.

Minho glanced over and saw his father, he scowled instantly and sent him a death stare. His father just smirked and let out a laugh while the guards pulled him away back to his cell

“Suho, Suho look at me” he tried to position Suho’s face to look at him.

The guards surrounding them made no attempt to get in between them but told them quietly that they should leave.

Suho just buried his face into Minho’s chest and clutched the fabric of his shirt desperately, his breathing was harsh.

“i-I rem-rememb-ber… everyth-thi-thing” he hiccupped

Minho’s eyes widened his heart skipped a beat “no, no, no” he started to stress.

 

He picked up Suho bridal style not sure what else to do, he carried him out to the front room and out of the door ignoring the worried glance of everyone else. The other boys ran out with him fussing over Suho, Minho just walked to the car and placed Suho on the back seat sideways with his legs dangling out the side.

He crouched down so he could see the crying boys downturned face

“what happened?” he asked after a few minutes of letting him calm down

“I-“ he hiccupped and wiped his face while trying to stop his body from shaking

Kris frowned crouching next to Minho, he looked at Suho before sighing “you’re not Suho are you?”

Minho’s eyes widened in surprise, he didn’t even think of that  
“n-no”  
“then what did you mean by you remember everything?”

“I’m Kyungsoo”

Minho looked at the ground in thought “wait? So you mean that-“

“I remember everything, not just what happened during my turn”

“but that has never happened before, you didn’t even know the half about your past”

“seeing that monsters face, something broke” he cringed and breathed out heavily

“so Suho started having a panic attack…”

“huh?”

“Kyungsoo only comes out when Suho has some kind of panic attack or gets too much anxiety”

Kris nodded before standing up and hugging Kyungsoo, he couldn’t help it, he just wanted to comfort the boy and when he felt him visibly relax in his arms he smiled half-heartedly “let’s just go home, we can talk about everything later”

Everyone nodded in agreement.

Taemin went up to Minho and pulled him up from the ground wrapping his arms around the taller and nuzzling into his shoulder calming him down a little.

“uh… you guys go Tao and I will take a uber since there isn’t really room…”  
They didn’t even think of that and agreed, reluctantly the helped Kyungsoo into the car and filed in leaving the other two standing close.

 

“you wanna order it?”

“and pay for it?”

“yeh, you’re the rich one” Luhan laughed and stuck out his tongue

Tao ordered it and turned around looking at the jail “wouldn’t it be nice if Jae was locked up in here”

“I thought we weren’t going to mention him” Luhan groaned

“remember we have to go back to school sometime, he happens to go to the same school”

Luhan sighed “I know… maybe we should transfer”

“then my parents will know for sure something is going on”

“true…” Luhan puffed out his cheeks and sat down on a large rock that was next to the pathway

“about last night…”

Luhan instantly went red “I’m sorry for that” he covered his face in embarrassment

“did-did you regret it?” Tao bit his lip

“huh? No… I didn’t”  
Tao smiled and waved the car down, he over to Luhan and grabbed his hand giving it a squeeze before pulling him to the car.

 

“is your lip ok” Kris touched it softly when they finally sat down at the kitchen table

“yeh… it will be fine” Kyungsoo grabbed Kris’s hand and softly lowered it from his face

Minho leant on the table his hands gripping his hair harshly, Taemin was hugging him but he still shook a little.

“Minho, it will be fine” Kyungsoo whispered

“if you remember everything suddenly how much will Suho remember?”

“I don’t know… but we have a problem”

“what is it?”

“Suho’s father was trying to convince him to get him out of jail”

“if Suho testifies for his father than he would get out on parole for sure” Minho groaned wanting so bad to hit his head on the table

“I-I have something I want to tell you… not-not as Kyungsoo but as Junmyeon…”

Minho’s head shot up “as Jun?”

“yeh… I don’t blame you one bit for hitting my head, for the disorder I developed… I was actually developing it way before, but I thought it was nothing… well I didn’t actually care that much to be honest”

Kris reached out trying to grab Kyungsoo’s hand to give him comfort but he moved his hand and flinched a little, he gave Kris a sorry look and shifted a little away from him.

“guys, I know this is major but maybe he should take our minds off it for a little” Taemin joined in, he could sense the tension and emotions filling the room, so he decided to cut through it instead of letting it grow.

“that’s not a bad idea” Minho sighed and stood up walking over to the kettle to make everyone a tea.

It wasn’t long till the other two walked through the door  
“what should we do then?”  
“go to the club?” Kris suggested

Luhan cringed “no”

“oh ok…” he looked at Luhan confused but shook it off “movies?”

“movies aren’t a bad idea” Taemin nodded in agreement

“too-too many people” Kyungsoo shrunk a little

“maybe we should just have movie night here?” Minho shrugged

“we always have movie night here” Tao pouted

There was a moment of silence as everyone awkwardly tried to think of something to do  
“shopping maybe?” Tao put up a finger “I mean it’s only the middle of the day”  
“yeh, why not” Minho and Taemin shrugged and smiled at each other

“I guess it won’t be that busy today” Kyungsoo gave a little smile

“shopping it is” Kris clapped his hands “I need to actually get dressed though”

“same” Tao pulled Luhan to his room. He locked the door and turned to Luhan “you said you didn’t regret it didn’t you?” he walked up to Luhan backing him against the wall

“what? Where did this come from” Luhan wrapped his arms around Tao’s shoulders when he grabbed his waist

“I realize that if I don’t show you how much I love you then I will lose you. everything we went through could have been avoided if I just told you that I loved you in the first place”

He leaned in kissing Luhans nose making the smaller blush “I love you too”

“I know” he kissed him softly “about you not wanting to go to the club… what happened?”

Luhan was surprised and decided just to kiss Tao again to avoid answering, Tao reached up and grabbed Luhans chin carefully pushing him away with two fingers  
“Lu…”  
“fine, the last time I went there I was attacked by this man who… touched me and there was nothing I could do, and Jae was the person who saved me and that was when I realized that I’m nothing without someone else”

Luhan rested his head on Tao’s chest. Tao wrapped his arms around Luhan in a tight hug and rested his chin on the top of the smallers head.  
“you know what Lu, you are your own person and you are bloody strong. For so long you helped the rest of us and never asked for help when you needed it. You don’t need anybody to protect or validate you”  
Luhan didn’t know how to respond to that and nuzzled Tao’s chest more to try and hide his flushed face

Tao let out a little laugh “let me help you realize that”

“are you suggesting?...”

“be my boyfriend?” Tao stepped back and lifted the smallers face forcing him to make eye contact

Luhan smiled and nodded enthusiastically “can we really?”

“we can” he leaned in and kissed Luhan slow, he felt like melting from the taste and the emotions, Luhan was finally his. He could finally protect the younger and make him feel worthy.

They both jumped apart when there was a loud knock on the door “are you guys done yet let’s go!”

“one sec” Tao yelled back and the two looked at each other before bursting into laughter and running to the other side of the room to throw on some nicer clothing.

 

“boys!!” Yuna ran over to them “I have missed you” she pretend wiped away a tear and froze shocked when Tao hugged her out of nowhere

“Yuna, I’m so happy to see you”

“well you guys did invite me”  
Tao laughed and pushed her lightly on the shoulder  
She reached up and touched Tao’s face “the bruising is still there, but it is healing well isn’t it”

“Lu is taking good care of my injuries so no need to worry, let’s go buy you something to thank you”

“that’s a great idea! See you guys around” Luhan ran up and linked arms with Yuna and they forced her away from the group in their excitement to treat her.

Kris laughed and ruffled his hair “not really a group activity anymore”

Minho shrugged and reached down to grab Taemin’s arm to stop the boy running off, but also to get him closer  
“you alright Kyungsoo?” he turned his focus onto Kyungsoo who was staring after the three who ran off  
“did you want to go with them?”

“huh? No… it’s just, Yuna was it?”

“yeh”

“she looks a lot like my mother” he shook his head “she is nothing like her though”

“is that why you, Xiumin freaked out last time?”

“yeh”

“I thought she looked familiar, but I mean I didn’t meet your mother much” Minho shrugged

“guys, mind of the angsty things. Let’s have fun ok?” Taemin stomped his foot and the other three smiled at him

“fun, ok” Kris pointed to a random shop and they all shrugged deciding to see what was in it.

 

Kris spent most of the time studying Kyungsoo, he really did have anxiety. He wouldn’t speak to anyone and the times he had to pay for things he asked one of the other boys to do it for him.  
He was awfully jumpy too, if someone got too close, he would go through lengths to get a safe distance away again.  
Minho obviously knew this as he acted the right way to make Kyungsoo totally comfortable in his presence, whereas with Kris Kyungsoo still kept an eye on him at all times.

He clicked his tongue and walked over to the other three “did you guys want to split up? I keep seeing Taemin side eyeing the dance store over there”

Taemin smiled awkwardly and looked at Minho sheepishly “I mean…”

“if that’s what you want Tae then let’s do it” Minho ruffled his hair “let’s meet up later?”

“sounds good, we will just wander around”

Kris waved the two off and he noticed Kyungsoo looking at him awkwardly “you have your memories, right? That means that you know that you can trust me even though we didn’t have the best first meeting”

The smaller tilted his head “I’m sorry for not knowing who you were the first time”

“it’s ok, it’s not really your fault is it” Kris reached over and grabbed a scarf of the rack looking at it with a soft smile “this is really soft” he walked slowly over to Kyungsoo and wrapped it around his neck “it really suits you too, that colour is pretty”

Kyungsoo blushed a little and reached up touching the scarf letting out a little gasp before whispering “it is really soft”

“here” Kris ripped the price tag off and walked up to the cashier buying it before Kyungsoo could stop him.

“you didn’t have-have to”

“I wanted to” Kris laughed and guided the smaller out of the store “was there any other stores you want to look at? Don’t worry you can tell me I’m happy to look at anything”

“well… no it’s nothing” he mumbled letting his face fall into that expressionless dead-pan expression again

“tell me, it’s ok”

“there was a… cooking store, I thought it might be nice to look in… but it will be boring for you so let’s not go”

“don’t be silly” Kris didn’t even think and intertwined his fingers with Kyungsoo pulling the smaller back the way they came to try and find the store, he smiled widely when he found it. He felt his heart warm when he saw Kyungsoo’s eyes light up at the cooking appliances and recipe books

“you like cooking?”

Kyungsoo nodded “when I was younger it was a hobby I enjoyed”

“you should cook me something”

“I have before”

“not you, Suho has, you haven’t” Kris picked out a book and flicked through it almost drooling at the pictures

The smaller walked cautiously up to Kris and plucked the book out of his hands flicking through it himself “the things in here look yummy”

“they do! should we do a food shop after this?”

Kyungsoo nodded holding the book to his chest looking at Kris expectedly before handing him the book and his card. Kris nodded and took the book to the cashier buying that as well, secretly using his own card.

 

“hey… thank you” Kyungsoo suddenly said in a small voice as they made their way to the supermarket

“for what”

“being so considerate… I know I’m hard to deal-to deal with”

“I think you are cute, so it’s ok”

“it must be hard to deal with my condition, to have to relearn your lover every week”

Kris looked to the ground, he wasn’t wrong, but he didn’t want Suho to know how much he was struggling with his condition. He loved the man unconditionally; he knew that now. But the thought that there were sides of Suho who didn’t love him the same way teared a little at his insides.

But he knew that if the roles were reversed Suho would stay by Kris’s side and do what he could to adapt and love every part of him.  
He sighed “it is hard, but it’s ok. I love Suho, therefore I love all of you. it’s that simple”  
“that’s admirable, really” Kyungsoo turned his attention back to the book in his hands and flipped through “what’s your favorite food?”

“huh? Oh, I donno, maybe sausage fried rice? My mum used to make it all the time it was delicious”

“sorry”

“for what?”

“bringing up memories”

“it’s ok, I like my memories it’s where my parents are still alive. That’s why I want to give Suho his back. He deserves to know it’s driving him mad”

“I know…” Kyungsoo flipped the page “hah! Fried rice recipe, I can change this to make it sausage and maybe add a few more ingredients…” Kyungsoo started mumbling to himself as he walked into the supermarket with a new found purpose. Kris followed him with a basket and shook his head laughing at how cute the boy suddenly got as he focused on finding all the ingredients.

Kyungsoo suddenly turned sharply catching Kris of guard causing him to run right into the smaller, Kyungsoo lost balance and started falling back making Kris drop the basket and try to catch him.

It ended with both of them on the floor, Kyungsoo was under Kris

“sorry. Are you ok?” Kris was worried

“it’s fine. Sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to run into you its just- it’s just-“

“hey shush, there’s no need to apologise”

“but it would have hurt falling”

“if anything, it hurt you more, here” Kris sat up and held out his hand to help Kyungsoo up

He pushed Kyungsoo’s fringe out of his eyes and smiled “see we are fine”

“I guess that’s true” he took a step back and grabbed what he was going for in the first time placing it into the basket Kris picked up.

 

“did you buy anything?” Kris asked as soon as he and Kyungsoo met up with the rest of the group

Yuna lifted her arms to point out she was now wearing a new hoodie

“doesn’t it suit her?” Tao said excitedly

“she looks cute in it!” Luhan added in

The rest nodded

“what did you guys get?”

“Kyungsoo is making us dinner tonight!!”

“thank god we don’t have to eat Kris’s food again” Tao sighed out in relief and let out a laugh when he saw Kris’s face

“my cooking isn’t that bad”

Tao shrugged and hid behind Luhan when Kris raised his fist threatingly.

“I agree with Tao, plus Kyungsoo is an amazing cook” Minho chimed in

“hey!” Kris used his already formed fist to punch Minho in the shoulder.

Minho playfully lunged at him they fought a little till Kris put him in a headlock, but Minho was able to get out and instead trap Kris in a headlock instead.

The others watched them in amazement and occasional giggles

“ok children that’s enough” Yuna patted Minho’s arm causing him to let go of Kris “let’s go home”

 

“you really can cook well” Kris kept peaking over Kyungsoo’s shoulder watching what he was doing “can I try some?”

“no, go away” the smaller tried to elbow Kris but he dodged him and kept trying to stick his finger in the pan “stop it, you will burn yourself”

He hit the back of Kris’s hand with the spatula and watched as he stepped back feigning a sulk.

“go in the other room with the others, I want some time by myself”

“but you will be lonely”

“I’ve reached my socializing quota for today, let me cook in peace”

“fine” Kris pouted and walked out to the living room sitting with the others

“I’m hungry is he almost done?” Tao stood up patting his stomach

Minho reached up and made him sit back down “leave him alone, he likes to be alone especially while cooking”

“fair enough, I mean I live alone so can’t relate. But I’m sure living with other people all the time is exhausting” Yuna shook her head

“how do you live alone? Where are your parents?”

“oh, they moved to America when my little brother passed away, I wanted to stay here though”

“that’s harsh”

“eh, they are happy there so who am I to complain” she smiled and shrugged “talking about parents, Luhan have you even been home to see them since Tao was hospitalized?”

“hmm no, I’ve been with Tao the whole time”

“it’s almost been a month?”

“wait… we missed that much school? Man, we are screwed” Luhan looked at Yuna with wide eyes

“how did we even get the authority to do that”

“I talked to Luhan’s parents, and since they are Tao’s guardian as well and you and Suho… well let’s say their permission was enough for all of you, you just have to stay an extra two hours after normal school hours for a month to catch up”

“we what?!” Luhan couldn’t believe his ears “when were you going to tell us that?”

“well I didn’t really want to tell you when Tao was in hospital cause I know someone would be stupid enough to try and get out earlier” she looked at Tao pointedly and the man shrugged

“at least we are together, it makes sense otherwise we would fall behind plus holidays are coming up soon anyway”

“Kris aren’t you mad about this like me?!” Luhan looked over to the taller who was watching the kitchen disinterested

“two hour naps every afternoon don’t sound that bad to me”

“of course…”

“come on boys it’ll be good; you will graduate soon you know that right”

Luhan sighed and scrunched up his nose “I can’t wait”

“dinner is ready!!” Kyungsoo called out making everyone forget about the conversation as they focused back on their hunger  
They filed into the kitchen to retrieve their bowl of fried rice  
“I hope it is good… I don’t know if you-if you will like it but that’s ok if you don’t we can get takeout and-“

“it’s delicious Kyungsoo” Kris interrupted after licking his spoon

“re-really?”

“best fried rice I’ve ever had!” Tao said with a full mouth causing some to fly onto Luhan

“don’t speak with your mouth full!!” he looked at the taller disgusted before smiling at Kyungsoo “it is amazing though”

“agreed!” Taemin nodded

“thankyou” Kyungsoo couldn’t help the smile that over took his face

“you truly are the best cook” Minho patted him on the back before herding the rest back out to the living room so they could find something to watch as they ate.

 

Kyungsoo sat on the bed awkwardly staring at Kris, he had never slept with someone else in the bed. What should he do he didn’t want to just kick Kris out and there was no way he was sleeping on the floor.

“checking out my back muscles?” Kris asked while still looking away “I can feel your stare you know” he pulled on a shirt and turned around

“no-no I just” a blush covered his face

Kris walked over and sat on the bed in front of Kyungsoo “if you don’t want me to sleep here then just say so, I’ll go somewhere else”

“how did you?”

“I guessed, no matter what personality you are I can read you like an open book sometimes”

Kyungsoo furrowed his eyebrows “it… it’s not you I just feel uncomfortable”

“I know it’s hard, but it’s not like we haven’t done this”

“I haven’t”

“but…”

“Kris, you still don’t understand do you” a new look filled his eyes, he seemed to have confidence for once “this place” he tapped his own head “is messed up”

“you know what, I don’t understand but also this place is messed up” Kris pointed to his heart “that doesn’t stop me from loving you”

“that isn’t the same thing”

“tell me then Kyungsoo, make me understand”

“you know the scars on my back, don’t you?”

Kris was taken aback by the sudden change of topic “yeh… I was going to tell Suho but…”

“shush” he clenched his fists to stop his hands from shaking and took a deep breath trying to keep his sudden burst of confidence “well Suho knows, his father told him”

“he did?”

“yeh, and you know what… what caused them?” he scraped his teeth together and dug his nails into his palm

“you don’t have to tell me” Kris reached out and pried apart Kyungsoo’s fist stopping him from digging his nails too deep

“some of them are caused by a belt buckle, others from pieces of wood, a few are whip marks, the smaller ones are glass and the deepest are from a knife” Kyungsoo bit his lip as his face scrunched up in pain and a tear fell down his cheek “I wish I didn’t remember, now I know why I am like I am and I don’t know if Suho should find out.”

“Kyungsoo…” Kris reached up and wiped away the tears

Kyungsoo grabbed Kris’s arms looking him right in the eyes for once “I can’t pretend I’m fine anymore”

“what do you mean?”

“I mean that since I woke up, I have been dying inside unable to stop the memories I don’t want. I’m good at acting but I can’t do it anymore” he looked away his face contorting in emotional pain “I need to change back” he pulled Kris towards him and grabbed his face instead forcing the taller to kiss him

Kris pulled away “Kyungsoo no!”

Kyungsoo didn’t listen and put his hands behind Kris’s head to force him back into a kiss without a way to pull out.

Kris tried to get away, but he couldn’t, it made tears escape his eyes, he wasn’t ready for Kyungsoo to go. The smaller released his hold a little and Kris pulled away frantically looking all over his face for any sign of change

“Kyungsoo! Please…” tears streamed down his face at the expression his lover gave him, one of pure confusion

“why are you crying?”

Kris fell forwards crying into his neck, it wasn’t long till arms were wrapped around him  
“don’t cry please”  
“Suho?”

“yeh?”

Kris sobbed out loud clutching onto the fabric of Suho’s shirt as the smaller tried to reassure him even though he had no idea what was going on.

 

“Hey Tao, do we really have to go back to school”

“of course we do, we need to graduate”

Luhan sighed and shifted himself in Tao’s lap to reach another scar to dab some ointment on it “I don’t want to go back”

“we had fun times there”

“a lot of bad times too”

“Lu” Tao used one hand to softly touch Luhans cheek “you need to tell me what happened”

“I don’t want to think about it”

“but whenever I do this you flinch” he let his hand fall to Luhans thigh and it creeped to his inner thigh, when he slid his hand up further Luhan flinched and reached down moving Tao’s hand away from him

“I just… just let me tend to your wounds god dammit”

Tao sighed and let Luhan rebandage him and do a double check over of all his bruises

“you are healing really well”

“I know” Tao flipped them over so Luhan was on his back underneath him, he pinned both of the smaller boys hands above his head with one hand. He started to unbutton Luhans shirt with his other hand.

He felt Luhan start to shake under him and he grimaced but continued, he slid his hand under the boys shirt and grinded down at the same time

“st-stop it!” Luhan closed his eyes and tilted his head the other way

Tao took that opportunity to lean down and lick Luhans neck before biting it

“please” Luhan started to shake so violently that it made Tao’s body freeze

He let out a growl and released Luhans hands and propped himself up on his elbows looking at the boy slowly calm down underneath him. After a few minutes Luhan finally opened his eyes again and they were visibly filled with tears, but none escaped.

Tao reached up running his thumb along Luhans cheekbone before sighing and tried to contain his anger which lead to his face contorting into one of pain

“he raped you, didn’t he?”

Tao didn’t need an answer when he saw the face Luhan made, it confirmed his worst fear

“goddammit” he hit the bed next to Luhan’s head and lowered his head, so his forehead was resting on Luhan’s chest, clenching his jaw trying so hard not to let his emotions out.

Luhans hand found its way to Tao’s hair and started to pet it as his body relaxed.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t stop him”

“It’s not your fault… I’m going to kill that bastard”

“I thought we weren’t going to deal with him anymore… I know I’m disgusting but-”

“I will kill him” Tao growled into Luhans chest.

 

The sunlight hit Suho’s face and he groaned rolling over, he opened his eyes and looked at Kris’s sleeping face. He sighed when he saw that his lovers face was still frowning, he pushed Kris’s shoulder to try and wake him up, when it didn’t work he pushed again causing Kris to open his eyes slightly.

“what is it?” he said in his morning voice making Suho shiver slightly

“are you ok?”

“are you?”

“I asked you first”

“I’m fine”

“what was with last night”

“you were a personality called Kyungsoo and I wasn’t ready for you to turn back but you forced me to turn you back” Kris rolled over wanting to not think about it and closed his eyes

Suho snuggled up closer and rested his head on Kris’s shoulder “I have a question”

“yeh?”

“my father… he told me about the scars on my back, you must have seen them why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know if I should or not”

“you said no more secrets”

“I know”

“then do you know how I got them?”

Kris grimaced and rolled over onto his stomach shoving his face into the pillow “it’s too early let me sleep”

Suho sighed and sat up, it was obvious he wasn’t going to tell him, so he walked out of the room instead.

He saw Minho and Taemin sitting on the couch looking at something on Minho’s phone

“morning”

“morning”

“did you sleep ok Kyungsoo?”

Suho shook his head “it’s Suho now”

“oh” Minho looked up in amazement “that was fast” his face darkened a little “what happened?”

“does something need to happen?”

“usually yeh”

“apparently I kissed Kris”

“oh, yeh that seems to work most times… are you ok Suho?”

“what did your dad say to you?” Taemin pouted when Minho elbowed him “what, we should know”

“I’m fine, he didn’t say anything”

“he must have, knowing him he wouldn’t waste the opportunity… especially if you told him about your memory loss”

“how did I get the scars on my back?”

“Suho…”

“how come you call me Suho when my name is Junmyeon?”

Minho stood up shocked and walked over placing his hand on Suho’s shoulder “I cant…”

“how come my father is in jail when he says that he is innocent and you’re the one who put him there”

The taller frowned “he told you that? You can’t trust him Suho”

“how do I know? Give me a reason, any reason”

“cant you just trust me”

Suho huffed out and turned around sharply causing Minho to lose his grip on him, he didn’t say anything else and walked into the kitchen to find something to eat.

Minho sighed and sat down next to Taemin again  
“should I tell him everything?” he leaned his head on his lovers’ shoulder while grabbing his hand to play with it  
“I don’t think it’s your job anymore”

“but Kris doesn’t know what happened”

“I’m not talking about Kris, Suho will have to remember sometime right?”

“but… I have to convince him his dad is evil otherwise there’s a chance Suho could try and get him out of jail. That’s just how he is”

“give him a reason without telling him the whole truth then”

Minho slumped back in the couch annoyed “even though our childhood sucked, I kind of wish we could go back to those moments which we hid in the forest and played games together to forget about everything” a little smile appeared on his face “one broken child, one depressed child in poverty and one child who tried to keep everyone together, helping each other forget and making one another laugh and smile… I kinda miss that”

Taemin squeezed Minho’s hand tighter “isn’t it still the same thing but the kids are older, and there are more of us”

The taller chuckled “I guess so”

 

Kris stared at the wall, opening his eyes as soon as Suho left the room. How was he supposed to tell him how he got his scars, it horrified him what Kyungsoo said. The look in his eyes as he listed the things used to make the scars.

He couldn’t even tell how much the boy was hurting, maybe he didn’t know Suho as well as he thought.

He never expected Kyungsoo to force Kris to change him, for some reason it was breaking his heart. He finally understood why Minho and Yoongi were so hesitant to tell Suho everything, he could see that Kyungsoo was breaking from suddenly remembering everything, what would happen to Suho if he knew.

Kris didn’t even know the half of it, he understood that. But if there was more to it, worse than the things he was imagining then he had no idea if it was a good idea for Suho to remember.

He sighed sitting up and rubbing his face, he should have a bath to try and relax, maybe he would be able to think about things clearer in the warm water rather than a cold bed.

He ran the water sitting by the bath and swishing the water with his hand while losing himself in thought again. A soft knock at the door shook himself out of his head  
“Kris… are you running a bath?” Suho’s voice traveled through the door making Kris smile

“I am, do you wanna join?”  
“can I?”

“of course” Kris walked over unlocking the door and letting Suho in before locking it again “it’s almost full”

“thankyou” Suho smiled pulling off his shirt

Kris grabbed Suho’s arms holding them up and studying them

“it’s one of my other personalities who does it… not me, I mean I have before but not to the extent that…”

“you made a promise to me thankyou for keeping it” Kris let Suho’s arms go and leaned in pecking his nose

He took of his clothes and sat down in the bath waving for Suho to come in with him, the smaller did just that and sat in between Kris’s legs his back facing Kris.

Kris reached up and ran his hand along the scars grimacing “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I just know how I feel about my own scar”

“I understand don’t worry”

Kris accidentally scratched the scar with his nail “oh, sorry… Suho?”

Suho’s eyes were wide, what just flashed behind his eyes? The small amount of pain caused him to imagine kneeling on the floor crying as something hard hit his back in the exact same place over and over again.

“I-I saw something”

“a memory?”

“I don’t know” Suho leaned back so he was leaning on Kris’s chest

Kris wrapped his arms around Suho’s torso and held him close “the only reason I didn’t tell you about what caused the scars is because I’m scared, Kyungsoo was breaking apart remembering everything and I don’t want you to hurt”

Suho reached up holding onto Kris’s arms tilting his head back onto Kris’s shoulder smiling when the taller kissed him on the cheek “it’s ok, if I have you, I’ll be ok”

Kris blushed and smiled softly “Kyungsoo he said…” it was surprisingly hard to say

“you can tell me, please”

“he said that they are from… from a belt buckle, pieces of wood, whips, glass and from a knife. I don’t understand how…”

“I think when you scratched me, I remembered something, I think I was being whipped…”

“maybe that’s what my dad was protecting me from?”

“what do you mean”

“apparently my father was protecting me from my mother by killing her”

“but then why does Minho and Yoongi hate him so much”

“I donno” Suho closed his eyes sighing, he was losing energy everything was just too much

Kris leaned down kissing his cheek again before nuzzling it “we will figure everything out ok, but in due time let’s not rush anything”

Suho didn’t reply, he was struggling to be patient especially with everything he had found out already. He just wanted to put all the pieces together.

 

Tao groaned reaching over Luhan to grab his phone to look at the messages that kept popping up

“Yuna is saying that we should go to school today”

“I don’t wanna” Luhan shoved his face into Tao’s side

“me neither but I guess we have to”

“there’s no fighting with Yuna is there”

“nope, won’t end well for us” he laughed softly and shifted onto his side so he could see Luhans face “as long as we stick together everything will be fine” he leaned close, so their noses touched

Luhan giggled “ok”

“you’re so beautiful”

“but- “

“I love you” he interrupted

“you know that you were the first person that I truly loved; I think the only person actually”

“I guessed, since it’s the same for me”

Luhan lifted his head a little so he could kiss Tao and pulled away because he couldn’t stop smiling.

“come on let’s get ready, you still have a uniform here don’t you?”

“yeh I do”

 

They knocked on the bathroom door in Suho’s bedroom “guys, we are going back to school today… are you coming?”

“really? I guess” Kris yelled back “give us like half an hour”

“we need to leave in 20 minutes to get there in time”

“fine 20 minutes”

Kris groaned kissing Suho’s shoulder “I don’t wanna move”

“the water is starting to get cold and look at my hands” Suho lifted his hands to show how they were starting to prune

Kris let out a low laugh “I guess”

“I like it here too though” Suho leaned up to kiss Kris’s cheek before getting up and wrapping a towel around himself.

Kris let out a loud groan and sunk into the water, so it was up to his chin. Suho walked over to him petting his head giggling  
“come on we gotta get ready, you really going to school with hair like that?”  
Kris glared at him “no…”

“come on then”

The taller pulled himself out of the bath with the help of Suho and grabbed a towel walking over to the mirror to fix his hair.

 

“finally, you guys are ready!” Luhan rolled his eyes when they walked out

“where are you going?” Taemin walked into the living room eating a piece of bread

“we’re going back to school”

“really!? Wow that’s amazing” he ate the last of the bread and gave them a thumbs up “what are we gonna do all day though”

Kris patted him on the shoulder “maybe de-stress Minho”

“you’re right! Have fun at school” he smiled patting him on the back before going off to find Minho.

“we’ll meet you there” Suho waved to Luhan and Tao and grabbed Kris’s hand

“you do realize I can mostly handle car rides now”

“oh yeh… old habits I guess, would be nice to walk though” he smiled tightening his fingers around Kris’s

Kris looked at him surprised but with a warm smile “I like walking”

“I know”

 

Luhan watched the trees fly past the car as they drove towards school, he missed these before school car rides. He looked over to Tao and noticed that his knuckles were white from gripping onto the steering wheel too hard  
“don’t break the wheel”  
“haha you're right” he loosened his hands a little

“are you ok?”

“yeh just fine why?”

“well for one you usually drive with one hand…”

Tao rolled his eyes “I’m fine Lu”

“if this is about-“

“it’s not, everything’s good”

“we can go home”

“LU!... I’m ok, I should be asking you the same thing you haven’t stopped biting your thumb since we left”

Luhan sighed and wound down his window leaning on the ledge feeling the wind blow over his face, he closed his eyes until they made it to the school.

As soon as they left the car Tao grabbed Luhans hand pulling him close

“hey, stop it people are staring” the smaller tried to pry his hand away

“no, let them stare”

“but…”

“who cares what they think, we are already the losers of the school”

Luhan relaxed a little and stopped trying to get away “I guess that is true”

They walked into the school ignoring the stares digging holes into their backs and the judgemental whispers.

“so the losers are back are they?”

Both Tao and Luhans hearts dropped when Jae and his buddies blocked them from going any further, Tao looked around for a teacher and gritted his teeth when he didn’t see any.

He pulled Luhan behind him “what do you want?”

Jae frowned looking at their intertwined hands “so the slut is with you now huh?”

“shut up dick head”

“he knows that he is nothing without me, but to think he would hide behind someone as weak as you”

“leave us alone Jae, there’s nothing for you to ruin anymore”

Jae smirked at that “oh really? Want to bet?” he walked up to him standing so close Tao could feel his breath on his nose

“you’re not intimidating anymore”

“then why are you shaking?” he looked Tao up and down smirking at how the boy couldn’t control the shivers running throughout it, he leaned in whispering into his ear “you know what, I can’t wait for the fun to start again”

He leaned back enjoying the way Tao tried to control his emotions

“maybe I should play with him first” he licked his lips looking over Tao’s shoulder at Luhan who cowered instantly.

“fuck it” Tao whispered before punching Jae as hard as he could, it satisfied him to see the dick head fall to the ground and try to contain the blood pouring out of his nose.

Tao glared at the buddies who were about to pounce on him but Jae raised his hand “not now boys, we want to do it somewhere no one can intervene” he smiled widely and stared right at Luhan ignoring Tao “you will get what you deserve wait and see”

“what’s going on here?” Kris and Suho ran up to the group

“nothing” Tao pulled Luhan away and they walked off to the class wanting to just get away

Kris kneeled down so he was eye level with Jae and gave him an intimidating stare while tilting his head “if you so much as lay a hand on them, I will not restrain myself from turning you to pulp understood?”

Jae just cocked his eyebrow in response.

Kris stood up and swiftly kicked him before walking after Tao and Luhan

“are you ok?” Suho ran up to them and grabbed Taos face looking at it all over before turning to Luhan who waved his hand at him

“we’re fine, Jae didn’t do anything”

“did he say anything?” Kris frowned

“no, it’s fine. Go to your seat the teacher is here”

“are you sure?”

“yes”

Tao sighed leaning on his desk “this is harder than I thought”

“don’t listen to him Tao, we are better than him”

“I did just punch him in the face”

“and he deserved it, it’s fine” Luhan reached under the desk finding Tao’s free hand and holding it again “he won’t hurt us anymore, I won’t let him hurt you”

“and I won’t let him hurt you either”

“Zi Tao, the principle would like to see you, please go now” the teacher cut in.

Tao waved off the others worried looks and stood up leaving and making his way to the office

 

“you wanted to see me?”

“first you miss school for nearly a month and then you punch another kid on your first day back, when you used to be a model student, care to explain?”

“I-“

“sit down first”

“I’m sorry”

“I’m going to need more than that” the principle leaned forwards in their chair

“he’s an asshole who leads the bullies of the school, he needs to punished… the reason I was in hospital was because of him”

The principle sighed “even if that is true, there is no proof, nothing to make me believe you”

“you have to! He threatened us again… even if he doesn’t hurt us again, he will find someone else you need to stop him”

“Tao calm down” he wrote something down on the paperwork in front of him “I will not punish you incase what you are saying is the truth, but there is nothing I can do without evidence… please go back to class”

“but-“

“don’t argue”

Tao gave him a disgusted stare “are you not even going to ask other students or ask him or-“

“Tao, go back to class”

He stood there for a few seconds in disbelief before shaking his head and leaving the room slamming the door. He took his time walking back, he passed the nurse office and paused a little. He looked through the glass of the door and saw Jae laying on the bed playing on his phone, there was something in him that wanted to kick down the door.

He almost did but Jae suddenly sat up staring wide eyed at his phone, his hand shot to his mouth and Tao could hardly believe it when he saw a tear fall from his eye. The person who made it his mission to destroy others’ lives was sitting in the nurses office crying?

He shook his heads and backed away making his way to class deep in thought.

 

The next day Tao searched around for Jae but turns out he wasn’t there. Nor was he there the next day.

He started to relax a little at least they could spend time without having to worry about the dick head tormenting them. He lay under their tree, his head on Luhans lap as the smaller played with his hair while talking to Suho who was leaning against Kris who was starting to fall asleep.

Everything felt right, felt peaceful. But he just couldn’t get the image of Jae crying out of his head.  
What happened to make someone so heartless and selfish cry?  
He shook his head trying to focus on the clouds passing overhead. He finally had the man he wanted to have for so long, he found something to live for again… no he found people to live for again.

When school was over, and they finished the compulsory extra two hours, he drove straight past their house making Luhan look at him weirdly “Tao?”

“I wanna go somewhere”

“ok?”

He parked the car and walked out breathing in the fresh air and appreciated how calm and pretty it was at night time, it seemed like the world had stopped and it was perfect

“what are we doing here?” Luhan walked up and latched onto Tao’s arm

“come” he walked along the pathways till they finally made it to the bridge

“why are we here of all places?” Luhan was becoming more concerned as they walked up the bridge getting as lose to Tao as he could, he looked up at the tallers face and appreciated how pretty he was with the car’s headlights dancing around his face when they drove past.

The street lights illuminated him and gave him an ethereal glow, the way he looked at the railing running his hand along it was beautiful in a sad way.

He stopped and took in a shaky breath “you know why I chose to jump here?”

“I don’t want to know”

“look” he ran his hand over a sentence carved into the railing

Luhan walked over to get a closer look and read it in the shifting light ‘someone loves you, that person is going to hurt if you leave’ he put his hand over it, Tao covered his hand and walked up leaning on the railing looking out over the water

“I chose here because I found that, even though I had already decided… I read it over and over and over again I almost didn’t go through with it. But I thought that if I did it you wouldn’t hurt anymore”

Luhan felt ice flow through his body “you’re an idiot”

“I know that now”

“you don’t still… still think about doing it”

Tao sighed and looked down at the blackness below them “I don’t want to lie to you Lu, I think I’ve done that enough”

“then answer me truthfully”

“I think about it a lot, in the hospital I knew that you would have a better life if I wasn’t around. When we saw Jae, it reminded me that everything was my fault”

“you have it wrong, if I didn’t have you, I would have nothing. I would be drowning in my parents pressure and living a miserable life”

“I bring you misery though”

“you know what, maybe you do sometimes” Tao flinched hearing that “but you bring a lot more happiness and love as well, you need to forgive yourself Tao, stop blaming yourself because I don’t blame you”

Tao looked over at Luhan and didn’t know how to respond without breaking down, so he nodded and twisted his body to grab Luhans waist and pull him closer kissing his forehead.

Luhan wrapped his arms around Tao’s waist and buried his face into his chest. The taller rested his head on top of Luhans and held him close.

 

Kris sat cross legged on the bed facing Suho’s back, Suho was shirtless and he shivered when Kris softly touched his spine.  
“are you sure”  
“we need to figure this out”

“this is a bad idea” Minho leaned against the doorframe, Kris noticed that he refused to look at Suho’s back, he looked anywhere else.

“you were the one who helped Suho heal these aren’t you?”

“who else” he sighed and Taemin came up grabbing his arm

“maybe we should leave them be ok? Let’s go make something for dinner”

Minho shook his head

“Minho please” Suho turned around to look at him

He gave him a worried glance before looking down at Taemin who was trying to tug him out of the door “fine, call if you need”

He let Taemin pull him out of the room and choked back surprise when Taemin pinned him against the wall kissing his neck and smirking.

His hands cupped Minho’s face and he leaned back from his neck “you need to let others look after him now”

Minho tried to look back at the room but Taemin kept his head still “you’ve done your part, you helped him enough”

“but…”

Taemin went on his tippy-toes and kissed Minho softly “like I said let’s cook dinner” he pushed him in the direction of the kitchen and closed Suho’s door before walking after him.

Suho turned back around and grabbed a pillow hugging it to himself “try it”

Kris hesitated his hand hovering over the scars “I don’t want to hurt you”

“you aren’t”

“but-“

“please”

He placed his hand on the scars and brushed across them trying to figure out which one to use “what if you change?”

“then so be it, but I will try not to”

His hand paused over a scar which was going horizontally rather than vertically, he ran his fingers along it and noticed the goosebumps covering Suho’s arms. He bit his lips and changed the position of his fingers so his nails were now resting on the scar

“I don’t-“

“just do it” he whispered back.

Kris closed his eyes and as carefully as he could he applied pressure dragging his nails along the scar hard enough to feel it but not hard enough to agitate the skin.

His eyes shot open when Suho lurched forwards his eyes open and his breathing harsh. Kris wrapped his arms around him pulling him into his chest

“hey it’s ok, what happened? Did you remember anything”

Suho took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes trying to soak in Kris’s warmth for comfort “I did”

“What was it?”

“I was in a dark room, there was someone above me”

“who was it?”

“a… monster, I think they were holding a broken piece of wood like a… a handrail or something”

“is that all”

“yeh…” Suho sat up again and braced himself grabbing the pillow again “your nails, they’re not enough… maybe if we use the same thing I saw”

“no”

“but-“

“no, I am not hurting you, I am not letting you hurt yourself anymore”

Suho twisted around with a frown “what if it’s the only way I can remember”

“then don’t remember”

“Kris”

“no, I am not hitting you. I will never hurt you” Kris stood up and stormed out of the bedroom.

Suho threw the pillow on the ground and grabbed his hair, the things he saw they were so vivid but why couldn’t he see faces, see features that would tell him what happened why he was like what he was.

He took out his phone from his pocket and looked for Yoongi’s name deciding to ask him since Minho wouldn’t tell him

[Suho: I visited my father]

[Yoongi: you what?]

[Suho: I found his jail, why is he in there]

[Yoongi: I’m not telling you that, you know that]  
[Yoongi: are you ok? What did he say?]  
[Suho: he said he was innocent, and I should help him get out]

[Yoongi: don’t you dare, he will kill us all]

[Suho: how do I know that… fine, the scars on my back you know what they are don’t you?]

[Yoongi: I do… Suho… Jun… don’t recover your memories you’re so happy now]

[Suho: no I’m not]

Suho threw down his phone on the bed ignoring the messages Yoongi sent after, he decided to find Kris and try to convince him again to try something different to kickstart his memory.

 

Tao sighed in relief when he noticed that Jae still hadn’t come to school, he was nowhere to be seen and it lifted a weight off his shoulders. His buddies didn’t touch them when Jae wasn’t there. Sure, they threw stuff at them and called them names and glared at them but they never threatened them or touched them, so it was ok.

The next day once again no sign of Jae and he couldn’t help but smile all through the day.

“hey Lu, I gotta go to the toilet I’ll be back”

“I’ll come with”

“you need to go to?”

“no…”

“ok?”

They walked hand in hand to the toilets, Tao dropped his bag on the sink table and took out a tube of cream. He was about to take off his shirt but another student walked in so he looked at Luhan and shrugged walking to one of the cuticles instead to do it in peace.

Luhan was about to follow him but Tao put a hand on his chest to make him stay where he was, he looked at the other kid pointedly and smiled “the cuticles are too small anyway, I’ll be a sec ok?”

“ok…”

Luhan leant against the sink and sighed putting his hands in his pocket after loosening his tie a little, the other kid gave him a weird look when he came to wash his hands  
“what?”  
“nothing” he quickly dried his hands and looked him up and down smiling a little before rushing out of the bathroom

“how are you going Tao?”

“good, give me few minutes. Could you pass me a new bandage?”

“sure” Luhan found the bandage and was about to go over to give it to Tao but he was pushed back into the sink, he was about to let out a yelp, but a hand covered his mouth.

He tried to scream but the hand muffled the sound, he froze in terror when he saw Jae in front of him holding him down

“Lu?”

Jae gave him a dangerous stare and then lowered his hand a little to let Luhan answer he gulped and contemplated yelling for help but decided against it when the hand on his waist squeezed so hard it started to hurt

“c-coming one sec, still trying to find it”

“it’s in the side pocket”

“thanks”

Jae’s hand wrapped around Luhans neck, he leaned in close and Luhan was confused when he noticed that he had red puffy eyes and dried up tear tracks down his face

Jae leaned close and tightened his grip on Luhans throat whispering into his ear “you made a mistake little one, now you are going to pay”

“don’t hurt Tao”

“oh, I won’t, if you obey me. A favor for a favor”

“why are you crying?”

Jae’s hand shot up to his face and he wiped the tears starting to fall down his face again. He used his hand that was wrapped around Luhans neck to push him back over the table. Luhans hands shot up to his hand to try and pry it away since he could hardly breath. He dropped the bandage roll he grabbed before and it rolled over to Tao’s cubicle.

“huh? Did you drop it?” he waited a few seconds “Lu?”

He opened the door to see what was happening and an uncontrollable rage took over him when he saw Jae holding him over the table choking him with both hands now.

He stormed over and grabbed Jae pulling him off Luhan and throwing him on the ground, he pulled Luhan into his arms protectively, glaring at Jae who stood up and smirked at them with that annoying face. He didn’t say anything just looked into Luhans eyes for a few seconds before turning on his heel and walking out of the bathroom.

“are you ok? What did he do to you?”

“I’m fine Tao, it’s fine” Luhan snuggled into Tao’s hold trying not to think about what Jae might have planned.

“we have to do something about him”

“ignoring him is the best plan”

Tao looked at Luhan with a raised eyebrow “he threatened to hurt me, didn’t he?”

“how did-“

“sounds familiar doesn’t it”

Luhan nodded his head and grabbed the bandage out of Tao’s hand to finish wrapping him up.

 

Suho walked into his bedroom after school to change, he put on an oversized jumper and was about to walk out of the room to find Kris but something stopped him. He had a weird feeling and looked around the room trying to decipher what it was, his eyes landed on his chest where he kept things he didn’t use all the time.

He walked over and opened it rummaging through everything but there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary

‘look under it’

He froze when he heard a voice in his head but decided to follow it anyway and pulled the chest forwards a little so he could lean it back to just get his hand under. His eyes widened when his hand landed on a book. Pulling it out and letting the chest slam back down he stared at it in confusion.

“hey, are you ok what was that noise?” Kris came through the door and saw Suho kneeling on the floor holding a book “what is that?”

“I donno I found it”


	24. Diary and Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter includes mentions of violence, abuse and suicide please read carefully.

“What are you doi-“ Tao groaned when Luhan pinned him to the wall. He looked down and was surprised at how strong he was

Luhan tilted his head and his eyes shifted down to Tao’s lips, he went so close to Tao’s lips that their breath mingled with each other. However, before closing the distance, he ducked down a bit and kissed his adams apple instead before shifting around and softly biting his neck.

Tao couldn’t control the blush spreading over his cheeks and closed his eyes leaning his head back on the wall “what’s gotten into you”

“shut up” Luhan put his leg in-between the tallers and applied pressure while biting down harder.

Tao bit his own lip and put his hands on Luhans shoulders “stop it Lu”

Luhan twisted his hand around Tao’s tie and held it tight pulling the taller down to kiss him. They looked into each other’s eyes till Luhan shut his own and tilted his head to deepen the kiss.

Tao pushed him away again and this time Luhan let the tie fall from his hand and looked down at the ground.  
“Lu, what is it?”  
“I don’t want to lose you”

“you won’t” Tao tilted Luhans head back up so they could look at each other “is this about what Jae told you?”

The smaller didn’t say anything but his eyebrows furrowed

“it’s fine Lu, I promise. He can try to hurt us but if there’s two of us he can’t hurt one ok?”

“ok” Luhan rested his head on Tao’s chest and smiled lightly when the tallers arms surrounded him holding him tight.

“let’s go to bed ok?”

“ok”

 

“what do you think it is?” Kris twisted the book around in his hands looking at it

“I donno”

It had been a few hours since they first found it and only now found time to actually look at it properly

“you hid it from yourself”

“you think?”

“well it must have been one of the others telling you to look underneath, like when you found that box of letters”

Suho nodded and grabbed the book of Kris’s hands “I don’t know why I’m so scared to look inside” he laughed awkwardly

“if only we could get inside”

Suho sighed flipping the book to the side and flicking the lock keeping it closed “I wonder what the code is”

“I haven’t seen one of those books in ages”

Suho let out a laugh “maybe we could just smash it?”

“not a bad idea I’m dying to know what’s inside

“it’s a diary”

Both of the boys looked up surprised that Minho had entered the room, he walked over and snatched the book from Suho

“a diary?”

“yeh, it’s yours Suho… or should I say it’s Junmyeons” he flipped the book to its side and let out a breath frowning before twisting the numbers around. The lock let out a click sound, and Minho pulled it off placing it on the table and handed the book back to Suho

Suho tilted his head “I thought you wouldn’t let me read it or something”

“it’s not like I don’t want you to never know, I’m just scared about you finding out too fast”

Suho tightened his lips in thought and handed the book to Kris again “then Kris should read it, then tell me”

“m-me?”

“I mean it’s not the worst idea” Minho shrugged

“what’s in it?”

“your thoughts, it’s a diary what else?”

“ok…” Kris opened the book and smiled when he saw the first page “look it’s you kids again” he turned the book around so Minho and Suho could see the picture of them and Yoongi as kids

Minho let out a soft laugh “you were always a sentimental kid, holding onto all the little bits of happiness” his face fell a little “I think that’s what made you so strong…” He shook his head “I should let you guys read it, maybe go into Suho’s room, Taemin and I thought we should have a date night but if anything happens just call me ok?”

“ok, thanks Min”

Minho froze “what did you just say?”

Suho looked at him and shrugged “I donno why I called you that sorry haha”

“no, it’s fine, you just haven’t called me that for a long time” he shook his head and put on a smile walking out of the room.

“should we?” Kris grabbed Suho’s hand pulling him up from the chair and they walked together to Suho’s room closing the door.

 

Suho laid on his belly on the bed while Kris sat up leaning against the bed rest opening the book again flicking past the first picture.

“are you sure? It is a diary it’s dated and everything”

“yeh, maybe it’ll trigger my memories”

“ok…” he read silently for a little before going back to the start and reading it out loud to Suho when he realized that there was nothing possibly triggering

“May 22nd… today was my birthday it was same as always; I worked this morning and went to school afterwards. I didn’t tell anyone that it was my birthday not even min, but somehow, he and Yoongi found out and gave me a cupcake. They also gave me this book and a picture of us three. It was amazing.  
My favorite birthday so far, especially since mother and father aren’t home so I can have some quiet for a while. I made enough money and my leg is healing well so it’s been a good week.”  
“my leg?” Suho pulled up his shorts a little and looked over them but they seemed fine

Kris shrugged “I’m not sure, maybe you had an injury before?”

“maybe… continue”

“ok” Kris found his spot again and continued

“May 23rd… I still don’t know how to start these entries, hi?  
My parents didn’t come home last night so I made myself ramen it was the best! I forgot how yum ramen was.  
I made a mistake though… I forgot to hide the packaging and mother found it when she came home. She punished me since I wasn’t allowed to eat it.  
The pain isn’t too bad though, I think I got of well. Mainly because I gave her the money I made yesterday, and she was excited to have it and left right away to get her ‘medicine’” Kris frowned and lowered the book looking at Suho again  
“that was kinda weird” Suho bit his lips

“medicine?”

“maybe she was sick?”

“you put quotations around the word medicine though”

Suho looked deep in thought but then he heard a voice in his head and his eyes widened “drugs… she was using the money for drugs”

“oh…” Kris looked back at the entry and felt chills go down his back

“maybe that’s why my dad wanted to protect me from her? Crazy on drugs or something”

The taller shook his head “let’s not make assumptions”

“continue then”

“ok… May 26th… it’s been a while since I made a new entry, I’m sorry, not much has happened. I’ve been so busy at work; I still don’t understand why I have to make money for the family when my father has such a good job already… they did say it was, so I grow up well.  
They are my parents, so I have to trust them, right? It beats being punished anyway.  
Today Min took me out to this amazing sushi place, I haven’t eaten that much in ages, it was during free period as well, so my parents won’t find out. I feel bad that I had to lie to him today, but my father told me not to tell anyone what happened last night.  
It’s weird I don’t think that I can even write it down here I feel like I’m doing the wrong thing. My mother had too much of her ‘medicine’ and I got in her way trying to calm her down and she hit me.  
My cheek is all bruised and puffy, but it doesn’t hurt as much as usual so it’s ok, as long as Min and Yoongi don’t worry I don’t care.  
I kinda feel bad, lying to them. But if I want to remain being friends with them I have to lie-“ Kris stopped when he saw Suho spaced out “what is it?”  
“shhh” Suho held up his finger, the world was spinning a little and he could swear that he was having de ja vu when Kris was reading. He closed his eyes and hoped that something would happen “continue”

Kris looked at him skeptically before turning the page and continuing

“May 30th… Once again, it’s been a few days, wasn’t my fault this time.  
I was trapped under the stairs for 3 days because at school I started a fight with this guy who was bullying my Yoongi, that paired with my bad scores in school my parents weren’t happy… I’m so hungry I swear my body is going to collapse into itself…. Suho are you ok?”  
Suho’s eyes were open and wide, his head hurt and for some reason he could remember that day as if it was yesterday

 

~flashback~

Junmyeon closed the diary not bothering to finish his entry, it was pointless anyway. He wiped away the tears flowing down his cheeks. His mother finally let him out of the storage space under the stairs, his limbs were stiff, and his stomach wouldn’t stop growling

“did you learn your lesson?” she folded her arms glaring down at her young child “I don’t house you to be such a delinquent”

“yes mother” he mumbled at her while staring at the floor

“look at me” she grabbed his hair and harshly pulled it back, so he was looking up at her “talk clearly”

“ye-yes mother” he said louder and tried to blink away the tears. His scalp was burning but he didn’t dare to try and get away he knew things would just be worse.

“go to your room I don’t want to see your face” she let go and stormed off to the living room

Junmyeon held back his sniffs and ran as quietly as he could to his room closing his door, but he made sure that he didn’t close it all the way otherwise his father will tell him off. He sat on his bed and clutched his pillow tightly and grabbed his diary to make the entry.

It didn’t make him feel better like he thought it would and he looked over at his window contemplating whether to leave or not. He wanted to see Yoongi and Minho really badly.

He heard the door open and close and heard his father and mother talking for a bit until both leaving together to go party. He smiled and threw on new clothing and climbing out of the window letting himself drop the one-story, landing safely.

He walked around the back of his house and jumped the gate walking till he made it to his tree. He reached out and stroked the red ribbon sitting down at the base and grabbing his knife he stored in the roots to scratch in a new carving on the bottom.

“there you are” a soft voice called out to him

Junmyeon looked up smiling “Yoongi!”

Yoongi walked over and sat next to him leaning on the tree “where were you the past three days?”

“I was sick”

Yoongi looked at him skeptically “you said that only a few weeks ago”

Junmyeon shrugged and put down the knife “I’m a weak child”

The other sighed “I wish you had a phone”

“can’t afford it, we meet here all the time anyway”

“but I come here every day and you don’t” Yoongi pouted

Junmyeons face fell “I’m sorry”

“I wish your smile was real too, what are you hiding from me?”

“nothing”

“Jun…”

“drop it Yoongi it’s nothing”

“it’s obviously something”

“it’s not like you are happy either”

Yoongi let out a sarcastic laugh “that’s true… just know that you can confide in me, I love you”

“I love you too”

Yoongi looked at him in hope surprised to hear him say that

Junmyeon smiled at him “don’t look surprised we are best friends so of course I love you”

“yeh… best friends” Yoongi closed his eyes and leant back trying to hide the disappointment filling him.

They talked and walked around a little when they knew that Minho couldn’t make it, the sun was starting to go down alarming Junmyeon.  
“Yoongi, I had fun, but I should go home it’s dinner time”  
“it’s only 6”

Junmyeon clenched his teeth “they will be worried I must go; we can meet tomorrow”

“promise?”

“I-I can’t promise I’m sorry”

Yoongi walked over and petted his head “I will wait anyway”

“bye Yoongi!” he waved and ran off to his house hoping that his parents weren’t home yet. He jumped the fence and groaned in pain when he accidentally jumped onto a bit of broken glass. He ignored the cut on his heel and ran to the tree next to his window climbing it and climbing into his window. He sighed in relief when he made it but that feeling didn’t last long when he saw a silhouette sitting in his chair

“and where did you go without permission?”

“Just- just outside… I’m sorry, I won’t do it… do it again” he backed away a little when she stood up and stepped towards him

“and to think that I just punished you, maybe you need a harsher punishment this time”

 

~end of flashback~

 

When he focused back on his surroundings, he was in Kris’s arms

“are you ok? What happened?” Kris’s voice was dripping worry

“I think I had a flashback”

“what happened”

“my mother, I was absolutely petrified of her”

 

 

Luhan and Tao sat down in their usual seats yawning as they both managed to wake up late this morning. Tao looked behind him to see Kris and Suho leaning on each other holding hands staring silently at their own phones.

He smiled looking back to the front then to Luhan, he leaned on his desk and admired Luhans side profile and how perfect it was.

He felt something hit the back of his head and looked around annoyed, some random kid pointed at the floor and Tao looked down to see a scrunched up note. He leant down picking it up and opening it

‘die you fags’

He growled and scrunched the note up again sending the kid a death stare. He focused back to the front trying not to let Luhan see his anger. A kid walked into the classroom and walked past Tao but walked sideways a bit to bump into his shoulder

“watch it!” Tao pushed him away and the kid smirked at him

“do you take it up the ass or is it your little slut?”

“shut up” Tao stood up and sized up the kid

“Tao sit down it’s not worth it” Luhan grabbed his arm and pulled him back down

Kris had gotten out of his seat and stopped the kid grabbing his collar and gave him a little threat before letting go and walking back to his desk now on high alert.

Tao clenched his teeth and glared at the board when the teacher walked in, Luhan grabbed his hand but Tao moved his hand away trying to not let everything affect him

 

“Tao what was that about, are they bullying you again” Kris stopped him from walking out of the classroom

“it’s fine, there’s always going to be bullies” Tao shrugged

Suho walked up and pulled Kris’s hand off Tao “are you sure?” he looked a Luhan too

They both nodded “it’s fine we promise”

The other two sighed and walked out “let’s get lunch then”

Luhan grabbed Tao’s hand “should we tell them?”

“about what? Jae? No”

“but that didn’t… end well last time”

Tao bit his bottom lip “if it gets worse, we will tell them ok?”

“ok”

Luhan walked out talking about what they should eat. Tao stuck his hand into his pocket and pulled out another note the kid who bumped into gave him. He opened it and sighed

‘time the gang met up again don’t you think? Same place same time as before. Don’t you dare be late or tell anyone’

Luhan poked his head back into the classroom as soon as Tao scrunched the note back up again “you coming?

“yeh coming”

 

Luhan put down his wrapper and wiped his mouth looking at Suho surprised “so you think that your father wasn’t lying about your mother being dangerous?”

“the memory I had, I felt so uneasy around her and locking a child in under a staircase for three days isn’t normal”

“three days!?” Tao shook his head in disbelief

“why is my father in jail then”

“don’t even think of getting him out”

“I’m not” Suho rolled his eyes at Kris “not yet anyway, I don’t know the whole story”

“I wish Minho would just tell you” Luhan pouted

“I know” he sighed falling backwards into Kris’s lap huffing

Kris let out a small laugh and instantly started playing with Suho’s hair “let’s stop thinking about it for now and enjoy the peace for a while”

Luhan scooted closer to Tao “what was the note you were looking back in the classroom?”

“huh? Nothing just the usual”

Luhan rose his eyebrow “why didn’t you tell me then?”

“because we have dealt with enough already”

“no more secrets Tao”

Tao sighed “fine I will tell you after school” he twisted his neck around to stretch it as it was feeling stiff from looking down all lunch, his body froze when his eyes landed on a person who seemed to be looking at them, he squinted and clenched his teeth when he saw that it was Jae who turned and walked away.

Was he spying on them? Should he not tell Luhan? What if it gets him hurt… everything was too hard he groaned and leant so he could rest his head on Luhan’s shoulder.

 

Before the next class Tao made Luhan go first and made his way to the princibles office to try and talk to him again. he knocked on the door entering when he was allowed to 

"hello sir, I wanted to talk about the bullying again"

the princible let out a sigh putting down the paperwork he was holding "we talked about this Tao"

Tao took the two notes out of his pocket and gave them to the princible "they are threatening us again, can't you do something about it? protect us maybe?"

"Tao. you are not listening to me, there is no proof nor is there any other students coming forwards about this. therefore, there is nothing I can do. especially with a kid like Jae"

"why not!? I was hospitalised for a month, you got the doctor diagnosis you know about my injuries and how I got them why dont you believe me. what if he kills me what then?"

the princible clicked his tounge "stop it. You tried to commit suicide and that was why you were there, the biggest threat to you is yourself, the school provides therapy for free"

Tao was stunned and took a little while to talk again "you... you dont care? the only important thing is that I tried to kill myself?"

"killing yourself is a sin which most of the youth sadly do nowadays"

he stormed up to the priciple and snatched the notes away from him and glared at him "you know why? because people like you dont take anything important seriously you dont care" he turned around and stormed out angrier than ever ignoring the princible calling him back.

 

At the end of their extra two hours they stood out the front together discussing what they should do next.

“we might go for a walk or something” Tao waved the other two off

Kris walked up to him and put his hand on his shoulder suddenly switching to Chinese “are you sure you guys are ok? The bullying?”

“it’s fine Kris, we will tell you if it gets out of hand again”

“before it gets out of hand ok?”

“ok”

“fine… have fun” he switched back to Korean and walked over to Suho grabbing his hand and walking off.

“the note” Luhan held out his hand

“let’s go somewhere first, the park maybe?” Tao looked around them searching for anyone who could be watching before walking off.

“why do you keep looking around?”

“at lunch, I think I saw Jae watching us”

“doesn’t he have anything else to do?” Luhan scoffed

“I wonder why he was crying”

“I don’t really care he deserved it whatever it was”

“true” Tao let out a laugh, they sat down side by side on a park bench looking out at the river

“note” he held out his hand again

“fine”

Tao took the note out of his pocket and handed it to Luhan who wasted no time opening it and reading it “die you fags… really? What was with your expression then? That’s pretty weak compared to what has already happened… unless you’re thinking about…” his voice trailed out not even wanting to finish that sentence and think about it

“no, no I promise. It’s just I don’t want you to worry”

“goddammit Tao we are together, we worry together now ok. We do everything together. When we didn’t bad things happened”

“that’s true”

Luhan intertwined their fingers tightly and smiled lovingly at him “we will survive I promise, so let’s just be happy”

“ok” Tao leant over and kissed Luhans forehead ignoring the disgusted stares they got from people walking past them, “I love you Lu”

“I love you too”

 

They ended up going to the arcade and spending way too much time there, by the time they left it was night time.

“hey Lu, I was wondering if I could go see Yuna. I wanted to talk to her a little”

“sure, let’s go!”

“I mean…”

Luhan looked at him confused “oh… you mean by yourself?”

“yeh, sorry”

“no, it’s ok, I mean we spend all the time together anyway… I guess we’ll split here?”

“no!” Tao grabbed Luhans hand again “I mean, let me take you home then I’ll drive”

“I can walk by myself”

“it’s not safe…”

Luhan sighed “fine”

Tao didn’t want to leave again when they made it home, but he kissed Luhan and promised he would be back soon before hopping into his car and driving straight to Yuna’s hoping that she was home.

He knocked on the door and was delighted when Yuna opened the door wearing her sweats and the jumper they bought her

“you’re wearing it!” he walked in past Yuna after giving her a hug

“come in” she laughed sarcastically “you know you have a phone you could message me before coming over, what if I had a guy over and you randomly show up?”

“you? a guy? Sureee” Tao laughed

Yuna threw a pillow at him before sitting down on the couch “I can get men too!”

“sure, you can” Tao pinched her cheek

She swatted him away and puffed out her cheeks annoyed “you’re so annoying”

Tao let out another laugh before sticking his hand into his pocket and tried to keep up the good mood when he felt the note. But Yuna noticed straight away

“what is it Tao? Why are you here?”

“I need help”

“what happened?” she looked worried and sat up straight

He pulled out the note handing it to Yuna, she read it and her breath hitched “they are bullying you again?”

Tao nodded

“you can’t go Tao, they will hurt you again”

“I have to”

“no, you don’t! Tao I’m not letting you be an idiot I forbid you!”

“you forbid me?”

“yes”

“Yuna, you don’t understand this is Jae. Who knows what he will do if I don’t go”?

“but if you do, we know he will hurt you, he might even kill you he almost did before” she glared at Tao

“I’m going you can’t convince me otherwise”

“then why did you show me?”

“because I don’t want to go alone, this time I will have backup”

Yuna’s expression relaxed a little “I’ll go with you, you know that I will protect you… but I still don’t agree with it”

“thank you Yuna”

Tao got up but Yuna pulled him back down and hugged him “I swear to god if he hurts you guys again, I will kill him for real”

“Yuna you are the best thing which has happened to us thank you”

“someone has to keep you dummies in check” she wiped away the tear escaping her eye "also i did a little research on him"

"really? what did you find"

"well... his parents are the leaders of the most notorious gang in South Korea" she tapped her foot nervously "that's why I wish you guys wouldnt get involved with him anymore"

"I mean we really dont have a choice... but you mean that he's the child of the leaders of the red ghost gang?"

"yeh..."

"shit" Tao looked at her stunned, his heart dropping.

 

“Minho, can I ask you something?” Suho sat down next to Minho who put down his phone

“sure, what is it?”

“it’s about my mother”

“are you still thinking about what your father said?”

“no… I had a memory”

Minho straightened up in surprise “what happened in it?”

“she locked me in a cupboard for three days then I sneaked to see Yoongi and when I came back, she said she was going to punish me… is she a bad person?”

Minho sighed and looked at Taemin who nodded in encouragement “she was addicted to drugs, you always called it medicine and it took me a while to figure out what you meant”

“what did she mean by punishment?”

Minho pinched the top of his nose and leaned his elbows on his knees trying to compress the memories popping into his head “she…. She was harsh”

“Minho, I need more than that…”

“Suho, I don’t think I can. Another reason I don’t tell you is because I don’t want to remember myself. I spent so long suppressing all the memories, everything you told me, everything I found out in that house”

“tell us something Minho” Kris weighed in

“guys, it’s hard for him to, why don’t you read more of the diary see what you remember then ask him” Taemin stood up trying to protect his lover

“she was a horrible person… but so was your father”

Suho stood up and quietly thanked Minho before grabbing Kris and pulling him into his room “let’s continue”

Minho picked up the book sitting down and stroking the cover reluctant to open it

“read it”

“Suho, we need to do this slow ok”

Suho breathed in “I can handle it, let’s do it again”

“ok…” He flicked through the pages till he found the next entry

“June 2nd… what do I do?  
Everything hurts… I missed school again, and I missed meeting with Yoongi. He will definitely know something happened.  
How do I hide the bruising?  
What do I do…”  
“is that it?” Suho looked at him confused

Kris couldn’t take his eyes of the page and just nodded before looking at the next page and bracing himself to continue reading

“June 3rd… Minho and Yoongi came to my house today.  
My parents reassured them that I was ok and sent them away, is it wrong that I feel disappointed that I couldn’t see them.  
Even though I know I am grounded. I have work soon, I wish I could keep the money and buy a phone or something nice but it’s ok…  
I hurt slightly less today that is a bonus.  
This is stupid, writing in a diary I mean. But it was a gift I want to use it well.  
I should study before my parents get mad again”  
Minho put the book down on his lap and rubbed his temples

“are you ok?”

“I should be asking you that” Minho leant down kissing Suho’s forehead “how are you feeling”

“ok, nothing is coming to me though”

“should I keep going?”

“yeh”

“June 10th… I finally got to go back to school.  
Had to tell the others that we went to see my Grandmother for a while. They are suspicious about the bruises on my arm, but I made up excuses.  
It was fun today though, we came up with a new game where we make up words and have to come up with meanings and convince the others that it is a true word.  
I love those two.  
I wish I could be with them all the time, maybe I should go live with them.  
Haha if only…  
It’s kinda lonely at the moment but tomorrow I get to hang out with them again so it’s ok I will be lonely for now.

 

June 11th… hi,  
Today was good again, I worked and went to school we played our new game again and Yoongi seems to be real clingy lately.  
I wonder if he is ok, he had never been good at asking for affection.  
He’s my best friend so it’s ok if he’s clingy, I will give him some more affection. Minho is great as always, super busy with his school work though he will have an amazing future.  
I bet Yoongi will be a famous producer and rapper someday!  
As for me… I’m not sure, I probably won’t be anyone but as long as I have those two it’s ok”  
Minho petted Suho’s hair “look at you now though” he laughed and Suho smiled up at him

“I was really dense not to notice that Yoongi was in love with me, wasn’t I?”

“a little”

Suho laughed “next entry”

“huh this is weird”

“what?”

“it skips like an entire month”

“that is weird” Suho sat up “maybe I got lazy?”

“look there’s pages ripped out” he flicked the small bits of paper still attached to the spine before starting to read again

“July 29th… I’m scared.  
No, I’m petrified.  
I think I’m going to die, I can hardly breath” Kris paused a little before continuing “everything’s on fire, I can’t even feel my feet. My back… why did this happen how… how did they come up with this kind of punishment. It was bad enough before but now… now they  
They are really trying to kill me.  
What do I do? Minho and Yoongi are onto my lies they know something is up everything is falling to pieces.  
I want to die already… no I wish I was never born if they hate me this much why did they have me”  
There was a few minutes of silence as they both tried to process the recent information.

“what happened on those past pages…”

“I don’t think I want to know” Kris whispered, he looked at Suho concerned “did you remember anything?”

“no… nothing” he looked around the room trying to trigger himself to try and get the bad feeling out of his chest, but it wouldn’t leave

“let’s go to sleep ok?”

“ok… we’ll continue tomorrow?”

“of course, let’s rest for now”

Suho snuggled under the covers feeling a little better when Kris wrapped his arms around him pulling him close.

 

He woke up in a dark room his hands tied together behind him and his knees sore from kneeling on the hard floor, he tried to scream but something wrapped around his head covering his mouth forcing him to be quiet.

He looked around but everything was dark, goosebumps filled his entire body and he noticed he wasn’t wearing a shirt. The goosebumps weren’t from being cold though. The door to the side of the room opened flooding the room with a harsh light that blinded him for a while until they focused back, and he saw the horrible monster he had seen a while ago in his dreams.

So disgusting that it was hard to look at, it was carrying a piece of wood and swung it back and forth in a threatingly manner

“pl-please forgive me, don’t hurt me please” he begged

The monster just laughed “you need to learn your lesson you little piece of shit”

It walked in a slow circle around Suho clicking its tongue

“such a disappointment you are Junmyeon” the monster started to dissolve, and a face became clear to him making his heart skip a beat and his body freeze

“it’s you” his revelation was cut short when the monster swung the piece of wood hitting him on the back. The pain was unbearable, and he let out a scream.

 

“Suho wake up!!” Kris shook him

Suho woke up with a jolt and instantly fell into Kris’s arms crying “I-I think I remembered something”

“shh it’s ok, don’t tell me yet just cry. Let it out”

Suho did just that and let out all his emotions into Kris’s chest.

 

Jae swung his legs onto the table in front of his couch and played with the pocket knife in his hand.

“you think this will work boss” one of his gang sat across from him

“of course it will work, you know why? Because Tao is a fucking idiot”

“that is true, he will do anything for that slut”

Jae smirked “he would and that’s exactly his weakness” he laughed “leave, let me think”

“ok boss see you tomorrow”

“make sure everyone follows the plan, you know what will happen if any of you mess up” he flicked open the pocket knife and ran it suggestively across his neck.

His gang member gulped and bowed “of course not boss” he ran out of the house trying to crush the fear inside him.

Jae growled “useless shits” he flicked the knife in and out looking at the paperwork in front of him, he picked up one folder and tilted his head

“Kim Junmyeon… Suho I knew you looked familiar, you really think you can run away from your past and then do this to my family?” he threw the folder down onto the table “don’t worry though I will get my revenge on everyone… starting with those two little shits” he slammed the knife down into the table leaving it sticking into the wood.

 

Tao looked at Yuna who was standing at the door obviously annoyed but still trying to play it off

“Tao said he would take me out today so let’s go, sorry Luhan” she punched him lightly “I’m stealing your boyfriend for today”

“seriously? It’s Saturday I wanna hang out with him”

“you get him tomorrow”

“fine” he whined but let go of Tao letting Yuna drag him away

They hoped into his car and drove there

“are you sure about this”

“have the police on speed dial, do not come in no matter what ok?”

“fine” she huffed “I still think you should have told the others”

“Yuna”

“sorry” she got out of the car a little early so no one saw her and walked to the side of the gymnasium trying to hear what was happening, she saw a little window and peaked in to make sure nothing was happening to Tao.

Tao stood in the gym confused where was everyone? He jumped when arms grabbed him from behind holding him tightly.

He growled “what is this?”

Another man walked out from behind the pole “what were you expecting, more?” he walked up to Tao grabbing his chin and looked at the guy holding him nodding.

Tao was pulled back; the guy was strong there was no way Tao could break free. There was no way the person holding him was a school kid. He was pulled back to a metal pole and then tied to it tightly.

“what… what are you doing?”

“you really are an idiot” the two men stepped back from Tao. They took a picture of him and then the second guy stepped forwards and punched him as hard as he could in the cheek causing Tao to spit out blood and try to stop his vision from blurring

“a total fucking idiot” they both laughed and turned on their heels leaving the gym.

It wasn’t long till Yuna ran in

“go back out what if they come back” Tao tried to make her leave, but she refused. Instead she got to work trying to undo the knots.

“I told you it would be fine” Tao sighed out when he was finally free from the ropes

“that was kinda weird though, I mean they don’t usually let you off… so lightly”

Tao shrugged and reached for his phone to message Luhan, it wasn’t in his pocket, so he tapped his other pockets not finding it there either. That’s when his heart dropped as he realized it

“they didn’t let me off… it was a trap”

“what do you mean?”

“LUHAN!!!” Tao suddenly ran off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello~ <3  
> Sorry the chapter is so short :( but it is packed full of stuff!! so I hope you enjoyed anyway  
> I've been interested in Itzy lately and I noticed that there's a Yuna in that group and she's perfect for the Yuna in my story, so even thought I didnt base Yuna of her you can use her as a face for Yuna :P she's cute and caring yet badass which is perfect (I know there are readers who like to put faces to characters)  
> I'm at Uni again but I will try to put out chapters as soon as possible!   
> Also the red ghost gang is totally made up for the story they arnt a real thing  
> thankk-you so much for reading, I hope you will share your thoughts with me in the comment section <3  
> Have a lovely day/night love you xx


	25. Kill Him

Trigger Warning: this chapter contains abuse, mentions of rape, violence. so please dont read if that triggers you.

 

“my father was right” Suho wiped his nose on Kris’s shoulder

“we don’t know that”

“but my mother she hurt me, the scars on my back I think she did it”

Kris leaned back a little to look at Suho’s face and wipe away his tears that were starting to tear up “babe, I don’t think we should jump to conclusions yet”

“let’s read more then!”

“no, no more for now”

“but…”

“Suho no” Kris pulled him down, so they were laying down again “let’s try to sleep again

“what if I have nightmares again?”

Kris pulled him into his arms and kissed his forehead “I’ll look after you. whenever I sleep with you, I hardly have nightmares”

“really?” Suho looked up at him and smiled before closing his eyes and trying to sleep.

They cuddled for 10 minutes before Suho sighed “I can’t sleep…”

“me neither”

“shall we go get food or something”

Kris laughed “sure”

They got up and put on some clothing before quietly walking out to try and not wake the others.

 

When they finished their meal at a small café the sun was rising, and Kris grabbed Suho’s hand excitedly pulling him outside and running to the river side to see the sun rise.

He looked over and saw Suho looking above the buildings in awe of the red, orange and yellow lining the horizon, the wind was blowing his messy hair around and a little smile was on his face despite having such a horrible revelation about his childhood.

Suho looked over at him “look at how pretty the view is”

“it is pretty”

“stop it” he nudged his shoulder into Kris’s side laughing embarrassed.

“you are pretty you know that? And strong too”  
Suho stayed silent not knowing how to respond to the sudden compliment.  
"hey, when we met didn’t you say that you like cycling? Should we hire bikes somewhere and go along the river?”

“really?” Suho looked over to him again excited “there’s a bike store nearby here!” he couldn’t hide his excitement

“let’s go”

“ok!”

They went and hired bikes enjoying the wind blowing over them as they slowly peddled around the river occasionally stopping to look at shops along the way.

Kris noticed a patch of wildflowers growing and hoped off his bike kneeling down and picking a few of them, by the time he stood up again Suho was back by his side

“what are you doing?”

“they’re pretty, like you” Kris handed the bunch to Suho and walked back to his bike picking it off the ground and starting to ride

Suho let out a little chuckle and sniffed the flowers smiling at them “Wait!” he noticed that Kris was getting far ahead and he ran to his own bike getting on it and being careful not to drop any of the flowers as he sped to keep up.

They were sweating and the sun was fully risen by the time they returned the bikes and started to make their way back home. Their hands were tightly clasped together, and their shoulders continuously bumped together. All Kris wanted to do was to kiss and appreciate Suho but he knew that the others were home so they would have to wait till tonight.

Suho dug out his keys to open the door but before he could it burst open and Luhan looked at them ruffling his hair  
“sorry I didn’t mean to almost slam the door on you!”  
“where are you going in such a hurry?”

“Tao sent me a text that he wants to meet, that it’s urgent”

“I thought you guys were attached at the hip”

Luhan clicked his tongue “he wanted to spend the day with Yuna”

“ok? Well good luck then, hope everything’s ok”

“yeh it’s fine”

“where did he say to go”

“his gym, I better run it’s 10 minutes from here”

“ok bye”

Luhan nodded and ran off.

Kris shook his head “can’t keep track of the kids nowadays”

Suho laughed “well you know, the teens are a rebellious time”

“well now we have the house to ourselves” Kris backed Suho to a wall and kissed his neck

“not quite alone” Minho stood there with his arms crossed and an amused smirk on his face

“I mean you can continue; we will just watch a movie real loud” Taemin popped up behind him and let out a little giggle

Kris groaned in annoyance “I forgot they were here”

Suho shrugged and laughed at how frustrated Kris was before walking past him and to the living room, he grabbed a vase on the way filling it with water and placing the flowers into it smiling at them again.

 

Luhan ran to the training room, he thought Tao was spending the day with Yuna why would he send such a strange text he looked at his phone again

[Tao: Lu, please come to my training room! It’s urgent please hurry]

What happened? At least he told the others where he was going just in case. He had a bad feeling in his belly when he saw a few more cars than usual outside the building but ignored it.

He got to the door of the room and paused with his hand raised to the key pad. He froze with confusion when he saw it smashed and the door wasn’t closed properly. He reached over and pulled the door open slowly

“Tao?” walking into the room his heart dropped when he didn’t see Tao, but instead sitting on a chair in the middle of the room smirking at him was Jae.

His eyes darkened and he tightened his fists “what are you doing here”

“Tao told you to come” He smirked and held up the phone waving it around

“why do you have his phone” panic was filling him, but he was ignoring it trying not to let Jae see

“well let’s just say he won’t be bothering us”

“what did you do!!” Luhan growled

“At this moment I don’t think the person you should be worried about is him” he laughed and stood up

Luhan stepped back and gasped when he hit someone who was standing behind him, arms wrapped around his chest holding him still while Jae walked up to him and stroked his cheek

“I can’t believe you left me to be with him what does that weakling have? Sluts like you need to be controlled and obey others to survive” he grabbed Luhans cheeks and squished them

“shut up what do you want?”

“what do I want? For you to suffer, for Tao to suffer. For everyone to kneel in front of me”

The man holding Luhan forced him to the floor, he tried to resist but he was pushed down so hard he could already feel bruises forming on his knees. He glared up at Jae.

“that’s better my dear Lu”

“don’t call me that!” he tried to get away from the grip holding him, but they just pulled his arms behind his back and handcuffed him.

“there’s no use”

“I’m not the same idiot as before, I won’t let you hurt me or Tao anymore!”

“oh?” he laughed “and how do you suppose you do that?” he gestured to all the new men who had entered the room.

Suddenly the man behind Luhan let go of him and he shot to his feet. He watched as the men filed behind Jae, he glared at them and felt adrenaline fill his body as the flight or fight response took over his morals. He turned around and kicked the door trying to open it, but his heart sank when he noticed that it was locked. He kicked it harder and looked back terrified at the gang who was slowly moving towards him. He tugged at the handcuffs, but they wouldn’t budge so he slowly moved away sticking close to the wall and tried to find somewhere else to escape or protect himself

“there’s no use dear Lu”

“shut up” he started moving faster

Jae nodded to one of his men and they approached Luhan with a smirk and tried to grab him but Luhan acted quick and kicked him right in-between the legs causing him to fall to the ground groaning. Luhan started to run now and ran to the other corner of the room, the others were just standing in the middle of the room amused at his attempts to escape

“there is really no use”

“what do you want! How far are you going to take this?!” Luhans knees buckled and he slipped to the floor and clenched his teeth trying hard not to cry to seem weak like he always did.

“how about we make a deal Lu” Jae walked up to him and kneeled down lifting his chin

“what deal” he scowled

“go along with whatever we want to do today and answer all my questions truthfully and I will stop coming after you and Tao and your friends” he tilted his head “ok?”

Luhan furrowed his eyebrows and a tear fell down his cheek “you promise?”

“I promise” his hand traveled to Luhans cheek

Luhan paused and gritted his teeth “fine it’s a deal”

 

“hey Minho”

“yeh?” Minho looked up from the couch and Suho sat down next to him

“I remembered a few things”

“about what?” Minho perked up a little

“about my mother, I think my father was right about her, she hurt me…”

“I know” the taller sighed

“then I should get my father out of there shouldn’t I?”

“no!” Minho grabbed his arm but let go with a sorry “You can’t do that; your mother did hurt you but so did your father”

“but to me he seems like he was in the wrong place in the wrong time”

“Suho listen to me, don’t you ever let that monster free. Don’t even think about him, don’t go see him. Please just forget about him” his face turned dead serious

Suho smiled “I know”

“you know?”

His smile faltered a little “I had a nightmare; you know the scars on my back. I know some were caused by a piece of wood and the person who did it was my father I saw his face”

Minho tensed up a little “why did you say that?”

“because I wanted to get clarification from you, to me it’s a nightmare I have no reason to believe it”

“it wasn’t a nightmare… it was a memory” Minho sighed and looked up at Taemin and Kris who were watching them and shook his head at them.

Kris got the message and touched Taemin’s shoulder “maybe we should go get some coffee and food ok?”

Taemin nodded.

Minho readjusted himself so he was facing Suho with one leg on the couch “I don’t want to trigger to many memories, but I assume that memory was the day that Yoongi and I found out about your situation…”

 

~flashback~

 

“is he not coming out again?” Minho sighed and leant against the tree playing with the wrapping of the muffin in his hand

“probably not” Yoongi threw a rock at a tree watching it bounce off and land with a thud on the dirt.

“hey Yoongi, can I ask you something?”

“yeh?”

“you… you’re gay aren’t you”

“Huh? That was random” he shrugged “but yeh”

Minho tilted his head “and you love him don’t you”

“what do you mean?”

“Suho”

“I-“ Yoongi shrunk in on himself “is it that obvious”

“to me yeh…”

“I’m sorry”

“for what? I mean I can’t think of anyone better for him than you”

“what about you what do you feel for him?”

“me? he’s like a younger brother to me”

“ahh ok” Yoongi picked up another rock and threw it

“you should tell him”

“no…”

“why not”

“because he doesn’t think of me that way”

“how do you know?”

“I just do” he licked his lips “it’s obvious trust me, plus it’s me wouldn’t it be better for him to have someone without so many problems?”

“I mean, I think people with problems need other people with problems so they can grow strong together”

“What a weird thought” Yoongi took out his lyric book and recorded that down. He sighed “should we wait longer?”

Minho looked at his watch and noticed it was midnight “I mean sometimes he has a tendency to come out super late, how are you feeling?”

“I wanna wait a little longer”

Yoongi took out a cigarette and lit it up sitting a little further away from Minho knowing how much the taller didn’t like the smell.  
“you should really quit, that will kill you”  
“anything to speed up the process” he smirked

Minho shook his head leaning against the tree and closing his eyes.

They spent a few moments silence till they heard leaves crunching behind them “g-guys…” a voice whimpered out.

They looked behind them and stood up in shock when they saw Junmyeon standing there shaking, a little bit of blood was dripping from his lips and his face was black and blue.

“JUN!” Yoongi ran over to him and started fussing over his injuries

“what happened?” Minho looked over him trying to find more injuries.

“I-I” tears fell from his eyes and he fell to the ground unable to keep up his strength anymore

Yoongi fell with him and instantly cradled him in his arms. He retracted his arm from Junmyeons back when the smaller flinched and he felt wetness on his shirt.

“Mi-Minho” he stared wide-eyed at Junmyeons back, his shirt was completely black, but on the front, it was white “it’s blood…”

The two boys looked at his back frozen in terror

“Jun, what happened talk to us”

“he-he hit me” Junmyeon cried out in pain when Minho tried to lift his shirt to look at what was underneath

“we need to get him to my house now” Minho demanded, and the two boys helped Jun to his feet and supported him.

He whimpered with every step, but they eventually made it and Minho laid Junmyeon down on his stomach on his own bed

“can we take your shirt off”  
Jun nodded and tried to conceal his screams of pain as the dried blood tugged at his injuries  
“we need to cut it off” Yoongi ran from the room and grabbed a pair of scissors running back in and carefully started cutting away the fabric.

The two boys covered their mouths and had to muffle the sounds they made when they saw the ragged cuts running down his back in-between inflamed and bruised skin.

“Jun…”

“I’m sorry”

“we need to call an ambulance”

“no! no ambulance” Jun moved to quickly and groaned in pain “just, just stop the bleeding, clean the wounds then apply antiseptic and then bandage it with pads over the wounds” he tried to conceal the shakiness of his voice as he told the two what to do

They did just that and tried not to feel guilty when Suho thrashed around in agony.

When he was bandaged, they sat exhausted on the floor  
“Jun, what happened?” Minho asked cautiously  
“it’s nothing don’t worry” Jun shrugged, he regretted it when the movement shot jolts of pain all up and down his back

“it’s not nothing are you serious?!” Yoongi growled and Minho elbowed him

“tell us it’s ok”

“it’s none of your business ok” Jun shoved his face into the pillow hoping they would stop pressing

“was it… your father?” Yoongi asked cautiously as he added up the dots in his head “do your parents hurt you?”

Junmyeon stayed silent but the other two already knew that Yoongi was right. They both felt the world stop and start to crumble as they had that revelation

“how could we be so blind” Minho whispered as quiet snores started to come from Junmyeons mouth as he finally ran out of energy

“so fucking blind”

 

The next morning Junmyeon was up and about again much to the protests of the two boys

“what are you doing? We have school let’s go” Jun tried to hurry them up

“school? No, you’re not going in that state”

“I’m fine, it doesn’t hurt anymore”

“bullshit”

“well I’m going whether you come or not so hurry up” he stuck out his tongue at them and turned around walking to the door trying to hide the grimace on his face and his limp due to the pain shooting up and down his spine.

“fine” the two boys reluctantly followed him, there was no way he was going to not go so they might as well go with him to make sure he was ok.

The school day went painfully slow for Junmyeon he was in so much pain that it was agonizing but he didn’t want the others to know. When the day was finally over, he looked at the clock and noticed that he was going to be late getting home if he didn’t go right then.

“well I gotta go home, see you guys in school tomorrow” he waved but Minho grabbed his arm

“come to mine again, don’t go home”

Junmyeon clenched his teeth “I have to ok”

“don’t go back there!” Yoongi demanded

“I don’t have a choice” Junmyeon yanked his arm from Minho’s grip and started walking away the other two started following him but he glared at them “don’t follow me” he spun around and walked faster ignoring the protests from his back.

 

~end of flashback~

 

Minho took in a deep breath and rubbed his eyes getting rid of the tears piling up

“I’m so sorry you went through that” Suho muttered

Minho looked at him with a sad smile “there you go again acting like your pain isn’t worse than everyone else’s”

“so… I was abused as a child?”

“yeh...”

“so that’s why I am like I am today”

“I think there’s more than what you know that lead you to have your disorder”

“more?...” Suho looked at their intertwined hands not sure when they started holding hands “thank you for always being there for me back then”

“you’re like my little brother all I wanted was you to be happy and safe”

“well I am now, so you did well”

Minho smiled “I’m glad” he sniffled “damn, that was a bit much wasn’t it?”

“thank you for telling me”

 

“LUHAN!!” Tao screamed randomly as he ran through the school. Yuna finally caught up and pulled him to a harsh stop

“Tao, he is not here, we need to think ok. Stop acting so crazy”

Tao looked at her in disbelief “he is in danger we need to find him”

“I know but running around like a headless chicken is not helping, let’s try calling him first” she lifted her own phone and Tao’s eyes widened

“right~”

She clicked on Luhans number and waited, it went to voicemail and she looked up biting her lip. Tao went from foot to foot unable to keep his nervousness at bay.

She tried again and groaned in frustration, she tried calling Kris next and almost threw her phone when it went to voicemail as well.  
“think, Tao where do you think that asshole would go other than school?”

“I don’t know! His house maybe?” he tugged at his hair frustration filling him, the sick feeling in his stomach making him feel like he is drowning.  
“we need to find him” he whimpered  
“I know” Yuna reached up and petted his hair trying to make him feel better “let’s go”

 

“Please…” Luhan begged, tears streamed down his face and his cheek stung and blood dripped from his mouth.

He was laying on the floor on his stomach, his arms still handcuffed behind him. He had no energy left and didn’t even try to fight them off anymore. Jae walked up to him and lifted him off the floor sitting him in the chair again.

“this is fun isn’t it?” he smirked and stroked the bruising on Luhans cheek “you were already pretty but the bruises and blood make you prettier”

Luhan glared at him but didn’t say anything

“now that we’ve had a little fun let me ask you some questions before we jump into the finale of fun”

He dragged over another chair and sat on it the wrong way leaning on the back rest  
“I’m curious about your friend Suho”  
“what do you want with him” Luhan groaned out in a gasp voice

“his real name is Junmyeon”

Luhans eyes widened “how did…?”

“so you knew” he leaned forwards in interest “did he tell you about his family? What did he tell you about his past?”

“nothing, I don’t know about his past”

“you better not be lying, remember our agreement” he flicked his pocket knife in and out keeping eye contact with Luhan watching in amusement as he flinched every time the knife made a clicking noise.

“ok then, next question, do you know of my gang?”

Luhan nodded “not details though”

“ok, then did you know that my parents were the leaders?”

He nodded again

“well, now my parents are dead because someone snitched on us, therefore I am the leader now. And do you know who the snitch is?”

Luhan shook his head this time “I don’t know”

“come-on think harder” he scooted the chair closer “it’s someone close to you”

“Jun-Junmyeon?”

“bingo my pet” he flicked the knife out and his face went dark “he will pay”

“you promised”

Jae tilted his head and smirked “well let’s see if you get through today and that will be the judge if I keep my promise or not”

“is that why you were crying before?” Luhan regained a little bit of strength and spit out the blood pooling in his mouth

Jae looked around annoyed that the others heard that “you little shit”

“Suho wouldn’t do something like that he can’t even remember his past”

“he what?”

“nothing…” Luhan sunk a little back into his chair and glanced longingly at the door

“well he’s the only child of gang members who didn’t participate in the gang and ran away putting his own parent in jail”

“he what? His parents were in your gang?”

Jae smirked “and you thought you knew your dear friends, seems Junmyeon is keeping secrets from you” he stood up throwing his chair to the side “I’m bored it’s time the real fun starts, I promised my boys a long time ago that I would let them try a bit of your ass, since I talked it up so much”

“no… no, NO!” Luhan started struggling again when a man pulled him off the chair and threw him to the ground, Jae walked over to him and kneeled down flicking out his knife again starting to cut away at the fabric on his shirt.

 

“maybe we should go to your house first, get the others”

“that’s in the opposite direction though” Tao tugged against Yuna’s hold

She scowled at him “I understand but if we have learnt anything about Jae is that he is dangerous and does not work alone, what good can just two of us do”

She slackened her hold when Tao stopped tugging and deflated “fine, let’s be quick though” he made a taxi stop, it was 10 minute’s walk from where they were, but that was too long.

 

“do you think they’re done yet?” Kris leaned against the counter looking at the snacks trying to pick one for Suho

“I donno” Taemin sipped at the juice he bought and pointed out a piece of cake which he knew Minho would like

“I wonder if Minho told him”

Taemin smiled and punched his shoulder “maybe we should just stop thinking about it for now”

Kris sighed and finally chose a vanilla slice, he grabbed the bag and walked over to a table sitting down “what about you Taemin how are you going?”

Taemin shrugged “I love being here with you guys… but I’m missing quite a bit of school”

“I thought you graduated already?”

“From high school yeh, but I’m in dance school at the moment” his face lit up a little talking about it

“you really love dancing, don’t you?”

“ever since I was young”

“you know you’re free to go back whenever you want”

Taemin shrugged “I’m not leaving without Minho, and Minho needs to be here for a bit longer… as much as I love dancing, he comes first”

“that’s nice, but make sure not to make too many sacrifices”

Taemin raised an eyebrow “you can talk”

“it’s different cause I don’t have any dreams or aspirations like you, before Suho I didn’t really have anything”

“there must be something, a small hobby, an interest, something that makes your heart go a little faster?” Taemin leant forwards on the table

Kris tightened his lips “I donno really, I like basketball… and fashion and sometimes I like to write raps… but they are silly really”

“don’t say that!” Taemin beamed “they are amazing choices, don’t go for something boring do what you want to, what makes you smile. Heck I’m doing dance, I probably won’t get a good job but who cares”

Kris let out a laugh “you’re wise”

“thanks, I try” Taemin flicked his short hair dramatically

Kris’s phone buzzed and he pulled it out smiling when he saw Suho’s name “they must be done”

His smile faded when he read it

[Suho: come home quickly it’s urgent]

He shot up and told Taemin to come quickly, luckily, they were only two blocks down from Suho’s house and ran making it there as fast as they could.

They burst in to see Minho and Suho trying to reassure Tao while Yuna paced up and down the room on her phone.  
When Suho noticed them, he ran up and grabbed Kris’s hands “they have Luhan!”  
“who? What?”

“Jae!”

“Shit!” Kris started to freak out “where are they?”

“I donno”

“wait… didn’t Luhan say he was going to Tao’s practice room”

Tao’s head shot up “let’s go”

“we need to call the police” Taemin took out his phone and dialed them but Yuna shook her head

“I just tried… they said that they couldn’t come immediately… that assumptions weren’t first priority”

“you’re shitting me” Kris dialed the number on his own phone and started yelling at the police, he was told the same thing even when he mentioned the name of the gang.

He growled “let’s go”

 

 

Luhan kicked out again, he was left in his boxers and the knife had nicked a few bits of skin making him bleed in random spots “stop it!” he was crying, and the men were taunting him making the process of torture extremely slow.

He wished that he could get away, that this wasn’t happening. But he had to pull through to make sure that Jae wouldn’t hurt everyone else, he didn’t even think that Suho was involved in all this. Did he know about that part of his past? Was he pretending to not know to ensure that he didn’t have to tell people who he really was?

He yelled out in pain when someone stepped on his ankle, Jae was sitting cross legged next to Luhans head twirling the knife in his hands. Everyone was talking about what they wanted to do when it was their turn and the anticipation and knowledge was somehow worse than if they just did it. Were they stalling? Or did they just want to mentally torture him first…

Jae leaned over “such a pretty face” he stroked Luhans cheek with the knife.

Luhan growled at him but didn’t move scared that it would dig the knife into his cheek. He shifted a little when Jae took the knife away, his hands were under his back and it was killing him, the handcuffs were starting to bruise his wrists.

“do your hands hurt?” Jae laughed at him

“we should turn you over then” one of the men kicked Luhan making him roll over onto his stomach.

He hardly had the strength to lift his face off the wooden floor, especially when Jae stood up above him and dug his heel into his neck. The men were getting impatient with the teasing as it was losing it’s fun.

“can’t we touch him yet?” One of the men groaned

Jae growled at him and pointed the knife at him “you do what I say, when I say”

“y-yes boss” the man shrunk back a little

“now Lulu shall we?” Jae sat on Luhans thighs and ran the cold metal of the knife along his spine. He paused at Luhans waist and changed the position of the knife, so it dug in a little. He pricked the skin and Luhan flinched but refused to let out any sound

“come-on slut make some noise, that’s an order” Jae leant over and whispered into his ear. He dug in the knife a little harder and Luhan let out a yelp

“that’s better” Jae stood up and kicked Luhan, so he rolled over onto his back again “so who wants to go first?”

There was a bunch of shouts and Luhan started to shake as Jae straddled him “just get through everyone and let them do what they want and then you and your friends are free”

Tears were streaming down the smallers face now and the shaking was getting worse, but he nodded. Jae touched his waist and it made him flinch so hard that Jae cocked his head amused, he waved his hand and one of his gang came up behind Luhan and sat him up taking off the handcuffs. He looped his arms through Luhans holding him back in a sitting position, Jae got off Luhans legs and spread them. He grabbed the top of his boxers and paused to smirk at Luhan “are you ready?”

“I-I”

“I said…” he picked up his knife with his other hand and put it against Luhans throat digging it in a little so that Luhan could feel some blood triggle down his neck and chest.

“ye-yes” he closed his eyes and tried to relax his body.

 

“we need to go faster” Tao yelled to the others as he ran ahead, they were so close. He could see through the small window to his room that the lights were on so the possibility that Luhan was there was very high.

He almost broke the front door trying to open it as fast as he could.

He ran to his room and noticed that there was a big dude standing guard out front. As soon as he saw Tao he puffed up his chest.

Tao did not hesitate and ran towards him punching him unconscious with one punch. The rest caught up to him, Yuna pushed forwards and unlocked the door when she noticed that Tao was struggling a little. As soon as she finished Tao kicked the door open and froze.

Luhan was being held on the ground, he was bloody and bruised and Jae was tugging at his boxers about to take them off

“take your hands off of him” Tao let out the most animal growl, complete anger consumed him he charged forwards, but a wall of people blocked him from reaching Luhan.

Kris was equally filled with anger and wrenched himself from Suho’s hold walking straight through the group letting Tao go through. Tao ran up to Jae and punched him in the face to get him off Luhan

“wa-wait” Luhan whispered

Tao lunged onto Jae and started attacking him but paused when Luhan spoke  
“stop it! Ju-just leave, all of you” he struggled to keep himself seated up when the man behind him let go of his hold  
“Luhan” Yuna walked over to him and cupped his face “We’re not leaving you here”

“leave me, I’m fine”

Silence filled the room until Jae broke it with his chuckle “you heard the boy, leave”

“that’s bullshit, don’t listen to him Lu”

Luhan felt his heart sink as he knew what he had to say next, he mustered up all the strength he could to make his voice not be shaky “I enjoy what he’s doing, leave me, let us continue”

Tao was speechless

Taemin had enough and walked over to Luhan as well “no one enjoys violence and rape, Luhan you need to come with us. We're the ones who love you”

Luhan looked at the floor, he couldn’t pull off his lie, the way Taemin phrased it struck a chord in him and he started crying again.

Minho went over to Kris and pulled him away from one of the gang members he was about to punch

“what a shame” Jae pushed Tao off him and stood up wiping the blood trickling from his nose and smirked “I guess none of you are leaving then, Luhan you broke your promise”

“no. no! everyone leave please” he yelled between sobs

“I’m not leaving” Tao growled

Everyone agreed and nodded at each other. Yuna picked up Luhan from the ground but she was pulled back by one of the men causing her to drop the boy, she spun around and punched him right in the nose annoyed. She immediately ran back to Luhan.

“I’ll protect you ok”

“Jae stop this game” Suho stepped forwards finally finding the courage when he saw Kris getting attacked.

“oh, look who it is” his eyes darkened “Junmyeon, Junmyeon, the little traitor”

“how do you know my name”

“you really think you could run from us?”

Suho looked at Minho confused, but the man looked as confused as him before he focused back on punching someone

“why are you doing this?” he stepped back a little when Jae strode towards him

“because you snitched on us? You know that saying, snitches end up in ditches?” he flicked out his knife and lunged towards Suho pushing him to the floor.

Suho screamed and Kris immediately tried to get to him, but three men blocked his way, he cracked his knuckles and immediately jumped into a fight.

Jae had a crazy look on his face, and he lunged the knife downwards straight at Suho, Suho’s reflexes kicked in and he grabbed the knife.

He screamed out in pain when his hand clasped down on the blade and it dug into his palm as Jae still continued to try and push it down.

“oh god” Suho’s head spun and he blacked out.

“oh, what’s that look?” Jae asked amused when Suho’s eyes suddenly started glaring at him and all traces of pain or fear were gone.

“I’m going to kill you” Kai growled and kicked upwards causing Jae to fall off him, Kai instantly stood up and opened his hand letting the knife fall to the floor and blood start to flow from the wound. He used his good hand to grab Jae and pull him off the ground by his shirt and threw him down with such force his shirt ripped, and a bit tore off in Kai’s hand.

He smirked and put his foot on Jae’s chest to hold him down while he tied the piece of fabric around his hand to stop the bleeding.

“I’m going to hurt you really bad” Jae wheezed out trying to lessen the pressure of Kai’s foot

Kai just laughed “oh, are you? And what could you do to me that I haven’t already been through? Trust me there’s no way you could hurt me”

Jae’s nonchalant façade dropped for a few seconds as a bit of fear filled him, but he shook it off and scowled  
“wait and see”  
“I was never a part of this gang so stop blaming me for snitching on something I don’t give two shits about” he lifted his foot only to slam it down on his chest as hard a possible satisfied when he felt something snap.

“I’m going to break every bone that you broke on Tao, and even more because you hurt Luhan and that is unforgivable” he looked over at Tao and Luhan and his heart sank a little to see them holding each other so close but he shook his head, Lay was ok with it so he was as well.

Now wasn’t the time anyway.

Kris and Minho hovered next to them making sure no one interfered. Yuna made her way over and kicked Jae as well huffing out in annoyance “you are a trash excuse for a human you know, that right?”  
She spat at him and walked back over to Luhan and Tao helping them try and get out of the room.  
They heard sirens coming and Kris sighed in relief “they actually came”

“the police are coming?” one of the men freaked out and ran from the room

“you fucking coward”

One by one the gang left the room  
“come back I’m your leader” Jae struggled but no one payed attention to him and left

Kai knelt down and grabbed Jae’s hand as soon as he sat up and bent back his finger feeling it snap and Jae screamed out in pain.  
“how does it feel” Kai’s voice was dripping with venom  
“come on Kai we should leave” Minho whispered

Kai shook his head “this fucker has to pay”

Tao joined Kai’s side after he sent Luhan and Yuna from the room to find help. “I agree”

“kill me then” Jae smirked at them “kill me” he exposed his neck and pointed at the knife

Kai grabbed the knife and put it to his throat pressing it just hard enough to break the skin but not hard enough to leave permanent damage. Jae closed his eyes and smiled

“do it you fucker”

Kai dropped the knife

“wh-what?”

“you wanna die, don’t you?”

“kill him” Tao growled

Kai shook his head “he doesn’t deserve an easy out like that, plus the police are here, he will take us down with him”

He looked up as the police filed into the room with their guns raised. They all raised their hands and Kai let go of Jae putting up his hands as well and standing, stepping back to join the others

Jae just looked at them dumbfounded.

Everything was in slow motion when the police handcuffed Jae and took him away, the questioning took far too long and Tao only wanted to be with Luhan and managed to get away to join Luhan in the ambulance.

he instantly embraced Luhan ignorning the ambulance officers protests "It's all my fault I'm sorry"

"don't be stupid" Luhan whispered to him quickly losing his energy

"I'm sorry, I wont ever let you go again"

 

“are you ok sir?” a policeman stopped his questioning when he saw Kai swaying a little and his hands were shaking

“Kai?” Kris broke away from the policeman questioning him and ran over to Kai “what’s wrong”

“don’t touch me” Kai’s hands shot to his head “it hurts, my head hurts” his voice wasn’t as strong as usual and a little high pitched instantly peaking Minho’s interest as he knew Kai never made that voice unless he was in a lot of pain.

“Kai, Kai speak to us”

Kai looked up at Minho with tears in his eyes and fell to the floor lifeless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey <3  
> haha I made you guys wait a long time again sorry~ I did reveal secrets though!! (blame uni and life, so busy ;;)  
> thank you so much for reading!  
> Love you have a lovely day/night

**Author's Note:**

> hello beautiful readers <3
> 
> yes this is a story of a dissorder which I dont really see in fanfics, also there seems to be alot of negativity and confusion surrounding it. therefore I felt inspired to write about it.
> 
> No I don't personally have the disorder and im extremely sorry if I portray any aspects of it wrong, feel free to tell me in the comments if I happen to. i have researched it to a great extent and am really interested in mental disorders and want to kind of spread awarneness of it through fanfics (I know silly but still).
> 
> I have done fanfics on depression, abuse and misophonia and decided next to do it on DID. please enjoy the unique plot.
> 
> Trigger Warnings: self-harm, self-hate, eating disorders, childhood abuse, suicide attempt 
> 
> please dont read if any of them relate to you or trigger you, I want you to healthy and happy and if reading my fic does the opposite for you dont read!!!
> 
> I have reposted this from Asian Fanfics in which i go by the same name, don't worry though this is the original author.


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